Chrysalis (Dangerous Secrets)

by Francis, Rose

  He remembered everything he had been told, and the things he had not been told. He remembered the conversations he had with Winston and Brandon regarding Final Project, his hesitance about going through with it. He remembered trying to figure out a way to get out of it. He remembered simply ignoring his designated task until it was so late in the game, so near the deadline, that Winston rushed things along for him. He didn’t know how deep he was in until Winston and Brandon showed up at the cabin door.

  They had not let him in on what they were going to do—they pretended as if they just wanted to come over and hang out for a bit. Nicholas realized they must have known he was the weakest link among them, that he would chicken out. That if they had told him outright or even hinted at what they had planned to do, he would have found a way out of it—the cabin would suddenly become unavailable, or he would have found somewhere else to go instead of waiting for them.

  Most importantly, he remembered that he did not rape Sydney Johnson.

  He couldn’t mentally get himself up to it, and certainly not physically. He had also fully believed that Winston was crazy, and knew that if he suspected for a second that he did not carry out the task, the girl would suffer at his hands. Maybe both of them—Brandon had been a little out of it too, lately.

  But how would he do it? How could he successfully pull it off?

  Nicholas leaned over Sydney and looked at her face.

  She was whimpering, undoubtedly terrified she was about to be deflowered.

  Nicholas turned away and started picturing porn, blocking out everything around him. Once he was hard, he serviced himself, finishing off in a condom, procuring the proof he needed of him having sex to show Winston in case he didn’t believe him. He didn’t know how serious Winston was about checking to make sure it happened, and he was horrified Winston would figure out he hadn’t touched her.

  Then it was time to compose the evidence for her.

  He put his hand up her skirt, pulled down her underwear, then tossed it to the side. And it was there he stopped. The scene was set.

  She was crying in earnest now.

  He leaned over her again, and kissed her lips lightly, wanting to let her know she had nothing to fear.

  She turned to the side, whimpering.

  He thought he should have explained himself to her then, but didn’t.

  He got up to peek at Brandon and Winston through the window, stalling a bit so more time could pass and make the whole thing more believable.

  Then he decided he would go back to her, let her know his plan and that she was safe, then let the boys back in, and they would drop her off somewhere discreet, unharmed, and untouched, and it would all be over with.

  ***

  Nicholas kept going over his last conversation with Sydney in his head.

  He kept coming back to when he offered to go to jail and she hadn’t said anything, hadn’t protested. He didn’t expect her to forgive him, didn’t expect things to go back to the way they were before, but he certainly didn’t expect her to stay silent at his offer, to actually ponder sending him away for a couple of years.

  He couldn’t hep dialing her number again, over and over until she finally picked up.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he said once he heard her fake tone of indifference.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me I didn’t go through with the whole thing? Here I was feeling guilty, thinking I’d actually...”

  “You think because you didn’t penetrate me I had no reason to be traumatized? Do you have any idea how terrifying that whole ordeal was?”

  “Yeah but...”

  “Wait, how do you know what happened? Who told you? It was just you and me...”

  “I remembered Sydney. And thank god I did! How could you be deceitful?”

  “Nicholas, at no point did I lie about anything that happened. If you don’t know the meaning of sexual assault go look it up.”

  Nicholas was taken aback.

  “Sydney that was uncalled for!”

  “I’m sorry. Look, I thought your plan was to go through with it—when you left, then headed back, I thought you were coming to finish what you started. And I thought you should suffer a little for being a part of that whole thing anyway—I mean, do you have any idea what it was like to have strange men capture you in a grip you can’t get out of? To be dragged away from the familiarity of your car to another with no idea of your destination? To be unsure if you have minutes left to live? To open your eyes and not be able to see anything but utter darkness? To have no idea what the hell is going to happen to you? And then to feel yourself being dragged to a second location, to hear another male voice added to the mix? I feared I would get raped from the get-go, and I thought about the possibility of getting gang-raped and possibly killed. About my poor parents finding out their only daughter has been taken away from them—not to mention wondering if my absence would actually make much of a difference...” He could hear she was crying now, “...and the way you hovered over me, feeling you kiss me...I didn’t know who you were! I didn’t know how far it would go—I didn’t know anything! Do you have any idea what it’s like to not know anything? Why the hell are you acting like it didn’t matter just because you didn’t go all the way?”

  Nicholas felt his head droop.

  “Look Syd, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to trivialize it, I just...I do feel better that I didn’t fully go through with it, that’s all; you can’t blame me for that. I thought I had to be some kind of monster to do something like that, but I’m not. I’m not like them...” He thought about Winston and Brandon, how much easier it always was for Winston to jump at a task, to lead the pack. How Brandon and he just followed like sheep.

  He didn’t really feel like he had a choice—they were all he had.

  “Why did you let me believe I had to turn myself in for rape?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Why did you let me believe the absolute worst all this time?”

