Providence p-1

by Jamie McGuire

  While searching through the last drawer my hands began to shake. Upon finding no suspicious evidence or anything related to Mr. Dawson I kicked the drawer shut, causing the cabinet to rock back and forth.

  “AGH!” I stomped, balling my hands into fists at my sides.

  I paced in a small circle for a minute, and then made my way to the desk chair and collapsed. A small bronze frame sat to my left. It was of me and Jack when I was about four years old. We had gone on vacation to the Grand Canyon and I had fallen. I looked closer to verify my bandaged knee and smiled. I was sitting on my father’s lap; he had just finished cleaning up the dirt and blood and used a colorful bandage from my mother’s purse. He kissed my knee and told me that it was all better, and even though the sting remained, I nodded my head in belief.

  The colors were all so vivid, as was my memory. My eyes filled with tears and I looked around, horrified that I was in Jack’s office and at what I was doing there. Mr. Dawson, a complete stranger, had made me doubt my father. I wiped my face and quickly straightened his desk. The door slammed behind me as I quickly descended the stairs.

  “Miss Nina?” Agatha called after me, but I raced past her, too intent on escaping the shame that I felt.

  I yanked my BMW into gear and flew down the driveway into the street. Tears streamed down my face and I felt my body shudder in the same sobs I had worked so hard to rid myself of. Too many questions and no answers, everything that had made sense died with my father.

  The flickering street lamps flew by as I sped down the road. As I passed the bus stop where I’d first met Jared. I noticed someone sitting on the bench and slammed on my brakes. I jerked the gear into reverse and my car made a grievous whirring noise as I back-tracked. My tires screeched to a halt straight across from where Jared sat.

  Shoving my way out of the car, I stomped to the middle of the street. “Are you following me?”

  “Are you all right?” he asked, concern overshadowing his flawless features.

  “What are you doing here, damn it?” I yelled.

  He stood up and held his arms out to me, but I shook my head. He stopped and furrowed his brow. “Nina, come here.”

  “I want answers, Jared. You show up in my life, tell me you have these feelings for me. You won’t give me your number, and you all but refused mine.” I took a step toward him, and he a step toward me.

  “Nina, I know you’re upset, but it’s going to be okay.” His voice was calm and soothing, almost too much so, as if he was trying to talk me down from a ledge.

  “I’m standing in the middle of the street bawling my eyes out and yelling at you, Jared! Why aren’t you asking me what’s wrong? Why don’t you ever ask me questions?” Jared thought for a moment, seeming surprised at my observation. He took another step toward me with outstretched arms, begging to hold me.

  “Is it feelings you have for me? Or are you just following me around because you feel sorry for me? Is it because I’m some tragic, fatherless basket case that you’ve decided to make a charity project out of?”

  His eyes turned angry and his arms lowered. “You know that’s not true.”

  As he took another step, his face for once didn’t try to hide emotion. His eyes ached for me to come to him; I could see that my tears caused him pain. I leaned into his arms and he wrapped them around me without hesitation.

  I relaxed in his embrace for a moment, the warmth of his arms provided instant comfort.

  He leaned down to press his cheek against my temple. “It’s more than just feelings, Nina. You have to know that.”

  I peered up at him with damp eyes. “Then why haven’t you…?”

  “What?” he asked. I shook my head at first, but he pulled me closer to him and his eyes begged me to confess my thoughts. “Tell me.”

  “Why haven’t you tried to kiss me?”

  He seemed stunned, and then his eyes settled on my lips. I watched as his expression changed from desire, to conflicted, to a decision. I didn’t know what it all meant, so I closed my eyes and leaned into him, knowing his lips were just a few inches from mine. I felt his grip tighten and he held me at bay. My eyes popped open, humiliation crashing over me in waves. Adding to my already crippling embarrassment, tears once again spilled over my cheeks.

  His eyes closed tight and his face crumpled. “I don’t want to lie to you.”

  The humiliation still flamed my face, but it was now obscured by my anger. I’d grown weary of his vague non-answers. He would offer a tiny bit of truth shrouded in confusing ambiguity and my patience had reached its limit.

