Damaged

by Nina D'Angelo

  What she’d discovered had stunned her. Stephanie had a past as bloody and as tragic as her own. Like Cassandra, Stephanie had been born into wealth and exclusivity, and like Cassandra, she had shunned it. And, like Cassandra, she was damaged.

  Cassandra closed her eyes, remembering how she’d begged Stephanie to disappear after she was attacked. She’d offered her a new identity and a new life, but Stephanie had refused to walk away. She’d told Cassandra that if she walked away, she would always be running from her past. She didn’t want to lose her identity or forget who she was because it was the only part of her parents she had left. Cassandra had thought she was crazy, but she’d respected her choices.

  Realizing Stephanie was staring at her expectantly, she pushed her thoughts away and smiled slowly at her friend. “I take it this guy is Dominic?” she murmured, adding softly, “What happened to Ben? Last time I spoke to you, you seemed content with him. He was safe.”

  “God, Cassandra, Ben’s still in the picture. He doesn’t even know about Dominic,” Stephanie whispered, burying her face in her hands and leaning her elbows on the table. Lifting her head, she reached out and ran her finger around the rim of her coffee cup. “Ben is safe. He’s perfect for me, Cassandra. He doesn’t ask questions. He just rolls with the punches and accepts me for me.”

  “He doesn’t know the real you,” she argued, shrugging out of her black leather jacket and tossing it onto the empty plastic chair beside her. “None of your friends know the real you.”

  “That’s not true. Both Angel and Lyn know what happened six months ago,” Stephanie argued, wrinkling her nose when Cassandra rolled her eyes. “They were stalked, too. They know what I went through.”

  “No, Stephanie, they know you were attacked. They know you barely escaped with your life. But they don’t know what really went down, do they?”

  “You know they don’t,” Stephanie said, with resignation. “I don’t want them to know the truth.”

  “I bet Ben doesn’t even know about your parents, does he?”

  Stephanie shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. Not even my friends know about my parents. I prefer it that way.” She played with the silver tennis bracelet on her left wrist.

  “Stephanie, by not telling Ben about your parents you’re hiding your true self,” Cassandra stated, shaking her head in disgust. “Christ, he doesn’t even know who you really are, and you’re okay with that. You’re pretending to be someone you’re not because it’s safer for you that way.”

  “I learned from the best,” she shot back, glaring at her friend, her eyes narrowing dangerously. “Tell me, Cass, when was the last time you had a relationship where you actually told the guy who you really were, and what you used to do for a living?”

  “This isn’t about me,” Cassandra stated flatly.

  They held each other’s gazes. Stephanie was the first to break the stare, rolling her eyes. “God, you’re annoying.”

  “You love me. You know you do. I’m the only one who knows who you really are and doesn’t give a damn.” Cassandra snorted, twirling her finger around a strand of her loose red hair. “Now, tell me about Dominic.”

  Standing, Stephanie nodded her head towards the café. “Buy me a coffee and I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

  Cassandra stood, reaching down to grab her leather jacket and linking her arm with Stephanie’s. “Carovella, I didn’t realize you were such a cheap date.”

  Stephanie grinned back, bumping shoulders with Cassandra. “If you tell anyone, I’ll have to kill you.”

  Cassandra rolled her eyes, shaking her head in amusement. “I’d like to see you try,” she murmured, walking into Starbucks with Stephanie. Scanning the cafe, she relaxed when she was satisfied there were no visible threats. After working as an assassin for more years than she’d like to admit, she always scanned the perimeter of every place she walked into. Old habits were hard to shake. She wasn't surprised to see Stephanie do the same.

  Leaning against the counter, she smiled when Stephanie ordered a Grande Frappuccino for each of them. Studying her friend closely, she took in the black knee-high boots, skinny black jeans and cashmere grey top, before sliding her gaze up to Stephanie’s face. She noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the fatigue written all over her face. Stephanie still wasn’t sleeping. Her stomach churned as she knew only too well what kept her friend awake at night.

