Jeremy hugs her from the other side, his arms around me too. The past couple of weeks I’ve only seen him high once and Alix told me he’s taken to following her to training—which really pisses off Phil.
‘What are we doing?’ Steffi says, then I’m crushed again and again by more arms. We unravel and Steffi and Evan are there.
‘So, Nationals?’ I ask Alix and she nods, grinning.
‘What?’ Steffi says. ‘That’s a big deal! Let’s all hug her again!’
‘You guys are gonna flatten me.’ Alix laughs.
‘Hey.’ Evan takes my hand and pulls me away from them. I look past his shoulder at the line forming behind my friends. ‘You got a sec?’
‘Not really. Later?’
He nods and lets me go back to work.
When registrations are over I find my friends on the sand. Jeremy’s already on his second sausage sandwich.
‘Your dad can cook,’ he says, licking sauce off his fingers.
‘Babe, you’re about to swim two kays; you’re gonna make yourself sick,’ Alix says.
‘Two kilometres?’ Jeremy gawks.
I laugh. ‘You can do the short course.’
He punches the air. ‘Short course!’
We hang around while the swimmers get briefed. Dad has handed over his barbecuing tongs and has donned his cap and Speedos. I spot Phil, my coach, and most of the squad. Tara is here. I apologised a few days ago but I still feel horrible for how I treated her. She said she understood but it’ll never be like it was between us.
The swimmers are divided into waves and Steffi, Evan and I cheer each group on as they run into the ocean.
Evan wraps his arms around me from behind. ‘You’re not going in?’
I laugh. ‘God no. I’m so out of shape. I’d be one of the first to turn back.’ I smile at the water. ‘Maybe next year though.’ I turn around. ‘You can have that sec now.’
He blinks at me for a second. ‘Oh. Oh, yeah.’ His face reddens slightly and he grins. ‘I’m not moving back.’
My mouth falls open. ‘What? But I thought it was done? Your mum enrolled you and everything. And you’ve been packing.’
‘It’s all undone.’
‘Why?’
He shakes his head, smiling. ‘You can’t just accept I’m not going. Okay. I kept thinking about what you said, what I said, that I wasn’t gonna run away. So, I’m not.’
‘But you . . . Is that what you want?’
‘That’s what I want.’
The heaviness of him leaving lifts off me and I’m so light I might float away. He pulls something from his pocket and slides it onto my wrist. A blue and yellow rubber band bracelet. ‘That’s from Ella,’ he says.
A smile breaks over my face. ‘Admit it,’ I push him in the arm, ‘you like it here.’
He shakes his head. ‘I like you,’ he says and kisses me.
‘Ew! Gross!’ Steffi shoves us.
We muck around on the beach, chasing each other through the shallows. The water is warm around my ankles and I’m itching to get drenched. The feeling comes out of nowhere and catches me off guard.
‘Hey, Lucy?’ Steffi calls.
Dear Steffi,
All the bluebottles have floated away. It’s now safe to swim.
I look over my shoulder. ‘Be right back,’ I say and dive under a wave.
31
‘Lucy?’ Evan tickles my arm and I roll over.
‘Mm?’
‘We should get up.’
I open my eyes a slit. ‘It’s still dark.’
‘Not for much longer.’ He kisses my nose. ‘Come on.’
I stretch and smile. ‘Maybe if I’m half asleep I won’t be so scared?’
‘It’s gonna be great. Let’s go now. Come on.’ He pulls me out of bed and throws me his hoodie.
‘Mmm.’ I bury my face in it. ‘Don’t think you’re getting this back.’
I follow him down the dark stairs and outside to the garage. I yawn and dig my hands into my pockets.
‘You ready?’ He wheels out the red and black hang glider.
I swallow.
‘Grab that.’ He points to a large black bag and I pick it up.
The sky lightens as we wheel the glider towards the bluff. Evan helps me into my harness and clips a helmet on my head.
‘Lookin’ good.’ He smiles.
He hooks me into the glider. My pulse thrums. I’m really going to do this.
He does up his own harness and positions himself in front of me. ‘Tell me if it’s too much and we’ll land.’
