by Naomi Niles
“I don’t want to mess up her life, Maddie,” I said softly. “I don’t want to hurt her again.
“Then don’t,” Maddie said simply.
“I just … want to make sure that she’s ok; I want to make sure she’s happy.”
“Are you planning on staying in Bastrop, Dylan?” Maddie asked.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I’ll be here for the next few weeks though.”
Maddie nodded. “Then do Lizzie a favor and don’t try to contact her.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“I don’t mean to be so blunt,” Maddie, said. “But the thing is … she’s trying to live her life. And that’s going to be a lot easier for her if you leave her alone.”
I sighed internally. Maddie was right and I knew it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Elizabeth
I splashed water on my face and looked back up at the mirror. The music was louder than usual tonight and the smell of smoke and alcohol was giving me a headache. I didn’t look like a pregnant woman at all, but I certainly felt it. I was tired and impatient to get home, but I had two more hours on my shift and a bar full of patrons to attend to.
I took a step back from the mirror and looked at myself critically. My stomach had starting protruding out in the last month, but it was a small enough bump that a loose fitting blouse could easily disguise it. No one in Bastrop knew about my pregnancy except my mother and Maddie and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. I was actually enjoying having a secret that was all my own. I had to make a concerted effort however, not to keep touching my stomach in public.
The bathroom door swung open and Joni poked her head inside. “There you are,” she said. “We’re swamped tonight and we need you to get a move on.”
“Right,” I said quickly. “Right behind you.”
I walked outside behind Joni and got to work busing tables. Zack was bartending tonight so I helped the girls with the orders. My energy levels were not what they used to be and I was starting to dream about the quiet comfort of my apartment. It was amazing how the idea of having a baby had changed so many things.
I no longer hated going home. I actually longed for the calm and quiet I would get when I went back. I’d pour myself from juice and sit in front of the TV with Elvis curled up next to me. More often than not, I’d daydream about what it would be like when I finally had the baby. Maddie and mom were always over, bringing me food and offering to massage me whenever I needed it. It was the best feeling in the world, but sometimes it was overshadowed by the doubt wrestling around in my head.
I thought of Dylan every single day. He consumed my thoughts and filled my head any time I lowered my inhibitions. I had made my decision but I still could not escape the doubt and didn’t help that Dylan was back in town.
“Hiya, honey,” a beefy man in the corner booth called out to me. “How about taking our order?”
“Sure,” I said snaking through the tables towards him. “Sorry about the wait. What can I get you?”
“Deviled pork ribs for me,” he responded.
“And I’ll have the steak,” his friend told me.
I nodded, took down their order, and headed towards the kitchen to hand in the docket. The moment I had handed it over, Heather pointed me in the direction of more customers. I kept veering from table to table, taking orders, getting food, cleaning down empty tables, and then repeating the process all over again.
I kept glancing over at the time hoping that my shift was almost done, but it seemed that time had decided to come to a standstill because every time I checked the clock only a couple of minutes had passed. I was desperate to rest my legs for a few moments and escape the noisy bustle of the pub, but I knew my absence would be noticed and I’d taken a few too many breaks this shift.
“Hey,” Zack called to me as I brought in another docket for the kitchen. “Are you ok?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “Why do you ask?”
“You seem really tired.”
“I had a long day at school,” I told him. “The kids were particularly rambunctious today.”
“I don’t know how you to do it,” Zack said shaking his head and I was forced back into the thick of it to collect more orders.
As the night wore on, I noticed that a few guys at the front of the bar were starting to get a little unruly. As far as I could tell, the fight started because two guys were supporting warring football teams. Suddenly, there was a smash of glass and everyone was in each other’s face.
“Shit,” I said to myself as I moved forward. “Come on guys,” I said raising my voice to be heard above the din. “Calm down.”
No one heard me and I couldn’t muster up the energy to shout any louder. Zack came around from behind the bar and tried to break up the fight. I was trying to move out of the way when someone pushed another guy and he came smashing into me. My legs buckled and I flew into a table stomach first.
I groaned in pain as I grabbed my stomach reflexively, but everyone was too busy with the brewing fight to notice me. I walked away from the scene and waited till my breathing had slowed and my stomach didn’t hurt as much anymore. I took a deep breath and watched the scene before me and it dawned on me that I didn’t want to be here anymore.
I still had an hour left on my shift, but I didn’t care. I walked into the back where Jack was chowing down on a steak in his personal office. I went in without bothering to knock.
“I’m eating,” he grunted at me.
“I know,” I said. “This will only take a minute.”
“All right,” he sighed putting down his knife and fork. “What is it?”
“I’m quitting.”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “Quitting?”
“I can’t do this anymore …” I said knowing that probably wouldn’t make too much sense to Jack. “I just … I’ve had enough of this job.”
“What?” Jack asked in his boorish manner. “You’re too good for us now?”
“I never said that … it’s just … I already have one job and I think I’m spreading myself a little too thin.”
Jack narrowed his eyes. “I don’t get it, your ex has stopped coming in here, hasn’t he?”
