Last Time She Died

by Niki Kamerzell

  Horror washed through her as she gawked at the other version of her, trapped behind the flames, slumped on the steering wheel. Blood streaked her face.

  She remembered every moment of that drive home. She’d left the diner angry. The black of that April night had been thick like tar but warm, and when she was halfway home the sky had opened up with rain.

  Her favorite song filled the space around her as she neared home. She remembered lightning, a crash, and dead silence.

  The dream made sure she knew every second in vivid detail. Still, there was something wrong with the end of the dream. And everything after.

  She remembered nothing after the accident. She couldn’t remember how long it took her injuries to heal or what those injuries were. She couldn’t remember how long it had taken her to go back to work or move out of the house she shared with Cali.

  A light rain fell around her, but it was softer than the rain under the light. Watching where the bright met the dark was surreal. The rain and the car underneath the light appeared as if they were separate from the real world, simply superimposed in place. The air wavered at the meeting, like heat lines on the street of a hot summer day.

  In black and white, a woman rushed out of the house belonging to the yard Alexia’s car had torn through. The shock in the woman’s eyes was clear as she spoke into her phone. It was like watching a TV on mute. Alexia couldn’t hear anything she said.

  She didn’t care about the woman and she faded into the background.

  The front of the car burned despite the heavy rain. A streak of something had ignited on the pavement, surrounding it in flames. Fire grew under the vehicle. As she crossed under the light of the streetlamp, her senses heightened. The rain was louder, and the smell of the burning fuel hurt her nose.

  Alexia inched up to the driver’s door and stared. The Alexia-copy was still bright in color. It was the past-version of herself she saw every night in her dream. Past-Alexia’s hair was shorter with bright purple streaks running through it—streaks that had long since grown out. Alexia reached through the broken window and touched her copy’s face. It was ice cold.

  Alexia looked first at the gray Tom’s diner t-shirt on her copy, and then down at the same one on herself. The only difference was the girl in the car had blood seeping through the gray. There was so much blood.

  Flames licked at the seats of the car and when they caught, Alexia took a sharp step back. Her copy in the car would burn. The cuffs of the copy’s pants caught fire and it slowly crawled up her legs.

  She hadn’t been burned; she was sure of it. Burns would have scarred, and she didn’t have any scars.

  But you don’t actually remember anything, do you? her mind asked.

  A sudden movement made Alexia look up. A barefoot Cali rushed at her, looking frantic. She wore a thin, filthy white tank top and ripped black cotton shorts. Caked in mud, her hair tangled around her head as if she were soaking wet. She had cuts across her arms and legs and her feet were thick with blood and dirt.

  “Cali? What are you doing here?”

  Cali didn’t look up; she didn’t slow at all. She was running to past-Alexia. Once Cali got to the light from the streetlamp, it was like she hit a physical barrier and her head bounced back. Cali threw her hands up and pounded her palms against the wall of light. Running into the light wall had cut Cali above and below her eye and blood was dripping down her filthy face.

  Alexia had wandered into the light with no problems. She wondered why Cali couldn’t.

  After a minute of watching Cali circle the light trying to break through, she stopped walking and just pounded her fists on the light, again. It sounded like pounding on glass. A flash of lightning made them both jump.

  Cali’s eyes lost their focus. She dropped her fists and backed away slowly, stopping next to a man. He appeared like a mist that had solidified behind her.

  “Who is that?” Alexia asked out loud.

  She moved, trying to see his face as he stood behind Cali. Something sparked to her left and she turned. Her parents stood facing each other.

  “Mom? Dad?” She moved toward them before another couple caught her eye and she froze.

  Leland watched the Alexia behind the wheel.

  He glanced at her. Though it started as a passing glance, she watched the shock register across his face when he noticed her. With a slight shake of his head, his gaze moved to the Alexia still burning in the car, then flicked back to the one standing in front of him. Alexia felt a spike of heat as their eyes connected.

  Sirens broke the silence. He said something. Alexia couldn’t hear him over the wail of approaching sirens. He wouldn’t take his eyes off Alexia.