  She should. She’d shared some of the same demons. They both had their demons, and they were both terrified of letting someone in close enough to love them. It was why Stephanie was dating Ben Reynolds, and it was why Cassandra only did one-night stands. She smiled sadly.

  Leaning over to pick up both their drinks as Stephanie paid for them, she took a sip of the first one. She closed her eyes in pleasure as the sweet hit of caffeine overcame her senses. “God, that’s good.” She sighed, taking another sip before handing Stephanie her coffee.

  Finding an empty booth, she slid in and patted the seat next to her. Stephanie sat beside her and looked around the café, rolling her eyes as she surveyed people lost in their own world. Most of them were hooked up to an iPod, a laptop, or were on their phones.

  “Do you think anyone here knows what’s really out there?”

  Cassandra chuckled softly, taking another long draw of her drink before placing it on the table and turning to face Stephanie. She crossed one of her legs over the other and smiled at her. “Steph, you and I are probably the only ones in this room who know what’s really out there. I doubt anyone has faced the monsters we have, nor would I wish it on anyone.”

  Stephanie nodded, looking down at her drink and playing with the straw. “I wish to God I didn’t know. I wish I could have a normal life and be like everyone else. Sometimes, I’d give anything not to be the daughter of Stephen and Jennifer Carovella. Sometimes, Cassandra, I crave normality. I dream of disappearing to some small town where no one knows me or my history. Where bad things don’t happen, and I can sleep at night.”

  “I offered you all of that,” Cassandra reminded her gently. Stephanie made a face, turning to look at Cassandra and mirroring her position on the couch. Placing her arm over the back of the cream sofa, she said quietly, “As much as I don’t want to be Stephanie Carovella, it’s who I am. It’s all I know how to be. Everything that’s happened in my life has turned me into the woman I am.

  “I can’t escape this life. It doesn’t matter how far I run, he will find me. There’s nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. I accepted a long time ago that this is who I am, Cassandra. I don’t want a life where people ask me my name, and I have to think about it.”

  “No, instead you live a life where you hesitate before telling people your name because you’re terrified they will realize you’re the lost little girl who survived the Jesus Christ Killer. Or worse, the girl who survived a killer six months ago,” Cassandra pointed out, arching an eyebrow. “Tell me about Dominic,” she said quietly.

  Taking a deep breath, Stephanie plunged forward. “His name’s Dominic Delaney. He owns Outlaws. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the bar?”

  “I have. I’ve met Dominic. We run in some of the same business circles.” Shaking her head, she said with a shaky laugh, “Christ, Stephanie, Dominic is one hell of a player.”

  When Stephanie didn’t answer, she sighed softly. “How did you meet Dominic, anyway?”

  “I started going to Outlaws about a month ago,” Stephanie confessed, playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of her grey cashmere top. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”

  “That’s nothing new,” Cassandra murmured, grinning again when Stephanie gave her a mock scowl.

  “I like Outlaws. It allows me to be anonymous, and I can blend in with others. I can just be myself without really worrying about people staring at me or treating me differently. Most of the time Gena, Lyn, and Angel tiptoe around me, worried that they will upset me, and Ben treats me as if I’m some fragile flower he’s afraid of crushing. He
never presses me about how I’m really feeling. He just rolls with the punches. With him, I can pretend I’m okay.”

  “I’m guessing Dominic is different?"

  Stephanie looked up at Cassandra, nodding her head. Her eyes filled with tears, and her laughter was choked. “For a month, we eye-fucked each other without saying a single word.”

  Cassandra burst out with laughter at Stephanie’s description, ignoring the couple in the booth opposite them when they glared at her. Tapping the back of the couch with her fingernails, she said quietly, “Eye-fucked, that’s a new one. So, what changed?”

  Stephanie shrugged. “I don’t know. Last week he came over and sat down beside me and we started talking. Cass, he saw me. Not Stephanie Carovella, the daughter of Hollywood royalty, or even Stephanie Carovella, the screwed up victim of not one, but two homicidal maniacs. He just saw me, plain old Stephanie, and he liked what he saw.”

