Start With Me: A Novel (Start Again Series Book 3)

by J. Saman

  And then she finishes with, “I know we didn’t use a condom, but I have an IUD.”

  “Okay,” I say scrunching my eyebrows. “It doesn’t matter,” I start, but she shakes her head, stopping me before I can finish my thought.

  “I can’t have children, Kyle,” she says this like a warning. Like she’s afraid that now that I know this, I’ll leave her. So, I try to speak again, but I’m quickly stopped as she continues on. “I mean, physically I probably could, and even though I can’t pass Huntington’s on to them, I’m not sure I want any biological children. So, I mean, I know we’re not, like, there yet or anything, but I’m not really planning on having kids. And if that’s something you want, you should leave now.”

  I stare into her eyes, her naked body tucked into mine, her chin tilted up to face me. “I can’t have kids,” I tell her and she blinks before her eyes widen. “I had leukemia as a kid. Twice. And the second time they used some serious chemo on me. It made me sterile.”

  “Oh.”

  “Oh.” I smile down at her. “So, in that respect, we’re pretty perfect for each other. If we want a family one day, we’ll adopt. Or take one of Ryan’s, because those babies are fucking adorable.”

  “They really are. But I don’t think I’m ready for any of that stuff yet.”

  “No. I think it should just be us for a while.”

  “Yeah,” she says with a big bright smile that lights up her whole face. “Just you and me.”

  I kiss her again, unable to stop myself.

  She’s mine.

  She’s finally mine and I don’t plan on coming up for air for at least a few days. Maybe a month. Maybe forever.

  “I think we’re starting something new here,” I breathe out, my voice betraying the extent of my need—my desire for this brilliant, beautiful, feisty, difficult, stubborn, incredible woman.

  Claire gives me a wink, as her hand skims down my arm until they reach my wrist. Her fingers wrap around me, lifting my hand until I cup her breast, squeezing her.

  “How about you start with me, cupcake, and we’ll see where we end up?”

  Epilogue

  Kyle

  Five years later

  The air is saturated with the unmistakable hint of the impending fall. It’s a beautiful Seattle day, and as I stand on the back deck of Ryan’s house, I have a really nice view of Lake Washington, and in the distance, Mount Rainer. But the amazing view is the last place I’m looking right now. Instead, my eyes are taking in the mayhem in the backyard.

  Today the twins turn five.

  And since Kate is Kate, she decided to throw a big party.

  There are balloons in every color tied down to the center of each round table. The red and green tablecloths blow gently in the breeze, desperately trying to escape against the weights keeping them firmly in place. There are flowers and streamers and cartoon characters that I’m sure have names, even if I don’t know what they are. The remnants of the two huge cakes as well as the leftover food are still set up on the long table off to the side.

  The party ended over an hour ago, and since then everyone has left.

  Everyone except the six of us. Plus, the kids of course.

  Kate is in the grass under the large tree, sitting on a quilt with Rebecca, who is Ryan and Kate’s newest addition. She’s almost one now, and very adorable. Kate named her after Eric’s—her dead husband’s—mother. Ivy is next to them, four month old Russ, in her arms while she tries to nurse him to sleep. The twins are running around with Naomi, Luke and Ivy’s four-year-old daughter. In fact, I think our young Will is hopelessly in love with her. You should see the way he helplessly follows her wherever she goes.

  Claire is down there with the moms, a smile on her face as she lays on her stomach, casually playing with our daughter, Diana. She came to us out of nowhere. We weren’t really even talking about adopting or a family. But Maren, Claire’s friend, had a friend who found herself knee deep in an unwanted pregnancy. We jumped in without even thinking twice. And really, she’s perfect. I didn’t think I could be more in love with anyone than I am with Claire, but shit, was I wrong. I love that baby like nothing else.

  Ryan and Luke are with me on the deck, lounging back in their recliners, each with a glass of expensive bourbon like the party was just too much for them to handle and they deserve a break.

  And then there’s me.

  I’m standing, leaning against the railing, watching my wife. My beautiful, fiery redheaded wife. And our daughter. They take my breath away. They’re my rock. My constant. The thing that gets me up in the morning and has me sleeping soundly at night.

  It’s been five years of ups and downs. Both in equal measure. For everyone.

