Behind Our Walls

by Chad A. Clark

  Was this really what she had become? The hammer that brought swift justice down on whoever needed it?

  Still, people were dead. Fiona had been directly responsible for everything. Sophie prodded her through the garage door, blinking at the light as they passed through. She walked back to Fiona and reached down for her arm.

  "Walk."

  They walked out, past the shadow of the stadium and stopped. She put a hand on Fiona's shoulder, pushing down until she took the hint and got down on her knees. She stepped behind her and raised the gun, hesitating as the memory rushed back of Jerry, the blood and his body dropping to the ground, not that differently from Rowan.

  There had to be some kind of punishment. Something had to be done. No one was ever going to trust Fiona again and if they left her alone to continue living here, it would only be a matter of time before someone took it upon themselves to get their revenge. They would find Fiona's body, stuffed in a garbage can. Would she then be put in the position of punishing someone for doing what everyone wanted?

  Sophie lifted the gun again. She aimed carefully, glanced over the sight and squeezed the trigger.

  -57-

  Lot and Clive stood at the head of the crowd as Sophie returned from the basement, the gun hanging limply at her side. She could feel a headache coming on and couldn't remember feeling this tired, but for the first time in a long time she felt confident that she had done the right thing. Maybe, if nothing else, she would be able to sleep without the nightmares rushing in from her fractured conscience. All the doubt and anger felt like it was washing away, as she had just proven to herself that even after all of this, she was still capable of doing what was right.

  "So..." Lot looked at her, over at Clive and Meredith and then back at the crowd. He was having trouble actually voicing the question. She looked into his eyes, as well as the faces of all her friends who had become family over the past year. She saw Corrine, looking out at her with an expression that showed curiosity and yet knowing exactly what Sophie had done. The looks she saw on the crowd was that of anticipation, but also fear, not just for their own well-being but for the implications of what they had just brought about. What would this say about their morality, about what they were becoming as a new society, growing from the still burning ashes of that which had come before? Sophie steeled her resolve and gave them their answer.

  "I let her go."

  -58-

  ONE YEAR LATER

  Fiona looked out over the vast expanse of valley that stretched away from her. A huge flock of birds swooped down over the trees in formation. It was almost like watching an ocean of wings crashing against some unseen shore, only to scatter and reform to start all over again. She shouldered the bag and resumed walking down the gravel road.

  There hadn't been a day since her expulsion from the stadium that she didn't think about it. She usually started off the day cursing the decisions she had made while Nairi's voice cheerfully reminded her that this was likely what she deserved, and how it could have been so much worse.

  What did her subconscious know about anything, anyway?

  So things had come full circle and she was back to where she started, walking the roads alone, with no one to depend on other than herself. She could live with it. She had to. Her back still protested from the stone she had slept on the night before but that was no matter. She would keep walking because that was what she had to do. At least she was outside. At least the air was crisp and felt new.

  At least once a week, she wondered how the community had reacted to Sophie's decision, her final act of mercy. In her darkest moments, she imagined that many of them refused to accept it, combing the countryside in an epic hunt for her that would make Ahab himself shake his head in pity.

  Since leaving, she had stuck to back roads, avoiding any cities or towns. She wasn't going anywhere specific, and it had only recently occurred to her that all she was really doing was walking in huge circles, relative to the location of the stadium.

  It was idiotic to think that they would ever take her back. But maybe she could use them to her advantage. Even after a few weeks of being out on her own, she had run into a few people spouting off rumors about the place, how a group of survivors had taken over a football stadium and were supporting each other, keeping the bad elements out. There were some who spoke about the shootout in the hushed tones of revered folklore.

  She learned to use that. She knew enough to lead people on, mislead them with the promise of something she couldn't deliver and take them for whatever they were carrying. It wasn't ideal, but she had to live, and if one thing was true about survival, it was that everyone had to look out for themselves. There was no room for loyalty in anyone's lives anymore. She smirked at the image of Sophie's "disappointed" face, and shook it away.

  At least the amount of rovers on the road was small. The ones in this area could have been mostly killed at the stadium, but Fiona suspected that as things started to settle down, groups just stopped traveling around as much. Certain areas became specific territories, controlled by this person or that group, with less movement between them.

  Fiona went to reach for the canteen, but when she lifted it and remembered how light it felt, she returned it to her pack without drinking. Supples were getting very thin, and the downside of being so far out on her own was that when you started to run out of things, it was a lot more serious. There had to be a stream or river nearby.

  Mostly, she was tired of only having the voices in her head to talk to. As much as she despised having to carry out the absurd social niceties of the stadium, she did miss the occasional conversation about nothing in particular. It would be nice to have a companion, even for just a little while, to help walk the stress out of her system.

