Exile

by Akhilesh

  After three days, Chacha finally said, ‘After arriving in Gosainganj, I kept feeling that I had missed too many things in life, and I felt a deep void inside because of these things. I also felt that I was alone in the entire universe. And when I was by myself inside the mosquito net, I wept.’

  Suryakant replied, ‘It happens, Chacha, it does. Sometimes, you feel as though it is only you who inhabits the whole world. The innumerable individuals, birds, cattle, mountains, rivers, seas – it is all you.’

  ‘What about inanimate objects? TVs, fridges, mobile phones, ships? Do you feel like you are them or the aggregate of those things?’ Chacha was either being clever or was back to being his usual self.

  ‘No, Chacha, I don’t feel anything for them.’

  This conversation took place three days later. That night in Gosainganj, Chacha sobbed silently, Suryakant let him cry. The moon was waning. Dawn approached slowly. Chacha’s crying ceased when the sound of his tears alerted the dogs nearby. They were not actually the pradhan’s pets, but would hang about at his door because they received leftovers. They started barking at Chacha and Suryakant. Confronted with their snarls, Chacha’s whimpers and grief faded into silence and then the dogs also lay down quietly. Soon, dawn unfastened its veil, and a couple of women in the veil of their saris moved towards the fields with lotas in their hands to relieve themselves.

  The pradhan demonstrated his generosity at breakfast too. A crowd of plates, platters, and bowls was spread out in front of Chacha and Suryakant. If one held samosas, the other contained jalebi and the third halwa. Other plates were filled with matar chole, mangoes and aloo parantha. There were also barfis, savoury snacks, biscuits, curd and chutney. The pradhan had tried to serve all the kinds of breakfasts he knew of.

  He stood again with a towel on his shoulder, but now he was swatting off flies, and not moths. And he was saying: ‘This Mahesh Narayan Srivastava is a real scoundrel. A swindler and a fraud.’

  ‘Who are you abusing at this early hour, Pradhanji?’ Chacha asked curiously.

  ‘The bastard Mahesh Narayan. Crooked like a dog’s tail!’

  ‘What has made you so furious?’

  ‘I shared the Amrika Pandey idea with only him. I had thought that his Kayastha brain would come up with some unique ploy to accomplish my mission. He would give me an extraordinary idea to pull it off. But the bastard cheated me. He has told all the other villagers as well. Now, hundreds of them will turn into my rivals.’

  ‘Did you really think you’d pick up Pandeyji’s estate?’ Suryakant said in a tone of annoyance and disgust. ‘Pradhanji, don’t expect anything from me. This is not a wretched man’s field or land that you can lay claim to by hobnobbing with the clerk and officers of the block. Neither is it government money which you always gulp down!’

  ‘I know that! I had taken Mahesh Narayan into confidence simply because he can read English. He can forge documents in that language. But the saying goes that if you come across a Kayastha and a snake, exterminate the Kayastha first. You can be cured if a snake bites you, but if the Kayastha sinks his teeth into you, you’re finished!’ Suddenly, he said with a start, ‘Oh, I am so bloody stupid! I hope you aren’t Kayastha?’

  Chacha and Suryakant laughed at the pradhan’s concerns, and the pradhan’s nervous enthusiasm regained rhythm once again, ‘Doesn’t matter. I possess the brains of a pradhan! I will implicate him so crookedly that he won’t even be able to beg for water before going to meet his Maker!’ He jerked forward, sat on the ground and clasped Suryakant’s feet, ‘Please, I simply need your support. I will remain indebted to you till Doomsday.’ He snivelled, ‘Your venerable father Shri Awadh Narayan is like a god to me. I have the good fortune of his benedictions. I talked to him last night as well as this morning. Please shower your blessings on me!’ The pradhan fell silent abruptly, cocking his ears to catch something.

  Something loud was approaching, but it was hard to make out. A slogan was being shouted intermittently, ‘Victory to Mother India!’ Chacha and Suryakant both thought that the next scene from the pradhan’s script was about to be performed, but the keenness with which the pradhan was trying to figure out what the noise was, looking a bit concerned and worried, proved he was really worried. Finally, Chacha, Suryakant and the pradhan emerged from the house.

