Shadow Dreams

by Evangeline Anderson

  “So?” He sat on the side of the bed and brushed the hair off my forehead with a gentle hand. “So are you,” he pointed out.

  I wanted to answer but my teeth started chattering. Being separated from his heat and put into the cold bed was too much for my system.

  He frowned, looking like a thundercloud. “Look at you, freezing to death. Guess I’ll have to warm you up.” He pulled up the covers and bumped me gently with his hip, indicating I should move over.

  “Wait a minute…” I felt my foggy brain trying to react to the situation. This was definitely not right, no matter how drunk and disoriented I was.

  “You wanna freeze to death?” he asked, giving me a stern look from those dark eyes.

  Hesitantly, I shook my head. The gap in the covers had caused me to break out in gooseflesh all over again and I was shivering from head to toe.

  “All right then, I won’t bite. Never did before, did I?”

  It wasn’t biting I was concerned with but somehow he was in the bed before I could say anything. He turned to face me and demanded, “Come here.”

  I don’t know if I would’ve gone to him or not but he didn’t wait for me to come. Instead, he gathered me close in his arms, pillowing my head on his hard bicep while he rubbed briskly over my back and sides with large, warm hands.

  Acting on instinct I huddled close to his heat, feeling it penetrate my bones. At last my shivering stopped.

  “That’s better, isn’t it?” he murmured, pulling me even closer. His deep voice vibrated through me deliciously and the brisk rubbing had turned to long, lazy strokes over my sides and back. His musky, wild scent filled my senses and I became aware that something long and hot was branding my lower belly.

  This wasn’t right—I didn’t even know him. I tried to pull away but he held me close.

  “I won’t hurt you, just want to hold you. I promise not to do anything you don’t want.”

  I was still trying to wrap my mind around that statement when it occurred to me why he had looked so familiar. He was the man in my dreams. Just another dream, I thought and was surprised how disappointed I was. But at least it allowed me to relax. He was only a dream, and dreams can’t hurt you.

  “I know ‘bout you,” I murmured, feeling my eyelids grow heavy again. “In the morning you’ll be gone.”

  He sighed and his arms tightened around me. “Yeah, you’re right. I was hoping to make a little more headway tonight but the moon will be setting soon. You’re in no condition to listen anyway.”

  I wanted to ask what the moon had to do with anything but my eyelids felt like they had been dipped in lead.

  He tilted my chin up and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. His mouth was warm and firm and he buried one hand in my hair to hold me in place and explored me thoroughly while his thickness throbbed against my belly. He tasted wild—delicious. The kiss made my heart pound despite the fact that I knew it was only a dream. Strange though, my dreams had never been quite this vivid before.

  “Your husband was a fool,” he whispered, releasing my mouth at last and stroking one large hand through my hair.

  I opened my mouth to say something, I don’t know what, but just then I lost the fight with my lead-dipped eyelids and everything went black.

  Chapter 4

  The next morning I awoke with a hideous hangover and the knowledge that I would have to go into the office and finish some work I had left. I had conveniently put this out of my mind the night before when I decided to kill most of a bottle of strong red wine by myself.

  Groaning, I sat up in bed, wincing as the morning sun lanced at my eyeballs. Shadow came around to my side of the bed and licked my knee with his warm, taffy-pink tongue.

  “Ugh, I feel horrible,” I told him, scratching absently behind his pointed black ears. “This is why I shouldn’t drink.”

  He gave a short, sharp bark that sounded somehow disapproving. The sound seemed to go straight through my head like an iron spike in my brain and I winced and pushed him away.

  “Keep it to yourself, buddy,” I said, staggering out of bed on legs that felt like crooked sticks. Then I looked down at myself. Why was I naked? I never slept in the buff even when Douglas and I were married. For one thing he never seemed to take the hint and for another there was no point in going to bed naked when the person you were sleeping with refused to cuddle.