  Seeing the resentment in my eyes, Jared let out a frustrated sigh. He released me and walked across the street to an impressive black motorcycle parked behind the bench. Without looking back he turned the key, and with a push of the button the engine roared to life. The motor snarled as he revved it a few times before speeding off the sidewalk and down the street.

  The weekend came and went. Beth and I attended the basketball game and Kim, Beth and I joined Ryan, Josh, Tucker, and Chad for air hockey and nachos. I refused to talk about Jared, even with Beth. I couldn’t even bring myself to explain what had happened that caused me to be so furious anytime they mentioned his name.

  Ryan seemed to enjoy my change of heart. One night he called to ask me for help with his chemistry, and we found ourselves sitting on the floor of my dorm room alone.

  “No…it’s….” I pressed my lips together as I rewrote the last line.

  “Chad said he failed this test last year,” Ryan grumbled.

  “Well, Chad didn’t have me for a tutor, now did he?” I threw my pencil at him and it bounced to the floor.

  “Tutor or not, this test is gonna suck.”

  “Have you lost your faith in me?”

  “Have you reconsidered my offer, yet?” he grinned.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I shrugged, playing dumb.

  “Yes, you do. It’s okay if you haven’t….you will eventually,” he smiled wide.

  “I’m fairly certain I won’t be interested in dating for a long, long time.”

  Ryan didn’t skip a beat. “I’ll wait.”

  Chapter Four

  The Ring

  The next weeks proved to be fairly mundane. I hadn’t seen Jared or Mr. Dawson, and Ryan’s propositions had tapered off. Beth had been noticeably absent from our room. I hadn’t even been sequestered for a ballgame.

  I didn’t leave campus for further theory-testing walks, and I tried not to venture off campus in general. My feelings were conflicted at any given second between being desperate to see Jared again and cringing at thoughts of any chance run-ins. I committed to pushing him from my mind, even if I had to do it a thousand times a day.

  At study group, Ryan and I took our normal spots to work together on his latest academic crisis. Kim passed the time by shooting rubber bands at Josh while Beth and the new girl, Nicole, compared notes.

  Josh caught one of Kim’s rubber missiles in mid-air and yawned. “So, when are we going out again?”

  Kim shrugged. “I don’t know. When do you want to go?”

  “I don’t think Nina’s up to it,” Beth hinted. The entire group stared at me with a mixture of pitiful and expectant expressions that I was desperate to deflect.

  “Of course I’m up for it,” I said, aiming for a casual tone.

  In truth, going out again with the same people to the same place made me anxious that we were just asking for a repeat, and I wasn’t ready to see Jared again. In the same moment, I worried that he wouldn’t show.

  “Are you sure?” Beth asked, leaning forward in her chair.

  “Why don’t we go tomorrow?” Josh asked Ryan.

  “I’m there,” Ryan said, nudging me.

  “On a Tuesday? How much fun can a Tuesday night be?” I groaned.

  “As fun as we make it,” Ryan said.

  On our way back to Andrews, I grumbled to Beth about going out on a school night. She didn’t seem faz
ed by the prospect, so I left it alone. When we lumbered into our room, my cell phone buzzed.

  “Hi, Mom,” I yawned.

  “You sound tired, Nina. Are you getting enough sleep?” she asked.

  “I am. It’s just been a long day,” I said, peeling back my comforter.

  “Well, I won’t keep you long. I just wanted to tell you that Thomas called me today. He wanted to apologize about not returning your call. Did you call him, dear?”

  “Er…yes. I did.” I hadn’t anticipated Thomas calling my mother.

  “Well? What did you call him about?”

  I decided that sticking as close to the truth as possible would be the best option. “Well, I was in dad’s office a few weeks ago and came across some unsigned papers. I didn’t want to worry you with it, so I called Mr. Rosen.”

  “You were in Dad’s office? Why?”

  “I guess I just miss him.”

  “Oh,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. It was something I needed to do on my own.”