  Outside, there was a crowd of Gosainganj villagers. Suryakant realized the assembly consisted mainly of Gosainganj Pandeys. There was at least one member from each of the seventeen Pandey families of Gosainganj present in the throng. Some seemed like familiar faces, and some, new. Suryakant also noticed that though they did not seem to be there together, they shouted the slogan in unison: ‘Victory to Mother India!’

  No sooner had they caught a glimpse of Chacha and Suryakant than there was a stampede. Every one charged at them, shoving and pushing the others out of the way to touch their feet. One or two tumbled over in the mad dash, a few lagged behind and a handful finally succeeded. Each of them claimed that he had something crucial to tell Chacha and Suryakant, confidential, private. The pradhan struggled to silence them and say that Chacha and Suryakant’s time was precious and that they did not have spare time to waste on gossip. The Pandeys should return home quietly without wasting any time.

  However, not a single man was willing to go back. Chacha and Suryakant failed to comprehend what they wanted to reveal. Chacha said, ‘We should listen to them. It is quite possible that someone might come up with new information, or hand us a key that will unlock the mystery of Pandey’s Baba.’

  Finally, a new spectacle materialized: two chairs were set out on which Chacha and Suryakant sat, and there was a table in front. It was covered with a tablecloth bearing an embroidered peacock. The artist’s name was embroidered in cross-stitches below the peacock: Shubha Dwivedi, Class VIII B. Another chair was placed on the other side of the table. The crowd waited at a distance. In turns, one person from the crowd would walk in and sit on the chair across Chacha and Suryakant to narrate his tale. Then, he would leave and be replaced by another. Mahesh Narayan Srivastava had undertaken to control the crowd, numbering its members to dispatch them to Chacha and Suryakant. He held a small diary and a pencil, intoning now and then, ‘Next.’

  Each newcomer presented himself as if he was going to make a legendary disclosure. That nobody but he holds the truth! Mahesh Narayan first sent the representatives of the Pandey families from Gosainganj. In this manner, seventeen people came to Chacha and Suryakant. Each of them asserted that it was his ancestor who had gone to a foreign country to earn a livelihood. Suryakant questioned each person saying, ‘Yesterday you said that no one from your family had ever gone abroad!’

  He received many replies including: ‘Sahib, I thought my ancestor had committed a murder in those days, the investigation for which has started again. I thought you might haul me to the police station for interrogation – I am terrified of the third degree.’; ‘I felt some fraud had been committed by my ancestor, and the court has given a verdict to seize our land and property.’; ‘I was afraid – I thought you were here in disguise and your police force was hiding somewhere. I thought you would grab me.’

  There were similar other explanations. Chacha asked each person, ‘Why are you telling us this now? Aren’t you afraid any more?

  The replies he received to this query were: ‘Last night my ancestor appeared in my dream, lashed me with a whip and shouted angrily, ‘You uttered falsities about me. Take this and this! Go and tell the truth at once!’; ‘My conscience has been pricking me since I lied to you. What a base creature I am that I refused to acknowledge the truth of the person whose blood is flowing in me! Believe me, God has been punishing me ever since. I was hurt three times. I lost a fifty-rupee note and my daughter failed her class eleven examinations. Now, I have no option but to declare the truth.’; ‘My wife cursed me, saying that I would realize it when my ancestor turns into a Brahmin ghoul and torments me.’; ‘There is providence in the fall of a sparrow’s fall.’ />
  There were sundry non-Pandey examples as well that maintained that it was actually their family he was looking for. It was bewildering. The non-Pandey fellows also had credible yarns, Mahesh Narayan Srivastava included. He said that three generations ago his family were Pandeys of the Saryupari Brahmin caste and in the generation before that, his Baba’s father was actually a Pandey who had left for Surinam. After he left, a mountain of troubles landed on Baba’s babyhood.

  ‘What was your Baba’s father’s name?’ Suryakant asked. He was certain he would nail Srivastava’s lie.

  ‘Please don’t mind, but do you know the name of your Baba’s father?’

