“Step back.” He motioned with his hand for me to move. He took a few steps back then ran and jumped up. His hands met with the window sill and he pulled himself up.
He closed the window. “You good?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I said breathlessly.
“Let’s go get us some paint.”
We made our way out of the empty classroom and down the long, dark hallway. I stood behind him, and his tall frame shielded me from anyone who might be walking toward us. We jogged up two flights of stairs and over to the art supply closet. Like the building doors, it too was closed.
“Now what?” I muttered.
“Patience.” Nate shoved his hand into his back pocket, pulled out his wallet, and retrieved what looked like a couple of bobby pins.
“You just happen to keep those on you?” I joked.
“When you grow up like I did.” He shoved the first pin inside the keyhole. “When foster dad after foster dad shoves you into the bedroom and locks the door from the outside.” He wiggled the second one in. “You learn to pick locks at a very young age.”
Images of a young Nate being bruised, hurt, and locked in a room flashed through my mind. My lips parted to say I was sorry, but Nate pushed the door open.
“Come on, let’s grab some paint.”
Nate and I stuffed our pockets with tubes and paint. I grabbed every red and green tube there was while Nate focused on all the other colors of the rainbow. Once our pockets were filled, we rushed out of the room and down the long hallway. Nate opened the window and jumped out. He turned and looked up at me.
“Come on.”
“It’s too high,” I whispered.
“I’ll catch you.”
“Fuck.” I exhaled, then climbed out of the window and sat on the ledge. “This seems higher than before.”
“You’re drunk. If you hurt yourself, you won’t feel it.”
“Thanks.”
“On three, push off. One. Two. Three—”
I pushed off the ledge and fell directly into Nate’s arm. “Holy shit!”
“See? Not so bad.”
I slid down his body. When my feet were secured on the ground, I asked him, “How did you know that window would be open?”
“I had a class in that room my first semester here. The teacher was always late and there was this one kid who smoked outside that window. He broke the lock and they never fixed it. I took a chance and hoped it was still broken, because if not, we’d still be out here.”
I laughed and slapped his chest. “You made me break into school.”
“You only live once. Let’s go; we have a tree to paint.” Nate began to run.
Nate poured us another cup of Coquito as I set up the paint and brushes. This was probably the worst idea ever to paint while under the influence, but I was having too much fun to stop now. Home Alone 2 played in the background as we painted the bare wall next to my computer desk red. I drew out a larger rectangle as our guideline. It was six feet tall and three feet wide. I worked on the lower portion of the square while Nate focused on the top.
“Can I ask you something?” I said once we found our painting groove.
“What’s up?”
I knew it was the alcohol speaking, but I couldn’t stop the words that began to pour out of my mouth. “Why did you ask me out if you were sorta seeing Del already?”
I felt Nate go still for a few seconds before he began to paint again. “I took your parking spot knowing you were waiting for it, and I kind of felt bad, but I was late. Then, when you walked toward class, you stared at me with those brown eyes and I knew I was in for it. I knew I wanted to know more about you.”
I shook my head and continued to focus on the red paint.
“Can I ask you something?” His voice bounced off the wall and straight into my heart.
“Sure.”
“Why have you been avoiding me since the Christmas bash?”
I shifted to paint the other corner. “I wasn’t ignoring you, per se. It’s more like I’m embarrassed since I puked in front of you.”
“It has nothing to do with the fact we almost kissed?”
Shocked by his question, I dropped my paintbrush into a cup filled with water. “Shit.” I exhaled and shook the excess water off the brush. Droplets of water bounced off the brush and landed on Nate’s jeans—little red dots that covered the legs of his pants. “Uh oh,” I whispered and began to giggle.
“What did you do?” He looked down at me.
“Nothing.”
“Brie, what did you do?”
“Nothing, I swear.” I sat back and laughed until tears pooled in my eyes.
“What is it?” Nate looked around. It wasn’t until he lifted his feet that he noticed the red paint splattered all over his jeans. “You sneaky little . . .”
