by A J Waines
‘I thought you might have gone too,’ she hissed through gritted teeth, cradling her arm. I’d bandaged it while we waited for the taxis.
‘I’m waiting for Stuart.’
I didn’t tell her I was also still here because I had questions – sack-loads of them – I needed answering. ‘How’s the arm?’ I said.
She stroked the bandage with care. ‘Nothing that won’t heal.’
‘What a morning,’ I said, lying back, my hands over my eyes.
‘Mark really takes the biscuit. I can’t believe he came out with everything,’ she said.
‘Was he telling the truth?’
‘About having a child with the math’s tutor?’ She sniffed. ‘Oh, yeah. I knew about that alright. Saw them scurrying around together plenty of times. I knew she was pregnant, too.’
I sat up. ‘And you and him?’
‘I wasn’t sure if you knew,’ she smiled. ‘You were Jodie’s chief spy, after all.’
‘Not a very good one.’
‘I don’t think being deceitful comes naturally to you, Alice.’ She threw me a ravishing smile. I swallowed, filled with sadness for the friendship that never truly existed.
‘I can’t believe he did that to Jodie,’ I said softly.
She folded her arms, then realised it was too uncomfortable.
‘He needs some serious help,’ she said. ‘The compulsive gambling has made him a nightmare to be around.’ She wrinkled up her nose. ‘He got seriously hooked soon after we left Leeds, I reckon. He’s really gone downhill. Become aggressive, rude – turned into a complete tosser, don’t you agree?’
She was skirting around the issue.
‘Totally, but what about cheating on Jodie?’ I said. ‘Right from the start he’s been a complete sleazebag…all those years…and you…’
She didn’t say anything, wouldn’t engage.
The air between us chilled a fraction. ‘We should have said something. I should have said something,’ I corrected.
‘Jodie could only be blind and stupid not to know he’s always fooled around. She didn’t want to see it, that’s all.’
‘How did you know about his gambling problem?’ I asked.
‘You get to learn a lot in prison. I recognised the signs. I didn’t say before, but I was in touch with him when I came out; it was just after he had a big win at blackjack. I bumped into him in Soho. He let slip that he was on a “winning streak” and was heading for the local casino. He was trying to impress me, I think.’
She laughed. ‘That’s when I decided he owed me and put forward my demand for the ten thousand quid. I was skint after prison. I threatened to tell Jodie everything – the affairs, his secret love-child and the gambling too.
‘At the time he was terrified, but he knew I meant business. He handed it over once he got here. But, obviously, he seems to have changed his mind about Jodie, after all this time together. He decided he wanted his money back and didn’t care about what she knew, anymore.’ She sent her eyes up. ‘That’s what the truth or dare charade was all about.’
‘Why have you been friends with Jodie all this time?’ I asked her. ‘Did you use her, too?’
She winced with the pain in her arm and sat forward. ‘Had a soft spot for her, that’s all. She’s smart in her own way, if you cut through the silly girly façade. She’s much better when she’s not with Mark.’
‘Does she know where you were in the last few years? Does she know you were in jail?’
For some reason it was important to me. She glanced down at her hands. ‘No – no one knew – we didn’t keep in touch after Uni. I only saw Mark again, by accident.’
I was gratified; they weren’t really friends, then.
‘I need to feed Mel,’ she said, getting up.
‘Can I do it? Can I help?’
‘You can come up if you want.’ She moved gingerly, her shoulders rounded, looking like her whole body had taken a battering.
Mel didn’t move as Karen approached the cot. Her eyes were almost glued together with yellow crusts of sleep. I didn’t say anything, but it obviously wasn’t normal. Karen picked her up and her head flopped to one side. I snatched a breath. ‘Is she okay?’
How much had she given her?
‘She’s just sleepy from the medication,’ Karen said.
