"Wow, you do the house chores. How many times are you going to mention that? Big deal. I clean the second floor. The problem is you are not being a good boyfriend."
"Well, okay. How about this? Starting this New Year that is coming up, I will clean both floors. Yes, both floors. Yes, I care about you so much that I will clean both floors." Sara really pushed me back against the wall, and I had to say this to prove that I care about her. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. The problem is I am so unique that she is having a difficult time understanding me.
"Cleaning both floors is supposed to make me forget what you haven't done so far? I invited you to ride together on a roller coaster at Six Flags, and you refused to accompany me in front of my friends and Gina. You didn't want to come with me to Florida for a presentation I had to do for Biopharm."
"Sara, I am really scared of airplanes. You've known this since the first date we had. I feel too dizzy and get too nervous. If I had agreed to go with you, I would have made life on you harder. You would have to deal with me, sick and scared during the flight. You needed to be focused and relaxed for your presentation of the new cancer medication."
"You didn't even take the roller coaster with me at the amusement park. The ride doesn't last that long. It isn't even one of the scary rides. It is slow too."
"Sara, I am scared of heights. I was there, cheering you on. I don't like the sensation of descent. It feels like my heart is about to pop out. The dizziness makes me nauseous. For all we know, I could have died of a heart attack during the roller coaster ride."
"Jimmy...you...you...are such a drama queen. Look, I understand nobody is perfect. The thing is I feel like you never want to make a sacrifice for me. I have accepted that you are shy and quiet with people you don't know. I wake up earlier in the morning only to drive to your job. I even was okay with you not dancing the entire night. Truthfully, I want to take back my complaint about the roller coaster ride. I know you are scared of heights. Unfortunately, the more time passes by, the more times you say no. We are a couple. We are supposed to be together all the time. Now, we don't even go dancing to the club anymore. Today, you don't want to be with me for New Year's Eve. Every normal couple is together on New Year's Eve. You shouldn't be so quiet with me. You live with me for God's sake. Every evening at dinner, I feel like I'm eating alone. All you do is chew, and don't even say anything to me. Kisses don't count as communication, Jimmy." I am normally a quiet eater, something else she will never understand.
I could see Sara was really frustrated with our relationship status. Her vision of love is so different from mine. She is the kind of person who believes if you love someone, you are willing to risk your life for that special someone. In her mind, I did not love her enough because I had not made any strong attempt to be an extroverted person. I am still the same shy guy she had a date with, but worse, because I was more talkative when our relationship began to be more likeable.
"Sara, I am sorry. I disagree with your assessment. I do care about you. You have to believe me. Trust me, things will get better next year." I didn't want to argue with her over my viewpoint of love during New Year's Eve. Her problem is that she is too idealistic. If I told her that, it would have made her even angrier.
It was 5 minutes before the New Year arrived at my house with. I sat down with my parents. We watched TV in the living room like we always do every year. There was a time previously when my parents fell asleep during New Year's arrival. It happened again. I did not want to wake them up. I sat there calmly watching TV as New Year's arrived. The celebrations started being shown on TV in Times Square of couples kissing when the clock reached 12:00 a.m.
In something I never expected to see, the TV broadcast showed Sara and Chad kissing each other on the lips in Times Square for a few seconds. My first thought was relief. I was glad my parents were asleep. If my parents had seen what I saw, they would have broken up my relationship with Sara. It would take a monstrous effort for me to keep the relationship together. I imagined the nasty things they would have said to Sara. Sara would have never wanted to see me again. I like having Sara around. I didn't want to break up with her. I don't care if there would be a sex tape showing her and Chad having sex. I waited to long for a woman like Sara in my life. The only way I would let the relationship end is if she directly told me that she doesn't want to be my girlfriend anymore.
