That Christmas Feeling

by Catherine Palmer

Paul’s head drooped, and Rose turned away, her heart aching for him. He wanted to be a good father, she knew.

  When the buzzer sounded, she pulled a salad from the refrigerator and set the plate in front of him. “Would you like some coffee?”

  “Sure,” he said, “if you don’t mind.”

  While she filled the coffeemaker, her mind whirred with memories. She recalled the day she’d arrived in Little Cloud. Paul had surprised her at the airport. She’d envisioned him dressed in a dark suit with a conservative tie and his hair immaculately combed as usual. Instead he’d worn jeans and a T-shirt beneath a plaid flannel jacket open at the front. His hair had seemed longer and shaggier. He’d looked as handsome and burly as a Minnesota lumberjack. She’d faltered before gaining control over her emotions. At that moment she had known she was in trouble.

  “Rose.”

  Hearing the single word—her name—stirred her senses, and she swung around, sprinkling coffee grounds on the clean floor.

  Paul noticed and smiled. “Sit with me while I eat.”

  She worked like a robot cleaning up the spill, then settled into a chair across from him.

  Paul drew the napkin across his mouth. “How were the twins today?”

  “Something good happened. Kayla spoke to me.”

  His face brightened. “What brought that on?”

  She told him about Kayla’s hair static. “I’m thinking I need to do something special with her. Colin spends his afternoons outside searching for all kinds of horrible bugs, while Kayla wants to play. I need to find ways to show her more attention.”

  “She’ll eat that up.”

  “I hope so.”

  “How’s she doing in school?” Paul asked.

  “I haven’t heard anything, but I plan to talk with the teacher next week and see if Kayla’s communicating.”

  “Good. Thanks.” Paul glanced at his empty plate. “I did a pretty good job.”

  “You did. You want that coffee now?”

  His chair scraped on the tile as he pushed it back. “Sure. Then we can sit in the living room and talk.”

  Her pulse jumped at his words. “Talk?”

  Paul gave a tired grin. “Just talk. I need a friend.”

  He needed a friend. So did she, but any relationship beyond the boss-employee boundary sent chills down her back.

  “You go ahead,” she said, “and I’ll bring it in.”

  Paul vanished through the doorway, and Rose stared at the empty space. She poured the coffee and carried it into the living room. Paul had lit a fire, and the warmth beckoned her. She handed him a cup, then settled nearby.

  Silence surrounded them, except for the snap of the embers sending up a sprinkle of red and yellow sparks. She watched the glow, waiting for Paul to talk. The longer she waited the more uncomfortable she felt.

  This wasn’t the first time Paul had asked her to visit before she made the lonely ten-mile trek home. Sometimes she wondered if she’d made a mistake letting him persuade her to relocate. But she couldn’t blame him solely. Her heart had made her decision.

  “Why so quiet?” Rose asked, wishing he’d say something.

  “Thinking about the kids. I know I’m letting them down when they need me.”

  “You are. I’m not going to soften it. They wait all afternoon for you to come home, then go to bed missing you.” She missed him, too, if she were honest.

  “I’ll do better soon. Promise.”

  “Promise?” She’d heard that before. She knew he had good intentions, but—

  “Please trust me. I’m trying to get things settled.”

  Trust me. She’d heard that before, too.

  They fell into silence again, and Rose relived the hurt and humiliation of nearly two years earlier when she had learned that her fiancé—her boss—was cheating on her. While she was chattering about her marriage plans and spitting out her hopes and dreams, the whole office staff knew about…

  The memory caught in her throat. She’d stopped shedding tears. Now she’d hardened herself. That day, she had returned Don’s ring and walked away from her plush job. Never again. She’d trusted a man once. She had garnered too much experience, too much doubt and too much humiliation to make that mistake again.

  “Sometimes I feel strange, sitting here with you.”

  “Strange? Why?” He looked at her for the first time since she’d brought him his coffee.

  “Many times you’ve asked me to sit after you get home late and we chat like old friends…and yet I’m your employee.”

  “Rose, please,” he said, grasping the arm of the chair and leaning closer. “You’re more like a friend, not an employee. I have employees at the plant.”

  Friends. Employer. Employee. She gazed at Paul’s profile. He was good-looking and stable. She wanted to trust him. His light brown hair shimmered with highlights in the glow from the fire. But she’d let good looks sway her once. Not again.

  Rose paused a minute, drawn by the gold and red leaves fluttering to the patio. The children’s laughter drifted in from outside. They seemed to love the outdoors and had spent time after school playing hide-and-seek, then switching to tag as they tripped and tumbled onto the broad expanse of lawn. When they bounded from the ground, the leaves attached to their clothing like colorful patchwork.

  Looking out, Rose smiled until she recalled Colin offering to show her a snake he’d found. She wanted no part of any creature that didn’t walk on four legs or two. That included bugs and spiders.

  Rose looked at the clock, knowing she should be doing other things, but none of the options struck her fancy. The fresh air had a greater pull.

