by Tia Siren
At first, the idea of taking Ella with my mother and Avery out to celebrate his big graduation seemed like a seriously dangerous idea. However, as I thought about it more, I realized that deep down I wanted her there, too. She had made a big impression on Avery, and because I didn’t bring women around him, it was the first attachment to another woman I had ever seen him have. So, the four of us met at my apartment and headed out for ice cream.
When we got there, we ordered our scoops and sat down at a table near the back. I pulled out my phone to make sure work hadn’t tried to call and then put it back in my jacket pocket. They knew where I was today, and I assumed they were doing their best not to bother me.
My mother looked at Ella and said, “Does he ever not work?”
“I’m pretty sure he works in his sleep,” she replied.
“We need to get him out more often, have him loosen up a bit.”
“I concur,” Ella said, looking over at me and smiling.
Ella and my mother had met a couple years before when I first moved in, so they had no problem launching into conversations about me. I watched them laugh and play with Avery and realized that I really liked having Ella around, maybe a little too much actually. I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn’t feel that way. Just the fact that I had mentioned Megan showed me I was in the wrong place. It may not have been fair to Ella to keep moving forward with all of this. She really had no idea what I was going through, and I couldn’t seem to bring myself to talk to her about it.
Maybe Ella was nothing more than a distraction, and maybe I was thinking more about it than I really needed to. Maybe I wanted to feel something more, or maybe I did feel something more, but it was because she filled an empty spot in my life that I knew was missing. I didn’t want to think I was the kind of person who could use someone like that. I was always caring, compassionate, and very careful with people’s feelings, especially women’s. Megan had taught me so much about what it really meant to be a man. I used to tell her that was her greatest gift to me. Thinking that I could pull someone along in my life because I needed something from them just seemed so unlike me. Still, I couldn’t ignore the possibility that it was exactly what I was doing with Ella.
Whether I knew for sure or not, I needed to end things with her before both of us ended up getting hurt. If I was starting to question my feelings for her now, things would only grow more and more complicated with time. The last thing I wanted was to break her heart, and I really didn’t need that kind of pain, either.
We had a really fun time while out for ice cream, and when we got home, my mother put Avery to bed before retiring to the guest bedroom. It had been a long day for her with the train ride and the excitement, and I was happy she was going to bed down for the night at my place. I always hated sending her home late at night on the train. It never felt safe to me, and usually she was extremely stubborn about the whole thing. Tonight, though, she didn’t fight me, and I knew it was because she wanted more time with Avery. I walked over to the window where Ella was standing, staring out at the city.
“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” I asked.
“It’s not the only thing,” she replied, turning toward me and putting her arms around my neck.
I looked into her eyes, and everything in me wanted to grab her, pull her in close, and then bend her over the living room couch and fuck her as hard as I could. Every second I was with her, I was completely aroused by her sexuality. However, I had made myself a promise, and no matter how hard it seemed, I was going to follow through with it. She went to lean forward and kiss me, but I put my hand up to her lips and stopped her. Taking in a deep breath, I grabbed her by the hands and pulled them down in front of us.
“Ella, listen, we need to stop doing this,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m really starting to think this is getting too serious, and if we continue to head in the direction we are, it may become toxic. I don’t want that to happen.”
“Okay,” she said, blinking in confusion.
“We can pretend all we want behind closed doors that we have no real obstacles, but we both know that is not the truth,” I said. “Our age difference is one of the reasons I am concerned about what is going on. We are almost ten years apart, and that shows vibrantly if you look at how different our lives are. I have a son, and I have been married and am now widowed. I own a huge company that I spent years growing from the ground up. You are young, vibrant, and just starting out in life. You haven’t made the big mistakes or choices yet, and I don’t ever want to be considered one of your big mistakes.”
“I don’t think I could ever think that,” she responded, looking down.
“Hey,” I said, lifting her chin. “We had a freaking amazing time. We did whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted to do it. The laughter still rings out in my ears, as does some of the other sounds we pulled from each other.”
“Yeah,” she said with blushed cheeks. “It really was a great time.”
“That being said,” I replied, “that fun is going to have to come to an end at some point, and I think it would be a lot easier if we picked that time instead of letting it fall apart on its own. I think it would be best if we ended things here and now.”
“I understand,” she said, thankfully taking things well. “I did have a crazy amount of fun, and I got over the insane crush I’ve carried for years. You know, I was actually just thinking about all of this last night after I went home. I could tell things were starting to change between us. Things were getting more serious and more complicated. I knew that eventually one or both of us was going to get hurt, and that was definitely not something I wanted to see happen.”
“I’m so glad you understand,” I said with a sigh. “I was terrified that this conversation alone was going to hurt you.”
She smiled. “I’m okay. And this doesn’t mean I want to cut you out of my life. You have become a very good friend to me. And Avery, oh my gosh, I adore that little boy. I would be more than happy to babysit him whenever you need me, at least until I go back to school. I really love being around him.”
