Misadventures of a Virgin

by Meredith Wild

  “Sit down. Talk to me, June.”

  I take a seat in one of the old red velvet chairs on the other side of his desk, and he takes the other. In those few seconds of silence, I’m grateful for this room. Edwin may hate our castle. It may not be a home. But it’s still my home. It’s familiar, and right now that’s what I need. Something steady. Something true…

  I reach into my back pocket and pull out the photograph. I run my finger over the four faces looking back at me. “Edwin told me what happened. It makes sense now why you always hated him.”

  He takes the photo from me. His lips are tight. “This is old. Before you were born. Where’d you find it?”

  “The suitcase in your closet. How come you didn’t tell me the truth, Daddy? Why did I have to find out from a stranger?”

  He stands, tosses the photo on the desk, and paces slowly around the room. His gaze is cast down, his hands tucked into his slacks.

  “I have no excuses to give you,” he says, sadness lacing his tone. “I loved your mother. I don’t love her any less because she was leaving me the night she died. I don’t ever want you to think that.”

  When our eyes meet, I know he’s telling me the truth. His shoulders sag in resignation. He’s got the same kind of regret painted on his features as Edwin did. My heart breaks for all of us. For the tragedy they lived and we all suffered for.

  “What happened? Will you tell me now?”

  He pauses a moment. “Edwin stole her away from me the same way I stole her away from him. All’s fair in love and war, right?” He nods to the photo. “They were together first. The other woman was only in Falls Edge for a summer. We had fun, but Juliette was in my eye. Except there was no getting between her and Edwin. They were infatuated.”

  He looks up at the painting of my mother, her regal smile looking down on both of us. “I’d like to tell you that ours was true love and theirs wasn’t, but I’d probably be wrong. When Edwin’s sister came into town, baby in tow, everything changed. Juliette thought Edwin was crazy to take on a child that wasn’t his own. As much as he loved her, he couldn’t abandon the boy. Juliette… She was…”

  He turns, drops into his chair, and pulls a bottle of scotch from his drawer. After filling and draining the glass, he sits back.

  “Juliette came from a good family. They had money. You know that. They bought the hotel and knew what kind of experience the patrons wanted. Juliette, being their only child, grew up expecting life to go a certain way. Girl meets boy. Big white wedding. Baby. Happily ever after.”

  “And Kase didn’t fit in with that picture.”

  “It was bad enough Edwin came from a farming family. Taking on someone else’s child was too much. She couldn’t help feeling like he’d chosen Kase over her, over their relationship. They argued over it and split up for a little while to think things through. That’s when I took my chance. I pursued her. Ruthlessly. I was determined to give her everything Edwin couldn’t. I’d been to college. Came from a good family. I could help her run the hotel. Not to mention I was head over heels in love with her. I’d give her the world.”

  “Then you married her.”

  “First chance I could. Everything moved fast. I told myself it was because I was finally the one to make her dreams come true. The missing puzzle piece. But deep down I knew she was running from Edwin. Running hard and fast away from the life she couldn’t have with him. We got married, and in the blink of an eye, she was pregnant with you. Everyone was thrilled. Her parents were happy. She was happy. Glowing. Everything was perfect for a while. But after you were born and she went back to work at the hotel, things started to change.”

  “Change how?”

  He shrugs. “Sometimes things just change. Maybe she was tired. Maybe she was overwhelmed. I have no idea why she went to see Edwin that night. All I know is when she came home and told me she was leaving me, I thought someone had cut out my heart. I wasn’t going to let her go. I couldn’t lose her.” He pauses for a long moment. “June, I did something I will always regret. Something you’ll probably never forgive me for.” Tears glimmer in his eyes. “I struck her.”

  I steel my jaw and fight to hold back my anger.