“He has,” I said.
“Shouldn’t it be better for you now?”
“My ex has stopped coming but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a fight in here every other day; one thing working here has taught me is that men can’t hold their alcohol. They get drunk, they get loud, they get angry, and then they start fights. And I’m not interested in being caught in the middle anymore.”
Jack grunted. “Fine then … I accept your resignation. Now get out and let me finish my dinner.”
I smiled gratefully and nodded. “Thanks, Jack.”
He grunted again and I left his office much happier than when I had entered it. I grabbed my stuff, said a quick goodbye to Zack, and headed home in relief. I felt lighter somehow. I was about to turn the corner when I noticed a tall, familiar figure standing across the road.
I backed up immediately so that Dylan wouldn’t see me and I watched him wait for the light to change back to green. He looked amazing, as tall and handsome as ever and I felt that familiar pull of longing inside me. I paired back so that I could watch him a little without being seen. He was wearing dark jeans and a sleeveless shirt that bared his perfectly toned arms.
He looked amazing but there was something in his eyes that told me he was deep in thought. I wondered greedily if he was thinking about me. Instinctively my hand landed on my tiny bump and I felt a modicum of guilt rise up inside me but I pushed it down. Maddie had told me that Dylan was only in town for a few weeks to figure some things out. Then he would be leaving again. He may not have been in the Navy anymore but that didn’t mean he was ready to settle down either.
I watched him cross the street and then turn the corner as he disappeared out of sight. I stood there for a moment longer and I took a deep breath. He had just got
out of a huge commitment and I knew I could not force him into another. I would not be the reason he regretted his life. I would not be the reason he had to sacrifice his freedom. I would not be the choice he made because he was forced to. I turned and walked back home alone.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Dylan
“Something wrong son?”
I turned to mom and gave her a distracted smile. “Ah … no, no, nothing’s wrong,” I answered.
“You were very distracted today during church,” mom observed as she came to sit beside me on the porch.
“Was I?” I asked trying to play it off.
Mom smiled and gave my hand a squeeze. “You’ve been staring at you’re phone for a while now,” she pointed out.
“Oh … I was contemplating calling a friend,” I replied evasively.
“I see,” mom nodded. “Well, we’re about to sit down to lunch so maybe you could try calling a little later.”
I nodded and we walked back into the house together for Sunday lunch. Tyler and Maddie were already seated when we arrived and began our meal together. I kept shooting glances at Maddie trying to determine why she was so quiet around me. It was more than just that however; it seemed almost as though she was uncomfortable with me too.
“What’s wrong, man?” Tyler asked suddenly half way through the meal.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You keep staring over here,” he pointed out.
I hadn’t realized I was being so obvious but I instantly toned it down. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just … distracted today.”
“Why?”
“Umm … just thinking about the rehab center,” I lied smoothly.
“I think it’s a great idea,” Maddie said. She gave me a small smile but I noticed that she still refused to meet my eyes. I wondered how badly my leaving had affected Lizzie this time. I wondered if that was the reason for it or if perhaps Lizzie’s new relationship was more serious than I had anticipated and Maddie just didn’t want to be the one to tell me.
“How’s Lizzie?” I asked out loud without bothering to hide my curiosity.
Instantly Maddie tensed and I knew that her awkwardness was inherently linked to Lizzie. “She’s fine,” Maddie replied chewing her food longer than necessary.
I did notice my mother’s expression change somewhat and that puzzled me. I let it sit and we spent the rest of the meal in silence. Once we were done and the plates had been cleared away, I moved out into the back garden consumed in thought. After a while I couldn’t stop myself any longer. I picked up my phone and dialed in Lizzie’s number.
It rang for a while but she didn’t pick up and I couldn’t blame her. If she really was serious with this doctor guy then it was entirely possible she didn’t want to have anything more to do with me. I tried to contain the jealousy in my gut but it seemed to have a life of its own. I was trying to figure out a subtle way of ‘running into’ Lizzie in town when I felt mom walking towards me.
“Did you try calling that friend of yours?” she asked pointedly.
“I tried,” I nodded.
“Does this friend happen to be Elizabeth?” mom asked.
“I would say that was perceptive of you,” I said. “If I wasn’t so incredibly transparent.”
Mom smiled but there was an underlying emotion there that I couldn’t understand. She seemed to be sparring with herself; trying to decide on something she wasn’t sure of.
“Is something the matter?” I asked bluntly.
“Well …”
“Yes?”
“I have something to tell you,” mom replied slowly. “And I don’t know if you’ll like it.”
I felt my stomach drop and I knew instinctively that it had something to do with Lizzie. “Ok,” I said trying to prepare myself. “What is it?”
“Last week I was doing my rounds in the hospital and I was assigned to Doctor Towry,” mom started slowly.
“Ok…?”
“I was organizing her patient files when I came across a name I recognized,” mom went on. “Lizzie’s name.”