  Despite the Arizona heat, I was cold natured so I mostly slept in a long sleep-shirt. (My favorite one had been a gift from Patty and had ‘sleep diva’ printed in pink glitter letters across the front.) But now here I was, naked as the day I was born. Come to think of it, I couldn’t even remember getting out of the tub and getting into the bed. I had a brief flash of memory—something about a large man drying me off and talking about the moon? The feel of a hard body against mine and a long, delicious kiss … but then it was gone again.

  I shook my head. “I must’ve really been out of it last night,” I muttered, going to the bathroom to start the water for a hot shower.

  * * * *

  I let Shadow out into my back yard while I fixed breakfast which mainly consisted of strong black coffee. He sniffed around excitedly and then went modestly behind a tree to answer the call of nature. He came back immediately when he was finished and whined at the door to be let in.

  I had thought to leave him outside in the yard to play and explore while I did my time at work but the appealing look in his big brown eyes changed my mind. I opened the door and gestured with my coffee mug.

  “All right then, if you’re sure you’d rather be cooped up in the house all day than play outside.”

  He gave a short bark that I took to mean yes.

  “Well, I know it isn’t much fun to be stuck in here with no company, boy.” I talked to him as I led him into the den which had hardwood floors and seemed the ideal place to leave him. “I’m sorry I have to leave you alone when we’re still getting used to each other,” I told him as I spread the morning paper out in front of the brown and white spotted leather ‘cow-hide’ couch.

  Douglas had thought it would be fun to have a Southwestern theme for this room, but he had taken many of the decorative touches with him when he moved out. All that remained was the ridiculous couch and a large, potted cactus in one corner. There was still a big screen TV, however, and I grabbed the remote and flipped channels until I got to ‘Animal Planet.’

  “There, that oughta keep you happy,” I told the big dog, ruffling my hand through his fur.

  In a motion so fast I barely saw it, he leaned up suddenly and caught my hand gently between his powerful jaws. The big eyes looked sad and he whined softly in the back of his throat.

  I held my breath for a moment. He could bite my hand off with no problem if he wanted too. A voice in the back of my head whispered, I won’t bite. Never did before, did I? I shook my head. Where was that coming from? A muddled remnant of last night’s dream, no doubt.

  “Let me go now, Shadow. Good boy,” I said softly, tugging gently at my captured hand. He released me immediately and I examined my palm and fingers but there wasn’t so much as a tooth-print or a scratch. In hindsight, the gesture hadn’t seemed aggressive at all. It was more like he was begging me not to go.

  Shadow whined again.

  “I know, boy, but I’ve just gotta go in and finish this project or my boss will skin me alive come Monday. We have a big client coming for a presentation. Tell you what,” I wiped my damp hand on the inside of my jacket, mentally racking up another dry-cleaning charge. “I promise when I come home we’ll go to the park for a run. Won’t that be fun?”

  He looked at me doubtfully and then padded over to the cow-skin couch and plopped onto it. Dropping his head on his front paws, he gave me the most desolate look imaginable. Geeze—talk about a guilt trip. I shook my head. I was losing it, letting my dog make me feel guilty.

  Placing the remote firmly on top of the big-screen TV, which was now showing a documentary on the wildlife of Australia, I gave hi
m a final wave and went to work.

  Chapter 5

  My cell phone rang when I was only a third of the way through the dreaded report that sat on my desk like a dead fish.

  “So how’s your new buddy workin’ out?” I could tell by the smacking sound in my ear that Patty was gnawing her way through yet another pack of Hubba-Bubba.

  “He’s great,” I said, wincing and pulling the phone away as she popped a bubble loudly. “You think you could spit out the gum for just a minute?”

  “Can’t, Jelly.” I heard another bubble, this one slightly smaller pop. “If I spit it out for one second I’m headed straight for the Virgie Slims hidden in my underwear drawer.”

  “Patty,” I scolded. “You said you threw all of them out.”

  “So I lied.” I could almost hear her shrug over the phone. “But I haven’t had a single one since I quit, I swear. It just kinda helps to know they’re there. You know, just in case.”

  “All right.” I sighed. “I’m hardly the one to be lecturing anybody about bad habits. I killed almost a whole bottle of wine by myself last night. Don’t even know how I got to bed.” I had a brief flash of strong arms lifting me out of the bathtub and then pushed it away. Crazy dream.