  “I didn’t know what else to do. I felt so powerless. I felt like there was no stopping her. I was losing her. To him. And if I lost her, it meant I could lose you too. He’d raise you. They’d make their family out of you and Kase, and…” He rubs at his eyes, wiping away the wetness. “I couldn’t stop her. I just couldn’t stop her…”

  Several minutes pass. More tears fall between the two of us. All the while, my mother looks down on us, her smile almost mocking in the face of our grief.

  “I wish you had told me, Daddy.”

  He exhales a shaky sigh. “When she died, I put it all away. Buried it so deep, June. I never wanted to think about any of it again. I just wanted to throw myself into running the hotel and being the best father I knew how to be. And you always seemed too young for the whole truth, so I kept avoiding it.”

  I stare at the floor. I’m exhausted. Wrung out and wrung out again. With all the emotions pinging around, what I expect the least is a measure of relief. But with the truth now out, once and for all, I’m awash with it. For that, I’m grateful. Almost at peace. Almost…

  “I’m going up to bed now. Thank you for telling me,” I say quietly.

  He watches me rise and go to the door. “What happened with Kase, June?”

  I slow at the door, rest my hand on the old metal knob. “I left. That’s what happened.”

  A moment passes.

  “So what do we do now?”

  I look over my shoulder. “I don’t know, Daddy. I really don’t know.”

  I wake late the next morning. My head throbs from all the crying I did. My heart aches when I relive the whole emotional roller-coaster of the day. The truth hurts, but I’d relive the pain over and over to find my way out of the dark again. I deserved to know more, and now, finally, I do.

  A pang of regret hits me when I think of Kase. I probably shouldn’t have left so hastily. I should have at least left a note, though I still don’t know what I would have said. He of all people should know what it’s like to have the world upended that way. To have believed a lie for so long. To feel betrayed and underestimated by the ones who fed you that lie.

  It’s not my story to tell.

  Edwin’s words chime through my mind as I meander downstairs to the lobby. Perhaps he had a point. Perhaps the onus of retelling the circumstances around my mother’s death should have fallen on my father’s shoulders only. Whether or not our love and every intimate and emotionally charged moment between us was as real as I pray it was, perhaps expecting Kase to break the truth wide open to me in my short time at the farmhouse was not entirely fair.

  Doesn’t dull the hurt. Doesn’t undo what’s done. But I’m closer to being ready to face him again, knowing all that I do.

  The lobby is fairly quiet. It’s afternoon already, and most of the guests are on the grounds or out doing touristy things in town. Not seeing my father, I venture out onto the veranda. Julie is behind the bar, moving with efficiency to fill a drink order. When I approach, she pauses and lights up.

  “June! Where the hell have you been? Your dad said you were taking some time off. I miss your face, girl.”

  I manage a smile. The familiarity of the hotel is starting to unpack some of my malaise.

  “I was,” I say, having no desire to elaborate. “Do you have the schedule back there? I want to grab some shifts this week.”

  “Sure.” She disappears and pops back up with a binder.

  I take it and look for open slots while Julie prattles on about Mackie’s and the new stranger in town who’s got her all twisted up in the very best way.

  I’m wrapped up in my own drama, but hearing about hers is surprisingly cathartic. I pencil myself in for a few shifts and give her the schedule back. For the first time in a long time, I’m eager to get back to work, not for
the sake of the hotel and lending a helping hand, but because I need an occupation to ground me in the wake of everything that’s happened. And if serving Old Fashioneds to women in white pearls is all I’ve got, I’ll gladly take it.

  I say goodbye to Julie and pass by the reception area on my way to my father’s office.

  “June.”

  I halt when Martha, our most senior employee, gets my attention from behind the reception desk.

  “Yes?”

  “I have a note for you.” She shuffles around her desk. “Oh, where is it?” A few seconds later she produces a folded letter and slides it over the counter. “Kase McCasker came by this morning. He wanted to see you. In fact, he was pretty adamant about it, but your father said no one was to disturb you this morning. He went to go speak to Mr. Bell himself.” She grimaces slightly. “I don’t know what was said, of course, but Mr. McCasker told me to give this to you before he left.”

