A Love Restrained

by Becky Flade

  “Now what?”

  “Claudia Frye convinced a judge to let her out on her own recognizance. She found her son. She hurt him bad. He’s at the Children’s Hospital of Pennsylvania.” Grace touched her elbow. “They aren’t sure he’s going to make it. And no one knows where she is.”

  “Son of a bitch.” Her heart lurched as she stepped into the elevator. “How do they know it was her and not the boyfriend?”

  “She waited near his school and caught him this morning before the first bell. There were witnesses.”

  Brian rushed to her when the elevator opened. Grace went back to her desk. It looked coordinated. He sent Grace to babysit me.

  “You can’t get involved.”

  “I want to see him.”

  “That’s a no. I’m sorry. I understand you feel for the kid, but if the mother shows up at CHOP and sees you there, she’s likely to become more violent. The police want to take her without further incident.”

  “Without further incident? Are you kidding me?”

  “No, I’m not. I’m ordering you to stand down. He’s not alone. The foster mom is with the boy. She’s fond of him. The police are sitting on Frye’s place, the foster mother’s house, and the hospital. There isn’t anything you can do.”

  “How much of this is on me?”

  “None of it. And you know better than that.” He pushed her toward her office door. “Try to get some work done today. If you can’t keep your mind on task, take an early day and go hug your boy.”

  * * *

  She couldn’t concentrate, and Brady wouldn’t be out of school for hours yet. Normally she’d use the little bit of alone time to do housework or go for a run. I don’t want to be alone if they call and say the kid didn’t make it. So she drove without aim, but wasn’t altogether surprised when she ended up at Jayson’s door.

  He opened the door and she tried to ignore that he was bare-chested and, after a quick glance, barefooted. Why is that sexy? “Hey. Got a minute?”

  Because you know he isn’t wearing anything under those jeans.

  He stepped back, invited her in. He hadn’t primped to go out, no cologne, no product in his disheveled hair, just healthy, earthy male. One who looked like he’d rolled out of bed to answer the door. What if he’s not alone? She hadn’t considered the possibility before, the idea of him with another woman. She didn’t like it.

  “This isn’t a bad time, is it?” She heard the bit of panic in her voice, couldn’t control the swivel of her head as she looked for evidence of a woman in his home. Jealousy was bitter in her mouth, and ire grew however irrational she knew it to be. He can do what he wants with whoever he wants. I’ll tear her apart. She ignored the amused, yet triumphant, twist of his lips.

  “I’m alone if that’s what you’re asking.”

  Her relief was short lived. The guilt and grief rushed back. Bottomed out, wanting to cry for a child she hardly knew, she slumped to the bottom step and dropped her head into her hands.

  “Hey. Hey, are you okay?”

  She shook her head. He sat beside her on the step, wrapped an arm around her waist and tucked her into his side. She wasn’t a small woman, never had been. She’d been a proud police officer with impeccable aim who never hesitated to grapple with men twice her size. But she’d always loved how Jayson treated her. Many men tried to make her feel small. Not him. With him, she’d always felt feminine, without losing her sense of self in the process. I could lean on him, even then.

  When she’d told him all of what she knew, he stood and tugged until she stood with him. He tilted her face to meet his and kissed her lips. They’d had hard, dirty, fantastic sex a couple months ago, but it didn’t hold a candle to the afternoon they’d made love and conceived their son. This felt like then. Like home. When he pulled back, his blue eyes bore down into hers.

  “Your parents knew what my life was like, what my father was like, and though they did their best to help me, he almost killed me. Think they’re at fault?”

  “No.”

  “No. They’re not. And neither are you.”

  He kissed her forehead and nearly broke her. She closed her eyes, laying her cheek against his heart as he rubbed her back and cooed comforting nonsense. She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes. He’ll know, he’ll see it. I’m still in love with him.

  “How long before you have to be back at work?”

  “I’m done for the day.”