  I heard Patty suck in her breath. “Oh-la-la, that’s quite a bender for our little Jelly,” she snickered, not unkindly. “And what, may I ask, brought on such bacchanal excesses?”

  “Bacchanal excesses?” I snorted. “Now you sound like Barbara.”

  “It’s from the word a day calendar she gave me,” Patty admitted. “But I’m pretty sure it means what I think it means. You can barely get through a glass and a half of wine without getting either all giggly or horribly weepy. What possessed you to try and down a whole bottle?”

  “I dunno.” I fiddled with the half-done report on my desk and looked out the window at the clear blue sky, wishing I was someplace working on my own material instead of stuck here at work. Why had I bothered to get an English degree if I was only going to use it to write Ad copy? “The whole Douglas thing—six months to the day and everything I guess,” I said.

  “Oh honey,” Patty was instantly all sympathy. “I’m so sorry. One of us should have stayed with you last night … I didn’t even think…”

  “Don’t be silly,” I cut her off. “I’m a big girl. Besides, I had Shadow to keep me company and you’re right, he seems like a really good dog. I think he’s a keeper.”

  “Well I’m glad to hear that at least,” she said, smacking her gum again. “’Specially since he’s already bought and paid for.”

  “Yeah,” I stacked paperwork to have something to do with my hands. “He even came with a free neutering certificate, you know? I’m supposed to get him fixed as soon as possible—it was in the agreement I signed.”

  Patty laughed. “I’d be careful about that, Jelly. It’s just like in that old joke, ya know?”

  “What joke?” I asked, feeling a little annoyed. Sometimes it seemed like Patty took everything too lightly. I had taken this animal as a responsibility and by-God I was going to live up to my end of the bargain, which included neutering.

  “You know,” Patty smacked again. “The one about the old lady walking her poodle and she finds a genie bottle on the beach? She rubs the bottle and out comes a genie and he says he’ll give her three wishes. So she says, ‘I want to be young.’ ‘Granted,’ says the genie and bang—she’s young. So she says, ‘I want to be beautiful.’ ‘Granted.’ Bang—she’s gorgeous. Then he says, ‘You got one wish left. What do you want?’ She looks around and says, ‘I want my little Fifi here to be a big strong man instead of a little poodle.’ ‘Granted,’ says the genie and bang—Fifi’s a total stud. So the genie disappears and … are you ready for this?”

  “Yeah, I’m listening,” I said, still toying with the paperwork.

  Patty snickered. “So Fifi the stud turns to her and says, ‘Don’t you wish you hadn’t gotten me fixed?’ Pretty good, huh?”

  I laughed dutifully, privately thinking it was pretty silly. “Okay, Patty. If I’m ever gonna get out of here today I have to let you go and get some work done.”

  “Aw, hon—are you at work on the weekend again? That damn boss of yours, that Phelps is a slave driver. You need a new job, ya know that?”

  “Yeah, I know,” I muttered. “A new job, a new man, a new life … you name it, I need a new one.”

  “Well at least you got a new dog,” she pointed out. “And as for the man, don’t worry, Jelly. Douglas is not the end all and be all. There’re plenty of fish in the sea and you’re gorgeous.”

  “Thanks, Patty,” I said, smiling. “I better get going now.”

  “Okay. Love ya, doll.” She blew me a noisy kiss.

  “You too,” I said and hung up.

  * * * *

  Barbara called me not long after I hung up with Patty and we had almost the same conversation but without the jokes and gum snapping. I almost told her about the weird dream I’d had the night before but something stopped me. It was just too embarrassing—almost like I wanted a man in my life so badly that my subconscious was making one up. In the end I just thanked her for Shadow and promised to meet up the following week.

  By the time I was ready to call it a day it was getting near dark. I had grabbed lunch out of a vending machine but I wondered guiltily if the dog food I’d left out had been enough for my new pet. Also, if he hadn’t used the paper he’d be dying to go by now. I was really going to have to find a way to get away from the office more if I was going to be a responsible pet owner.

