Great Hexpectations, A Paranormal Romance / Urban Fantasy (Dulcie O'Neil Series #3)

by H. P. Mallory

  “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” I started as I realized fairies did have wings. Well, at least they did in the Netherworld, anyway.

  Bram started chuckling again and I turned my narrowed eyes on him. “Shut it,” I growled. “I don’t want to hear one word about this from you.”

  “You must learn how to control them, sweet. If not, you will find yourself flying Hades only knows where.”

  He released me and, as if to prove his point, my wings began to beat with even more determination as my body drifted upward. Bram caught my arm and pulled me back down again, laughing all the while.

  I wanted to cry.

  “Did you know I’d sprout wings here?” I demanded. He smiled but said nothing. “A warning would have been nice, Bram.”

  “I seem to remember my informing you that creatures would not be as you expect them.”

  I frowned. “That is a damn far cry from: ‘Dulcie, don’t freak out but you’re about to have more in common with Tinkerbell than you ever imagined.’”

  “I apologize, sweet,” he mumbled.

  “Nevermind that now,” I said and shook my head, glancing around me at the people in line, only to find they were all staring at me.

  “You must stay close to me at all times,” Bram whispered as if, he too, had just sensed I was suddenly the center of attention.

  That was when I took note of the “people” surrounding me and found an array of creatures, some in semi-human form such as elves, goblins, fellow golden vampires; while others completely defied explanation. Something that looked like a big blob of reddish fur was standing next to what appeared to be a lizard. But this lizard was standing on two feet and wore some sort of uniform. Both he and the blob of fur were intently staring at me, with expressions I couldn’t read. I glanced behind myself and found another vampire, this one also tall, golden and incredibly handsome. Except he was fair-skinned, where Bram was dark. He, too, was staring at me with the expression of… was it hunger in his eyes? I glanced at the creature behind him, something blue and lumpy, and realized they all had the same starved look but I didn’t think a hamburger would appease them. Theirs was that other sort of hunger.

  Son of a fucking bitch.

  “Why are they looking at me like that?” I demanded, feeling myself unconsciously leaning toward the strength and protection Bram supplied.

  He took a step forward, the line apparently now moving. Grabbing my waist, he carried me with him, being careful to propel our luggage forward with his leg. I watched a were, dressed in a blue and grey uniform, complete with an ill-fitting hat, start at the front of the line, apparently checking for documentation. He wasn’t in his wolf form or anything but I knew he was a were all the same. Guess my ability to detect creatures also worked here. At least some things were the same in the Netherworld as they were Splendor.

  “The fairy is a creature of sexual delight in the Netherworld,” Bram answered and offered me a grin that said he was enjoying every second of this—every second of the fact that I had wings that wouldn’t stop beating, that he looked like every woman’s wet dream come to life and the fact that I was now considered a Scooby snack of the Netherworld.

  “What?” I demanded, completely aware that I hadn’t comprehended one word of whatever he’d just said.

  “The fairy is a creature of sexual…”

  “I got that,” I interrupted, exasperated. “Explain what the hell that means.”

  Bram sighed, like I was slow. “It means all creatures will find themselves irrevocably drawn to you, Dulcie sweet. It is your smell, your taste; they find you intoxicating. You are comparable to a drug on the earthly plane.” I couldn’t help but notice he was holding my wrist up to his nose like he could smell the blood in my veins.

  “Bram, does that include you??”

  “I always have been inextricably attracted.” He nodded with a devilish smile. “Though I can manage it better than… most.”

  “Great, just frickin’ great.” I shook my head at the injustice of it all. “Could this get any worse?”

  “I will protect you, sweet,” Bram said, offering me a cheery smile. “As long as you are with me, you will be safe.”

  I glanced at him with narrowed eyes. “Why, what would they do to me?”

  He shrugged, still wearing a smile that said he knew more than he was letting on. “I know not for certain.”

  “Um, I think that’s a load of crap, Bram. What is the deal with fairies here?”