“Lizzie …?” I said as my curiosity ramped up a notch. “Is everything all right with her?” I was suddenly seized with the fear that she was seriously sick. Was that the real reason she was avoiding me now? Was that the reason that Maddie was being so standoffish? Maybe the doctor she was supposedly dating was just her doctor and nothing more. “Just tell me mom,” I said quickly.
Mom took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I should be telling you this …”
“Mom!” I said impatiently.
“I have an obligation to be confidential with the information I receive at work.”
“I’m your son!” I said childishly. “Please … I’ll go crazy if I don’t know.”
Mom sighed. “Lizzie is … pregnant.”
I just stared at her for a moment. “I’m sorry … could you say that again?”
“She’s pregnant,” mom repeated again and I knew there was no way I could have misheard her a second time.
“You’re sure?” I asked slowly.
“Completely sure,” mom replied.
“How far along is she?” I asked.
“Around four months,” she replied. “But I can’t be sure; I didn’t have time to read through her entire file.”
“Four months,” I breathed as I ran my hand through my hair trying to process it all. “Four months!”
“What does this mean Dylan?” mom asked slowly.
“What do you mean?”
“Is … the baby yours?”
I swallowed hard trying to determine that for myself. “I… I don’t know,” I said finally. “I honestly don’t know. There’s a possibility it could be mine but…”
“But?”
“I’ve heard that Lizzie’s started dating another guy since I left,” I said. “It could just as easily be him.”
“Well, you need to find out then,” mom said as she reached out and squeezed my arm in support.
I stared off in the direction of the lake but I wasn’t really seeing anything. My head was spinning and I was starting to feel as a though I was in the middle of some surreal drama. I turned without a word and walked back into the kitchen where Maddie and Tyler were.
“Maddie,” I said bluntly. “Is Lizzie pregnant?”
Maddie froze in place. She glanced between Tyler and me and then she turned back to me. “How did you find out?”
“Does it matter?” I countered. “I was wondering why you’ve been so … weird this whole time.” Tyler was looking stumped and I knew he hadn’t known about Lizzie’s pregnancy. “Is the baby mine?”
“Elizabeth is pregnant?” Tyler said incredulously as he turned to Maddie. “You didn’t tell me that.”
Maddie sighed. “I didn’t tell anyone. The pregnancy obviously wasn’t planned and Lizzie wanted to keep it under wraps for a while.”
“Who is the father Maddie?” I demanded again.
Maddie looked at me and sighed deeply. “You should ask Lizzie that.”
“I’m asking you.”
Maddie shook her head in defeat and threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t want to get in the middle of this,” she said. “Lizzie has been really specific about what she wants and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
“For God’s sake!” I said in frustration.
“Hey,” Tyler said taking a step forward. “Watch it ok? Maddie’s not the bad guy here, she’s just trying to protect her friend.”
“I know,” I said quickly. “I’m just … this is a lot to take in.”
“I get it, but standing there freaking out is not going to help anyone,” Tyler said calmly and I thought it was ironic that he was the one giving me that advice.
“What would you suggest I do?” I asked in irritation.
“Talk to Lizzie,” Tyler said. “And find out for yourself.”
I looked at Maddie and I softened my tone. “I get that you can’t tell me t
oo much … but can you at least tell me if Lizzie’s seeing some … doctor?”
Maddie looked unbelievably uncomfortable and I knew it was unfair of me to push her but I couldn’t help it. “She was seeing someone,” she said with some hesitation. “I don’t know that she’s seeing him anymore though.”
“But he could be the father?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Maddie said helplessly.
“You don’t know?” I repeated.
“No I don’t,” Maddie said firmly. “He very well could be but I just don’t know. The only one who knows for sure is Lizzie and she hasn’t been very talkative these past few months.”
“Fuck!” I all but yelled. “I’ve got to talk to Lizzie.”
“Fine, talk to Lizzie,” Maddie said quickly. “But Dylan, be calm, be sensitive, and be kind ok? She’s going through a lot right now and she’s going to need some understanding.”
I took a deep breath. “Of course,” I nodded.
Immediately after I left the house, I jumped on my motorcycle and turned in the direction of Lizzie’s apartment. I had to find out, one way or the other, whose baby she was carrying.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Elizabeth
I had just managed to find a comfortable position on the couch and I sunk down into it, enjoying the silence of my apartment, pierced only by Elvis’s occasional meows. I had switched off my cell phone and taken the phone of the receiver so that I could have a few minutes to myself.
My pregnancy had somehow released a bout of creative energy and I found myself not only eager to play music but also to write some arrangements as well. I had a sheath of papers lying on the table beside me and I glanced over at my notes. I had just finished practicing some of the music I had written last week and it didn’t sound half-bad. I could hear the melody in my head and I realized that the silence was pushing me forward and releasing all these ideas in my head.
A sharp rap on my door broke the beautiful silence and I wrinkled my eyebrows together knowing that Maddie was with Tyler today and mom was working. I got up and walked to the door. Again there was another knock and I opened the door without checking who it was. I found myself staring into Dylan’s intoxicating, blue eyes.