  “Of course he did,” Cassandra said, reaching out to grab Stephanie’s hand and squeezing gently. “Who wouldn’t like you?”

  Stephanie gave her a small smile, reaching for her drink and taking a sip. Putting her drink back on the table, she said quietly, “We’ve been hanging out every day. I can talk to him about anything and everything, and we do. He asks me questions Ben wouldn’t even think to ask, and he sees through the facade. I’ve never felt so connected to another person before. I’m falling for him and—” She broke off, stuffing her hand into her mouth, biting a half-sob back. “—it terrifies the hell out of me. He wants to know everything about me, and I’m scared that once he knows the truth about who I am he won’t feel the same.”

  “You won’t know unless you let him in.”

  Stephanie nodded. “I’ve never let a guy in before. I’ve slept with them, I’ve played the role of the perfect girlfriend, but I’ve never let them inside to see the real me. With Dominic, I do. I can’t stop myself. I want him to know why I am the way I am. I want to show him my scars. I want to be able to tell him my darkest secrets, and, more than anything, I want to love him and have him love me back.”

  Swallowing hard, her voice slipped into a fierce whisper, "I swore I would never love anyone. I wouldn’t let anyone ever get close to me, but then I met Dominic, and it was as if I’d been struck by lightning. The first moment our gazes met, I knew my life was never going to be the same. Every one of my instincts told me to run, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk away from him.”

  “Oh, Steph—”

  “Loving him isn’t what scares me so much, Cassandra. What scares me is that I’ll love him too much. One day, I know that sick, twisted fuck is going to come for me, and I know to survive I’ll have to walk away from everything. I’m scared that when that day comes I won’t be able to walk away from Dominic, and more than anything, I’m terrified of losing him.”

  Cassandra listened to her friend in stunned silence, the impact of what Stephanie was telling her settling heavily into the silence between them. “Holy shit,” she murmured, her gaze clashing with Stephanie’s shattered expression. “You really are in love with Dominic, aren't you?”

  STEPHANIE LINKED ARMS with Gena, Angel and Lyn as they walked into Outlaws, her face lighting up with pleasure when she spotted Dominic standing near the pool table, a cue stick in his hand.

  After her discussion with Cassandra, she’d driven around for hours, unable to get her mind off Dominic¸ and had ended up at Forest Lawn Cemetery where her parents were buried. Staring at her mother’s headstone, she’d wished she were alive so she could talk to her about Dominic. Instead, she’d sat on the freshly cut grass and talked to a ghost, letting out her fears. Aloud, she’d acknowledged her feelings for Dominic weren’t going to go away, and she’d realized she didn’t want them to.

  She smiled softly. Cassandra had been stunned by her admission of how she felt for Dominic, but had quickly pointed out that she should just go with the flow. She’d told her that if she really felt as if Dominic were the one, then she should grab onto him and never let him go. Even if it were for a short time, she should love him as deeply as she was capable of, and to hell with the consequences. For once, Stephanie was willing to take that risk.

  She glanced at her three friends and grinned. Of course, if Dominic were going to be in her life, he would have to pass her friend test first. That meant meeting the three people who meant the world to her—Angel, Lyn and Gena. They were her family.

  Halting mid-stride, she watched as Dominic stepped closer to the pool table, leaning down to take his shot, his focus solely on the red ball he was lining up to hit. A sigh of appreciation fell from her lips as she slid her gaze over his body. Clad in a black T-shirt that emphasized his chest muscles and toned arms, and black denim jeans that were molded to his strong thighs, he was the sexiest man in the room. She shivered in pleasure, her own body reacting to Dominic. Sooner, rather than later, they were going to be lovers. She shivered again. And it wouldn’t be a simple fling. Whatever was happening between her and Dominic was deeper than just sex. It was stronger. Much stronger.