  “You are… how should I verbalize this? Quite like an erotic delicacy. There are only a few fairies in the Netherworld and perhaps your rarity combined with your beauty is enough to drive even the strongest of creatures to obsession.”

  “Oh my god,” I muttered. If I’d wanted to cry before, it was now amplified tenfold. As if to remind me of the fact that my life was sucking huge balls at the moment, my idiotic wings began to beat frantically.

  We moved up another notch in line and luckily, Bram maintained his grasp on my arm or I’m sure I would have fluttered away. I glanced ahead of me to see where people were going once they escaped from the line but it twisted and turned so much, I couldn’t make out what was happening. From what I could see, it seemed as if we barely moved at all. And the were in the uniform at the front of the line was arguing with someone, which meant it was going to take just that much longer for us to get the hell out of here.

  “Bram, where are we going once we get out of this damn line?” I asked, glancing up at him to find he was staring at me. “Hey, you said you could control your lustful tendencies!”

  He chuckled. “They can be quite difficult to control, sweet.” He glanced away before looking at me again. “I made arrangements for a hotel, my dear. From there, I will leave the particulars to you, as I am not mindful of your intentions.”

  I figured he meant my plan was moving forward. I actually wasn’t “mindful” of my plan either—I didn’t really have one. Not wanting to focus on my disorganization, I glanced behind me, to see where it was that we’d come from when we dropped out of the portal. I noticed a large building that looked as if it had been constructed in the seventies. Dark windows dominated the square structure and, with the white of the walls, it looked like some government-type building. In black bold letters it read: Association of Netherworld Creatures. So this was the mother ship, the headquarters of the ANC. Somehow, I wasn’t too excited to see it although I’d heard so much about it throughout my career as a Regulator. If I’d always felt a part of the ANC, I didn’t feel that way now. Not since they arrested Knight…

  “Has it changed much?” I whispered to Bram, not wanting to attract even more attention to myself, considering everyone around me was still staring at me like I was a Big Mac.

  Bram glanced around himself with what appeared to be ennui. “Yes and no.”

  I figured we were going to be stuck in this line for a long ass time, seeing as how we’d moved up maybe two feet in two hours. And Bram’s response was just begging to be dissected. “What do you mean?”

  He shrugged. “The building has been updated, the creatures and the scenery have not. It is the same and yet it is not the same.”

  Before I had the chance to respond, what appeared to a black-winged bat suddenly appeared in the air. It was the size of an SUV and had fiery red eyes. Its long talons curved into sharp claws, the points of which were just as sharp as its fangs. So, yeah, not exactly a bat, but close enough. It screeched as it flew over us, diving down and swooping over whomever was unfortunate enough to be in its way.

  “Bram,” I started as I felt him tighten his hold on me, pulling me closer.

  I didn’t get another word out before what appeared to be cannons suddenly rose out from the asphalt. They spun around, seemingly targeting the bat creature as it squawked and darted down again. I lost sight of it but moments later, with the cannons pointed at it, it flew straight up in the air. Something was clutched in its talons and that something was moving. I couldn’t make out
exactly what it was but judging by all the creatures in line screaming and running this way and that, I had to imagine the bat creature had just picked off a poor, unfortunate tourist.

  “Bram!” I screamed hysterically.

  “Shhh, do not attract attention to yourself,” he whispered and began slinking back toward the wall of the building, leaning into it, with me right beside him.

  I watched as the cannons spiraled around, trying to stay targeted on the bat creature. But the thing flew incredibly quickly. It pulled whatever was in its talons up to its mouth and began eating it, mid-air, its victim still trying to tear itself away.

  I couldn’t watch anymore and dropped my face into the warmth of Bram’s neck. God! What was this place? What had I gotten myself and Bram into? And where was Knight? Was Knight even alive?