  Shadow greeted me eagerly when I got home. Jumping up to place his huge front paws on my shoulders, he gave me a big wet kiss on the cheek.

  “Easy boy,” I said laughing and wiping my damp cheek with my sleeve. More dry cleaning bills, but how can you be angry with somebody who’s so happy to see you?

  “I’m glad to see you too,” I told him. “I know you’re probably dying to get out of here. How ‘bout a run to the park like I promised you?”

  He barked loudly and the big plumy tail swished eagerly.

  “Okay then,” I said. “I just have to change and let’s see if we have anything to clean up in here.” I looked down at the papers which seemed to have been rearranged somewhat but there was no mess to be found. I read a few headlines as I gathered the paper together. It looked like the Diamondbacks had lost another game. They stunk ever since they had gotten rid of Schilling. Normally I’m not a big sports fan, but I do like baseball.

  Then I saw something else which gave me a chill, another woman had been raped in my area code. This was the sixth one and the police were saying that it looked like the work of the same man and were asking women alone to be careful. Although none of us had said it, I knew that the serial rapist who had been making the papers for almost two weeks now was the major reason Barb and Patty wanted me to have a guard dog. Well, now I had one. I shrugged off the dark mood and finished gathering the papers.

  I threw the rest of the paper in the recycling bin and grabbed the remote to switch off the TV when something struck me as strange.

  “Hey,” I said, turning off the TV. “Didn’t I leave you watching ‘Animal Planet’? So how come ESPN is on now?”

  Shadow barked twice and I had the strangest feeling he was laughing at me. Was I going crazy or what? I was certain that I had left the TV tuned to ‘Animal Planet’ and the remote had been in the same place on top of the TV where I left it. So how had the station gotten changed? I looked at Shadow and then back at the remote which seemed to be slightly damp. I shook my head.

  “No way. No …way,” I emphasized out loud. “C’mon, boy, let’s get out of here. I need some fresh air.”

  * * * *

  White Tank Mountain Park was an expanse of desert plain, scattered with native vegetation that held intertwining trails leading up to the mountain and its hidden canyons. I’d always lived in Arizona so the lack of Kelly green grass and deciduous trees didn’t bother me, althou
gh I knew a lot of people that had moved here from more temperate climates that missed it terribly. The desert has its own green, and I found it beautiful.

  I let Shadow off his leash and he immediately trotted behind a convenient Palo Verde tree and squatted. He seemed to be taking a long time and I walked around to see if he was still there.

  “Everything okay, boy?” I asked.

  He gave me a look I would have sworn was one of offended modesty then stood and trotted around behind a large concealing sage bush to finish his business.

  “Okay, okay,” I muttered, leaving him to it. “So you’re a private bathroom person too, I guess.” Except he wasn’t a person. I would really have to make more of an effort to remember that.

  He finished and came galloping back to me, tongue hanging out in doggy enjoyment. I grinned and ruffled his fur.

  “You wanna go for a run? Is that it, boy?” I asked.

  He barked and took off like a flash.

  “No fair getting a head start,” I yelled, sprinting to catch up. I’ve never been much of a jogger. (Patty always teases me that if I run too fast I might give myself two black eyes—ha-ha, very funny.) But I could tell that Shadow was really enjoying himself after being cooped up in the house all day, so I didn’t try to call him back even when I got out of breath myself and had to slow to a walk. He got further and further ahead of me in the deepening dusk, disappearing into a small black dot on the horizon behind the gorgeous sunset.

  “Hey, don’t get too far ahead!” I yelled but my only answer was a far-off bark. I hoped he’d come back when I called him in earnest. He seemed like a good, obedient dog but maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to let him off the leash. There was nothing to do about it now but keep walking, however, which I did while wishing I had picked a park that was a little better lit.

  The sunset was beautiful—desert sunsets always are. Burnt umber and vermilion and blood red faded slowly behind the mountain, leaving a sky that was bruise-colored and silent. I could see the ghost of the almost full moon high in the sky but aside from that, the park was awash in deep darkness. The orange sodium lights from the parking lot did almost nothing to dispel the gloom.