Behind Our Walls

by Chad A. Clark

  "The way Daniel is planning on getting the outer walls set up, we should have enough warning time to get armed up if there's trouble," Lot said. "We're going to start picking out people to be cleared to handle the weapons, preferably those with previous experience. And we'll be running drills to make sure that they can get to the guns quickly, if needed."

  Sophie shook her head and began to pace back and forth in front of Rowen before she realized that she was pulling on her own hair, a nervous habit from childhood. She forced herself to stop. She focused on her breathing, let her hands drop to her sides and flexed them in an effort to relax.

  "We're supposed to be better than the people out there. We're supposed to be..." She didn't even know what to say to them anymore. Fatigue was creeping in on her and slowing down her train of thought. Rowen looked at her with what looked like pity, but the sight of it made her anger flare up again and her fists clenched involuntarily. "What?" she asked.

  "Sophie, I just hope you aren't setting the bar so high, that we'll never be able to come even close to clearing it."

  "I don't even know what that means."

  "It means that as normal as you may want it to feel in here, the fact is that everything has changed. You may not like it, but the world is as different in here as it is out there, and we have to be able to deal with that. We have to be safe, and it's more dangerous to just sit around, hoping that nothing bad will ever happen to us because of our virtue."

  He wasn't completely wrong but it still felt like they were betraying the very foundation of what had brought them together in the first place. They had found a relatively safe place in this stadium, but did that make them entitled to anything more than everyone else?

  "I just wish the two of you hadn't gone off and made the decision on your own. We should have talked it over first."

  "I honestly didn't think you would object," Lot said. "I know you don't like guns, but I thought you had accepted why they were necessary."

  Sophie wasn't sure if he had really expected her to go along with all of this, or if it was just easier to ask forgiveness after the fact. Besides, deep down she suspected that most people would want something like this anyway, would prefer being able to defend themselves. It would be naive to assume that they would never run into trouble, even after the walls went up.

  "I know this is a step," Rowen said as he put a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. "I understand that it makes you nervous, but the fact is that we need to be able to handle as many threats from out there as possible. Just because we've made it harder for people to get in here doesn't mean that we can't stop thinking about that."

  Sophie nodded and turned away from them. She wasn't convinced, but at some point she had to trust their judgment. Rowen seemed to sense that she was done with the conversation and walked off to help unload the vans.

  "What are we doing about lighting down here?" she asked Lot. So far they had been leaving the garage door open to let the daylight in, but it was a risk to not have it closed.

  "We got a bunch of hand-cranked flashlights. That'll have to do for now," Lot said. "Daniel can work on it. When the walls are finished, maybe we can get some juice running through this place and get something better set up, but for now..." he trailed off and shrugged as Sophie looked at him. She nodded and turned to head for the corridor.

  She found Corrine in the food court upstairs, taking a seat next to her and putting her head down on her arms.

  "You okay?" Corrine asked.

  "Long, shitty day. Are you settling in all right?"

  Corrine nodded. The two of them had chosen adjacent suites but most nights, Corrine was making her way over to Sophie's room, still not comfortable being alone while she slept.

  "I just miss them," Corrine said. Sophie nodded.

  "I know. Me too. I still catch myself hoping that he'll be proud of me."

  "Yeah."

  They sat there alone in the silence of the crowd, trying to not focus too much on what they had lost, on the quagmire of things loved, now gone forever.

  -32-

  Work on the drywall exteriors was done in about a week. They weren't impenetrable, but just having that much of a barrier against the outside world was already starting to make people feel better. The darkness of the building was unsettling though, as they had closed off most of the available outside light. To get them by, everyone had been issued flashlights. That, combined with the minimal amount of light coming in from the field itself was doing the job for the most part. Daniel added large panels of mirrors to the growing list, with the idea that they could take better advantage of what natural light they had and extend it out into the darker areas.

  "We can start layering the concrete onto the drywall," Daniel said. "We've had people scavenging through stores for most of this week, and I think I have enough material to get it done. It's not going to look pretty, but it isn't like we're going for the cover of Better Homes & Gardens."

  "It's really great work," Lot said as he walked up and down the wall.

  "As long as people stay away, it makes no difference to me how it looks," Rowen said.

  "How long do you think the rest will take?" Lot asked.

  Daniel looked up at the wall, seeming to be calculating in his head. "With everyone pitching in like this, I should be able to get it done in a day or two. It's been raining quite a bit, and the collectors are nearly overflowing, so as long as people don't mind taking it easy on their water consumption for a little while, we should be able to get it done pretty quick."

  It was the safest that Sophie had felt since this all started. While the offerings of food were pathetic for now, rice and beans on most days, they still had shelter, some protection and comforts that most people out there only dreamed of anymore. During a recent supply run, one of the married couples stopped at a nearby mall and cleaned out several of the stores. Now, a cluster of offices on the second floor were filled with books for the adults, games and toys for the children. She laughed at the irony that it took the end of the world for them to find what might have ended up being the perfect society. They worked to support and protect each other and had enough of what they needed to make life bearable.