Part of me felt this kiss is my fault. It is hard to be a people person. I am uncomfortable when I am in public. Why should I change my personality if it has been the same since I was 5 years old? I wish I could turn back time to my childhood, but the days when video games and TV was the only important thing to me are over. Going back to that after Sara has been in my life will be very difficult. It will happen. I don't know when, but it will. I only survived going out dancing very few times before I made the decision to stop. That is why she kissed Chad. I didn't conquer my fears for the feelings I feel for Sara. That is why she kissed Chad. If she accepted my flaws, we would be a couple forever. That is a big if. Hoping that Sara will change and accept me as I am is my fantasy. Her kiss with Chad is a sign of her dissatisfaction with me personally.
People always told me that being myself is all I need to do, and that a special someone would come my way. Unfortunately, that is not the truth. Being myself cost me more than 20 years of loneliness. No matter how many years pass by; no girl or woman has accepted this quiet person. This is being myself. This is who I am. This is why Sara is disappointed in me. The only reason I am her boyfriend is because I pretended to be somebody else on our first date. I wondered if my parents were two strangers and I was not their son, would they have accepted me all these years. The thought made me shed tears that night, and I felt very fortunate to have my parents in my life.
Chapter 7
Almost a month and a half passed since the New Year's Eve disaster; today is Valentine's Day in February. I hope we have a good Valentine's night. This is the day of love for commercial business and for everyone who has a special someone. I always criticize people who believe in love as idealistic. The belief in love is irrational, but Sara happens to be idealistic. I have to play along to this fantasy called love. Our relationship has been down. I am ready to be as charming and as people friendly as possible. I want to recapture the superficial magic that enchanted her on our first date. I reserved a date at a nice restaurant.
I bought her a new purse for Valentine's Day a few months ago. I didn't know what else to buy her because if I had gone with clothing, I had to ask her clothing size. That would have spoiled the surprise for tonight. I purchased her present over the Internet and waited for it to come in the mail. Since I became the guy who always picks up the mail, there was no problem in hiding my present. I added a Valentine's Day card that I personally made using the word processor. I hope she likes my present and my Valentine's Day card message.
The least expected person helped me with my love problems. She is a big reason why I am still with Sara. It is Sara's mother, Paula. She is in her late forties. She has short black hair and a straight body type. She looks relatively fit and young. She has become my biggest advocate. She thinks I am a great guy who is very rare to find. Her father, Carlos, does not favor or hate me.
In a similar way my parents talk loud, Sara and Paula were in the kitchen talking loudly when I watched TV in the living room a Sunday not long ago. I was placidly watching soccer. Since I have been living with Sara, I did not have moments when I could sit down and watch soccer games because she always likes going out. Even at a high TV volume, I could hear two women talking in the kitchen. Curiosity led me to lower the volume. I focused on hearing their conversation clearer.
"Mommy, I am really getting tired of this relationship. He is not what I expected."
"What do you mean? Does he hurt you my darling?"
"No, no. Not that kind of problem."
"Oh, well. You know, your father wasn't that fun in bed to begin with. But..."
"No! No
t that! Mommy no. I don't want to hear that. Let me speak."
"Oh, okay. Sorry, dear."
"He is a little weird. It's like he doesn't like being around people. He doesn't talk much. He is a very quiet guy. He doesn't even drink."
"That's it? Those are the big problems. That boy is so nice and calm. You know how hard it is to find a boy who doesn't have drinking problems. You have him, and you are complaining about it."
"Okay. Well, it's not just that. He is too quiet, and he doesn't share much about himself. Also, he is not assertive. He behaves like an 80 year old."
"What do you mean, dear? Some guys aren't very talkative. They are the mysterious and silent type. What do you mean he is like an 80 year old?"
"He is no fun, mommy. He gets tired quickly. He doesn't go out dancing with me anymore because of that. Also, he is scared of riding on roller coasters or on airplanes. He is scared of heights. He is scared to be on the top floor of the Statue of Liberty. He is so unadventurous that he prefers to clean the entire house than to go out with me. He doesn't want to do all the fun stuff out there. He doesn't want to be part of life."