We went down to the kitchen and while Karen prepared Mel’s milk, I tried to wake her up, rolling toys across the table to her highchair, tickling her in an attempt to bring her back to life. Even though her legs were kicking and her arms were flapping about, her focus continued to waver, as if following an invisible insect around the room.
‘So, Mel is your second child. You gave her the same name…’ It felt a bit morbid, somehow.
Karen didn’t respond.
‘Do you get visits from social services?’ I asked innocently, ‘after…what happened.’
She looked up at me warily. ‘Yeah. I went to see them on the way back from the hospital last week. They’re coming tomorrow for a visit.’
I hesitated. Was this another lie?
‘I’ll give you their card and you can ring them, if you don’t believe me,’ she added, her tongue hooked under her tooth. ‘It’s upstairs.’
‘Stuart and I…are going to leave today. I’m going to get myself checked over by a doctor…’
‘Okay,’ she said blankly.
I shrugged. There would be time later for the awkward goodbyes – we didn’t need to have any now.
After Mel had been fed, Karen started running a bath. I went up after her.
‘I can do it, if you like – you’ve only got one arm.’
‘No – it’s fine,’ she said firmly, putting a clean nappy on the wooden chair. She gathered a couple of towels and squirted bubble bath into the flow of the water. The froth multiplied quickly, foaming up into a cauldron.
I went down to the sitting room and tried ringing Stuart. The landline rang and rang, then his mobile went to voicemail.
‘Where are you?’ I said. ‘Call me – as soon as you get this.’
I’d just put the phone down when it rang, making me jump. ‘What’s happened?’ I said, without waiting for his voice. There was a silence at the other end before a woman asked to speak to Karen.
‘Oh, sorry – who’s calling?’
‘Mrs Ellington – I own the cottage – it’s quite important.’
I left the receiver on the French dresser and ran up the stairs. Karen had the radio on in the bathroom and was singing along with Mel to an old song by Wham. I called out. No reply. There was a sharp glug and the water starting gurgling down the plughole. I called again, then tapped and opened the bathroom door a fraction. Karen was sitting on the edge of the bath, a towel on her knees. Mel was sitting facing me, naked.
My mouth fell open.
Chapter 42
I stared at the baby and then up at Karen’s startled face. There was no doubt about it. The child was a boy.
I made my mouth form the words. ‘There’s a call for you,’ I said, barely audibly, as though in a trance. ‘It’s Mrs Ellington…’
Karen didn’t say a word. She carefully wrapped the boy in a towel and took him downstairs. I stood on the landing, blinking fast, aware of her voice in the distance on the phone.
She came back to the bathroom and carried on as if I wasn’t there, wrapping the infant’s nakedness inside the towel and rubbing him down. ‘Mrs Ellington wants the rest of the payment for the cottage,’ she said with a yawn. ‘I’ll drop it round for her.’
I picked up a wet flannel that had fallen to the floor and held it out like a gift.
‘It’s Brody, isn’t it?’ I said aghast.
No wonder he was crying a lot when he was awake. Karen was a complete stranger. He wanted his mother.
I stared at her. She was like an apparition emerging from the billowy steam. A phantom. Several pieces of the jigsaw began to float into the spaces around me.
I’d never seen her baby’s face cl
early the whole time; the hat the child always wore, the oxygen mask, the drawn curtains, the sedatives so she would sleep for long periods – all designed so we wouldn’t see her properly. The stained rubber gloves – of course, Brody’s hair had been blond – the rash around his hairline.
I frowned in confusion. The police had examined ‘Melanie’ after the boy went missing. At some point she must have made a switch; Brody for Mel.
I left the flannel on the edge of the sink, backed out of the room and closed the door.
I had to call the police.
And what about Stuart? Why wasn’t he answering?
I went to the window in the stupid way people do when they’re waiting for someone who isn’t due back for hours. I thought I might see his Land Rover pulling up, or see him walking towards the cottage.
Except, to my horror, the Land Rover was still there. I swung open the front door and, still in my slippers, I ran towards it. I slapped my hand on the bonnet; the engine was cold and the vehicle was empty. Stuart’s cap was lying on the seat where he’d left it, yesterday.