  Sophie happened to look up and saw Fiona and Nairi making their way up the ramp, back towards their suite. Nairi had done what she could to help, but Fiona was definitely in the minority of people who just didn't seem to get it. She kept to herself most of the time, and if you caught her on a good day she would just act shy and uncomfortable. If it wasn't a good day, you were bound to be on the receiving end of anything from sarcasm and sneering, to open hostility. Sophie always caught a whiff of something brewing there under the surface, a resentment which would never be shown the light of day but would also never be given a chance to heal. She was torn with how to deal with it. On one hand she wanted to reach out to Fiona and try to be understanding. But she also felt obligated to the community as a whole who, for whatever reason, seemed to be looking to her, among others for leadership.

  It had been several days since Meredith told them about the push to establish a committee. Not a governing body, but a select few members that could help in making decisions, keeping thing organized and safe. Sophie rejected the idea but after enough people prodded her to go along, she agreed, and joined the committee along with Meredith, Lot, Rowen and Daniel. She still felt uncomfortable walking around the place, catching glances from people, acting as if she was now supposed to have all the answers.

  For now, things seemed to be falling into place. There had been very little trouble, hardly any sign of traffic on the road and what people did pass by took no notice of them. Still, it was hard to not feel the hints of panic, like they sat on the precipice of something much worse and were fooling themselves into thinking that they would ever be safe here.

  -33-

  Sophie still found it hard to believe that it was already summer, but the sight of the kids playing outside made it impossible to deny. Half the field was now take
n up by the community gardens, which were already producing nearly enough food for everyone, albeit in small amounts. During a recent supply run, they had found some goats and chickens, and while she wasn't wild about the smell, it was also nice to occasionally have fresh milk and eggs. Daniel was still working on the electricity, but was confident that they would eventually get there.

  She had even gotten used to the guard rotations. Every now and then, a small group would be seen peeking in through the gates into the parking lot. A few had even climbed up onto the wall, looking the place over but so far no one ventured any closer.

  They conducted essential supply runs twice a month, and while there had been some close calls with rovers or rogue army units wandering the countryside, luck continued to be on their side. Departures for supply runs were only done at night to minimize anyone spotting activity around the stadium. Strict orders dictated that if they weren't able to return before the sun rose, they were to find somewhere to hide out and wait until the next night.

  In a way, it did concern her to see people falling into such automatic routines. She worried if maybe they were just dulling themselves into a false sense of security and ignoring the threats out there. The committee did the best it could to keep people aware and alert, but at some point the trappings of a place like this made things difficult.

  She looked up from her book at the sound of knocking at her door. Opening it, she found Rowen on the other side.

  "What is it?" she asked. "The meeting isn't for another hour."

  "I just wanted to talk for a minute."

  "Okay." Sophie stood aside and let him in. "What's up?"

  He stood there for a few moments, not answering but instead looking out at the kids playing. She thought he looked uncomfortable about something, but she couldn't imagine what.

  "Hey." She grabbed his arm and turned him so that he would have to look at her. "What is it?"

  "It's about Fiona."

  Sophie dropped his arm, immediately annoyed. She didn't understand why everyone assumed that she had some kind of link with the woman.

  Rowen picked up on her irritation. "Look, I know you don't want to hear it, it's just that—"

  "You know, I get that she's a problem, I just don't see how everyone thinks I'm going to be able to do anything about it. You all know her just as well as I do. Lot has known her longer."

  "I know."

  "She just doesn't like people. She's a loner. What do you expect, do you think she's just going to change her entire personality for us?"

  "I know."

  "Honestly, if you're serious about making headway with her, you'd be better off going through Nairi, since she seems to be the only one that Fiona really cares about."

  "We can try that." He said the words, but his tone didn't sound to Sophie like he agreed. She rolled her eyes and tried to slow down the judgment that rushed to her head.

  "Okay, what? What's going on with her?"

  "She doesn't contribute. She doesn't interact with anyone and when she does, it's usually to start fights. She takes offense to everything, even if it's just an offhand remark or someone glancing over their shoulder. A lot of people feel like she doesn't really want to be here."

  "Maybe she doesn't."

  "They why do you think she stays? It isn't like we force her."

  "Maybe because it's even worse out there? Maybe Nairi doesn't want to leave, and she doesn't want to go off on her own? Take your pick."

  Rowen shuffled his feet, and looked like he now wished he hadn't come up here.

  "Look, is it even worth it?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Let's say you guys sit her down and give her a good talking-to. What do you think is going to happen? You think she'll just roll over and apologize for how she's been acting? Maybe volunteer to start a glee club, or maybe arts and crafts night? Or do you think maybe she'll just get pissed as hell, stomp out of the room and now we've got an even worse problem on our hands?"

  "I see what you're saying, but—"

  "What harm is she causing right now? Sure, some people get their panties all bunched up because they think she isn't doing her fair share, but that's pretty much the worst of it."

  "So what do you suggest?"