"Really? That is your problem. I wished your father cleaned the house. At least, he is not tired enough to clean the house. You father never does anything around the house. Give the boy time. Over the years, your ways will rub off on him."
"What are you trying to say, mommy? That my problems aren't problems."
"Yes. They are problems, but I was thinking your problems with Jimmy were big and irreconcilable. These are small problems that all couples have."
"But, mommy."
"Now, sweetheart. Give the boy a little more time. If things don't change for the better, you can dump him. That's up to you. You are such a cute couple. It will be sad to see such a cute couple break up." They kept talking, but I raised the volume more to watch the soccer game.
Anxiously at her house, I wait for the workday to end for Sara because I didn't have to tutor today. I shave my beard fully. I dress myself in a black suit, black jacket, and a red tie. Looking myself in the mirror dressed like this makes me feel more confident. I am a normal looking person when I wear regular clothing, but when I wear the suit, I look very elegant and manly.
Sara sends me a text message telling me to get ready for the date. I am already completely dressed. I get her present in a shopping bag. I patiently wait for Sara to come while I watch TV.
When Sara arrives in her white convertible, I immediately get out of the house. I hop in the passenger's seat. Sara looks more beautiful than ever. She has a ponytail and wears a beautiful red dress. Her red lips look very delicious. I want to kiss them. I am fortunate to still be in a relationship after all that happened. Seven months riding in Sara's car with her is quite an achievement. I figured my first relationship would be very short.
Now, we are seated at a table for two at the restaurant I reserved. It is time to start my charm offensive. I can't be myself tonight. I have to be better. My mother says that women fall in love with words. Even though I am a man of few words, I will say my fair share of words tonight.
"Sara, you look lovely today." I look deeply in her eyes. The beautiful stare she gives me and her smile makes me the happiest man in the world. I don't expect Sara to have a discussion on our relationship status tonight. That kind of conversation is a romance killer, and tonight is the night of romance. My lips are craving to be tainted with her lovely red lipstick.
"Aw. Thanks, Jimmy. You are always so nice."
"You know, I got a present for you. Why don't you open it?" I hand her the bag with the red purse in it.
"Oh, you got me a present. You shouldn't have, but I am glad you did." First, Sara opens the Valentine's Day card that comes with the present. I don't like buying actual Valentine's Day cards because the messages in it don't come from me personally. They are generic. I created a card that has a Happy Valentine's Day title with an image of a bouquet of red roses. When she opens the card, she will see the message I wrote to her.
She reads my message out loud, "My Dear Sara. Good evening, I want to wish you today a very Happy Valentine's Day. You are the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. You are the best girlfriend in the world. Ever since I met you, I felt a connection to you. After not seeing you for such a long time after college, my feelings for you never died. They blossomed even more. There was not a day I did not think of you. When I discovered you were on the online social network, I had to add you as a friend. I wanted to ask you out. I didn't know what would happen next, but I felt that I couldn't go on in life without knowing if you liked me back. Spending all these months with you has been the highlight of my life. Because of you, love is not an abstract thing; it is something tangible and real. I love you with all my heart and soul. Thank you for making me a part of your life. With a lot of love, Jimmy." Sara is very touched by what she read, and she gives me a hug and kiss. She opens the present to see the red purse I bought her.
"Do you like it, Sara?"
"Of course, I like everything today. That letter was very sweet. This date and everything so far has been wonderful. And you look very good yourself. Don't think that you are the only one with presents. I got you a present, too."
"Really? You didn't have to buy me stuff. I am fine with having you by my side. I don't need anything else."
"Aw. Please accept my present. This is for you." She gives me the present. It is well wrapped in a small box. I would have given her my present in a wrapped box, but I am not good at wrapping that.