  An ambulance rounded the corner. As the lights touched the people standing all around, they vanished as if they had simply been a figment of the dark. The bright lights erased all signs of them.

  All too quickly, everyone around her was gone except her past-self. The flickering flames had climbed to her shirt but were tamped down by all the blood and rain.

  The ambulance squealed to a stop, headlights blinding Alexia. She covered her eyes, and everything vanished. Once again, she was surrounded by darkness.

  Not the darkness of nothing, just night. Above her, stars twinkled behind the wispy rain clouds. Light bled into the horizon and pinks and purples lit up the morning sky. Spinning in a slow circle, she examined the street. Empty.

  Her back to the sun, she stared at the purple mountains waking up with the rest of the world.

  It was morning.

  That meant she’d gotten home from work and stood in the street for hours.

  Or, she had really gone out and seen her accident. Which was impossible.

  Swallowing air, she thought about the slumped girl bleeding in her car. The fire. The broken bits of plastic and glass littered the street.

  It was all so different from her normal dream. Despite not having any real explanation, she knew it wasn’t a dream.

  More than just the accident confused her. Leland had been there, which bothered her—she hadn’t known him then. Yet some part of her knew he belonged there. Alexia just couldn’t find that part of her to ask why.

  “What the hell is wrong with me?” Alexia said as she walked into her house.

  Pouring cereal into a bowl, Alexia sat robotically in a chair. Her head began to hurt and stirred the cereal around without eating it. She thought about the guy who stood behind Cali. She struggled, again, to remember who he was. He had seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place him anywhere. She thought maybe he was the guy from the SS Princess Alice, though he didn’t look that much like him. It was more that he reminded Alexia of him. He stood by Cali, and that seemed important. Leland had been standing alone. The stranger and Cali weren’t touching, but they were so close, Alexia guessed there had to be a link.

  Tossing her spoon onto the table in front of her, she stood up, pacing and thinking, trying to figure it out. Something was happening and there had to be a reason.

  The same thought replayed through her head. The view of the accident she’d just seen was not her own. It wasn’t something she could have remembered, like the dream. Every night, the dream was something more than a dream. It was truth. It was something that had actually happened. The latest viewpoint may not have been her own, but it was an accurate view of the events.

  Everything in Alexia told her it was true. It had taken her a long time to see it, but finally, she understood.

  Alexia was dead. She died that night in her car accident. She’d seen it from the rest of the world’s angle. She saw what everyone else already knew.

  Alexia Harper was just a ghost.

  Chapter Nine

  Cali was stuck half in and half out of the ground. The snow was gone, replaced now by light, misting rain. It was warmer, but Cali had no time to be thankful. She stared at the rock in front of her. Lexi’s tombstone.

  She was stuck halfway in Lexi’s grave. Digging herself out of her best friend�
��s coffin. The dirt falling into her face covered the casket. Bile rose in her throat, spurred by the stink of decay. The earth smelled old and tainted.

  “No, no, no,” Cali cried as she pulled herself free from the dirt. Once she was loose, she started to run. Her head spun from the lack of oxygen, the spike of adrenalin, and sudden exertion. Pins of pain pricked her legs from forcing them forward. The world started spinning. Cali saw the tree shading Lexi’s grave and realized too late that she was heading back to the hole that had almost been the death of her. She leaned into the tree and puked on the newly disturbed dirt.

  Cali was so dizzy, she lost her footing and fell, hitting her head on Lexi’s tombstone and just missing her puddle of vomit. She was lucid for only a minute more as she stared sideways at Alexia Joy Harper’s name carved into the gray stone in front of her.

  The world went black.

  Cali came to with the horrific memory of crawling out of Lexi’s grave. The cold mud was sucking her back down while she desperately wished to find herself in bed discovering it had all been a nightmare.