  "Give her some space. If she comes around, great. But if she doesn't, and we try to pressure her, all we've done is seal ourselves in here with the angriest bitch you've ever met."

  "I guess." His voice reminded her of a child who wasn't getting his way and she shook her head.

  "I'm going for a walk. I need to clear my head before the meeting. Will you just give me some time to think things through? Just leave it alone and let me think it over."

  Rowen nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he turned to leave. She hated the sign of adolescent protest and marched out of the suite herself, turning to walk the opposite direction. Too much drama and too many problems. Now she was stuck with all of it, even the hostile bitch that no one wanted anything to do with.

  -34-

  The higher powers that controlled this place clearly wanted the confrontation to happen, as Sophie saw Fiona making her way up the ramp towards her. When the two of them made eye contact, she imagined that neither of them looked very excited about seeing the other, but she took in a breath and steeled herself for the conversation.

  "What do you want?" Fiona asked, immediately picking up on, and feeding into Sophie's discomfort.

  "Fiona, I'm sorry. I just needed to touch base and see if things were going all right for you."

  "Why the hell wouldn't it?"

  Sophie sighed, asking herself again why she continued to volunteer for responsibilities like this.

  "Okay. Don't make this more than what it is, I just need to talk about some things. Some people are a little uncomfortable with how hostile you have been at times and we just wanted to make sure—"

  "They can fuck off. I don't understand why I have to be so happy and friendly just to make them more comfortable. Why can't they just leave me alone?"

  "Fiona, I understand and believe me, I have no interest in invading your privacy. But we live in a very delicate balance here. I'm sure you understand that. If there's dissension or bad blood between people, I just want to smooth things over. As much as I can anyway."

  Fiona snorted. "Sure. Wouldn't want to disrupt your personal little paradise you've got going on here, would you?"

  "I don't understand."

  "Well let me make it clearer for you. How many people have we added to this community since we set up here?"

  Sophie blinked. It was a direction she hadn't expected the conversation to go in. "We haven't let anyone in."

  "Why not?"

  "I don't understand. Who would we have—"

  "The fact that that is your response pretty much proves my point, don't you think?"

  "Fiona, what—"

  "Why aren't we letting more people in here? Are we really that much better than anyone out there? You think there isn't anyone else who needs help?"

  "I'm sure there are, but I don't know how we're supposed to find those people."

  "Well, it's pretty simple. They come shambling past here, just about every day. I know you guys spot them while you sit up here, biting your fingernails and hoping that they don't figure out we're in here."

  "And you think we should just put a big sign up, inviting anyone to come in? What do you seriously think would happen if we did that? It isn't like we can just support an infinite amount of people."

  "First of all, that's bullshit," Fiona said. "You don't have to provide a steak dinner for everyone who walks in here. People are more than capable of going out on runs and foraging for what they need. And even if they didn't, have you paid any attention to what they've got going on down in the gardens?"

  Sophie didn't know what to say. She was surprised that Fiona had been paying any attention.

  "That guy Winston and his wife Sherrie? They used to teach classes on urban farming. Last I was down th
ere, they had about two dozen growing boxes set up. Some of them were producing over a hundred pounds of potatoes. Each box. And that was just one crop. They had corn growing, beans, squash. There's no reason why we couldn't support more people."

  "Okay, but—"

  "And as for the rest, we can't just hide in here and hope that the bad people won't find us. I'm not saying that we should throw up a big spotlight inviting anyone within eyesight, but I think you'd agree that it's pretty easy to spot the bad ones."

  Sophie took a beat and tried to compose her thoughts. She would have never expected such a reasoned argument to come from Fiona, or to find that she had invested such thought in it. She was clearly expecting some kind of an answer as she stood there though, staring and tapping her foot impatiently on the floor.

  "Fiona, it isn't like I can just snap my fingers and make this all change. People have to talk it over."

  "Right. I understand." Fiona sneered as she shouldered past Sophie, resuming her walk back to her suite.

  "Fiona!" She cringed at the sarcastic smile on Fiona's face as she turned to face her. "I can't guarantee anything but I will at least bring it up with the committee and see what they have to say, all right?"

  Fiona laughed and shook her head as she turned away. "Do whatever you want. I won't be holding my breath."

  -35-

  "So we had our first actual discipline case today," Lot said.

  "And?" Rowen asked.

  "I caught Jenny trying to steal batteries from the office. She lied about it at first, but I got her to admit to it eventually."

  "What did you do?" Meredith asked.

  Lot shrugged. "It's not like we're going to put people in jail, or give them a fine. She wasn't trying to hurt anyone, people just get a little stir crazy sometimes. I gave her some extra manual labor for a few weeks."

  Sophie felt the general agreement and let her attention wander as she began pacing. After a few drawn out moments, she took a seat behind the giant desk. She began to doodle in the sand garden, half listening to the conversation as it droned on without her. It was several minutes before she realized that the room had suddenly gone quiet and everyone was looking at her. She shook her head to clear it.