  Ivy and Luke have been doing well. She loves her job and even cut back some hours so that she’s home more with the kids. But in case you’ve missed it, there has been a lot of international hacking incidents happening in the last couple of years. And even though Luke was getting close to being out of his black ops whatever, he’s sort of back in. Not full time or anything, but enough that it has him traveling more and talking less. I know it wears on them, but there isn’t a lot you can do when national security is in your hands.

  As for Ryan and I? Our father died about a year ago. His alcoholism finally caught up and took hold of his body. He didn’t stop after the diagnosis of cirrhosis and varices. Eventually, he ended up vomiting blood and refused to go to the hospital for far too long. Once they finally got him there, it was too late.

  I went to see them shortly before he died, but he just wouldn’t budge. On anything. I’d love to say that we made amends. That we finally saw eye to eye and all was forgiven, but I’d be lying. Ryan got a little closer than I did, I think.

  But since his death, our mother stopped drinking. She also moved out here. As did Kate’s mother. But considering the amount of time the two of them spend time together, we hardly see them. They were best friends in college, after all.

  Kate seems to be doing really well, despite having her mother living close by. She only works occasional shifts now as an ICU nurse, choosing to spend the majority of her time with Ryan, the twins and the baby. Kate ended up having some post-partum depression in the months following the birth of the twins. Not all that surprising, after everything she went through with the death of her first husband and daughter.

  She’s doing much better now, but still sees a therapist regularly and goes to a support group for people who have lost loved ones. She’s an amazing woman and mother.

  And then there’s us.

  Claire moved in with me after we left her apartment that night, and since then, every day just seems to get better. She’s different now. I mean, she’s still Claire and she’s still the same tenacious, big-mouthed woman that I love like crazy, but she’s come alive. She looks forward in a way she never has before. And having our daughter has brought her to an entirely different dimension.

  I proposed to her two months after we were officially together while we were hiking in Olympic National Park. It’s Claire’s favorite place on the planet. And she said yes. Well, more like screamed it and then laughed as the sound echoed off the tall mountains. It was perfect.

  When I called her father to tell him that I wanted Claire to marry me and that she wasn’t going to get Huntington’s, he hung up on me. That was it. Claire wasn’t all that surprised, though I think she was still hurt. I told her she doesn’t need him.

  She doesn’t. The three of us are a family. And the twelve of us are a family.

  I never heard from anyone in the Rovelo clan again. Apparently, all of that stayed in New York. I also haven’t had any more issues with my bloodwork. I’m as normal as the next guy, though I do have blood work done every six months to make sure. I also work two mornings a week doing pro-bono stuff for a local legal aid. I freaking love it.

  And yeah, I’m still the corporate lawyer for Grant & Walker Technologies. They changed the name, in case you missed that. I only sta
yed because the company has gotten really big and they need me. At least that’s what Ryan and Luke tell me.

  “Does Claire think it’s creepy that you stare at her like that?” Luke drawls, his arm propped behind his head, his eyes closed, his drink lingering in his other hand.

  “No,” I say not bothering to look away from Claire or Diana. I do stare at them a lot. Claire turns her head at exactly this moment, catching me in the act. She smiles and winks.

  “Does Ivy think you’re a lazy motherfucker because you’re sitting on your ass while she struggles to get the baby to take a nap?”

  “Nah,” he says not bothering to open his eyes. “We all have our talents. I’m really good at staying up all night with Russ and letting Ivy sleep. Besides, someone has to keep Naomi in check, and Ivy is the biggest pushover ever with her. I’m also really good at going to the grocery store and making dinner. And I give Ivy several orgasms a day, so she’s never mad at me.”

  “Does that actually work?” Ryan asks, his eyes focused on his family out in the lawn. “Katie hardly ever lets me have my wicked way with her when she’s pissed at me. I have to use my charm and wit to get her to forgive me.”

  “Ivy likes me more than the Duchess likes you,” Luke says dryly.

  “Not possible. Katie and I are joined by the bonds of love.”

  “You’re such a fucking cheeseball. I cannot believe you’re busting out Princess Bride again,” Luke says, throwing a piece of ice from his drink at Ryan. I’m smiling, listening to the two of them go at each other like old women.