“It was an accident, I swear.” I held my stomach as I laughed. Nate dipped his paintbrush into a cup of water and looked at me. His eyes held mischief, and a sideways grin appeared on his face. “Don’t!” I held up a hand to block him but he completely ignored my request and flicked the brush. Wet red paint flew at me, red dots covering my clothes.
Nate laughed as I rushed to stand. Grabbing my brush, I charged toward him. He read my mind and grabbed my wrist, pinning me to the wall. All the air vanished from my lungs. His hard body pressed against mine and I dropped the paintbrush when I felt his erection growing between us. My breath came out in spurts as I found the courage to look up at him. His eyes pierced mine and his need for me was as clear as day.
Nate released his grip of my hands and reached for my face. His hands tightened around the hair at the nape of my neck. “For months I’ve been trying to forget what your lips felt like.” His nose ran up the side of mine and along my cheek. “I should have kissed you that night—and not a half one.” His warm breath was on my skin; his mouth only millimeters away. “I should have grabbed you like this and had one taste of your lips, even if it was just that once.” He pressed his erection into my pelvis and I lifted my leg around his waist, letting him push against my core. “Tell me not to do this, Brie.”
I looked deep into his eyes. I wanted this. I wanted everything he wanted to give me. His tongue slid across his lips and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t care if it was wrong. In that moment I didn’t care who we hurt. All I cared was his lips were on mine.
“Kiss me.” The words slipped out of my mouth.
Nate growled and wrapped his firm hands around my body. His mouth captured mine in a full kiss. I was drowning in him, but I refused to come up for air. My hands reached around his neck and entwined in his hair. Nate kissed me with hunger, want and desperation.
He released his hand from my hair and lifted me to his waist. My legs clung around his body as he kissed my cheek, my neck, and moved down my shoulder. The need to be with him had me aching for his touch.
Nate pressed me harder against the wall and lowered both the straps of my camisole and bra. In one swift movement, he had my breast out and his tongue swirled around my nipples.
“Oh. Fuck. Nate.” I moaned each word in ecstasy.
Nate released my nipple and captured my mouth in his again. “You’re so perfect,” he grunted. “Fucking perfect.”
With his lips on mine, he carried me from the wall and to the couch. I ripped my top off and he lay on top of me. My greedy hands reached for his shirt as he kissed the mounds of my breasts. From the outside of my jeans, he rubbed my clit.
“Yes,” I whimpered. I wanted his hands all over my body.
Nate’s tongue took turns teasing each of my breasts until I felt I was about to burst. His grunts and moans only built my need to have him inside me. Yanking his head away from my breast, I pulled him to my mouth.
His lips brushed mine gently. “Brielle.” He said my name as he stared deep into my eyes. His hand unbuttoned my jeans, and before I could utter a sound, he was down my pants with his finger deep inside me.
I cried out in pleasu
re.
“You’re soaked,” he moaned against my lips. Nate’s fingers dipped in and out of me in rhythm.
“Please don’t stop.” I pushed down on his hand.
Nate growled and pulled his hand out of my pants. He kneeled on the floor and pulled my jeans off with one quick tug. His fingers hooked the soft cotton booty shorts and gently pulled them off. Soft lips followed them down my legs. Each inch he pulled on my shorts was another kiss he placed on my leg.
I was aching. Pent up with need. Nate’s hands ran up my legs and goosebumps rose all over my body. I reached behind me and unhooked my bra. Naked, I waited for him to do whatever he wanted with me.
He pushed my legs apart and lowered his mouth to my core. I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head as his warm tongue licked along my clit.
“Nate, please, don’t stop,” I moaned.
His tongue flicked and sucked everything I had to give. He took his time drawing my orgasm out of me. Any time I was close, he slowed down only to start all over again. Minutes passed and I couldn’t hold it anymore.
“Please,” I begged.
