The Melancholy of the High School Girl Light Novel Author?!

by Tsuyoshi Fujitaka

  “Leave the god-mode stories to me!” Mutsuko announced, barging in.

  “That was sudden!” Yuichi exclaimed. “How did you know we were talking about that?”

  “I’m always monitoring this room! And not just the club room! I have ears in all the major school facilities!” she declared.

  “Oh, yeah... you mentioned that once...”

  When Aiko’s brother Kyoya had taken over the school, Mutsuko had mentioned that she had the whole school wired. It was clearly a crime, but Mutsuko had a tenuous relationship with the law to start with, so he knew that it would be pointless to try to object.

  “Now! What would you like to know about god-mode stories?!” Mutsuko took her usual spot in front of the whiteboard, addressing the room with unnecessary theatricality.

  “Um... nothing,” Kanako said.

  “Why not? You were just talking about it with Orihara, you flirt!”

  “I’m not a flirt!”

  “Liar! She mentioned something about having children, and things were clearly about to get hot and heavy here in the club room! Of course, it was with Orihara, so I’ll forgive you this time, but...”

  “We were not talking about that! I think your bugs need some maintenance!” Yuichi exclaimed.

  “W-Well never mind!” Mutsuko stuttered, then came back with renewed force, perhaps to cover her embarrassment. “Anyway! As someone with a lot of opinions about god-mode stories, I also have extensive thoughts about the current state of what are considered god-mode stories!”

  “Yeah, didn’t you call yourself a god-mode purist once?” Yuichi asked. He had heard that Mutsuko was the type of person who liked her protagonists to be invincible, but he couldn’t imagine what else that entailed. Not that he actually wanted to know.

  “Yes! They say that light novels nowadays don’t sell unless they’ve got god-mode elements, and I also hear a lot of authors complaining about that! But then none of the stories actually see the god-mode through, so I’ve gotta wonder, what are they talking about?!”

  “Really? I’ve heard that’s all you get these days,” Yuichi said.

  “Not at all!” Mutsuko exclaimed. “Even if they start in god-mode, they never commit all the way to the end! They introduce a rival on the main character’s level, or a final boss who’s stronger, or they give him a moral dilemma, or some kind of challenge! And even if they don’t, they’ll still have them be dominated by a violent love interest, or something else to try to keep it balanced!”

  “Well, yeah... if the protagonist just dominates everything the whole way through, there’s no tension, is there?” he asked. Any enemy who appeared would just be instantly vanquished. A perfect protagonist who solved all his problems in seconds, without anything to worry over... wouldn’t it just get monotonous?

  “Yes! That’s what the writers think! However! That’s not what I’m after! I want them to be god-mode from beginning to end! And this is not a minority opinion!”

  “That’s true,” Kanako admitted. “I agree that most writers want their stories to be full of ups and downs. I tried thinking up a god-mode protagonist story when you recommended it, but there wasn’t anywhere to go from there. It ended up being an ensemble story where it was the Demon Lord Army the protagonist was associated with that was the strongest in the world.”

  “A god-mode group story, right?” Mutsuko asked. “But that’s fleeing from the god-mode concept, in its own way! God-mode should be about a lone protagonist! Those teacher stories that are getting popular lately are another form of running away from the concept! Those don’t count as god-mode either!”

  “What are you even talking about?!” Yuichi burst out. He hated how she treated these things like common sense, but Mutsuko was always like this, so Yuichi gave up. He’d just let her finish her rant.

  “They’re stories about a god-mode protagonist teaching a bunch of dunces!” Mutsuko declared. “A hybrid, where the protagonist can be strongest, with the character development given to the dunces, like a camphor to the god-mode monotony! And making the protagonist a teacher makes it okay for him to have a superiority complex and be condescending!”

  “You just wanted to say ‘camphor,’ I think...” Yuichi muttered. He had a feeling she was not using that word correctly.

  “But I think that’s a cop out! A truly god-mode protagonist wouldn’t do something as boring as training others, he’d take care of everything himself! If he can take care of everything himself, why would he spend all his time training dunces? And if he can’t take care of everything himself, he’s not really god-mode! That’s what I think!” Mutsuko struck the whiteboard with a bang.