‘Okay.’
He shows me where to hang onto him. ‘You ready?’
His brown eyes study me, a smile playing on his lips. He’s excited but if I wanted to bail he’d let me. Well, there’d be a whole lot of talking about it, but he’d let me. I brace myself back in the glider.
‘Cam would’ve liked you.’ And I know as soon as I say it that it’s true.
Evan’s whole face somehow gets brighter. ‘Yeah?’
I can see them talking about bands and shows. Cam making endless jokes at my expense. He’d teach Evan to surf and Evan would get him into flying. And I realise I want it so bad, for my two favourite boys to meet, for Evan to know him.
‘Yeah,’ I say, swiping a tear from my cheek and doing my best to regroup. ‘Now let’s do this!’
He leans forward, bumping our helmets together, and kisses the outer corner of my eye. ‘Okay,’ he turns and lifts the bar, ‘when I say “go” we run.’
Orange seeps into the sky and Evan lines us up.
‘Go!’ he shouts and we run, my feet pounding behind his, right off the edge of the bluff.
‘Oh my God!’ My stomach drops away along with the ground and we’re flying. ‘Oh my God!’ We’re flying over the dark sea.
Evan laughs. ‘Doing all right?’
‘Oh my God,’ I repeat.
It’s quieter than I thought it would be, the wind in my face like I’m riding my bike—but I’m not, I’m soaring in the sky.
We go higher and I hold onto Evan. The rising sun shoots the sky pink and gold.
‘It’s like a dream,’ I say.
‘I know.’
I look down at the ocean, at the now-visible white caps of the waves. My own house and family are back on the headland somewhere. Dad stirring for his morning surf before heading into the shop; Mum rising not long after to work on her latest piece. And beyond that is my brother, forever wrapped in Mum’s loving artwork. I’ll miss him for the rest of my life.
‘See that?’ Evan points towards the ocean and a pod of dolphins arc out of the water.
‘Wow,’ I say as the glider lifts up on the wind. Below us the dolphins continue to leap and play. We drift towards the horizon, and it’s nothing but streaked clouds and endless endless sky.
Wherever Cam is, I hope that he can see me.
Gratitude
This list has been a long time in the making and I can’t believe I can finally make it! First a huge thank you to my amazing agents Sophie Hamely and Victoria Wells Arms for believing in me. To my publisher Anna McFarlane for all the chats, emails and excited yelling; my editors Jennifer Dougherty, Beth Hall and Sarah Fletcher, you made this book stronger and I can’t thank you enough; and to all the team at Allen & Unwin, you guys are seriously the best.
I still can’t get over my incredible cover. Thank you again Anna, for letting me dream of sinking girls and ink brushed type. And to Sandra Nobes, Paula Bonet and Bianca Cash, thank you for bringing those dreams to life. Look at this beautiful thing we made.
I’m so blessed to be a part of the young adult community. Thank you for reading, Trish Doller, Vikki Wakefield, Paula Weston and Pip Harry. Kirsty Eagar, for being the first to call me a writer and for every conversation after that. To Tineal Corrigan, thank you for answering all my questions about competitive swimming, any faults are totally my own. My incredible critique partners, Emily Marquart and Eliza Tiernan, thank you from th
e bottom of my heart for all your reading, feedback, moral boosting, and for being the people I send my half-formed thoughts and kissing scenes to. I love you both and can’t wait for your words to be in the world. To everyone who beta read and to my earliest readers, Catie, Rey and Jo, thank you.
Thank you to my family. To Clem and Annette for all your extended babysitting hours and to Mirrin, the baby being sat, you are the best distraction ever. To my parents for all your love and support. To my friends for putting up with never seeing me. My wonderful mentors Ben Woods and Vangie van Esch, your support means the world to me.
Dearest Ben, here is our second child. Thank you for being with me every step of the way, for your support, love and encouragement. For helping me out of the dark places and for coming up with the best scenes in this book. You’re my secret weapon and I love you forever.
And to my Jesus, thank you for this dream you’ve given me and for crushing all the reasons I had not to seek it.
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