Beautifully Damaged

by Gina Sevani

  "You do realize any other guy would be running now, right?"

  He stood up and kneeled down in front of me, then stopped.

  "Is that safe?" He pointed to his drink.

  I smiled and handed him mine. "Drink mine, just in case."

  "Anyway, I am running Ariel. It's just toward you. Never away. Now, let me catch my breath from the almost heart attack your grams gave me."

  I loved the way he could render me speechless. I also loved the insane amount of butterflies that took flight in my stomach when he was around.

  "I never in a million years thought you and your tough guy act could ever be so sweet."

  "Only with you, Juliet." He kissed my forehead and started to stand.

  "Holy hell bells, do we have a wedding?" Grams dropped the mail. "Wait, are you pregnant? Wedding, then babies!" she shouted.

  Damon broke into laughter.

  "Stop laughing and encouraging her," I told him.

  "False alarm, Grams but I would marry your granddaughter today if she let me."

  "Stop swooning Grams, you're not a cougar remember."

  "I'll need to keep reminding myself with that hunk around." She laughed.

  Damon blushed. I stared up into the eyes that meant so much to me, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt he would follow through on that promise. I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer for the day when I could be as good to him as he was to me.

  "Let me get that mail for you," Damon said. I watched him walk over to Grams and bend down so she wouldn't have to. So very adorable — until I saw Grams lean her neck to the side to check out his butt. She gave me the thumbs up sign. I sighed and shook my head at her boldness.

  We stayed and goofed off with Grams, and they learned a lot about each other, but thankfully she avoided certain topics. She was in the kitchen making sandwiches and warned us to stay out. It was just Damon and me on the sofa in the living room. I was so comfortable with him here.

  "I WANT TO SEE your room."

  "Shhh, my grandmother is right there. Did you not hear that speech? I could get pregnant by going in there with you," I teased, somehow keeping a straight face.

  "Funny."

  "I thought so," I said.

  "Nice try, Ariel. I want to see where you sleep." He pulled me up from the sofa and smacked my ass.

  "Don't start something you can't finish." I made it two steps before I was roughly pulled back against his chest.

  "Playing with fire, Ariel," he whispered into my ear.

  "So you would bring me pain… not pleasure?"

  "Extreme pleasure, minimal pain perhaps."

  I stood in shock then looked up at him over my shoulder.

  His eyes were wide open. "You usually have to put one foot in front of the other when you walk sweetheart."

  "Ass!"

  I turned down the hallway with Damon following. I couldn't remember if I'd picked up or not. I guess with the stage we were in I shouldn't be embarrassed about my room at all, but I had a lot of personal things. I always worried he might change his mind about me and realize he would be much better off giving his love to someone more deserving.

  I opened the door and glanced around, not spotless but good enough. My walls were painted my favorite shade of purple, and my room was very simple. I sat on the bed as Damon took his precious time looking around. The only thing I really had on my walls were quotes, they pretty much covered up the small wall.

  "'There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words, and still not understand you. And there are others who will understand without you even speaking a word.' — Yasmin Mogahed."

  "'She has fire in her soul and grace in her heart.' — Unknown author."

  "'Until you've walked my life, walked my path, suffered my pain, and seen what I've seen I could care less about your judgments.' — Unknown author."

  "'I keep it all inside because I'd rather the pain destroy me, than everyone else.'" His eyes flickered toward me as he finished reading that particular quote. I held his gaze as long as I could before wondering what he had to be thinking.

  "'Love me for who I am.' Both unknown authors." He looked over his shoulder at me before he continued.

  "'I am watching over you from the stars, don't be scared, I know exactly where you are, 'cause there's a piece of me and it's burning in your heart. Even death could never tear us apart.' I know those words. The Higher sings them."

  I had recently added a few quotes, and they clearly were new; the others were faded and worn.

  "'When I first saw you, I was afraid to meet you

  When I first met you, I was afraid to kiss you

  When I first kissed you, I was afraid to love you

  But now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you' — Yesenia Ann Peralez."

  "'The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead.' — Marilyn Monroe."

  "'He's more myself than I am, whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.' — Emily Bronte."

  Damon stood with his hand on my wall, almost like he was so exhausted; he couldn't hold himself up for another second. His head hung low, he took a few moments gaining his composure before walking over toward my dresser where I had three pictures. They were the only ones displayed in my room. The first one was of my parents when they were much younger, they had their arms wrapped around each other, and it was apparent for anyone to see they were madly in love. The second was my sister and me. I sat behind her as I braided her long blond hair. It had been her favorite picture. When it was taken we'd been laughing about Momma burning Dad's birthday cake.

  It had taken him three days, but he ate every piece of it just to make her happy. The last picture was of all four of us when we went on our last family beach vacation. Damon picked each one up and studied them. I thought it would bother me, him being in my room so close to my personal things. But surprisingly, I remained calm. I could see him through the mirror, and his eyes became glassy. He leaned over, took a deep breath as he gripped my dresser. His knuckles turned white from the force. When his head lifted, his eyes pierced mine, and we both had tears we hadn't allowed to release yet.

