Dad wandered in, probably drawn by Jace's loud motorcycle too. After washing his hands at the sink he went and sat beside mom, taking one of her hands in his. I was a little surprised by the gesture in front of us. I knew he loved mom, but he was terrible at showing affection.
“Can you tell us what the hell happened?” Jace asked, leaning forward pulling his legs under him.
Soft and gentle Jace, way to approach the subject, ass. I was already seething.
I was surprised again when dad spoke. Mom was always the strong one and she was the one we went to over the years. Dad had tended to just defer to her. On this, dad was stepping up and I was encouraged by his show of strength.
“The prison warden himself called this morning. Apparently there was some kind of riot in the exercise yard yesterday afternoon. He said Bobby and a couple guys he hung around with were caught in the middle. I don't know if it was a race thing or a territory thing, but he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Dad ran his hand down his face and his shoulders slumped.
“By the time the guards were able to break it up, three men were killed, including Bobby. I guess several were injured. Once he said that Bobby was gone, I didn't hear much more. They will be transporting him to the local coroner's office tomorrow.”
Jace was quiet while dad spoke. I think it was the most we've heard him say at one time in years. When he actually spoke you tended to listen.
A hush fell over the dining room. This is what we did. We didn't hug and encourage, we didn't cry and hold one another. We internalized everything, suffering on our own.
Mom rose from the table saying she needed to lie back down. Dad stood supporting her with has arm around her waist. Watching them walk out of the kitchen I realized how much they had aged over the last few years and a wave of sadness hit me.
Jace slapped his hand down on the table, startling me, and leaped to his feet. “I'm out of here. I just wanted to hear what happened. Nothing I can do now,” he said. He was obviously deflecting his heartache into anger; this is what he always did.
I followed him outside, wanting to be out of ear shot of our parents. Our childhood home was in a hilly area surrounded by trees and tall grass. Neighbors were spread out so I wasn't worried about anyone over hearing us in the front yard.
“I have the ring,” I said. I had stopped about five feet away, staring at the back of his head as he approached the bike. I had said it as a statement, a challenge. “You say there is nothing you can do now, but all this time there has always been something you could have done. I hold you responsible for Bobby's death. You. You put him there.”
I was on a roll now. All the things I had never said to Jace, but always wanted to, were coming to the surface. For so many years I had been afraid of his temper. His angry outbursts were exhausting and it was just easier to avoid him. No longer. I was done.
“What did you say golden boy?” Jace said whirling around and stepping toward me.
I held my ground and lifted my chin. “He should have never been there that night. He followed you everywhere and I know you're the one who did it. You stabbed that poor guy over a ring. What were you trying to prove? How bad ass you were? You didn't need that ring. You were almost thirty years old when it happened. Too old to be doing stupid crap like robbing people. There is no excuse for what you did. For dragging Bobby down with you. You know he was a follower.” I was trying to control the volume of my voice but if you could scream in a whisper I was doing it now. Part way through my tirade I had stepped toward him and we were only a few feet apart now.
Jace wasn't easily intimidated though and he didn't like to be stood up to. “Where's the ring now?” he hissed. Of course he would fixate on that and gloss over any responsibility for Bobby.
“Don't worry about it,” I replied. “I fully intend to return it to it's rightful owner. It's the least I can do.”
“What!” Jace shouted stepping right up to me, pushing his finger into my chest. “You give that ring to her you might as well be turning me over in handcuffs. You just lost one brother, you ready to lose another?”
I slapped his finger away and lowered my voice to try to gain a little self control. “That ring was hers. You two should have never done what you did. She lost her future. Bobby has lost his. It's time to put an end to all of this. You should have taken responsibility for your actions two years ago. You left Bobby swinging in the wind, all alone. Maybe if you had gone to prison with him he would still be alive. You put him behind those bars, you should have been standing beside him in there!”
I should have expected the blow, Jace always went straight to physical violence, but I didn't see it coming and he hit me high on my left cheek. I saw black for a second but I was bigger than Jace and didn't go down. The adrenalin kicked in immediately.
Regaining my footing I lowered my shoulder and rushed him, lifting him up and slamming him down on his back. A string of curses flew out of his mouth as he tried to push me off of him.
I refused to bring myself down to his level. Grabbing both of his shoulders I slammed him back and pushed up off him. My cheek was throbbing and I just wanted to turn back the hands of time.
Here I was fist fighting with one brother while my other brother lay in the morgue. How had life come to this?
Jace pushed himself up off the ground still cursing at me. “You give her that ring you'll regret it,” he said stepping backwards to his bike. The anger rolled off him as he slammed the helmet on his head and threw on his jacket. Dirt sprayed out behind his bike and he fishtailed a little on the curve but then he was gone.
I stood in the front yard looking down the road long after the sound of Jace's motorcycle drifted away. The wind rustled the dry leaves in the trees and I heard birds calling to one another but there were no other sounds and it was eerily quiet. I was blanketed by sadness as I turned back toward the house.
My dad was standing at the kitchen sink looking out the window to the front yard. I know he saw everything that had just happened but he didn't say a word. He glanced at me and gently laid one hand on my shoulder as he passed me on his way out the door, back to his wood shed.