  “Because you deserve it Nicholas. I don’t even know if you could still be prosecuted; it’s been four years and I still haven’t reported it. And how could I report you now? Anyway, once I realized you didn’t remember, I figured letting you think more had happened would make you suffer a little...I couldn’t let you get away from your part in it scot-free. Your guilt was the only weapon I had left.”

  He sighed heavily and leaned against the wall.

  “I’m sorry Sydney,” he said. “I’m sorry I was so weak. I’m sorry that had to happen to you, that you had to go through that and still have the memory, unlike me. I know we’ve been going through some things lately, and now I understand—perfectly—if you don’t want to see me anymore. No, I can’t imagine what that must be like for you—knowing you’ve been with me all this time, knowing I played a part in traumatizing you those years ago. I made you suffer—I understand that. But I love you Sydney, I want to be with you. I want to make up for it somehow. But like I said, I understand if you want to break it off with me. I just hope you don’t completely dump me—I’d like to be in your life, even if it’s just as a friend.”

  “Don’t you realize it’s almost the same thing? Looking into your face every now and then, knowing our history? I think I would need a clean break. I would miss you, but it might be necessary. And Nicholas, can you promise me something? Can you promise me you’ll get some help?”

  Nicholas felt himself getting offended and defensive and tried to suppress it.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t get offended—I’ve done it. Talking to counselors have helped me, and I feel like you could benefit from some sessions too, that’s all. The things you’ve told me, the things you’ve been through...if there was one sentence I could give you, that would be it—no jail time, no fine to be paid—although obviously the latter would be ridiculous anyway with your kind of money...”

  Nicholas almost told her about his disinheritance but decided
to keep quiet for fear she would scorn him further. “How dare you think your money being taken away is enough punishment?” he could hear her saying.

  When she spoke again, her voice was soft. “I still care about you Nicholas. People haven’t looked out for you enough, and I’m sorry about that. I really am.” She sighed. “I know you’re not a bad person, please know that. I still think you’re great. I believe you’ve always been better than you thought you were. You’re a good man Nicholas.”

  He liked her saying the words but it was not enough. What he wanted her to say was that she still loved him and wanted to be with him, that they would work through everything together. He also knew he was expecting too much—at least at the moment.

  He was patient; he could wait for her to come back around to him again. He didn’t know if it was his own hope or his instinct that was telling him things were not over between them, but that’s how he felt.

  It even made him smile to himself a little, even after she whispered: “I have to go—we’ll talk later,” and hung up.

  ***

  When his phone rang back, Nicholas thought it was Sydney and answered immediately.

  He was surprised to hear Adam’s voice on the other end of the line.

  “Adam?”

  He still wasn’t sure he was hearing correctly—Adam had never called him before.

  “My sister told me a few weeks ago you were looking for a job.”

  “Yeah, I was thinking about working at a camp...”

  “So she said.”

  “...But I wasn’t too sure about the residency thing. I think I might get somewhat claustrophobic being stuck at camp for a couple of weeks. So I was looking for a no to low residency one. No luck yet.”

  “Surprise, surprise. Hey listen—I have some ideas that might interest you. These guys I worked with before have a job opening—just opened recently. I thought of you since my sister mentioned your options are pretty open. Anyway, I talked to them, told them a little bit about you—not your real last name of course—I told them Nicholas Davis to avoid questions. I said you were looking into going into business, studying some of that stuff in college and they’re interested. They say you sound like a good candidate. They want to meet you in person of course, interview you.”

  “Great! What kind of job is this?”

  “Well, they have several types available—they want to see what you’re right for. They told me not to tell you anything too specific because that’s how they work, how they have the advantage in the interview. You know how once you know a job description and pretty much have sufficient information about the job you can prepare for it and tailor your resume and bullshit your experience to fit what they’re looking for and all that? Yeah, for these guys, jobs get filled by referrals only. They like to talk to the candidates and get a feel for their personality and get some real information. When you don’t have a focus, you can’t bullshit as well. Know what I’m saying?”

  “Perfectly. But you can’t you give me just a little idea...”

  “Nicholas, you’ve got this, don’t worry about it. I think one of the jobs is on the admin end of a camp. Anyway, just talk to the guys, see what they say. Feel it out.”

  “Okay, sounds good. Thanks bro.”

  The phone clicked as Adam hung up.

  Nicholas shook his head.

  Adam wasn’t exactly the most polite person he had ever met, but he was grateful he was showing some kind of support by helping him out on behalf of Sydney. In any case, he was looking forward to his interview, to trying something new.

  He had to call Adam back to get the date, location and time.

  “Don’t be late,” Adam reminded him.

  ***

  This doesn’t look right, Nicholas thought, as he pulled up to what looked like an abandoned warehouse. He checked the directions he had been given, then looked up again. He knew he was on the right street even though it wasn’t in a business area—no multiple-floored buildings around, no busy two-, or three-lane streets, no activity.