Why hadn’t I checked for the car, earlier? Where on earth would he go on foot? Did Karen know more about his departure than she’d told me?
I came back inside in turmoil. I was going to have to handle this on my own. My breathing was all over the place – too loud, too fast. My hands slipped on the bannister as I raced up the stairs again.
‘Where’s Stuart?’ I said.
Karen came out onto the landing with the boy and walked past me into her bedroom. ‘Your guess is as good as mine,’ she replied.
Chapter 43
A week earlier
I can’t believe it. I thought I’d made it clear. I’m desperate to blurt it all out, but I’ve got to keep my cool. Been a bit lax and had a few more spliffs than I intended. Mustn’t lose it. But how else am I meant to deal with what has happened?! I’m completely on my own with this total cock-up.
Charlie showed me a photo before he took the child; the infant was certainly a dead-ringer apart from the blonde hair – similar size, remarkable likeness in features and face shape – and I remember double-checking with him that the child was a GIRL. At that age it’s not always easy to see the difference.
Charlie kept hold of the new baby in the caravan until after the police had done their house-to-house interviews. The police came to check out ‘my baby’, of course – and found she was a girl, so there was no issue from that point of view. I knew they’d be checking out my history, but I was ready for that.
When I collected my new child – I knew it was all over. As soon as I got him back to the cottage and changed him – total disaster! My new baby HAD to be a girl – everyone already knew about her.
Charlie must have been a total pillock. He’d got the most basic, most crucial part wrong! The stupid prat wasn’t bloody well getting the rest of his money after that. That’s why he turned up during the night, no doubt – to get his hands on that final payment. I didn’t have it by then, anyway; with the police sniffing around, I’d already passed it on to Pam for safe-keeping.
Obviously it didn’t end well for him.
Chapter 44
I picked up the phone downstairs, heard the dial tone and put it down. I didn’t want to do this to her. I wanted her to do the right thing and hand herself in.
I tapped on her door.
‘Karen, you have to give him back,’ I called out simply. ‘His parents must be going crazy.’
‘You’re wrong, Alice, you’re mistaken. You haven’t been well.’
As she spoke, the pain beside my eye ignited again, as if she’d lashed out at me. I tried to blink it away.
‘The child is a boy,’ I protested, ‘the one who was abducted. I can see that. Anyone can see that! You can’t keep him.’
I tried the door handle, but Karen had locked herself in.
‘I’m calling the police, Karen – I have to.’
‘No – wait,’ she called out. ‘Don’t call them yet. You’re right – it’s all over, but I need to tell you something first. I need to explain. Let me get him dressed.’
I could hear her fussing over him and went downstairs to try Stuart once more. His mobile connected again, but he didn’t answer. This time I thought I heard a ringtone faintly in the background somewhere. I must have been mistaken.
Chapter 45
Two days before
Everything has gone so badly wrong, I just want to blot it out.
Of course, I recognised Charlie straight away. I hid the stool in my room, knowing I’d have to burn it. It was covered in his blood. Alice didn’t see me take the mobile phone from his jacket, either, to dispose of later.
No one was going to miss Charlie so getting rid of him wasn’t an issue. He deserved everything he got. Alice has turned into a liability, however – going flaky on me and I can’t be sure she won’t buckle under pressure if the police start asking more questions.
Couldn’t relax once Charlie had handed over a boy. I did my best – I cut Brody’s curly hair and dyed it much darker – I dressed him in pink and prayed that no one saw him naked. I did feel sorry for Brody’s mum for a while – but she has another kid. I have no one.
I fell into a real depression as a result of Charlie’s unforgiveable mistake. I’ve been using dope and drinking too much – probably giving the child too many sedatives, but I wanted to keep Brody out of the way as much as I could. Not been the world’s best mum, to be honest. It’s not his fault – but I’m stuck with the wrong child.