  “You don’t worry about those papers, Dear. They’re nothing you need to concern yourself with. Thomas has copies of all of your father’s papers in his office; they’ve already been taken care of. I wasn’t….ready to move them just yet.”

  “I understand,” I said, thinking of the letter opener I’d taken. She obviously hadn’t noticed, yet. I wondered if she went into Jack’s office at all. “Did Daddy ever discuss an urgent properties deal with you?”

  My mother pondered that for a moment. “A properties deal? Your father didn’t deal with properties, Nina.”

  “Oh. Okay.” I tried to make my voice sound idle to end the conversation.

  “I’ll let Thomas know that I’ve talked to you.” She seemed to accept my explanation, but was obviously unconvinced.

  “That’s fine, Mom. I’m going to bed, now.”

  I clicked my phone shut and noticed Beth staring at me. “What?”

  “You didn’t tell her about the Dawson guy, did you?” Beth said, towel and toiletries in hand.

  “I can’t put that on her right now.”

  I clicked my fingernails together, waiting for Beth to return. Mr. Rosen chose to call my mother instead of me. The thought flooded my mind with the disturbing words Mr. Dawson spoke, which in turn morphed into thoughts of my father being swindled posthumously. In that instant, I became angry beyond words and scrambled to my feet. Beth wouldn’t return fast enough; the only comfort would be a distraction. Without a second thought, I grabbed my keys and bolted out the door.

  My BMW weaved in and out of traffic just a bit over the speed limit. I figured if I could somehow get lost, trying to find my way back would be an excellent distraction. I drove until the buildings were less familiar and then I stopped paying attention to the street signs. When I was no longer in Providence, I slowed down to make a u-turn to start the challenge of finding my way home. I veered off a bit to the shoulder before making the turn, and then my car bobbled over an unseen object as I pulled my steering wheel in the opposite direction.

  “Damn it!”

  I peered into my rearview mirror, searching for what I’d run over to decide whether I should pull over to assess any damages. In the next moment I saw the reflective twisted metal and sighed.

  I pulled over to the side of the road and came to an abrupt stop. Realizing the situation I’d gotten myself into, I let my forehead fall hard onto the steering wheel with a thud.

  A flat tire on the side of an unknown road in the middle of the night was definitely a distraction.

  I shoved open my door and walked around to look at the front passenger-side tire. Seeing the rubber pooled on the ground, I raked my fingers through my hair.

  Fog blurred the street lights so my vision was limited. In quick strides I ducked back into my car to call Beth. At the same time that I remembered I had left my purse behind, it dawned on me that I’d also failed to bring my phone.

  “Nina! You idiot!”

  Logic overrode panic. The sun would rise in a few hours and I could flag someone down to use their phone. I turned the heater on high and let the dry air fill the cab. When it was too hot to breathe I flipped back the ignition and turned off the car. Just moments later, I tugged my coat tighter around me. It was going to be a very long couple of hours before sunrise; it didn’t take long at all for the stifling heat in the car to fade to mildly warm and then to an uncomfortable chill soon after.

  Three quick raps on my window sent me an inch off my seat. I whipped around to see a man in a puffy blue coat standing just inches away. My hand flew up to the lock as he leaned down to look in.

  “It’s a little late for that, don’t you think? I could have carjacked you by now,” Jared said, grimacing at my pitiful efforts.

  I couldn’t speak, the fear sent adrenaline racing throughout my body and I experienced a dozen different emotions before I settled on relief.

  “Open the trunk so I can get your spare,” he said.

  I reached for the button and the trunk sprung open with a pop. Scrambling out of my car, I watched while he pulled out a jack and quickly assembled it, and then pulled out the spare tire, carrying it to his make-shift workspace. I’d always seen people rolling tires around, but Jared lifted it out of my trunk as if it were a grocery bag.

  He worked feverishly — as if he were being timed — pumping the jack, unscrewing the lug nuts and yanking off the flattened carcass of the old tire to immediately replace it with the spare. He repeated the process in reverse, tightening the lug nuts and spinning the tire. Once he finished lowering the car, he lobbed the flattened tire into my trunk, followed by the jack and tire iron.