  She stood. It was too dark to see, but still she ran. She hit her shins on something and sprawled forward. Her hands stung as a sharp object dug into their skin. Running blind would get her nowhere but stuck out in the cemetery with a broken leg, she realized. As long as she was still at Lexi’s grave, Cali was sure she could find her way out. She took a deep breath and ignored the acrid smell around her. Closing her eyes, she tugged on her half of the ‘best friends forever’ necklace around her neck until her breathing regulated. She stood slowly and moved to the nearby tree.

  She felt the crisp bark under her fingertips and breathed in the earthy smell of the tree that cast shade over Lexi’s grave. The starting point was clear. As she walked, she thought she felt familiar landmarks, but the dark made everything feel foreign. She couldn’t be sure she was going the right way. Her feet stung, reminding her she was shoeless. She hadn’t had them at the chicken coop, and she was still in the same outfit.

  She wasn’t sure how long she’d been wandering through the cemetery. It felt like hours, but that didn’t seem possible. The graveyard just wasn’t that big. Just as she was starting to wonder if she’d turned herself around again, she stepped onto the sidewalk. A highway divided the cemetery. She was in the newer half; the older was on the other side of the road. A car would pass, even this late at night. She could flag it down and they would drive her home. Surely no one would mind the dirt that covered her from head to toe.

  Walking south down the sidewalk, she only made it a little way before she realized she still couldn’t see. Pausing to look around, she saw nothing but blackness. Cali was not particularly familiar with the street in front of her, but it was a highway. She thought, surely, it should have been lit by some kind of light. A few hundred feet south, the road split into two one-way streets, and at the fork, there was a twenty-four-hour fast-food restaurant. Cali couldn’t see it. She couldn’t see the other side of the road. She turned the other way. Up north was the bowling alley. Cali could see nothing. She listened for any sound. There wasn’t even wind. The blackness was so absolute that it had swallowed all light and sound. She couldn’t even see her hands in front of her face.

  A frantic wheezing sound frightened her, and she cowered away from the street. It wasn’t until the sound followed her, she realized it was her panicked breathing.

  “Get it together, Cali,” she said forcefully to herself. She stood, unmoving, wondering if she should continue down the street in hopes it was the right direction or wait where she stood to see if light or help would come.

  She wondered if she could be dreaming. There was no way she could have actually dug herself out of Lexi’s grave. Cali realized the snow and chicken coop must be part of the dream and tried to force herself awake.

  “Cali.” A raspy voice floated to her on a breeze.

  She spun around. “Who’s there?” Her voice came out tight, sounding as terrified as she felt. Dream or not, the fear was real.

  “Cali!” the voice repeated, louder, screeching like nails on a chalkboard.

  “What do you want?” Cali whispered.

  “You! You stupid girl! Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out? I know what you are doing!” The voice multiplied and sounded like a group of people hissing right over her shoulder.

  “Why? What am I doing?” Cali was so scared she was crying. She felt the tears making paths through the mud down her face. The rain still misted down, but too light to loosen the sludge from her skin.

  “Don’t cry,” the single voice spat. She felt the breath in her face. It smelled like rotting eggs. “It won’t be quick. It won’t be painless, but it will end. Forever this time.”

  Something like a stick raked through Cali’s hair. Cali screamed and batted it away. She could feel sandy particles swarming her. The voice was so raspy and moved so quickly Cali couldn’t keep up with it. Sometimes she could feel the breath of just one voice, a moment later it was many. Cali couldn’t tell if there were one or fifty. The voices surrounded her. Then there was one. She wondered how anyone could have found her in all the darkness enveloping her.

  Cali knew the disembodied voice meant what it said. It was here to hurt her, end her.

  The chorus of voices chanted out in unison, sounding like a horrible song. “You won’t fall in line. You keep coming back,” they told her. “You shouldn’t exist, and yet, here you are. Over and over. You’re a slap in the face, Cali. This is the end for you.” Then it was just one voice again, louder. “None of you will get out of this. You cannot protect them any more than you can protect yourself.”

  It didn’t feel like a dream anymore. She ran.