  Suryakant had no idea. Chacha also didn’t know his grandfather’s name. Eventually, it was agreed that it was difficult to recall names beyond three generations. Therefore, Mahesh Narayan Srivastava had not forfeited his right to lay a claim. He said that his grandfather’s childhood was rife with thorns after his father left. He wailed with hunger. Food had become scarce. His mother would dig for and gather greens, and they survived somehow by boiling these with salt. Their poverty was so appalling that even boiling food became a chore for them. Sometimes, they boiled potatoes and sometimes rice. Sometimes, they boiled corn and consumed its water also. Sometimes they boiled ganji. His mother would collect the grains scattered in the fields after harvest or winnowing in the barn to fill their bellies. But God was not merciful and finally, one year, the fields remained untilled because there had been no rains and not even saag and grass grew or if it had, it was withered and scorched. What could the poor mother do? She finally decided to cut flesh from her own body to feed her starving son, Mahesh Narayan Srivastava’s grandfather. When Munshi Ajaib Lal Srivastava in the village found out about this, he rushed to restrain the mother. The aggrieved mother shouted furiously, ‘Everybody comes here to prohibit something, but no one comes to help us!’ And then Munshi Ajaib Lal Srivastava proclaimed in front of the entire village that he was adopting the child. And in this manner, the child became a Srivastava whose grandson Mahesh Narayan was now occupying the chair opposite Chacha and Suryakant.

  There was also the account of Dharmdev Yadav, aged sixty-five. He said, ‘Huzoor, Amrika Pandey’s Baba’s family are not really Pandeys but Yadavs – I am his descendant.’ According to Dharmdev, the confusion arose because Baba used to distribute drinking water at the Sultanpur railway station, and anyone who undertook this chore was dubbed ‘Pani Pandey.’ And so he came to be known as a Pandey instead of a Yadav.

  Sukhai came with his own story and said, ‘Sarkar, we are suffering because of the love affair of our ancestor. His fault was that he fell in love with a low caste woman, Fuggi, in spite of being a Pandey, and when he was banished for caste law contravention, he went to stay with her in her caste settlement. With time, he adopted the manners and traditions of the settlement. His children too were married here. How can I describe all this? I may not be a Pandey today, but I carry his blood in my veins.’ Sukhai came close and whispered in Chacha and Suryakant’s ears, ‘It was his chacha who actually went to Surinam.’

  Sukhai illustrated the raunchy love affair of his passionate ancestor, saying, ‘Sarkar, there was such a deep love between Pandey Baba and Fuggi Dadi! If one laughed, the other joined him, and if one wept, the other wept too. Pandey Baba would drink water and Fuggi Dadi’s thirst would be quenched. Fuggi Dadi would eat and Pandey Baba’s stomach would be full. Fuggi Dadi’s laughter was so voluptuous – Pandey Baba lost his heart to her, enamoured with her giggles! It happened after he was driven out of the Babhanauti clan. Fuggi Dadi laughed and Pandey Baba endowed a bigha of his share of the fields to her. Each time she laughed, he endowed another bigha. Fuggi Dadi laughed twenty-two times and Pandey Baba endowed all his fields to her, retaining not even an inch of land. But Fuggi Dadi was his true match. She asked Pandey Baba to laugh, and Pandey Baba laughed. Fuggi Dadi returned all the twenty-two bighas and said, ‘The land you endowed freely for twenty-two laughs, I endow in return for a single one of yours. Now tell me, who is the greater endower?’ And she broke out into a tinkling laugh. Her laugh was so seductive that Pandey Baba lost himself and married her to raise a family.’

  Chacha and Suryakant were astonished at these fertile fancies of imagination and the power of narration. They had no idea the villagers would turn out to be such astute con artists. However, so far as flair was concerned, the Pandeys were in no way inferior.

  Rajendra Prasad Pandey had this to say: ‘When our great-grandfather went abroad, it seemed as if someone had snatched away the happiness of our family. Forget the men, even the animals stopped eating. We put fodder or green grass in the cow’s trough, they still didn’t eat. Their bones stuck out. If we hit them, the bones sounded metallic. Not only men and cattle, even trees and plants doted on my great-grandfather. Each inch of this village loved him. God knows why he left. The issue haunts me. I believe he would not have told anyone he was leaving the village. Had people known, they would not have let him go. They would not have entertained a single plea of his. They would have lain in his path, daring him to walk over them. My great-grandmother would have restrained his legs with fetters.’