“Thank you, Ella,” I said, kissing her on the cheek. “You really are an amazing woman.”
“That being said,” she replied, looking down at her watch, “I have a big day tomorrow. It’s my little sister’s graduation from the academy, and I’ll have to run interference for my father.”
“Did she decide against law school, too?”
She laughed. “Oh, no. She actually decided on her own to go pre-law. I thought at first it was because she was terrified she would be hounded by my father like I am, but I was wrong. She is actually genuinely interested in becoming a lawyer. She doesn’t seem too convinced about my father’s practice, but I think she will come around when she realizes that the firm will be hers one day. I have officially become the black sheep of the family.”
“Yeah, I mean, talk about bad. How dare you want to be a school teacher?” I said, laughing.
“I know,” she said, feigning shock.
“Well.” I held out my hand for her to walk ahead of me to the door. We stood in front it, staring at each other, the emotions between us heightened by the inevitable end we were facing. Ella smiled sweetly, raising up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek.
“Thank you for the fantasy,” she whispered before lowering herself and walking out the door.
I stood there for a moment, still feeling the warmth of her lip-glossed lips on my cheek, the smell of her perfume wafting around me. I closed the door, locked it, and leaned my shoulder on it, staring down at my shaky hands. When I decided to break things off, I had known it was for the best, but now I was starting to question my choice. Was it just last-minute nerves? Or had I just walked away from something I really didn’t want to walk away from? I almost felt like I was dooming myself to unhappiness by pushing her away, but at that point, it was far too late. I had to live with my decision to cut ties with Ella. I just hoped I could reconcile this with my own brain before remorse s
et in.
Chapter 14
Ella
Today was the day I watched my best friend and baby sister finally graduate from high school. I had a mixture of nostalgia, excitement, and pride running through me all at the same time. My mind was definitely kept busy, especially since we had a lot of family there to help us celebrate and they liked to ask questions about Harvard and what I was studying. Law school ended up in every conversation, but I held true to my choices.
The academy was decorated in its normal blue and gold motif with streamers hanging throughout the halls and banners draped all over the gym. This year, the graduates were allowed to decorate their caps, but my sister had opted for a more traditional approach to appease my father. I sat in the stands listening to her talk about the future, opportunities, and the journey everyone was about to embark on. I thought about my own graduation day and how full of hope I had been for the future. It was nice to see that kind of enthusiasm again. I needed to hear it.
Afterward, my father threw a huge party back at the apartment, inviting all of his business partners, the family, and a million of their friends. He had told Taryn she could invite some of her friends from school, but she had decided it was already going to be too overwhelming as it was. She didn’t want to subject her friends to that kind of nonsense. I watched as she went through the same thing that I had, repeating where she’d gotten into college and talking about her plan of study. I felt bad for her, but it had almost become a rite of passage in our family.
After all the toasts had been made and the crowd had filtered through, Taryn snuck over to me and pulled me out onto the balcony so we could hide around the corner. I passed her one of the glasses of wine I had snagged, and we sat there looking out at the city with our tired, heeled feet propped up. It was the first time all day we’d had any alone time together, and I was more than happy to escape the crowd.
“Were you nervous about going to college when you started?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “But I think that was only because I wanted so badly to get away from Dad, the law firm, and Mom’s flightiness that it almost seemed like an escape from this life. I didn’t want to leave you, but I was starting to lose my mind here.”
“I can understand that,” she replied. “Dad was a lot harder on you than he ever was on me. I have to admit, though, I’m pretty terrified about starting at Harvard in the fall. I’m glad that I get one year of you being there with me.”
“I’m glad, too,” I said with a smile.
“Are you okay?” Taryn asked, tilting her head at me. “You seem a little off today,”
I sighed. “Yeah. Just tired and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people.”
The truth of the matter was, I was feeling down about what had happened between Will and me, but I didn’t want my sister to have to worry about that on her special day. So, I did my best to conceal it from her and played off my absent mind as nothing more than exhaustion from the day’s events.
“I did actually have a lot of nerves about starting at Harvard,” I said. “I mean, I had to follow in our parents’ footsteps, I had to actually commit to a Harvard education, and to be honest, I was pretty exhausted of studying by that point.”
“So what did you do?”
“Honestly? Nothing. When I got there, all the fears and nerves went away, and I was really excited to get going in my new life. They have a way of making you feel like family there. It’s pretty nice.”
“You know what? Me and you, we are pretty damn lucky.”
“Oh yeah? And why is that?”
“Because we have each other, you know? So many of my friends don’t know anything about their siblings. They aren’t close at all.”
“Aww, I’m glad, too,” I said. “You are definitely my closest friend and confidant. I don’t really have many friends at school, and I’m excited that you are going to be there with me. Hell, we don’t even have to come home for holidays anymore. We can just have our own celebration.”