  When he saw the look of the area, Nicholas figured that the interview might have been conducted in a home which he thought was strange, but the area was not residential either. No neat little houses with neat little lawns. No children running around.

  The road he was coming up on wasn’t even paved.

  He didn’t get the directions wrong—did Adam?

  Well, Adam did say a white building, he thought to himself, still looking around in confusion. Just then a black car came down the road. Nicholas watched it until it pulled up to him. Another black car was not far behind, and Nicholas went from uneasy to panicked.

  He knew the alarm bells ringing had rung too late, and that thought was confirmed when he saw a few men exit the cars, their features hidden by masks. Although he thought about jumping in his car and taking off—sure he could outrun them that way—his instinct told him to stay still and listen to what they had to say, and whatever it was, to obey. The guns pointed at him did not make it difficult for him to obey his instinct.

  As he stood there, hands up, waiting for them to say or do something, he found that his brain was able to still think, to wonder how this came about.

  Nicholas did not want to believe that he had been set up, and definitely not by the brother of the girl he loved.

  Would Adam really do such a thing? Wasn’t this just a huge misunderstanding? A case of mistaken identity? Perhaps some joke? A final prank somehow ultimately orchestrated by Winston?

  He got the answer to all of his questions when Adam exited the second car, looking at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read, his eyes like black onyx. Nicholas knew it was pointless to try to explain anything to him; he would think he was just denying it all.

  The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness was that he was glad no one had shot him, that his body wasn’t riddled with bullets...yet, for a second—just a second—he felt like it might have been preferable to feeling like every bone in his body was breaking.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  “Sydney, prepare yourself. Nicholas is in the hospital,” Maria said when Sydney answered the phone.

  “What? Why?”

  “Eddie’s over there now, says he got beat up pretty bad.”

  “Oh my god,” Sydney put her hand to her forehead as if that would somehow stop the bad images from forming. “How bad is it?”

  Maria was silent a few seconds.

  “We should get over there Syd.”

  Sydney heart took a dive.

  “Oh no...who would do this Maria?”

  Maria paused again before answering.

  “Pick you up soon,” was all she said.

  ***

  As soon as Sydney hung up from Maria she called out to her brother.

  “Adam, Nicholas is in the hospital!”

  “Yeah I know.”

  “You know? How? I just found out!”

  “That’s because I arranged it Syd.”

  Sydney was struck again.

  Surely he didn’t mean what it sounded like he meant.

  “My boyfriend got beat up so bad he’s in the hospital, and you’re telling me you had something to do with it?”

  “Yeah, told you I would. He shouldn’t get away with that shit Sydney. Anyway, he’s gonna live, right? How bad is he?”

  “They’re saying it’s pretty bad Adam...”

  “Well, I did tell them to make sure not to kill him. I knew that would crush you.”

  To Sydney, time felt like it had stopped.

  ***

  “Oh my god, I hope he didn’t hear anything! I have to go—we’ll talk later.” Who, Sydney?

  “Do you have any idea what it’s like to not know anything?” Yes, I do actually.

  “You can’t get away with being the only one.” What do you mean, Brandon?

  Various voices went through Nicholas’s head, pieces of conversations he had and had overheard, and he found his own voice mentally answering t
hem.

  When his eyes finally opened, it took him a while to figure out where he was and how he had gotten there. Then the events that put him in the hospital came back to him.

  He was glad he was alive—there was a moment he thought for sure Sydney’s brother was going to have him killed.

  He didn’t blame Adam for taking such a course of action. If he had found out that something like that had happened to Allison, he would have hired some people to punish that person too, without thinking twice about it. He probably would have decided to just hire someone to break his legs, incapacitate him. Ruin his property, make him suffer. Yeah, he would have ultimately let the bastard live so he could suffer. And he easily had the means to make it happen.

  Wait, a minute, no he didn’t...

  “I’m afraid you’ve been disinherited my dear,” he heard his mother’s voice replay in his head.

  “Oh my god—you’re awake Nicholas!” he heard Allison say, and it took him a second to realize it wasn’t a replay from a previous conversation.

  He turned his head toward the voice.

  His vision was a bit blurry and he stared until he could focus. Allison’s teary face was looking at him. Then she bent over and hugged him.

  “Oh Nicky,” Allison’s face looked like it was about to dissolve into tears as she looked at him.

  “I guess I really look like crap,” he joked, trying to smile. He tried to ignore the way his voice sounded, like he would imagine a hoarse gargoyle would sound.

  Allison’s lower lip started to tremble, infantilizing her round face further. Then she started to cry.

  She bent over and hugged him again, one of her tears falling onto his face.

  Nicholas looked around her. No-one else was there.

  He looked back at Allison, who had pulled out her cell phone and was making a call.

  “He’s awake!” he heard her say.

  Then it seemed she was making another call.

  Nicholas felt himself drifting away again.

  “Where’s Sydney?” he asked, but he wasn’t sure if it made it from his head to his mouth before he fell into darkness once more.