  “That doesn’t leave much to work with...” Yuichi sighed, just as the door opened and Aiko and Natsuki arrived.

  “Oh, everyone’s here!” Mutsuko exclaimed. “Then let’s hold today’s meeting about god-mode protagonists! Let’s start with the element that you must never include in a god-mode story, the ‘runs while crying’ scene! This is nothing but a betrayal of readers’ expectations!”

  “Um?” Aiko was clearly confused by the subject as she took her seat.

  Once club was over, Yuichi led Aiko and Natsuki to the back gate of the school.

  Most people didn’t go out the back, so at the moment, they were the only ones there. That made Monika, in her elementary school uniform, stand out all the more as they saw her waiting just outside the gate.

  “Hello, Big Br—” Monika was waving, but whatever she was about to say was cut off as a pale hand reached out from behind the gate, grabbed her, and dragged her off.

  “Huh?” Aiko asked, stunned.

  “Oh, no need to worry.” Yuichi kept walking, leaving the school grounds. Behind the gate, they found Yoriko and Monika. The former had balled her hands into fists, and was grinding them against the latter’s temples in a way that looked extremely painful.

  Sitting nearby was Nero, in his dog form, minding his own business.

  “I suppose you didn’t panic because you recognized your little sister, but it’s a bit creepy that you can identify her by only her arm at that distance,” said Natsuki, walking beside Yuichi. She evaluated him with her usual cool gaze. It wasn’t any different from how she usual did it, but he felt a slight sense of rebuke in her words this time.

  “Takeuchi... was that analysis a little malicious?” Yuichi asked.

  He could identify not just Yoriko, but Mutsuko, Aiko, and Natsuki that way. But he restrained from commenting on that. It would just be kicking a hornet’s nest.

  “Even if you are a creepy siscon, I still accept you,” Natsuki said. “Don’t worry.”

  “I wasn’t worried, and I’m not a siscon!” Yuichi snarled.

  “It’s worst when they don’t even realize it,” Natsuki said. “But it’s all right. Even if society finds out about your shameful fetishes and ostracizes you, I will not abandon you.” She almost made it sound like she wanted that to be the case.

  “Um, Yoriko, what are you doing?” Aiko asked in concern as she arrived, a few steps after.

  “For her to casually call my brother ‘big brother’ just because she is in elementary school is, in my eyes, a tremendous crime,” Yoriko said viciously. “Thus, I was punishing her. As my brother’s true little sister, the right to refer to him as ‘big brother’ belongs solely to me. In light of the fact that I was nearly stripped of that right, I hope you will understand that this is a very mild punishment. Naturally, I know that she is very familiar with him, and I have complicated feelings about her referring to him by his first name, but if my brother has chosen to allow that, then I will not complain. However, intentionally referring to my brother as ‘big brother’ was a clear attempt to undermine me, personally, so I will not deny that my actions also contain a measure of revenge.”

  Yoriko continued applying the painful hold as she spoke. The middle knuckle of each fist was extended just a little bit as she ground Monika’s temples with them.

  “I’m sure she won�
�t do it again, so please, let her go,” Aiko said with a wince.

  “I’m not stopping because you asked me to, but I do think I’ve done enough. I don’t wish to displease my brother by going too far.” Yoriko abruptly pulled her hands apart, and Monika slumped to the ground.

  “H-Hey! You can’t do that to a little kid!” Monika immediately stood up again and forcefully complained at her.

  “Huh? I thought you just looked like a kid. You’re actually the same age as my brother, aren’t you? And my elder, as well.” There was no respect in her words; Yoriko just seemed to be mocking her.

  “That doesn’t matter!” the girl shouted. “Once everything’s resolved, I’ll be starting over from elementary school! My mind and body are both trapped this way!”

  “Tee hee. What kind of niche are you trying to fill?” Yoriko theatrically put a hand to her mouth as she laughed.

  “Oh, jeez! You really get on my nerves!” Monika exclaimed.