I grabbed a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and held it to my cheek. It hurt like hell and the pain pissed me off all over again.
I needed to get out of the house. Grabbing my keys and wallet off the kitchen counter I slipped out of the house. A drive to clear my thoughts was exactly what I needed.
Chapter 26 – Cyan
Coming back to Pinecrest was bittersweet. I had missed the strong smell of the pine trees and I breathed in deep. Standing along the shore of Pinecrest Lake I watched the few people out walking along the beach. In the distance more people walked along the trails that wound around the lake. The same trails that Ian had jogged nearly every day.
It was early evening and the lighting was beautiful on the lake. The pine trees reflected on the glassy surface and I watched a few fishing boats making their way back into the docks, leaving a small wake behind the engines.
I hadn't made my way over to the docks, or the path that I had lost Ian on. I was working up to it. It had been awhile since I had come here and I wanted to enjoy it. Even the tainted parts.
I could see the sport shop in the distance. It was closed up for the evening. Sundays were busy even at the end of the summer, so I'm sure Matt, Ian's old business partner, had been open. He had taken over the business after Ian's death, absorbing all Ian's debts and relieving the family from having to deal with it.
He had been Ian's best friend and it had been too long since I had seen him. I vaguely remembered my mom saying that he and his wife Kelly were expecting their first child. I would have to give them a call while I was here.
Stopping by my parents home as soon as I had come into town had been both good for my heart and exhausting. My mom was really torn up about Bobby Cowan's death. She was a tender soul and I understood how sad the situation was.
We had sat at the kitchen table wit
h mugs of coffee. My dad filled me in on what he had found out. Detective Warren had been the one to call. He had heard from the prison warden.
“You need to be careful while in town honey,” Dad had said. “Detective Warren is still a little concerned about the other guy involved. If it is the brother we don't know if Bobby's death is going to trigger something.”
I had heard them out and tried to reassure them as best I could. Their love and attention was sweet and to be expected, but after awhile I just needed to get out of the house.
The drive from Pacific Grove took about four hours. By the time I finished talking with my parents and excused myself from the house it was almost six. I had almost two hours before dark and decided the shores of the lake were the perfect place to go.
My camera bag was behind the rear seat in the Jeep and I headed back up to the parking lot to get it. With the perfect evening lighting I wanted to take pictures while I walked.
Reaching the parking lot I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw it.
The car wasn't there when I had first arrived. I would have noticed it. Now it was parked across the parking lot. I never made it to the Jeep, instead I bee lined for the Plymouth Barracuda. There wasn't anyone around it and I ran my hand across the hood, feeling that it was still warm.
It had to be Ryder's car. It wasn't like it was a white Honda Accord, something you saw everywhere. This was Ryder's Cuda which meant he was here somewhere. But how, and why. I thought he had blown me off. I had mentioned my home town and the lake when we talked the other night. But he didn't know I was here. Why would he come here without me? Maybe he had talked to Evelyn or Lynn, but then why wouldn't he have called first?
For the second time today I was thoroughly confused and felt a desperate need to find Ryder. To know why he was here.
I speed walked across the parking lot, heading toward the sports shop and entrance to the docks. I spotted him sitting on one of the picnic tables. My breathing became more labored as I realized it was the table that the killers had been sitting on when Ian and I had approached from the docks a lifetime ago.
I paused calming myself and taking him in. He was looking out over the lake. His right side was angled toward me, but I could see he was holding something up to the left side of his face.
The scent of pine was strong as I stood under the tall trees. A cool breeze had come up and I saw Ryder shiver. He wasn't wearing a jacket and his gray t-shirt stretched across his shoulders as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He wore black jeans and his black boots. The ones he wore the first day I had seen him at the gallery.
I drank in every detail. He really was a gorgeous man. His beautiful soul made him even more attractive. It had been nearly two weeks since he first walked into the gallery, and I was already falling for this guy.
The thought didn't startle me anymore. It was fuel for the fire that was growing in me. I felt myself making a little more room for him in my heart and it felt good.
Closing the distance between us I softly called “Ryder?” I knew it was him but I didn't want to startle him. He jumped anyway.
“Cyan?” he said turning toward me. He dropped the white and green bag from his cheek and I saw the large purple circle on his cheek.
Running over to him I held his face gently in my hands to get a better look. He was sitting on the top of the picnic table, his feet resting on the bench. I stood between his knees, leaning over the bench slightly to get a better look at his face.
“What happened? Are you okay?” I asked breathlessly. I could tell he was in pain and I hurt for him. Leaning forward I lightly pressed my lips to the bruise on his cheek.
His eyes were closed when I pulled back. He slowly opened them, the color a tumultuous sea of dark green and blue, and the pain in his eyes broke my heart. Tears slowly spilled making his lashes darker.
Sliding forward he wrapped his arms around me, clutching me to him, his head lying against my chest. My cheek rested on the top of his head. I breathed deep taking in the smell of his shampoo. I felt his chest contract and knew he was trying to control the sobs that were trying to break free.