  “Mrs. Cunningham picking up Brady after school?”

  “I thought I would since I don’t often get the chance.”

  “How much time we have then?”

  She looked at the clock on the wall she faced. “About two hours. Why?”

  “I ever tell you how turned on I used to get by your uniform?”

  She bit back a laugh and shook her head against his chest.

  “Oh yeah, it was hot. But these prim lady-suits you wear put the uniform to shame. They make me crazy.” His lips brushed her ear lobe.

  The laugh escaped. It sounded husky to her ears. When his hands ghosted over her ass, she knew she should step away. But I’m not going to.

  “Lady-suits?”

  “Mmmm. Lady-suits. They’re so proper, and I can’t help but wonder what you have on under them. Like how proper are your panties? Are you even wearing panties? I’m obsessed.”

  “Is that a fact?”

  “It is.”

  He tucked his face into the crook of her neck, and she heard him inhale her scent. His heart thrummed under her cheek, and without thinking about it, she ran her hands up over the curves of his chest, enjoying the sprinkle of hair that tickled her fingertips.

  “Come on Parker, let me see what you have on underneath.”

  All she had to do was turn her head, and she’d have his skin under her lips, the taste of him on her tongue. All you have to do is say yes. She felt like Alice staring down the rabbit-hole. Should she jump? Her heart was involved just as surely as it was before, but this time she risked her little boy’s heart too.

  “I’m scared.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Really?” She leaned back, unsure if she’d recognize a lie or see what she wanted. Knowing he’d see everything in her eyes; he always could.

  “One misstep and I lose everything all over again. I’m fucking terrified.”

  She saw the truth, fear and arousal mixed together—inseparable—he loved her, he always had.

  “If you say no, I’ll live with it. Nothing has to change.” He dipped his head to nibble on her lips before pleading, “Don’t say no.”

  Her phone rang, jolting them both. She wanted to ignore it. This moment is important. Ignore it. But she couldn’t. It could be news about Max or his mother. She looked from him to her bag and back. Dread coiled in her stomach, drenching the lust, the love, the fear that nested there moments before.

  “Answer it. You need to know. I’m right here.”

  She snatched the phone from her purse. She didn’t recognize the number on the display, but that didn’t mean anything.

  “Hello.”

  “Mrs. Parker? Kylee Parker?”

  “This is she.”

  “Brady’s mother?”

  Fear rippled up her back, and she reached for him. He took her hand, held it, his expression concerned, compassionate. “Yes. Who’s this?”

  “Mother Superior at Resurrection Elementary School. We can’t find your son.”

  PART THREE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  “It’s been hours.” Panic threatened to overwhelm her. Her hands shook, it felt like her entire body shook. She’d refused the medical attention Michael had tried to administer insisting she was in shock. Of course, I’m in shock, my little boy is missing. Her breath caught on a sob, and she swallowed it. Jayson’s hand smoothed over her back.

  He gave yet another statement regarding his alleged criminal past to yet another police officer. He referred each one to his former supervisor, shredding the cover that ha
d pulled them apart. Neither of them cared.

  “It’ll be dark soon.” She wasn’t speaking to anyone in particular. Bodies filled her house: law enforcement, friends, co-workers, family, people who loved them. People wanted to help. No one knew anything helpful. All she wanted was Brady.

  They were taking the kids back inside after recess when they noticed he was gone. A kid in Brady’s class saw him with a grown-up wearing a green hoodie. An Amber alert had been issued state-wide.

  “Stop asking him the same questions over and over. Go find my son!”

  Another man asked Jayson another question and her outburst went unacknowledged. Did I say it out loud? I did. I think.

  Someone shoved a glass into her hand. She drank it out of reflex. She coughed, spat, as the whiskey burned a hole in her throat. Choking, she looked up. Michael. He nodded, took the glass, and handed her another which looked to have soda in it.

  “Good. You’ve got some color in your cheeks. You were scary pale.”