  Cali wasn’t much for long-distance running, she’d barely made the track team. But she ran and begged her poorly trained legs not to give up. She wasn’t ready to die.

  Her raw feet scraped against the sidewalk as she ran. Without being able to see, she had no way to dodge anything. She could only ignore the pain as the skin on her feet shredded. A branch raked her shoulder, tearing her shirt and skin. Hot blood seeped from the wound.

  No longer misting, the rain poured down on her, but still, Cali ran. Every so often she smelled the eggy breath of whoever was chasing her. She didn’t have strength to cry out, or a chance to focus on how anyone could follow her as silently as the person chasing her. She just ran into the darkness. She ran for her life. Her wet clothes clung to her, and Cali was grateful it was warm and not the snowy night it had been while she was in the chicken coop.

  After a short while, the ground was softer on her feet, telling her she was on a wooden path. She wondered where she was just as she lurched off the end. It was a small, unexpected pier. Lake Jaydee was on the other side of the graveyard. She guessed she’d run toward it and fallen in. She waded through the water and it never went deeper than her waist. The lake was huge so she was either somewhere else, or she was managing to skirt the edge. The water was cold. She slogged through and weighed her options. She could hear hissing behind her, so doubling back and getting out the way she came in would lead to her stalker. After consideration, she decided to swim, but keep her hands down so she could feel the bottom and not get too deep. She would get out once she couldn’t hear the voices or the breathing.

  The water cooled her, and she let her legs rest for a minute as she pulled herself underwater and used her arms to drag herself forward. Her feet stung as the lake washed debris from them.

  She wasn’t an excellent swimmer, but she’d spent enough time in the water to figure out how to get herself through. She wasn’t really trying to swim anyway. By keeping her hands down, she could pull herself through the water without kicking her legs. She was barely sticking above the surface. Just enough to breathe. Hoping her pursuer hadn’t heard her fall in, she moved quietly while trying to escape.

  The water was getting shallower. The whole space felt too small to be the lake. She paused to listen, no sounds. She knew she was alo
ne, but wasn’t sure where she was.

  As she crawled out, careful to be as silent as possible, she wondered if she were in the small ponds that dotted the highway. If so, then instead of doubling back like she thought, she was headed towards home. Miles away, but the right direction.

  Cold and out of the water, she moved until the texture under her feet changed. She was back on the street. She ran straight but the road was curved, and she tripped over the curb, sprawling onto the sidewalk. No longer sure what direction she needed to go, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the empty sky. A raspy sound brought her to her feet. Whatever was chasing her could see. Afraid to fall again, she jogged slower and listened to the sounds of her feet falling around her. The sidewalk ended. Indecision ate at her; she didn’t know which way to go.

  “Cali! You can’t outrun me. I always find you!” The creaking voices sounded in the distance. Her name echoed around her and she stopped thinking and started running up the middle of the wide street.

  Cali’s lungs, for the second time in under an hour, burned from a lack of air. Feeling dizzy and fearful of passing out, she kept running. She veered when the voice sounded in her ear, lost her way, and ended up in someone’s backyard. She tripped over stairs and followed them up to the door, trying to open it. It was locked. She pounded on the door, but no one answered. Creaking scratchy voices behind her calling out her name in their hollow, breathy sounds made her tumble off the stairs.

  Lightning flashed as she fought the urge to collapse on the ground and give up. Thunder boomed through the sky, drawing out the hiss of her follower. The lightning hadn’t provided enough light to see where she was, but she saw something she was sure could help her and felt hope. She grabbed a bike standing in front of her, not caring she was stealing and pedaled away.

  Coasting downhill, she sucked in a big breath and picked up speed. The voices still followed her, switching at random from one to many. Cali veered to her right when she smelled the putrid breath off her left shoulder. The bike clattered to its side and Cali skidded down the street. She felt the road rash burn across her leg, but she ignored it, rushed back to the bike, and rode on. Cali wasn’t sure where she was going anymore. She was sure she was heading in the general direction of her house but suspected she’d gone too far east and was far, far past it.