  I grab the letter and walk away with it before she can say more. I hold it to my chest and find a quiet hallway. Tears spring from my eyes nearly the moment I unfold it. Kase’s script is jagged, like he was angry when he wrote it. The words are few.

  No matter what happens, I will never stop loving you.

  Does yesterday have to change all the moments between us? Does the truth about the past have to change our future? I drag in an uneven breath and reread the line over and over again. I want to believe it. Every cell of my being wants to believe our love is true and nothing’s changed between us.

  I fold the note and put it in my pocket. Brushing away the tears, I go to my father’s office. I’m relieved to find him there but unsettled that he appears so calm. My world is in tatters, and he’s back to work as if nothing has changed. Maybe for him, nothing has. He’s always known…

  He looks up, his expression morphing from surprised to solemn.

  “June.” His eyes evade mine, furthering my unease. “How are you feeling?”

  “What happened?” I skip right past the niceties. I’m tired and heartbroken and confused, and he knows it. “What did Kase say? Why didn’t you let me see him?”

  My voice is froggy, heavy with the heartache I feel. There’s no use pretending Kase doesn’t have the effect on me that he does. I’m in love with him. Hopelessly.

  “He wanted to see you. I didn’t think you needed to be bothered with anything this morning.”

  I drop into the seat across from his desk and stare until he looks up with a guilty look in his eyes.

  “You’re still trying to come between us, aren’t you? You won’t let this rift with the McCaskers go. Even now.”

  He shakes his head slightly. “That’s not it. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. I’m sorry, but the father in me figured you needed at least a day to process everything that happened yesterday. I had no idea what interactions you had with him, but I figured if it was upsetting enough to make you pack up and come home, he could wait.”

  I only half believe him.

  “I was happy there, you know.” I brush away another errant tear that slips down my cheek. “Until you showed up all angry, until you sent Edwin back home and he turned my world upside down, I was happy. With Kase, at the farm, just being with him. It was simple, and it felt like home in a way I’ve never experienced before. Don’t you dare try to take it away from me again.”

  He’s silent a moment, his lips pressed tight. “Fine, June. I won’t. But the deal is done now. You need to accept that.”

  I wince. “No. It’s not. I came back. That means it’s off.”

  He pauses like he’s bracing himself for my outrage.

  “When Kase came in here asking for you, naturally, I asked him what he wanted to do about that land.”

  Seconds tick by. My stomach locks into a tight ball in anticipation of what’s coming. “And what did he say?”

  “I didn’t pressure him one way or the other, June. He was angry, I could tell, but he stated in very clear terms that the deal was to be done. I spoke with my attorney this morning, and we’ll be ready to close next week or sooner. As soon as the investor funds clear, this can all be over. I’ve let Edwin know, and honestly, I think he’s looking forward to this being all said and done too.”

  I shake my head viciously. “Daddy, no. You can’t do this. You can’t just destroy it all.”

  “They’ve seen the plans. They know what the development will entail. They’ve had plenty of time to come to terms with it. There’s no halfway on this.”

  I stand up. “But you don’t understand because you’ve never spent time there. There are things worth saving. Hidden treasures.”

  “Like what?” He throws up his hands, like he can’t possibly imagine there being an acre of the McCasker farm worth saving.

  “Like… Like the orchard. And the pasture is beautiful. The views are incredible. They rival some of ours. And the farmhouse. It’s small and needs a remodel, but Kase and his family have lived there for five generations. You can’t just tear it down without a second thought.”

  He clenches his fists but speaks calmly and slowly. “June, this is not the time to get sentimental. All right? The McCaskers have made their choice now. There’s been a lot of time and money put into all this planning. Architects and engineers. Legal fees, damn it. Why do you think I was so furious when it all fell through? It came out of my pocket, not theirs.”

  “That’s not why. You wanted to erase the McCasker name from this town.”