  “How should I look?”

  He squatted in front of her. Worry and fear clouded eyes the same color and shape as hers. The grey pallor his normally healthy skin bore gave the impression of deep grief and endless suffering. It had been hours since she’d called him on the verge of hysteria.

  “Like you still have hope.”

  “I was a cop too long,” she whispered. “But I still have hope.”

  The door opened, and she sprang to her feet. As did Jayson. His hands braced her shoulders. Is he holding me up or am I holding him up? He hadn’t let go of her since the school called. And she felt the tremors running through his body. He suffered as she did. Every time the phone rang or the door opened, they reacted in concert. United in terror and hope.

  Matt came through the door with Brian. She hadn’t seen Matt since the night he’d loitered in her yard, angry at her over Jayson. He hadn’t called to apologize, as she’d anticipated. It had been radio silence, and she’d fostered it, in her irritation over Sylvia’s accusations. But he came. Like a good friend, a good partner would, except his stare, aggressive and accusatory, directed over her shoulder—at Jase.

  His hands flexed on her shoulders. She couldn’t deal with this now. Not now. If they start, I’m going to fucking snap.

  “Did they find her? Did they find Brady?” she asked.

  “They found her. She got inside the hospital. They also found surveillance video suggesting she’d been hiding there for hours.” Brian rubbed his hand over his balding head, his hound dog-eyes battling tears. “Since around the time, Brady went missing. She doesn’t have him. It wasn’t her.”

  “No, no, no. It had to be her! If it was a stranger….” she spun into Jayson’s arms, “how do we find him?”

  He held her tight as she fisted her hands in his shirt and spent hot tears.

  “You may not have enemies. But he does.” Jayson’s body tensed under her as Matt’s accusation hovered in the air. “Have you considered that?”

  She turned, swiping her hands over her face. Matt had drawn the attention of most everyone in the room. Eyes danced back and forth between the men in anticipation of what may happen next. Violence thrummed.

  “Yeah, it’s been considered. Local PD is looking for my sister.”

  “Amy? You think Amy has him?”

  “No, I don’t, but she has to be eliminated as a suspect.”

  Her head drooped. How could so many people want to hurt us?

  “Who else?” her father asked.

  “My former boss at DEA is making arrangements for an emergency visit with Chic.”

  Her chin snapped up, locking her teeth together. She didn’t know that. He ran his hands over her back and answered unspoken questions.

  “When your parents first got here, right after the Amber alert went out, Stedman called. Promised the full weight of the field office. Whatever they can do. I asked for the face-to-face.”

  “I don’t want you meeting him alone.”

  “You’re not coming with me.” A cacophony of voices rose in agreement.

  “I’ll go.” Matt offered.

  Jase nodded, palming his cell phone as it vibrated and stepping away from her for the first time in hours. Like all those years ago. Stepping away to take calls in private. Please don’t let this ruin us. Please don’t let our past touch our son. But he stayed close this time. It’s different. She could reach for him, and he’d be there.

  Matt gestured. She felt Jayson’s stare as she shifted closer to her former partner.

  “What the hell is he doing here?”

  “He’s Brady’s father.” She bit her tongue to keep from lashing out. “Of course he’s here. Where else would he be?”

  “Looks like a hell of a lot more than just parental concern if you ask me. He’s responsible for this. You know that right? Maybe not directly, but it’s going to come down to being his fault Brady got took.”

  “Stop. Just stop.”

  The room quieted. Everyone stared. That I definitely said out loud. Her head lightened. The room swayed, and then spun in slow motion as her stomach rolled. She tried to focus on her mother. She’s crying. Mom’s not a crier. The edges of her vision grayed; she closed her eyes. I’m going to pass out. Arms anchored her, pulled her from the threatening darkness she both feared and craved.

  “I’ve got you, baby.”