  At the sound of firing, I glanced up and watched the cannons shoot a volley of bullets at the creature. But they weren’t bullets that I’ve ever seen—they were fluorescent green, red and yellow laser-like lights. The creature dodged them and flew straight for everyone in line again, dropping whatever it had been munching on as the cannons’ fire merely sizzled in the air and died away.

  “Oh my god,” I started and felt like I wanted nothing more than to escape, rather than standing still with Bram as we attempted to hide against the wall. My wings were beating madly.

  “Do not move,” Bram insisted. “It can detect movement.”

  I had no control over my moronic wings so Bram grabbed them none-too-gently and held them until they were motionless. I could see what looked like glitter all over his hands and on the ground below me.

  “Am I hurting you?” he whispered.

  Well, his hold wasn’t exactly comfortable but compared to becoming dessert for the bat creature, this was like getting a massage. “No, I’m fine.”

  Meanwhile, the demonic beast in the sky continued to circle, watching the various creatures as some slunk against the wall in Bram-style and others continued running around the tarmac fully panicked. It soon became obvious that the creature was selecting its next victim. The cannons continued to spiral, trying to get a clean read on the creature but it always flew one step ahead, as if it were accustomed to this game of cat and mouse.

  The creature suddenly leapt upward and then dove down, looking as if it were in a tailspin. Just as it was about to make contact with another creature, the cannons exploded in a coordinated rain of fluorescent bullets, hitting the monster square in the chest. There was definitely a look of shock in its red eyes as it began to plummet out of control. It dropped from the sky, its body covered in what looked like blue ink—its blood, I imagined.

  It fell to the ground and the earth shook.

  “Welcome to the Netherworld,” Bram said with a smile.

  Eight

  After the attack of the flying rodent, all I could think about was the fact that my parents had lived in this hellish place. I was an American citizen because my mother had come to Earth when she was pregnant with me and I’d been born on American soil and thus granted amnesty but this horrible place was my lineage, my ancestry. The thought made me ill. But what bothered me more was the idea that somewhere in this god-forsaken land was my father, that is, if he hadn’t already died.

  I’d never met my father and although my mother had died when I was young, I didn’t recall her ever talking about him. And even though I hadn’t thought much about him over the course of my life, I couldn’t help but think about him now, wondering where he lived in the Netherworld, what work did he do, was he still alive? They were futile thoughts, really, because I had absolutely no intention of trying to find him. He’d given up on mom and me, that’s all mom had ever said about him. That she’d severed ways with him and made her own start and that was that.

  Yes, that was that.

  With weighty thoughts of my father in my head, it felt like at least four hours had passed by the time we finally wound our way to the front of the line. The were in the ill-fitted uniform demanded our documents with an open hand and a frown. Bram handed them over with a self-assured smile and the were glanced at both passports, intermittently looking at both Bram and me with a suspicious glower on his face. After a few minutes, I realized it wasn’t so much suspicion regarding us, per se, but more the natural state of his face.

  “What are you doing in the Netherworld and when do you intend to return to...” He glanced at Bram’s passport again. “Splendor?”

  Bram smiled, long and slow. “I am here to introduce my intended to my family and friends and we propose to return in one week’s time.”

  His intended? I wanted to gape at him with the expression of WTF plastered on my face but kept my cool. Sometimes it was better to keep one’s mouth closed—especially in a land where enormous bat-like creatures ruled the skies. Eyeing my determined vampire guardian, I’d never been more grateful to have him by my side.

  The were took a final inspection of our documents and scrutinized us again. Then he closed the passports, handing them to us with a nod that said he bought Bram’s story. Thank Hades for that.

  “Have a good stay.”

  “Many thanks,” Bram replied as he grabbed my hand, probably so I wouldn’t float away, and we started forward.

  “He didn’t even act like it was a big deal that that…thing just picked off one of the creatures in line,” I said, still in shock. After the cannon guns blew the predator out of the sky, it crashed onto the tarmac and died. Everyone just proceeded with their day, as if they had never been under attack by a gigantic flying death rat. Even now, the thing’s lifeless corpse lay in the same spot, its sightless eyes still wide open while other creatures in uniforms walked around it, apparently discussing what to do with it.