She laughed. “Yeah, right. Dad would show up and crash the party.”
“True,” I replied, pouting.
“But you are my best friend, too,” she said with a smile.
“It probably helps that I’m never home anymore,” I said with a smirk.
We looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter and then shushing each other and giggling quietly, not wanting to be caught. My parents were sticklers for always being present when there were guests around, but we were so tired of the masses, we’d had no choice but to sneak away for own sanity. We had snuck away from every party my parents had ever thrown, hiding in all kinds of different places, including under the bed, in the shower, and even in the coat closet when we were younger. Having wine while we hid was a hell of a lot more fun, though.
“You know what I think really helps you?” I asked.
“My keen sense of style and my girlish good looks?”
“Of course,” I said, giggling. “But I meant with Dad. It helps that you plan to go to law school. Dad is much more open to helping you than he is me because you are doing exactly what he wants. He has dreamt of his girls taking over his firm from the time we were born. Now that I have crushed that dream with Thor’s hammer, he has turned to you to carry the flame.”
“Yeah, that’s not daunting or anything,” Taryn said.
“You know that you don’t have to go to law school, right?” I asked. “I mean, Dad will eventually get over it, or he will adopt some poor kid to carry out his dreams. Those are his dreams. You are allowed to have your own.”
“I know,” she replied. “And I can honestly say that I’m not doing it for Dad. I mean, at first I was, but once I really started understanding what kind of opportunities there are out there for lawyers, I kind of fell in love with the idea of becoming a lawyer. The only part that just seems super overwhelming and heavy is the amount of work I will have to do to get to that point. Harvard pre-law sounds like hell, so I can only imagine what law school will be like.”
“Like the worst hell ever,” I said, laughing. “But you are smart. You will be just fine.”
“So, let me ask you this,” she said. “Why are you so against taking over the family business? I mean, it’s kind of a slam dunk, really. You could be a lawyer and never have to start your own firm.”
“I don’t agree with defending criminals,” I said point blank. “Don’t get me wrong, Dad is a fantastic lawyer, but I don’t agree with what type of law he works in. I know everyone deserves a lawyer, and a decent one—that’s what makes this country great—but I just don’t think I could do it. A lot of the people our dad defends are just straight up guilty of the crimes they are being charged with. That means Dad takes a guilty storyline and twists it around to make the person look not guilty. I just don’t see that as fair and just law. I see that as pulling the wool over people’s eyes. He helps them get out and be free of any punishment or retribution they would normally have to face, and I just don’t agree with that in any way.”
“I get it now,” Taryn said, shaking her head. “Dad always makes his job seem so glamorous and important, like he is upholding the Constitution. He really romanticizes it to everyone he is around. But I agree with you. I don’t think it’s right for someone who’s guilty to get away. I’m totally still going to go to law school because it is what I want to do. However, I can’t possibly imagine myself ever going to work for our father. I don’t think I could look at myself in the mirror if I knew I’d gotten someone off who was actually guilty. It may sound hokie, but I want to use my education and the law to help people who really need it. I want to help those that have been wronged, not get people who have impeded on others’ rights off. I know a lot of people start out thinking that way and fold to the politics, but I never want to be that person. Justice and law are just too important to me to circumvent it for a paycheck. I want to do something good in this world.”
We sat there huddled up outside in the corner, talking and
laughing. These were the times with my sister that I really missed when I was away at college. I missed having my best friend with me, the person I went to with my problems and frustrations. I knew exactly what she meant when she said she had so many friends who didn’t know anything about their siblings. Taryn and I were complete opposites, but there wasn’t much that we didn’t know about each other. Our whole lives we had submitted to the will of our father, been pushed to nothing short of excellence, and always kept our wits about us. It was an extremely stressful way of life for her and me, and we had always leaned on each other to make it through. I was curious to see how life would change when I finally graduated from college. Hopefully nothing would and Taryn and I would continue to go on as best friends and sisters. With the kind of life she led at the academy, I knew going to a place as huge as Harvard was going to be overwhelming for her, just like it had been for me.
After the crazy day of being surrounded by family and friends, it was really nice to have this time with Taryn. Just sitting there with her, catching up on everything in life, made me want to tell Taryn all about what had been happening with Will. The last thing Taryn knew was that I’d had a one-night stand with him. She didn’t know anything about the drama behind it all, including the texts, the Skype sessions, and his inability to let go of the past. However, I decided that for now I would keep everything to myself. Today was my little sister’s big day, and I didn’t want to make any part of it more stressful than it already was with all the family and friends here.
I turned my head and looked out over the city, watching Taryn do the same thing. We both leaned back and sipped our wine, letting all the troubles inside fade away for just a little while. Taryn’s thoughts on college and starting her new life were inspiring, and though my heart was focused on Will, she was giving me the motivation I had been missing for quite a while. Maybe things weren’t going to turn out as badly as I thought they would after all.