I grab the card first to read the message she wrote into the card out loud, "Dear Jimmy, you are the one I have always dreamed about. Your arrival in my life has made my fairy tale come true. You took my breathe away as your love soared me to the heavens. I am so glad to be in your heart. Love, Sara." I am very touched by what she says as well. She is very good with words. I don't read the part printed on the Valentine's Day card. I value what she wrote in her own words better.
Getting wrapping off the small box reveals an expensive wristwatch. I say, "Thank you so much Sara. This is a wonderful present. The message you gave me was wonderful too."
"Aw. I am glad you liked it. I don't know why you never wore a wristwatch, but now you have to wear this one everyday. Okay."
"Of course, I will wear it. I like the way it looks." I never wear a wristwatch because it bothers me to have something on my wrist. I feel uncomfortable with an object squeezing my wrist. Now, I am going to wear it. I want to show appreciation for her gift. It cost a lot of money.
After we finish eating, Sara says to me, "Well, Jimmy. I think we've had a good relationship so far, but you know it could be better if you did a little more." When I heard her tell me this, I worry about the direction this conversation will go. This is Valentine's Day. All couples have problems. This could have been avoided today. It is my custom to stick to being quiet and noncommittal like always even if it always upsets her. Saying what I truly believe has the potential to make things worse. I feel a little optimistic today. It could be different tonight. I am wearing the suit and tie. I feel handsome tonight. Maybe some conflict is necessary in a relationship. Maybe the lack of conflict is why Sara doesn't like me.
"Sara, I don't think this is the time to talk about this. Yes, I admit that I am not perfect and am very shy and quiet. My fears have gotten in the way of us being even closer. Sara, I have always been a quiet person. Give me time. I will work on it." I may be feeling optimistic, but if I can postpone this conversation now, it will be better for us.
"You know, I just don't understand why it is hard for you to put a little more effort. It's like you have so many good qualities. You are nice, respectful, and a gentleman. You help out with all the house chores. You are such a good person. The things I want from you are so little. All you have to do is be more people friendly with my friends and more importantly, with me. Talk a little more when we eat together."
"Wow, I just really don't know what to say." It is true; I don't know wha
t to say or not to say. Sara is determined to continue killing the romance. I love to quietly savor the food. This is not an evil act of mine. I am a quiet guy. When will she understand?
"You don't even have to talk a lot. Just a tiny bit. You know talk about movies like we always do when my friends come over to my house and spend time with us."
I don't want to say that I don't like movies because I hate their storylines. That will make me look arrogant, but maybe it won't sound arrogant when I say it out loud. I tell her, "I don't watch movies. I am not a big fan of movies; some take too long to finish viewing." Sara looks confused with what I say. Looks like I did come off as arrogant and weird.
She decides to move on. "Well, how about baseball or hockey? We are all huge fans. Remember Chad invited us to a baseball game, and you didn't want to go. You can start liking one of the sports to have something to talk about. You don't have to really, really like it."
I have never admitted to her that my ears are sensitive to loud noises. Going to a game will be torturous for me. It is embarrassing to admit this. I must find a good excuse. "I don't like hockey or baseball. Soccer and basketball are my sports. I don't even know what is going on with hockey or baseball either. We are always going out to the mall on the weekends. I don't have a portable TV to watch any hockey or baseball games."
"That's what the Internet is for, Jimmy. Just watch the scoreboards there. I don't know. You are like the only person I know who doesn't like having fun. Feeling the energy from the crowd is awesome at the sporting events."
Hearing her insist forces me to admit my ear problem. I will sacrifice being made fun of. "The problem is that it is really loud for me the noise the crowd makes at the stadium. My ears hurt easily. The last time I went to a soccer game, the stadium half-empty was half-empty. Yet, the people around me screamed so loud that my ears hurt the rest of that day. Keep in mind that the stadium was half-empty. Now, can you imagine me at a jam-packed stadium? I can't have fun there." Sara looks surprised at me by what I tell her.
Life Ain't A Fairy Tale Page 9