  She looked around the room, not surprised to find more than one woman looking his way. Dominic was oblivious to the attention. Focused on his shot, his attention might have been on the game, but she could guarantee that more than half of the females in the room were focused on his ass. And, she thought with a smirk, he had an ass that was made for jeans.

  She watched him sink the red ball before he straightened up. As if he sensed he was being watched, he turned his head, and his gaze clashed with hers. He arched an eyebrow in amusement, and she couldn’t help grinning back at him, knowing he’d busted her checking him out.

  “Holy shit, ladies, are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Lyn murmured, breaking into her thoughts. Scowling, she realized Lyn was looking directly at Dominic. Noticing the predatory look on her friend’s face, her scowl deepened. She knew that look. It meant Lyn was going to do what she did best—flirt shamelessly and offer herself up to Dominic on a silver platter.

  She resisted the urge to slap her friend, surprised at the thinly suppressed jealousy flooding through her. It wasn’t her. She didn’t get jealous where guys were concerned, but she wanted to stake her claim and declare Dominic hers in front of everyone.

  She felt a twinge of unease; the realization that, for once in her life, she might not be calling the shots with Dominic unsettled her. Previously, she’d been the one to love and leave the guys, and she’d done so without a backwards glance. Dominic was new territory for her. For the first time in her life, she was falling in love with someone, and she felt completely helpless.

  Dominic leaned towards the man standing beside him, murmuring softly to him before he turned to look their way. The man grinned at her, his eyes raking over her body in approval. She automatically smiled, but her focus immediately returned to Dominic, who hadn’t taken his eyes off her.

  She watched his friend bump his shoulder and say something that made Dominic smile before he gave him his cue stick and started to walk towards Stephanie.

  “IS THAT HER?” Tyler asked, turning his head towards the redhead who held Dominic’s complete attention. He briefly glanced at the three women with Stephanie before his attention moved back to her.

  He grinned, watching her smile back. His grin widened when he realized Stephanie was looking at him without really seeing him. Dominic held her complete attention.

  “That’s Stephanie,” Dominic confirmed, unable to tear his eyes away from her. She was so damn beautiful. Stephanie had an ageless beauty that never failed to leave him breathless. But tonight she’d gone all out. A rush of pleasure flooded through him with the knowledge she’d dressed up for him. She wore a dress that was molded to every inch of her delectable curves, paired with heels that made her legs look even longer. All he could think about was wrapping his arms around her and never letting her go.

  He swallowed. He needed to break up with Sandra as quickly as possible. He wasn’t being fair by continuing their farce of a re
lationship, and the sooner he ended it with Sandra, the sooner he could convince Stephanie that they belonged together.

  “Damn, Dom, she’s gorgeous,’ Tyler said, bumping his shoulder. “I can see why you’re head over heels for her.” Taking Dominic’s cue stick off him, he added quietly, “And from the way she can’t take her eyes off you, I’d say you don’t have to worry about the feeling not being mutual. Now, go get her.”

  Dominic laughed huskily, nodding before he walked towards Stephanie.

  STEPHANIE WAITED WITH bated breath as Dominic approached her. She was surprised to find she had butterflies in her stomach, and she wrapped her arms around her waist. Shifting restlessly from side to side, she waited almost impatiently for him to reach her side.

  She’d taken extra care with her appearance tonight. She knew he was attracted to her, but that wasn’t enough. She wanted to leave him breathless. She wanted to be the only woman he ever looked at, and the last one he would ever want.

  Smoothing her damp hands down the sides of her scarlet red mini-dress, she took a shaky breath. She shouldn’t feel this way. Not while she was still dating Ben. He’d been nothing but sweet to her, yet here she was, thinking about another man. She knew if Dominic asked her to go home with him tonight, she wouldn’t hesitate to say yes.

  She knew she should turn and run. Her instincts were screaming at her to do just that, but she couldn’t. She was already more than halfway in love with him. If she were honest with herself, from the moment he’d sat down opposite her she’d already been in way too deep.

  She smiled shyly when Dominic reached her, taking a tentative step towards him. “Hi,” she whispered breathlessly.