  “I said we were meeting at the restaurant, right?” Yuichi asked. “What are you doing here?”

  “I caught sight of Yoriko and decided to tease her, and it ended up like this!” Monika started angrily, but perhaps realizing it had been her own fault, she calmed down immediately. “Anyway, are you sure this restaurant is okay? I don’t want to be attacked again, so I want some place without too many people.” This time it was Monika who had asked for the meeting, but she had let Yuichi choose the place.

  “I have no guarantee we won’t be attacked, but there definitely won’t be many people there,” Yuichi said, knowing Tomomi would yell at him if she heard him say that.

  The group headed for the nearby Chinese restaurant, Nihao the China.

  As usual, the restaurant’s interior had a slightly grimy air about it; Tomomi insisted they cleaned it properly, but Yuichi had his doubts. The floor was slippery, like it was slick with oil, and the condiment holders on the table were dirty with dripped seasonings.

  For once, the shop already had a customer when they showed up, but it was a familiar face.

  “Hey! Been a while, huh?” The boy sitting at the round table stood up. He had blond hair, blue eyes, and foreign-looking features. His name was Kyoshiro Ibaraki. He was a type of oni, as indicated by the label above his head: “Ibaraki-doji.”

  Apparently his ancestors had come to Japan from somewhere else, which was why he looked Western, but he insisted that he himself was Japanese.

  “What are you doing here?” Yuichi asked, not bothering to hide his disappointment at seeing him.

  “I’m taking care of Monika, so it’s my business, right? Why didn’t you call me?” Ibaraki accused.

  “But I did call you. Didn’t you get all the vibes I was sending?” Yuichi said in as dry a tone as possible.

  “What, are you psychic now?” Ibaraki demanded. “You know there’s this modern invention called a cell phone, right?”

  “I don’t have your number.”

  “Then let’s exchange numbers!” Seeming excited about the prospect, Ibaraki pulled his phone out of his pocket.

  “Nah, takes too long,” said Yuichi. “If I need to get in touch with you, I’ll use a messenger spirit or something.”

  “That would take even longer! Can you even use those?”

  “I’ll start studying now,” Yuichi said.

  “You’re not gonna try to contact me at all!” Ibaraki cried. “Anyway, Monika, you’re the one who called the meeting, right? Why’d you leave me out, huh?”

  Monika was currently holed up in the oni village. The attack on the cafe had made it clear that there were people after Monika, so Yuichi had had no choice but to leave her in Ibaraki’s care.

  Which meant that even if Yuichi didn’t contact him, Ibaraki had clearly assumed that Monika would bring him along.

  “Huh? I didn’t think it was any of your business,” Monika said with a dumbfounded expression. It was an awful thing to say to the person looking after you.

  That being the case, Ibaraki must have learned about the restaurant from overhearing Monika talking on the phone.

  “I thought this might happen. That’s why I was sending you all those vibes...” Yuichi said, consolingly. He actually felt a little bad for him.

  “You think I’m gonna thank you for that?!” Ibaraki shouted. Not even he was that desperate for kindness.

  “Anyway, quit hanging around in the entrance. You’re blocking the other customers!” announced a stern-looking waitress in a cheongsam, Tomomi Hamasaki.

  “But we chose this restaurant because there would be no other customers,” Yuichi said.

  At Tomomi’s urging, the group took seats at the round table Ibaraki had staked out. Clockwise from Yuichi, the seating was Aiko, Natsuki, Ibaraki, Monika, and Yoriko. There were no other customers, as usual.

  The second Monika and Yoriko sat down, there was a scramble over the menus.

  “Monika and Yori seem pretty close, huh?” Yuichi commented.

  “Hmm, I’m not sure about that. I suppose they get along well enough, though,” Aiko said with a slightly pained smile.

  “Wow, six whole customers!” Tomomi stopped by with a bright smile and a tray of water glasses.

  “I know you said something about customers coming, but do you think you could close up?” Yuichi asked. He didn’t want anyone else to overhear what they were talking about.

  Tomomi made a big show of thinking about the matter. “That’s an awfully big thing to ask on the spur of the moment, but... six actual customers weighed against our potential customers... sure, okay.”