  As if on cue, she heard the sound of someone talking up ahead and looked up to see a large oak tree off in the distance, with two people sitting in the shade. The woman was about Fiona's age, attractive enough that she wondered what she was doing with the other, a kid who looked about as awkward as she had ever seen. She could see his lips moving as he talked but his head was bent down, absorbed by a journal he was scribbling in. She couldn't remember how long it had been since seeing anyone writing, for any reason.

  No matter. They were as good as any to scam. Fiona pulled the straps of the pack tighter and began to make her way down the slope of the road.

  They would make for easy taking.

  -59-

  Sophie and Lot walked around the top level of the stadium. She glanced down over the field. All signs of anything football related were completely gone, now boasting instead a huge variety of robust crops. The animals ran in and out, still holding strong at a healthy population level. The parking lot was a stark reminder of their lives and the world as it now was. They had left the motorcycles as a tribute to what had happened but the sight of them still made her skin crawl.

  There had been some dissension and anger for a while, but she had been surprised at how easily people accepted her decision to let Fiona go. In the end, she had had her fill of killing. Besides, it actually made her feel good to think about Fiona out there every day, getting little reminders of the comfort she had chosen to turn her back on.

  "Do you think she'll ever try to come back?" Lot asked. The topic seemed to come up regularly.

  "No. You don't think she will, do you?"

  "You mean, do I think she's going to come rolling back here with an army at her back?" Lot shrugged. "I doubt that we have anything to worry about. Fiona pretty much hates everyone, and I can't see her getting along with rovers any better than us."

  They stopped to lean against the stone wall looking out over the small neighborhood that bordered the edge of the stadium's property. Their population was still dramatically lower than it had been before the attack, but there were also some new people. Every now and then, a lone person or family would come wandering past and would be welcomed. They had been lucky to have an engineer show up a month ago, and she was close t
o finishing the solar power project that Daniel had started.

  "Have you talked to Amy about her progress?" Lot asked.

  "She has to run some tests on the vacant suites, but she said we could have limited power in a week or two. Once she gets the bugs smoothed out, we might be up to full capacity a week or so after that."

  It had been so long since she hadn't needed to depend on a hand-cranked flashlight or candles for illumination, she wasn't sure how she would handle the idea of being able to flip on a light again. Her grandfather's voice crept into her head, griping at her for failing to turn off the lights when she left the room and how much power she was wasting. She would have to be better about that now, she supposed.

  There had been no other threats from anyone since Fiona left. No rovers or other groups, anyone that might be trouble. If anything were to happen, she felt like they were better prepared. They had doubled their stock of guns, thanks to the small arsenal that the rovers had used to attack the stadium. Even though the immediate danger was gone, it had become policy for armed guards to be posted around the stadium at all times. While this had been greeted with nervous skepticism at first, pretty much everyone now supported the initiative.

  "I've got to be honest," Lot said as they resumed walking. "I never would have guessed that this would be how things would turn out for us. We just happen to run into Meredith and her group. One person remembers about this place from a newspaper article that she just happened to read before everything fell apart? That's how we end up here?"

  Sophie nodded without saying more. They had been lucky, but she had also lost her parents, the man she had come to love and watched her relationship with her sister nearly disintegrate. The pain would always be there, but everyone was safe, and living in relative comfort. That was a lot more than she could have said before coming here.

  "Seriously though," Lot said. "What do you think will happen to Fiona out there? Do you think she can make it?"

  "Fiona is a cockroach," Sophie said, bringing laughter out of Lot. She shook her head and tried to take the question seriously. "Fiona might be misguided, but she is one of the strongest, most driven people I have ever met. If anyone can make it out there, it's her. Thing is though, everyone out there is living right on the edge. I don't care how tough you are, eventually your luck and your time runs out."

  "You don't regret sending her out there, do you?"

  "No. There is a part of me that knows that we have to accept some blame for how she was treated. We could have worked harder to make her a part of things, but I think that we lost her for good when Nairi was killed. She was the rock holding onto Fiona's humanity and when that was severed..." Sophie shook off the emotion before it could take hold of her. "She chose to do what she did. We didn't force her to take that action and now she's got to live with it."

  Lot actually seemed guilty as he looked out over the neighborhood of abandoned houses, and Sophie wondered if there was anyone out there. Maybe huddled up in a basement waiting for night so they could slip past on the road without being seen by anyone.

  "So we're just the lucky ones, then?" Lot said. "That's the only difference between us and the people still out there?"

  "Sure. But most things come down to that anyway. We didn't do anything wrong to get here. We didn't hurt anyone and for the most part, we're just trying to live out our lives peacefully and as simply as we can. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking some comfort in how we live. We worked hard to build this place and we deserve to enjoy the benefits."