  “Go home, Nina,” he growled. He slammed the trunk shut and then wiped the grease from his hands onto his jeans.

  “Jared….”

  “Just go home,” he said, avoiding my eyes. He turned his back on me, disappearing into the fog.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  I shook my head and scrambled around the front of my car, staring at the new tire to make sure I hadn’t imagined everything I’d just seen. My new, perfectly capable tire was fitted flawlessly to my car. I looked to the fog where Jared had disappeared and puffed. It was no longer an indefinite prospect that Jared was always waiting in the wings. I didn’t know why or how he was doing it, but he was watching over me.

  During the ride home my mind raced with theories and explanations. There was no way for him to explain it away. Jared had basically admitted to following me. Maybe that was why he was so irritated; I’d managed to get myself in yet another situation that he would have to make clear that he was nearby. I should have been panicking — anyone else would have repeated the word stalker over and over in her head — but I only felt an overwhelming sense of calm. Beyond the calm I was even more shocked to discover that I was flattered.

  Something else became clear to me: I had absolutely no common sense concerning Jared Ryel. I had become an irrational, ridiculous, sobbing fool and incredibly, he was still in my life. I didn’t care if he was a stalker or a miracle. The thought that he was always near me — that he could have been watching me at that very moment — sent euphoric shivers down my spine.

  The next night, a knock at the door prompted Beth to grab her purse. When I swung open the door, Kim, Josh, Ryan, Tucker, Chad, Lisa, and Carrie were all standing in the hall.

  “We held hands so they wouldn’t get lost,” Kim quipped.

  “That’s nice,” I said, turning to grab my keys and wallet. “We’re not all going to fit in the Beemer.”

  “I’m taking my jeep,” Chad said.

  “Sweet!” Beth chirped.

  When I followed Beth through the door of the pub, I felt my body tense. I didn’t relax until I finished scanning the room and saw that Jared was nowhere to be found. With my relaxation was also discontent, but Ryan’s arm around my shoulders provided an immediate diversion. We took a table and Ryan fed quarters into th
e jukebox. Within an hour we were all on the wooden floor dancing to disco.

  “Next time, I’m bringing a CD!” Kim yelled over the Bee Gees.

  When we returned to our table, a slow song crooned from the juke box and Chad asked Beth to dance. She was beaming, and I watched him pull her gently by her hand to the dance floor. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up as I watched them, not being able to keep myself from the bittersweet memory of Jared’s arms around me in the same space just a few weeks before.

  “C’mon. Dance with me,” Ryan asked, pulling at my hand.

  I might have said no if he hadn’t already had me half way to my feet. It had become a full time job to keep him from getting the wrong idea about our friendship. I followed him to the dance floor and he secured his hands behind my back.

  “Oh, cheer up. It’s not that bad,” Ryan smiled.

  “You’ve been drinking; I’m concentrating on not tripping over your two left feet.”

  “I’ll catch you,” he said, too close to my face.

  “Great, then we’d both fall,” I grinned.

  Ryan hugged me to him. “I don’t mind falling to catch you.”

  I relaxed my chin on Ryan’s shoulder until the song ended. He seemed to want to keep dancing but the next song was upbeat. He hesitated and then let me go, leading me back to the table by my hand.

  We tabbed out after last call, and Lisa and Carrie decided to take a cab to someone’s apartment for an after party. Beth decided to ride with Chad once again and my heart leapt for her when I saw him lead her by the hand to his Jeep.

  We quickly crossed against the light to the parking lot and Kim and Ryan giggled while I fumbled for my keys.

  I cursed as my keys tumbled to the ground into a pot hole. I reached down to get them, but a dirty hand beat me there. Kim and Ryan were silent as I slowly stood to face the raggedy man in front of me.

  “Thank you,” I said, holding my hand out for my keys. I noticed there were three other men with him, emerging from the shadows of the alley.