Chapter 46
I went into the hall, about to call up to say she was running out of time, when Karen appeared on the landing. For a second, she reminded me of my mother. She had the same expression on her face: pity, mixed with disdain and a dash of impatience for good measure.
It reminded me of a long-forgotten memory. I’d been helping my father in the garden one afternoon, holding the ladders and handing him tools as he fixed the guttering. Dad hadn’t realised I’d followed him into the house and was standing right behind him. I overheard him say it was a shame I wasn’t a boy. Mum hadn’t spotted me either and replied without disguising the disappointment in her voice that it was also a pity I wasn’t gifted, intelligent or pretty. ‘She’ll never find a husband,’ she’d said.
I was about eleven at the time. Those words had stuck like thorns in my skin that day and had never fallen away.
I realised, as Karen stood still waiting for me to say something, that I’d spent my entire life trying to be small; trying to keep out of everyone’s way, so I’d be no bother. My sole aim in life, it now occurred to me, was to be useful. Like holding the ladders and passing the tools to my dad; like stealing the exam paper and spying for Jodie. I thought that at least would give me a reason for people to like me, because there was so little else going for me. But all that was in the past. I’d had enough of feeling diminished a long time ago. And I wasn’t going back.
I wasn’t going to wait.
I was about to turn away and finally make the call, when something struck me. I had to stay near the phone, but as long as Karen was out of my sight I didn’t know what she was up to. And Brody – I needed him right by me to make sure he was safe.
‘Get Brody and come right down.’ I told her. ‘I’m waiting here right by the phone until you do.’
Chapter 47
Present Day
Big problem. Should have locked the bathroom door! So close to getting away with it – damn it. Alice has found out and my cover is blown. I need to stop and think this through.
Will have to lay things on a bit heavier now – she’s no longer the pushover she was at Leeds. At least I don’t need to pretend we’re friends anymore. Nevertheless, got to think quickly to minimise the damage.
How can she possibly understand? How can anyone? She doesn’t know what happened to me and how much I lost. Being a mother is a primitive drive for me – as basic as breathing and I can’t fight it.
She’s waiti
ng – the time has come. I need to face her. She’s about to call the police. I’ve got to stop her. It’s as simple as that.
I’m ready.
Chapter 48
I had the receiver in my hand when Karen reached the bottom of the stairs holding Brody.
‘After everything I’ve done for you – you’d turn me in?’ she said. She lifted Brody into the playhouse and approached me, looking broken.
‘Am I supposed to be indebted to you for ever?’ I said.
‘I thought we were better than this, Alice.’ Her words were soft, enticing, but a voice inside me said, Enough. I wasn’t going to get pulled into this again; get tricked into believing she thought our relationship was worth something.
Only as this fiasco unfolded had I realised how one-sided our relationship had always been. I’d confided everything to Karen at Uni and she’d listened, cajoled, given advice – whatever I’d needed, but it had never worked the other way around. I hadn’t noticed it at the time, but she’d never told me anything deeply personal or shared her worries, her doubts, her failings. It was never equal. We weren’t best friends; she was my best friend – there was a difference.
I was always so grateful to have someone in my corner that it hadn’t been an issue, but now I saw it was all false. When we were at Uni, I thought I had to ‘earn’ my right to be her friend, but real friends don’t operate like that. They support each other, share and stand up for each other – they don’t set tasks and offer token friendship as the reward.
It was time for some straight talking, some home truths. ‘Karen, be honest. You’ve never really liked me, have you?’
Her face dropped.
‘You’ve only ever used me. All that chumminess at Leeds was about getting me to do your little jobs for you and Jodie. I’m deeply ashamed of that now – sneaking around for you, lying, stealing, spying for you. I did it so you’d like me. I admired you, you know. I thought you were terrific – so courageous and inspiring. I wanted to be like you. Now, I’d much rather be me; plain and unsophisticated. At least I’ve never been to prison!’