  "The rings on your necklace… You lost them?" His voice held so much emotion.

  I could only nod.

  "I'm so sorry, Ariel," he whispered.

  I'd heard that line a hundred times, and I could always tell the ones who meant it versus the ones who just wanted to say something sweet and quickly go back to their lives. The conviction in Damon's voice was like nothing I'd ever heard before. They say when you love someone, truly love them, you could feel and sense their pain. He sat down beside me and took my right hand in both of his.

  "I wish I could take it all away." A few of the tears I'd been strong enough to hold back the entire time he'd been in my room had finally fell. He'd seen a part of me no one else ever had. "Oh, baby."

  Damon wrapped his strong arms around me and for once in a very long time, I felt like I was home. Like I was right where I belonged. I felt wetness, teardrops fell on my shoulder; Damon was crying with me.

  He held me for the longest time and whispered loving words.

  "It seems like tragic things only happen to good people," he said.

  I fisted my hands into his shirt. I had to tell him everything, I'd sworn I would.

  "I'm not good, Damon," I whispered into his shirt.

  He pulled back and searched my eyes, I let him. I wished I could just portray everything to him with just one look so he would know it all without me having to say the words out loud.

  "You're everything good and beautiful in this world, Ariel."

  "You're wrong."

  "I wish you could see what I see." He gently pressed his lips against mine. He held me for a few minutes until we were much calmer. "Stay with me tonight?"

  "I would love to." I flicked a glance toward the living room. "We should go before she starts her presentation all over again," I said.

  Damon laughed softl
y, but I was being serious. He wiped the remaining tears off my face before placing his lips against mine once more.

  "Wait, one more thing." He walked into my bathroom. I heard my shower door squeak loudly.

  "What are you doing?"

  "Memorizing your shower stuff so I can buy it for my place."

  "Who said I was going to make a habit out of this?"

  "I already warned you, Ariel. I don't feel the need to keep repeating myself."

  "Warned me how?"

  "I will chase you and capture you Every. Single. Time."

  "I don't want to run, Damon."

  "Then don't," he said like it was the easiest thing in the world.

  I couldn't keep doing this. I had to tell him everything, and I would when we got back to his place. It hurt too much. He knew I was hiding something; he wouldn't stay patient for much longer. Grams was on her best behavior the rest of the visit, and I caught her silly grin before she wiped it off her face when I announced I was going to pack a bag to stay at Damon's again that night.

  Today had started out great, and Damon and Grams seemed happy. Like always I began to feel the walls as they threatened to cave in. The sadness crept deep inside, and I was the one in a different place, stuck in a different time. I tried hard to smile and laugh with them that afternoon, but my brain wouldn't shut off.

  I practiced running the words through my mind, trying to find the perfect way to tell Damon. In my heart I knew it really didn't matter how he heard them, but I wanted to soften the blow somehow. He thought I was strong, but he treated me like I was fragile. Sometimes it seemed he walked on eggshells around me, but then again I had ran multiple times; away instead of toward him.

  He probably was afraid to push too hard, but I couldn't expect him to be so kind and patient forever. No one could have a secret as huge as mine hanging over their heads and think the relationship would work and I wanted us to work — so damn bad.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  WHEN I SLIPPED INTO MY ROOM to change, I threw Damon's clothing in the hamper. I had no intention of giving them back. I checked my weather app to see if it still called for rain. Twenty percent chance; it would never rain here with that. It was August, very warm outside, so I dressed in linen shorts and a tank top. Packing should be easy, most of my clothes were simple, and I never wore much jewelry.

  Still, I had a difficult time trying to decide what to bring, even though I was only packing for one night. My lingerie was mismatched and didn't seem sexy enough for what I had planned. Although any romantic moment might be ruined if I told him everything tonight. Maybe we could talk tomorrow instead, but would it be worse to wait?

  I screamed in frustration and threw everything on the dresser. Damon barged into my room ready to fight an army.

  "Why the hell are you screaming…? Oh." He looked toward my dresser and a sly smile covered his face.

  "Get out." I yelled, and grinned at him.

  "No, maybe I can help you." Damon came up from behind me and stood with his body against my own as he looked over my shoulder. He pulled the drawer open that I had slammed shut and slid all the contents on my dresser back into it.

  What?

  "Easy. You don't need anything." His lips grazed my neck as he spoke.

  "Yes I do." I tilted my head so he would have better access.

  "I prefer you naked." Damon pushed off me and zipped up my bag like he had already won the argument.

  "Damon, I need panties just in case."

  "Just in case what?"

  "What if I start?"

  "Start what?"

  "My period!"

  Damon rolled his eyes and threw his head back in frustration.

  "Please tell me you're not going to start your period today, tomorrow, or even the next."

  I wasn't.

  "Why does it matter? You said you weren't going to make love to me until I asked."

  His gaze followed the entire length of my body before meeting my eyes again. "I'm not, but I'm going to explore every single inch of your body with my tongue and for some reason I'm thinking you might have a problem with that… if your period came." He smirked.

  "Close your mouth, sweetheart."

  "Bite me."

  "I plan on it."