Nate shoved one finger inside me while his tongue lapped at my clit. Within seconds, the world went dark and my body exploded as my legs shook and I screamed out his name.
When my breathing returned to normal, I looked at Nate. “There are condoms in the drawer.” I pointed to the nightstand that divided the two beds.
He ran to the drawer and walked back. He stood tall in front of me and I sat up on the couch. My hand ran down his abdomen and unbuttoned his jeans. Lowering his jeans and boxers, I reached for his thick, hard cock. I stroked it gently as he tore the foil wrapper.
Nate slid the condom down his shaft and I lay back. He kissed my stomach, breasts and neck as he climbed on top of me. His forehead rested on mine when I felt him at my opening. My lips kissed his, his tongue playing with mine as he sank each inch inside me.
“Fuck,” he growled. “You’re fucking tight.” He sank deep inside me and I whimpered. Months. It had been almost ten months since I had sex.
Nate gave me a few seconds to adjust and then he began to thrust in and out. It was gentle at first but like a small fire it grew until we were both panting, desperate for air. He grunted my name as I moaned his. He called me beautiful while I begged him not to stop. Our bodies grew damp with sweat. I clung to his body and when my second orgasm took over, my fingernails scraped down his back. Nate buried his head in the crook of my neck and pounded deep into me, finding his own release.
He lay atop me until our breathing calmed. His hand traced the lines of my face. “Hi,” he whispered and leaned down to kiss me.
I hugged him tightly, not wanting this moment to fade away. Between the alcohol in my system and feeling sated from sex, my eyelids were heavy. “I’m sleepy.”
Nate kissed the tip of my nose and stood. I bypassed the paint supplies, threw a T-shirt over my bare body, and crawled into bed. I didn’t know if the arms that held me were Nate’s or my imagination, but sleep soon followed and I was oblivious to everything else.
I woke the following morning to my phone ringing. My head was heavy and there was someone else in my bed. Nate. My mind reminded me of the previous night.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck!
I dug under the covers until I found my cell phone. A new text message appeared on the screen. My eyes squinted as I adjusted to the brightness.
Delaney: Merry Christmas! Love you!
I closed my text message and noticed I had a missed call from Julian.
What the fuck did I do?
“Mmm,” Nate moaned and pulled me closer.
“You need to leave.” I tried to pull his hand off my body.
“Five more minutes.” He held me closer and kissed my shoulder.
“Seriously!” I began to panic as guilt permeated my body. “Get out.”
“Brie.” Nate lifted his head off the pillow. Confusion ran across his face.
“What we did last night never happened, do you understand?” I began to kick the sheets off our bodies. “It. Never. Happened.”
“Fuck.” He wiped the sleep off his face. “Brie, wait.”
“You need to leave.” I hopped off the bed and gathered his clothes from the floor.
“Can we talk about it?”
“No!” I threw his shirt at him. “There is nothing to talk about. Nothing happened.”
“We can’t do that.” He shoved his shirt over his head. My gaze met his eyes and then I pulled them away.
“She’s my best friend!” I pulled a pair of pajama bottoms from my dresser and slid them on. “He’s your brother!” I scurried around the room looking for a hair tie. Tubes of paint were scattered around the floor. My eyes refused to look up at the red wall.
“Where does that leave us?’
“Nowhere!” I shouted. “Don’t you get it? This is wrong. So fucking wrong, and people will be hurt by our actions.”
Nate stood up from the bed and walked toward me. His boxers hung at his waist and I tried to ignore the fact he made me feel things I had never experienced before. “Tell me you don’t feel this.”
“Nathaniel.” I bowed my head.
“Tell me what happened last night wasn’t perfect.” He strolled closer until his body towered over mine. His hands ran across my cheek and lifted my chin. “You feel it, too. I know it.”
Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter what I feel. What we did was wrong.” I bit my lip and hoped the tears wouldn’t come. “Please, Nate, you have to leave.”
His let his hand drop and walked past me. I turned to see him slide his jeans up his legs, put his shoes on, and grab his jacket. “When you’ve cleared your mind, we can talk.”