  “Oh, right,” Ryan snaps, tossing one of his own back at Luke. “Like you’ve never quoted that shit before.”

  “It’s a really good movie,” I say. “Did you know that Claire named Diana after Wonder Woman?”

  And then they both pause and look over at me. “Yeah,” Ryan says with a wry smile, “she told me about that.”

  “Is it weird that Diana actually looks like you, dude?” Luke asks, glancing over at my family on the lawn. The women are all laughing together. I’m sure it’s at our expense.

  “She really does,” Ryan adds. “It’s the hair color. And maybe the shape of her head. Will and Diana look like they’re related. You know, like by blood.”

  Will does look just like me. Ryan was dead on when he said that to me. And Leah is the spitting image of Kate. Blonde hair and light blue eyes. Rebecca, on the other hand, is all Ryan—black hair and green eyes.

  “I still maintain that it’s bizarre that you’re actually related to Claire now,” Luke says to Ryan. This has been going on forever. After Claire and I got married, Ryan told Claire that she could no longer be his assistant. At first, she was pissed, but then he explained that she never really belonged in that role anyway. He made her the Chief Operating Officer. She pretty much was that anyway, but now it’s official.

  “You really need to get over that,” I say to him, turning around and smiling wide. “Besides, you do realize that if all of this continues,” I wave my hand towards our families playing in the yard, “you and Ivy will be related to all of us too.”

  Luke furrows his brows, glancing in the direction of Ivy, who is laughing with Kate and Claire, a sleeping baby in her arms. “How do you figure that one?”

  “Because I have a feeling Will and Naomi are going to get married one day.”

  “Bullshit,” Luke says through a laugh.

  “Over my fucking dead body,” Ryan adds, but both of their heads swivel in the direction of the kids and sure enough, five-year-old Will is giving four-year-old Naomi her first kiss.

  And so, it starts again.

  The End.

  Thank you so much for reading Start With Me. Please keep reading for the End Of Book Note!

  End of Book Note

  I’m going to be real honest with you, I don’t know how to write this one. It’s just sad on many levels for me. If this is your first book from the Start Again series, then you know how the others end. But what you don’t know is the journey and the getting there is really where the fun is. If you liked this, I encourage you to check the others out.

  I wrote Start Again originally as a standalone novel. It still is, I realize, but I had no thoughts of writing beyond it. Then someone, a wonderful blogger who hopefully knows who she is, asked me when I was going to write Luke’s story.

  And so it began. The seed was planted and out of that grew Start Over. And then out of Start Over grew this book. Obviously, I don’t know how you felt about this one, what your reaction is going to be, but I think this one might be my favorite. In fact, I kept writing it long after I needed to stop. It became ridiculously long because I just couldn’t get enough of Claire and Kyle.

  So when the time came to end it, well, it sucked. It was emotional. These characters became a part of me. People have asked me who I wrote them after and my answer to that is no one. Not one single person inspired them. But I will say, that there is some of my husband in each of these men. Let’s hope he appreciates the effort ; ).

  I also want to thank my very dear friend, Claire (no relation to this Claire) who helped me with Tom. I am not British, but she is and without her guidance, I probably wouldn’t have done his sexy English accent justice. That brings me to the cameos. Did you catch them? Tom Masters is the Tom from Forward. I had been getting requests for more of him so here he is, albeit limited. And Abby Scofield from Love Rewritten had an appearance too. Just for fun. Just because.

  I don’t know if I have it in me to write about Will and Naomi. Maybe that will happen at some point and maybe it won’t. I don’t know. There is probably a lot there. And I even had thoughts on Russ and Diana, but that might all be just a bit too incestuous.

  Anyway, for now, we’re done. But I have more planned. Maybe another series, though I swore when this one was done that I wouldn’t write another. I think I might have lied. I’ve also been getting some requests for a second Forward. That’s a big maybe.

  Thank you for reading this. It means the world to me that you took the time. I would be ever so grateful if you’d leave a review on Amazon, Goodreads and/or your blog. I am very much an indie and need all the help I can get.

  Much love,

  J. Saman

  Other books by me:

  Start Again (Start Again #1)

  Start Over (Start Again #2)

  Forward

  Love Rewritten