  Tomomi took each of their orders and was on her way to the kitchen when Monika stood up.

  “Okay, the Monika Army for the Divine Vessels War is hereby assembled!” Monika looked to each person around the table in turn.

  There were six people there: the serial killer, Natsuki; the oni, Ibaraki; the vampire, Aiko; the Outer, Monika; the ordinary middle school student, Yoriko; and the high school student, Yuichi.

  The werewolf Nero, who could be considered part of Aiko’s forces, was also waiting outside.

  “This balance is terrible! What kind of party is this?” Monika erupted as she took stock of the “army” in front of her.

  “How should I know?” Yuichi said with a sigh. “And you’re the one who picked them out...” It seemed a little late to start complaining, in his opinion.

  “The only useful ones here are the oni and the serial killer!” Monika protested. “What use is a normal middle school student going to be?”

  “I contribute more than you do, Monika,” Yoriko muttered in annoyance.

  “I think Nero would be useful,” Aiko said, tacitly admitting that she herself would not be.

  “Anyway, we all know Yuichi’ll win any fights they throw at us, right?” Ibaraki added.

  He spoke with the weight of authority, having lost to Yuichi once before. Natsuki nodded in agreement.

  “W-Well, never mind!” Monika said. “Anyway, we need to decide our strategy from here on out!”

  “Hey, hey! Stop this right now!” Tomomi, having brought the food, struck the table to interrupt.

  “Hamasaki, what kind of a waitress are you?” Yuichi stared, appalled by her lack of professionalism.

  “How can you talk about this without me here?” Tomomi demanded. “Weren’t you going to tell me what happened on your summer vacation?”

  “Who is this?” Monika asked, baffled. She had apparently thought Tomomi was no more than staff.

  “Her name is Tomomi Hamasaki,” said Yuichi. “She knows a lot about a lot of things. She’s the one who told me about that worldview stuff, so it’s possible she could be useful for this, too.”

  “Okay,” Monika said. “If Yuichi trusts you, that’s enough for me. But if you hear what I have to say, it means you’re on our side. Is that okay?”

  “I don’t mind joining you, as an individual,” said Tomomi. “But as part of Nihao the China, I have to stay neutral. Is that good enough?”


  “How is that different?” Yuichi asked.

  “Well, I guess it means, don’t count on my dad’s help.”

  “We weren’t planning on it,” Yuichi said. Tomomi was already sticking her neck in in a way Yuichi hadn’t asked for. He had no desire to grow the team any further. It was too large already, in his opinion.

  “Anyway, tell me what happened after the truck crashed into the restaurant.” Tomomi leaned over the table, bubbling with curiosity. “Something else must have happened to get you all gathered here, right?”

  Just to get the whole story straight, Yuichi decided, maybe he should just tell everyone the whole story.

  He picked up after the event at the cafe.

  Chapter 4: Let’s Finally Talk About Summer Vacation

  The truck’s impact had left the cafe in ruins. The bloodstained giant had descended from the cabin, with the word “Immortal (9)” hanging over his head.

  Aiko and Monika were behind Yuichi. Nero was at his feet, in dog form.

  A panic was starting to overtake the dumbfounded patrons and servers as they slowly came to grips with their situation.

  The giant had thrown one of the truck’s mirrors, but he hadn’t done anything since then, except to raise his right arm at eye-level, as if to confirm the fact that it was bent at an unusual angle. Perhaps that was the reason his attack hadn’t landed.

  The giant’s body was in the process of healing. He was covered in blood, but the bleeding had already stopped, and the large hollow in his chest had slowly began to expand to a more normal shape. Even the glass shards that peppered his body were being ejected, slowly, one after another.

  The restaurant was in a strange state of equilibrium. The giant clearly intended to stand there until he was completely healed, assuming that Yuichi and the others didn’t do something. That might give them a little time, but Yuichi couldn’t afford to just stand idly by.

  “Hey,” Yuichi asked Monika, his eyes fixed on the giant. “Do you know who that is? It says he’s ‘Immortal.’”