It was the last thing he said before he left my room.
My heart ached. Guilt pressed on my lungs and made it impossible to breathe. Tears began to drip down my face as I realized I could never have the man I wanted.
Crawling back into bed, I pulled the covers over my body. His scent lingered in my sheets and I found myself coiling around them as I cried myself to sleep. Shame resonated deep within me but it didn’t come alone. It brought doubt and insecurity to the party.
I was a fucked up person.
Chapter 12
Brielle
I ignored the world after my night with Nate. I never texted Delaney back, and I ignored Julian completely. At one point, I even began to pack my bags to head back home, but a nor’easter stopped my trip. I sat in my room—alone—for an entire week. I only left to shower, but that was just down the hall.
Somewhere between Christmas and New Year's Eve, a random text message appeared on my cellphone.
Unknown: Can we talk?
Me: Who is this?
Unknown: Nate
Me: How did you get my number?
Unknown: Julian texted me to see if I had seen you around campus. Apparently, you’re ignoring him.
Me: I’m ignoring you, too!
Unknown: What we did felt too right to be a mistake.
Me: I’m not talking to you.
Unknown: You can’t ignore me forever.
Me: Watch me!
On New Year’s Eve, I sat in my room watching the ball drop in Times Square. I had avoided any alcoholic beverages for the past week. Rum had gotten me in enough trouble as it was, but I didn’t see any harm in tequila. It was New Year's, after all.
I had cleaned and repainted the wall back to its original color, and found Delaney’s stash of her favorite boys: Jose, Jameson, Johnny and Jim. I figured tequila was the easiest to drink straight up, and grabbed the bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thousands of people gathered around Times Square in the blistering cold to watch a giant lit-up ball ring in the new year. People arrived in the heart of Manhattan around ten in the morning to hold their spots. And once the ball dropped, everyone disappeared. I thought it was the stupidest thing.
Jose agreed.
A few minutes before midnight, my phone buzzed next to me.
Nate: Can I see you?
I wanted to say yes. Hell, even Jose was screaming at me to agree. But I couldn’t.
Me: No.
Nate: I’m outside.
Me: I don’t care. I’m not seeing you.
After I sent the text message, I ran to the window to see if I spotted his car. It was nowhere in sight.
I grabbed my phone.
Me: Liar
Nate: I didn’t say I was outside your dorm. I’m working, so I can drive by if you want.
Me: No. I don’t want to see you.
Nate: Now who’s the liar?
“Ugh!” I tossed the phone and poured myself another shot.
The ball dropped and a new year was upon us. I was drunk and alone. I dragged my feet and climbed into bed. This new year I would be a better person. That was my resolution.
My phone vibrated in my hand with a new text message. Instantly, my heart rate sped up. But it wasn’t from Nate.
Julian: Happy New Year. I miss you, Brie.
Guilt echoed in my chest.
I was a liar.
I tossed my phone to the side and let the effects of the tequila guide me into a deep sleep
The new semester was about to start, so the university was busy with students returning from break. Delaney returned a week before classes started. Her skin was beautifully tanned from her vacation in Belize, and though she looked sun kissed, she seemed off. Her eyes were puffy and surrounded by dark circles She tossed her suitcase on the bed and sighed. “We broke up,” she whimpered.
“Oh, Delaney.” I tried to act as though I had no clue. I never asked Nate when he did it. I didn't want him to tell me anything. I knew when she returned she would need me there for her.
“He's such an ass.” She tossed her clothes on the bed. “He broke up with me right as I left. I wasn't even home yet when he called.” Her voice broke and I knew she was holding her tears in.
I, on the other hand, felt like the worst friend. Bowing my head, I avoided her gaze and let her vent. “He's no good for me, anyway. Daddy always said I should be with a man who has a wealthy background. Someone who can provide for me. And the only thing Nathaniel has for him is his looks. I’ll find someone better.”
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