  "Do you ever see things turning around out there?"

  "Turning around? Not a chance. I don't think things are ever going to go back to the way they were before. Not in our lifetimes anyway. But maybe we can start building the groundwork for something better. Maybe that all starts here."

  Sophie turned away from the parking lot, from the spectral personification of what used to be and returned her attention to the food and life that blossomed below. That was what mattered now, the families and children still left.

  The possibilities of everything that was yet to come.

  THE END

  A Note From

  The Author.....

  I'd like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude for your support of this book. If you have made it all the way to the end, it is my sincere hope that you are satisfied with the journey and how it has come out. It has certainly been a long road for me and this story has gone through more than a few incarnations in order to get to this point.

  In 2014, I published my first book, Borrowed Time. It is a collection of shorter stories, one of which is called Tomorrow's Memory. Although I didn't realize it at the time, this story would prove to be my entry into the universe of this book. It began as a simple, short piece and eventually would grow to a much larger size and scope. I have always been fascinated by the notion of an apocalypse from the perspective of those on the ground forced to live through it. There is no narrator, no way of knowing for sure what has happened and where things will lead in the future. What does life look for those who want answers that maybe can't be found? How do they move on and try to begin the healing process in a world now defined by rage and violence?

  Some of you may have read this already, but I suspect that many of you have not. I wanted to present the original short story to you here, to memorialize it and the role that it played in what would become my first novel. I have included it, as it was originally published but I have also written a frame story of sorts, to make it fit better within the context of the book. Keep an eye out for some familiar characters along the way.

  Again, my unending thanks and appreciation goes out to you, at the other end of this connection.

  Thank you.

  The day would end up changing her forever.

  When it started, it was as routine as any could be. Sophie decided to join up with the group going out for supplies. Six others came along, and with as little activity as they came across anymore, runs like these were much safer than in the past.

  Clive led the group across a park, towards a small residential neighborhood. Anymore the houses were pretty well picked over, but it never hurt to be thorough. Also, now that they had restored electricity to the stadium they could take small appliances and other devices that people would otherwise pass over. Sophie worried at times that people were starting to get a little too accustomed to these new luxuries but for the most part, she felt like the community deserved them. They had gone through enough.

  The rifle still felt awkward, strapped around her neck even though she had taken more than enough time, training with Lot.

  "You doing all right there, Sophie?" Clive called out.

  "Sure. It's just been a while since I've walked this far on anything other than concrete."

  Clive laughed and shook his head as they resumed their pace. The rest of the group kept quiet, watching the area around them for any signs of trouble. While things had been peaceful, the shootout with the rovers had left a permanent sense of paranoia and caution with everyone. In that regard, it was probably one of the best things that had happened to them, but Sophie did miss the more carefree feeling of the stadium before the attack.

  In truth, these runs were hardly even necessary anymore as the stadium had become almost completely self-sufficient. They had food from the crops, and the animals were providing a healthy amount of milk and eggs. They were even making cheese from time to time and on special occasions, they would slaughter one of the animals so that everyone could have meat. The rain collectors were so full that they actually had a surplus of water and now, with the electricity back on line, they had come as close as ever to having the comforts of home. Lot argued for ending the runs altogether, but Meredith pointed out that it was important to keep people engaged in something. It was good to get outside and into the open occasionally. This way, everyone could feel like they were contributing something important.

  It was amazing to see how extensively nature had begun to re
claim itself and erase any signs that they had ever existed as a species. Many of the roads they passed were now heavily splintered with cracks and holes, weeds and grass sprouting up and through. On other smaller roads, the grass had grown wild and so tall that it was starting to create a canopy, taking the abandoned cars into their mossy embrace. She saw one car with the thick branches of a tree weaving in and out of the windows. A motorcycle was tipped over onto the ground, now barely visible in the overgrowth that had re-taken it. She couldn't help but thinking that it was as if the planet itself was rebooting.

  Her train of thought was interrupted at the sound of Clive and the others shouting.

  Sophie looked up to see them brandishing their weapons and pointing at something off to the right. She looked, and saw that a kid had emerged from the woods. He wasn't old, maybe college age, or a little older. He looked innocent enough, but the illusion was immediately shattered when she saw the pistol in his hand, coming up to take aim at them.

  "Kid, you need to think about what you're doing!" Clive yelled. "Take it easy. You don't know us, and we don't know you. Why don't you put the gun down and we can talk this over, see what we can do to help each other out."

  The kid remained silent, didn't even look like he had understood. His expression seemed to slacken, even more than it had been before. Sophie got the feeling that he was bracing himself to do something, trying to work up the nerve. He was taking in deep breaths, rocking back and forth as if trying to get the momentum he needed.