  And the unfortunate tourist that got devoured? I had no clue what became of him or her and no one else seemed the least bit concerned…

  Bram shrugged. “It is not a big deal, as you say.” Then he glanced at me and smiled knowingly. “Remember this place and these creatures are not at all what you are accustomed to in Splendor.”

  “Yeah, I’m more than aware of that,” I grumbled.

  We followed the line of people who had just been admitted to passport check through two sliding glass doors. They led down a long hallway and through another pair of sliding glass doors, emptying outside. There, lined up, were what looked like cabs picking up fares and taking them Hades only knew where. As we walked through the first set of glass doors, I noticed we were inside a lobby of sorts. A long desk stood in front of me, behind which sat a bored woman, obviously on duty, who was playing with her nails. She was a shape shifter of some sort. What sort, however, was a mystery. I couldn’t make out which kind she was and that meant I probably had never come across her type in Splendor. She was attractive with long brown hair and big brown eyes, a smallish round face and a perky, turned-up, Irish nose.

  Beside her stood a scaly looking creature that towered more than seven feet tall. It had the face of a Labrador retriever—long, narrow snout with large eyes and a wide mouth, but other than that, I couldn’t compare it to any other creature I’ve ever seen before. It wore the uniform of what I imagined was a security guard, complete with what appeared to be an Uzi strapped to its chest. But what really caught my attention was the bold lettering of “ANC” above the woman’s desk.

  So this was the entry to the ANC headquarters... This was the place, at least I imagined, where I needed to go and spill the beans regarding the truth of what had happened the night I let Quillan go.

  I stopped walking and stood there for a second or two before I approached the woman behind the desk, my hand still in Bram’s. I glanced back at him and shrugged. “We’re here so I might as well tell them the truth.” No reason to put off the inevitable, right?

  Before I could think another thought, Bram yanked me backward, bouncing me against his chest. “Hey!” I started, realizing he clearly didn’t want me to go anywhere near the woman, the guard or the ANC in general.

/>   “It is never a good idea to drive blindly,” he said.

  “What?” I asked, not in the mood to try to figure out his sphinx-like riddles.

  “You do not have a plan, sweet, and until you do, it is not a smart idea to go into situations blindly.”

  Okay, he had a point. I guess I didn’t have a plan but really, did I need one? My goal was to let the ANC know the truth about what happened with Quillan so Knight could be free and justice could prevail. And the longer I waited…

  “Bram, I should just go in there and get it done. That’s what I came here for. There’s no point in taking my time and prolonging it.” I mean, I’d be innocent until proven guilty, right? Appointed a lawyer, that whole bit? That is, if it ever went that far. Really, I was expecting a decently brief investigation and even if I was found guilty, how harsh could my punishment possibly be? I mean, my crime was not being able to shoot and kill someone who was not only my friend, but my boss. Surely someone would understand that?

  Bram shook his head and tightened his hold on me, steering me through the second pair of sliding glass doors. When we emerged on the other side, it was night, the sun having literally dropped out of the sky in, oh, possibly two minutes or three at the most. In its place was a dark velvet canopy with no stars, nothing to interrupt the inky black except for an oval shaped moon that appeared so close, I could hit it by throwing a rock.

  “As your guardian, I will not allow you to act impulsively,” Bram said and his tone challenged me to argue with him.

  Figuring he was right and I should have some sort of plan, I just dropped my head in obedience and mumbled something unintelligible while he glanced around himself, apparently trying to figure out his next move. Ahead of us, vehicles in bright colors continuously pulled up to the curb, picking up creatures and departing again. Bram watched them, as if he were trying to understand how best to attract the attention of the next driver because as soon as one pulled up, it seemed like a horde of creatures descended on it, resulting in pushing, shoving and ugly words.