“It's okay, Ryder. Let me be here for you,” I said softly, running my hand up and down his back, trying to comfort him.
The first sob broke through and his whole body shuddered. He clutched me tighter and sobbed into my shoulder. This six foot, three inch man was broken and he sobbed like a little boy.
There was nothing I could do but hold him. We hadn't even talked about why he was there. I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but for right now, he just needed me to hold him. And for a long time that's what I did. I held onto him for dear life.
Chapter 27 – Ryder
I knew it wasn't fair to be clutching onto her, sharing my burden, but I didn't have anyone else to turn to and I knew deep down that I was falling in love with this beautiful woman.
Sobbing against her shoulder I wept for Bobby and it broke my heart that I would never see him again. My favorite childhood memory had been with him, right here at this lake. The finality and senseless tragedy of it all crushed me.
I wept for my parents and for my sister. For the sadness they were bearing too. And for the heartache that will be coming over the next few days, weeks and years.
I even wept for Jace and the love we would never have between us. I didn't know why he was the way he was, but I knew I would never have a bond with him. He had done too many things over the years that he had to take responsibility for.
My sobs had stopped but my tears were still flowing. These were for Cyan. This beautiful woman held onto me now but I knew in a short while she would be pushing me away. The impending loss made my heart ache. It was a physical pain that outweighed the throbbing in my cheek.
The sun had dropped low behind the trees at my back. The lake was cast in shadows, a soft orange glow hitting the tips of the trees in the distance and reflecting on the surface of the water.
Placing my hands on either side of Cyan's hips I gently pushed her back so I could see her face. I wiped my face on each of my shoulders and took a few ragged breaths.
Lifting my eyes to hers I started to speak slowly. There was no turning back.
“I have something to give you and something to tell you. I know you don't owe me anything, but this is me asking for your forgiveness.” My voice was barely above a whisper but Cyan heard and nodded. I searched her eyes for a moment, begging her to understand.
Turning her left hand over, palm up, I dug into my pocket with my free hand. Holding this small piece of metal, that I had been carrying around with me for the last two years, I felt total peace that it was ending up back where it belonged. Gently I placed the ring in her hand.
The realization of what it was came across her face like a light on a dimmer switch that is slowly turned up brighter and brighter. Instinctively she curled her fingers around it and clutched it to her heart.
Her eyes flew from her hand to my eyes and she shuffled back a couple feet. Her eyes were pained, her head slightly tilted in confusion, her brows furrowed.
“Please don't run. Please let me explain the whole story,” I pleaded. I knew that she was considering running. I saw the same panic in her eyes that I had seen last night at the carnival.
Wow, had that been just last night? It felt like ages ago. Everything before Bobby's death felt like a lifetime ago.
I didn't move a muscle. I saw the fear in Cyan's eyes and didn't want her to misunderstand my movements.
“I'm assuming you're here because you heard Bobby Cowan died?” I asked. She gave a slight nod so I continued. “Bobby is my brother.”
Her eyes opened wide and I saw the panic. It dawned on me that she might think I was the one who had killed Ian. All along the prosecution had mentioned that Bobby's brother was a suspect, but they couldn't prove it.
“My name is Ryder Marshall Cowan.” I realized this didn't clear anything up so I quickly added, “I have another brother. It wasn't
me with Bobby that night. I wish I had been, then none of this would have happened.” I was shaking my head as I denied being the one with Bobby, but I wasn't innocent.
Cyan was still clutching the ring to her chest but she looked more confused than afraid.
“The weekend that Ian was killed I had been visiting my parents for a few days. My brothers had both moved out of the house by this time, and my sister and nephew had come to the house to visit. I remember it had been a good night and I wished my brothers were there to hang out. My sister said they had gone camping. My mom loved it when we were all together. All four of us kids were in our mid to late twenties and she would confide that she felt like we were slipping away.”
I remained seated on the table, pausing as I tried to read Cyan's face before continuing, “After my sister and nephew had left, my parents had gone up to bed and I stayed up flipping through the channels on TV. It was close to midnight when Bobby came in. He was wild eyed and reeked of whiskey. Jumping off the couch I had gone to the front window looking for Jace, thinking maybe he was outside injured or something, but he wasn't there and Bobby's car was parked up on the front lawn.
“Bobby had paced the living room pulling at his hair. I talked to him quietly, trying to get him to tell me what happened. He would mumble things like, 'that was never supposed to happen' and 'what the hell was Jace thinking?' but none of it made any sense.” I paused again, looking to Cyan to see if she had any questions at this point. She nodded her head, encouraging me to continue.
“I couldn't get Bobby to tell me what happened but at one point he had stopped pacing and turned to me and said 'This wasn't ours to take',” I looked at Cyan, my eyes going to the ring hidden in her fist against her chest.
“Bobby was looking at me so seriously. 'You need to give it back Ryder. Not now, but someday. You're the responsible one, you'll know when to do it.' and he had placed the ring in my hand, turned and walked back out the front door.
“He was in no condition to drive but I was frozen in place. Looking at that ring I knew something had happened. I knew Bobby was involved, but I suspected Jace had been the one to do something really bad, even by Jace's standards.
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