  He’s silent, and in that space I know what I’ve said is true.

  “You’ve kept this hatred alive too long. You all have,” I say.

  “Maybe I have, but the farm is in financial trouble. Did they tell you that when they were touring you around the Garden of Eden down there?”

  “Yes, they did, and something needs to change. I get it. But this plan…” I stamp my finger in the middle of one of the blueprints scattered across his mahogany desk. “This plan isn’t the answer.”

  “Hell.” He mutters the curse under his breath. He sinks back into his chair and tosses his pen on his desk. “That boy is smarter than I gave him credit for.”

  I blink rapidly. “What does that mean?”

  “If all this were up to you, June… If you had the final say in it, you wouldn’t let this sale happen, would you?”

  “No,” I say firmly. “Not the way you have it now.”

  His lips wrinkle into a frustrated grimace. “Great.”

  “What? What aren’t you telling me?”

  He sighs and runs his palms down his face. He’s beginning to look as worn out as I feel. Finally.

  “Daddy, what’s going on?”

  “Before you left to stay at the farm, Kase came to me and we talked about his proposal. He had a few conditions. You were to stay at the farm, uninterrupted, for two weeks. Edwin was to stay here, under the auspice of a vacation that could maybe turn into semiretired employment. And the third condition was that if and when the sale came about, there would be three required signatures on the purchase and sale. Edwin’s. Mine. And yours.”

  “Mine? But I wouldn’t be an owner. Nothing’s in my name as it is.”

  “For this, you would be. He wanted your name on the deed. He reminded me of that condition this morning, in no uncertain terms.”

  Silence settles between us, feeding my spinning thoughts and highlighting my father’s obvious disappointment. He looks down at the blueprints with a tired sigh.

  “Like I said, he’s a lot smarter than I gave him credit for.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Kase

  Four months later…

  Sometimes a soul needs time to breathe. To convalesce. To crawl around in the dark until it finds some light.

  June would have never left Falls Edge. Leaving me and the farmhouse couldn’t have been easy, either. I saw the tear-stained paper she left. The note she couldn’t write. Edwin told me about her wracking sobs. The agony in her eyes when he told her the truth.

  I w
asn’t planning to stay away long. A week or so to give her space. She deserved that much.

  Didn’t matter that every minute without her made me sick. Didn’t matter that my future looked like a black path paved to hell without her. Didn’t matter, because I knew how she felt. I knew better than anyone how a blow like that could crumble all the walls around a person. Crack the very foundation under a person’s feet. And then rain misery and pain down like a never-ending storm.

  I could have told her about her mother and Edwin. I could have confessed that I’d been drawn to her before I made up my own version of the truth about Juliette chasing away my mother and wrecking my family. I could have explained how I followed her up the falls that night in pure defiance of the line drawn between us by the people who’d raised us. Because in a town as small as Falls Edge, you know pretty quickly who has the goods to break your heart. June Bell was always the one who did it for me. Smart. Beautiful. Forbidden…

  She was all those things, and for a few precious days, she was mine too.

  I could have told her everything, and I would have. One day, when I wasn’t bleeding out with the love I had for her. When I wasn’t fucking drowning in the indisputable truth that June Bell owned me. If I’d suspected it before, I knew it now. She held the power to make every dream I’d ever had come true.

  And in my utter selfishness, I convinced myself that I deserved all of that more than she deserved the truth. I gambled it all on the chance at her heart. I manipulated the hell out of her and Edwin and her father, which, at the time, I figured was better than letting everyone keep hating each other for no other outcome than more hate and hurt. I never considered the hole in my heart she could leave me with.

  I went up to the hotel the next day ready to fight for her, but June was as good as a princess locked in her tower. She didn’t want to see me, Gerald said. She needed to process everything that had happened. I wanted to pummel the man and tear through every room in the hotel until I found her and could beg her for a chance to make things right. But even through my anger, I understood that she deserved time to heal. A chance to forgive.