  Jayson. She absorbed his strength. I want to wake up. Has to be a dream. A nightmare. Please, let me wake up. She opened her eyes. It’s not a dream. It’s real.

  “I want Brady.”

  “I know. We’ll get him back. I promise.” He raised his voice, “Stedman got me a meeting with Chic in about forty-five minutes.”

  “Where?”

  “Federal Detention Center downtown.”

  “He’s here? In the city?”

  She couldn’t tell one voice from another anymore. They all bled together.

  “The Marshals brought him in from Fort Dix last week for a proffer as per the conditions of his plea agreement.”

  “He’s local. Right now. The day our son goes missing he’s in Philadelphia?” She clung to Jayson. How could Chic be here?

  He smoothed the hair from her face, looked into her eyes, let her see his torment. “Hard to believe that’s a coincidence.”

  “You said we were safe. That it was safe for you to come back to us, to be a part of our lives.” He said we’d be safe.

  “I know I did. I’m going to take care of this. I’m getting our boy back. Mr. Parker?”

  Her dad stepped close; she felt him near her elbow, but hadn’t stopped looking at Jayson, looking for answers. Felt hands on her shoulders as they passed her between them like one man trusting his burden to another. She watched, not wanting to, not able to stop, as he walked out. Leaving me, again. Leaving others to comfort and support. Again. Only this time Brady’s gone too. This time I am really alone.

  I won’t break. Her spine softened, her legs weakened, as the hours passed. She’d relied on him, needed his strength, and needed him to hold her up. But she couldn’t now. She drew from the steely resolve the Parkers’ were known for, that most referred to as stubborn pride, to support her as a car started. She straightened her spine. The familiar song of sirens strengthened her. The part of her that would always be police stood at attention. My son needs me to be strong. I won’t break.

  * * *

  They rode most of the way in silence under the trill of the sirens. Did Shore go with full lights and sound to discourage conversation or does he feel the urgency? How did someone take my son? I gave her my word it was safe. I only just found him. The love was instant and instantaneous. Had my father felt that love too? Did he experience the indelible bond between father and child? He couldn’t have.

  He’d held onto Kylee because he needed her. More than he’d ever needed his father. Taking care of her kept his fears at bay, kept the mounting violence on a leash, kept the need to lash out at someone, anyone, for daring to hurt his family, from eru
pting. Without her steadying presence, he shook and barked at Shore to pull over.

  He threw open the door and leaned out over the highway, booting the contents of his stomach. Hollow but for the fear and violence warring for his attention but steadier, he closed the door. Shore handed him a wet nap and a mint.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “You came prepared.” He cleaned up as best he could, more thankful for the mint than he wanted to admit.

  “It’s part of my drunk kit. Along with bleach wipes and disinfectant. Assholes always hurl in the back seat.”

  The look Shore gave him assured him Shore considered him an asshole—even if he hadn’t puked in the squad car.

  “Ready?”

  Shore pulled back into traffic without checking his mirrors. He expected other drivers to make room for him. And they did.

  “Funny, this is my first time riding in the front seat of one of these.”

  Shore snorted.

  “I’m not interested in small talk either. Let’s get to it. You upset her and at the worst possible time. That was some kind of dick move. Happens again and we’ll finish what we started in the hospital parking lot that night.”

  “She’s the smartest person I’ve ever met. One hell of a cop and she’s an even better lawyer. But she has blinders when it comes to you. Always has. Everyone else wants to see the best in you too. I’m not afraid to tell her the truth. I’m looking out for her and her boy. The sooner she realizes what kind of man you are, the sooner her life and Brady’s go back to normal. Normal, sane and safe.”

  “Jealous much?”

  “It’s not like that. She saved my life. I owe her.”

  Disgust contorted what he could see of Shore’s features inside the dim interior of the squad car. Maybe I was wrong. Familiar sites lit by halogen street lamps passed in a blur. The city shifted from menace to welcome based on perspective. What if we’re all wrong?