  I unzipped my bag that Damon was not-so-patiently holding for me. I reached for whatever panties my hand touched and placed them inside. I rushed out the bedroom door with Damon somewhere behind me. I stopped and told him I needed a few minutes with Grams. I found her in the kitchen placing all our sex items in a grocery bag.

  "Grams, we're leaving, I'll see you tomorrow." I kissed her cheek. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

  She clasped my face with both hands and looked into my eyes.

  "You look happy."

  "I am… even if it lasts only for a little while."

  She had a way of getting someone to speak the truth.

  She shook her head at me. "He loves you, Ariel… I see your mind wandering. Don't let it. Let him love you."

  "I want to, but it's just not that simple, Grams. The person he thinks he knows, well… she isn't me."

  Grams completely disagreed. "Isn't she though? He sees what truly matters. That young man sees and knows every part of you except one. And that part doesn't define who you are, honey. Don't let it consume you, either."

  "I hope you're right."

  She kissed me on both cheeks, took a rapid breath in, and released it before looking over my shoulder. I sensed she was looking at Damon.

  "Damon, dear?"

  I turned around and I could tell from the look upon his face he'd heard some, if not all of our short conversation. His body language told me he wanted to reach for me; his eyes were full of questions. I tried to fake a smile, but I'm sure he saw right through it.

  Grams handed him the bag, and he reluctantly took it as if it was a ticking time bomb. He reached for me with his other hand.

  "Thanks for inviting me over, I had a great time."

  "You're welcome, and don't worry about your balls, Damon. I'll only go for one the first time." She winked at him.

  My breath caught. "Wow, you don't stop, do you?"

  "Gotta find humor in this crazy thing we call life, baby girl."

  Amen to that.

  "Ready?" Damon asked.

  As I'll ever be.

  IT WAS GETTING DARK outside, and the drive back to his place was quiet. He held my hand and sang softly to the radio. It was enough for me.

  "Can I take you somewhere, Ariel?"

  "Where?" I asked.

  "It's a surprise. You game?"

  "I'm game." For anything as long I was with him.

  We drove for a while and I had no clue where we were going. I wasn't sure if my fidgeting meant I was excited or just nervous.

  He pulled into an arcade and cut the ignition. I turned to face him, and he was full on cheesing.

  "Are you scared?"

  "Nope, I'll kick your ass at any game in there," I said.

  "Big words for such a small girl."

  "Wanna bet?"

  "For now, I already have everything I want. Don't smile." He teased me.

  "I'm not smiling." I so am.

  "I want to make you smile every second of every damn day, Ariel."

  "Big words for such…"

  Damon cut me off "It's on, now… I was trying to be romantic, and I was going to let you win some, but hell no."

  "Ha. You're going to be crying like a baby by the time I'm done with you," I said.

  "OUT," he ordered.

  I used to spend lots of time in arcades growing up. They weren't as nice as this one but still, my sister and I loved it. Granted, that had been years ago, surely I could still hold my own.

  The place was swamped with kids. "You sure about this?"

  "Yeah, I think we could bully them if we need to."

  "Damon, stop it."

  "What? I'm serious. I mean, I'm much bigger than they are, and you, well… you're abo
ut the same size so I don't know how that's going to work out for you."

  "Bully!" I laughed hysterically at him. If his plan was to make me smile and laugh, it was working.

  "What's first, Juliet?"

  "Air hockey." I pointed toward the table. "It's open."

  "You're not one of those girls that cry and whine when they get spanked, are you?"

  "Well, I didn't cry or whine when you spanked me earlier!"

  He came to an abrupt stop and I turned around to see what the holdup was.

  "Damn, you're cruel… You know what I meant, you dirty-minded minx. How can I walk around here turned on with all these kids? Please behave woman."

  I shrugged one shoulder. "I didn't do anything."

  "That's half the problem," he mumbled under his breath.

  "Language." I covered his mouth. I went to pull my hand back, he took it, and placed a kiss on my palm.

  We weren't holding anything back, and if he thought I wouldn't play hard he was sadly mistaken. I'd always loved competition.

  I even broke out into a sweat, so I piled my hair on top of my head into a messy bun. We had to call a time out while Damon ran to get us some water. Although I kept the lead, he managed to have a comeback, and the score was tied.

  "You ready?"

  "I was born ready," I said.

  He shook his head in laughter and I dodged his puck and sunk mine for the victory.

  A few young teenagers had been watching us, making bets among themselves about who was going to win. Mostly boys, so they were talking trash to Damon. I loved it.

  "Dude, you got beat by a girl." The tallest of the group was bent over pointing at Damon in laughter. I probably didn't help things with my victory dance and chant calling him an L.O.S.E.R!

  "I can't go out like this, I refuse."

  "Fine, what's your poison, Romeo?" I spread my arms wide and challenged him to anything. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth while deep in thought. He made those lips look so good… Urgh.

  "Racing, let's race!" he shouted and strutted off without me.

  How rude.

  I laughed as the crowd of little minions actually followed him. A few of them had my back though. My minions were loyal. They hadn't left my defense since we started; his, however, kept going back and forth on who they wanted to win. I had winners on my side.