  Ramniwas’s narrative ran thus: ‘Although our own family was not inferior to any other, his objective was to be an emperor, so he crossed the seven seas to go abroad. It is the blessings of his virtuous deeds that you see me today as a respectable Brahmin family of the area. Your Amrika Pandey would not know, but he had returned once after his exile of fourteen years, carrying guineas on fourteen donkeys. He was so generous that he offered the guineas laden on thirteen donkeys to poor Brahmins and handed only the guineas from one donkey to his family. He was just like Lord Krishna. He bestowed everything upon the Sudamas. The lifestyle that the Pandits of Gosainganj are enjoying, it is all due to these guineas. Their grandfathers, their fathers prospered and were raised on this wealth. Or else, they all were penniless Brahmins. But when they got the booty, they turned so selfish that when he started leaving again to go abroad, not a single one of them tried to stop him. Only our family, the members that were then, kept insisting with him not to go, but all the others said he should. They were greedy for more guineas. But when he left this once, he never returned. However, his heart remained here. Do you know? Even this day his spirit possesses one or the other member of our family. I myself have his vision at least once in my dream every year. This time, when he appeared in my dream, I could not restrain myself, I folded my hands and started crying. When I woke up, I saw that the cover of my pillow was wet with tears. I thought that my dream was still continuing so I shook my wife awake and asked her to wring the cover. You won’t believe … it contained tears that would have filled at least two lotas. The miracle was that the two lota tears were sweet in taste. How did I know all this? It was revealed only when people saw in the morning that it was covered with ants. Such a great man, such an illustrious person he was!’

  When the interviews with the supposed descendants came to its last phase, a number of bystanders also collected where the claimants stood and began to shout slogans. Once the sloganeering started, it did not cease. One claimant hollered, ‘Amrika Pandey!’ The others joined, ‘Zindabad! Zindabad!’ A few of the slogans were like this:

  ‘Amrika Pandey, tell them all, come and see your little doll!’

  ‘Amrika, continue your fight, we shall all join our might!’

  ‘Pandeyji’s storm has surged further, Amrika-India brother-brother.’

  Chacha and Suryakant observed the farce helplessly. They were unable to put up with whatever was taking place outside, and it was perilous to step inside. The pradhan might force them to sign a stamp paper, stating that he was the latest twig of the Pandey family tree. The best option was to leave. However, it was not simple because they were surrounded by the pradhan, the Pandey community and other folks.

  A young man, in a cap, split the knot briskly. He faced Chacha and Suryakant, ‘All these are liars. First-class frauds! I say, they wil
l be exposed in a minute if put through a narco test. I am ready for the narco test. I am not at all afraid because I speak the truth – I am the son of the great grandson of Amrika Pandey’s Baba.’

  ‘Sahib,’ someone shouted from the crowd. ‘If you conduct a narco test for him, you will also find out how many bikes he has stolen, and how much money he has looted.’ The collective laughter and the shouted declaration composed an ample duet for Chacha and Suryakant.

  A great deal of time was wasted in this uproar. The afternoon was terribly hot, and the series of clan narratives finally got over. Chacha and Suryakant were ravenous. The pradhan also wanted the show to finish quickly. His blood boiled whenever he saw Mahesh Narayan Srivastava and he would spit in derision. The situation prompted Chacha and Suryakant to leave the chairs. A fellow materialized out of nowhere and pulling off the table cloth, he began folding it.

  They had no choice but to eat lunch with the pradhan. Although Chacha and Suryakant dilly-dallied a great deal, and though they refused point-blank, they had to eventually submit to the pradhan’s insistence. He said, ‘I swear by Durga Mata, you must eat in my house today! If you refuse, I’ll throw away all that has been cooked!’

  Finally, Chacha and Suryakant agreed and as they walked towards the pradhan’s house, they noticed several villagers carrying food for them from their homes. The culinary delights that they brought were as follows: pooris, kachauris, kheer, mutton, Maggi, sattu filled paranthas, fish, pulao, etc. But whenever someone approached Chacha and Suryakant with food, the pradhan would bark, ‘Why have you brought all this? Do you take me for a pauper? Don’t I have the capacity to feed my guests?’ The food at the pradhan’s was divine. There were four bowls of different vegetables. They had never tasted anything like the scrumptious pickles that were offered. Suryakant, after finishing lunch, said, ‘Chacha, witness how food procured with black money tastes so delicious!’