  She climbed the stairs, grabbed a sweatshirt and tugged it over her blouse. Back in the kitchen, she stepped through the doorway to the covered patio. A pleasant breeze carried the scent of damp earth and dried foliage to her.

  A leaf rake leaned against the house as if calling to her, and she grasped it while the children beckoned her to join the fun. While the twins grabbed handfuls of the dried leaves and tossed them her way, she raked them into a pile. Because of the noise the children were making, Rose didn’t hear Paul arrive until she felt him shove a handful of leaves down her neck.

  “This is war,” she called, gathering her own crispy weapons and charging toward him.

  Still dressed in his suit, he captured her hand and held it fast while his other one grasped her waist as if fending her off. She tried to wiggle free, but he kept them close.

  When their eyes met, something passed between them. Awareness? Concern? Surprise? Before she could decide, he pulled away with a laugh. “Unfair,” he said, dashing across the lawn. “Let me go change.”

  In a flash he was gone, and the children joined her using their hands while she piled the leaves into a high mound.

  When Paul returned, dressed in jeans and a pullover, he brought along another leaf rake and a camera. They took a break to snap photos of the twins, then Paul and Rose with the autumn colors as their background.

  Finally they returned to work. But before Rose realized what Paul was plotting, he grabbed her rake and tossed her into the colorful heap. Leaves billowed around her, catching in her hair. They crackled as she shifted to rise, ready to make her own attack, but the children had already begun the job.

  With the twins against Paul’s back, he tumbled forward and landed beside her with a thwack. The crisp pile crunched beneath Rose’s elbow as she tried to move out of the way, but Paul turned his face so close the nearness unsettled her. Before she could escape, the children joined the battle with armfuls of gold and orange.

  Playful, Paul became her protector, blocking the children’s attack. As he shifted, their noses brushed in the chaos, making her heart flutter like a lone leaf clinging to an overhead bough.

  The twins jumped into the fray, and they became a tangle of arms and legs until she and Paul sorted them out. They clamored from the strewn mound, their cheerful voices ringing in her ears.

  For once
Rose knew why she’d come to Little Cloud.

  This was home.

  Paul stepped back and feasted on the sight of their leaf-strewn clothing. The children’s smiles had never been brighter. His gaze shifted to Rose, her cheeks ruddy, her eyes glistening with their fun. His chest tightened.

  He’d managed to convince her to come to Little Cloud. He’d called it a deal. Agreement. Contract. Whatever. He had dragged Rose to Minnesota to make life easier for him. He’d given little thought to her needs, and now he’d asked her to be his friend. An unpleasant sensation rattled through him. Had he turned Rose’s life upside down only to offer her a business deal?

  He studied Rose’s slender frame. He loved her broad smile when the children made her laugh with their antics. He couldn’t help but wonder why she’d never married and what had caused her to leave a good paying job and end up baby-sitting for his kids. She’d never told him, and he felt it too personal to ask.

  But then, who was he to question anyone? Since Della’s death, he’d had to learn to live without a woman. But time had passed, and he felt his mind and heart wakening to a need. His gaze shifted to the children. They deserved a mother.

  He grabbed the rake and dragged the thought away along with the leaves. “Let’s get this back into a pile, and we can have a bonfire.” He had to do something to stop the ache that had grown inside him.

  Rose excused herself and headed for the house while Paul tugged at the leaves, drawing in the scent of autumn and a hint of winter’s cold. When he’d made a high mound, he lit the leaves and watched the flame grow, crackling and spiraling smoke into the air.

  Despite his attempt to forget, his concern for Rose returned again. The children were a handful, yet the dearest kids on earth. But they were nonstop, and so was Rose’s life. He had to give Rose a break. She put up with too many long, stressful days.

  He thought of his aunt Inez, who’d been so helpful when he first arrived. He’d been blessed to have her so near. Asking her to help again seemed pushing his luck, but he had to do something until his work life calmed down. He would think of something special for Rose.

  Chapter Four

  Rose walked across the lawn, watching the sparks sail into the sky like fairy dust. “Pretty,” she said. As she stood beside Paul, a shiver coursed through her.

  “Cold?”

  “A little,” she said, stepping closer to the fire. She eyed the trees not far away. “When the woods start on fire, remember I warned you.”

  He laughed and slid his arm around her back, giving her an amiable squeeze. As he let go, Colin bounded toward them with Kayla on his heels.

  Paul tousled their heads. “What did you learn today in school?”

  “We learned about the Ojibways,” Colin said.

  Kayla jigged in front of him. “We’re going on a trip to the field.”

  “To the field?” He looked at Rose with a puzzled expression.

  “It’s a field trip,” she said. “They’re going to the Mille Lacs Museum next week. I put the permission form on the kitchen counter.”

  “A field trip. That sounds fun.” He paused, then spoke what seemed an afterthought. “Do you like the teacher? I don’t think I’ve asked.” He glanced at Rose.

  “No, you haven’t,” Rose said. She saw him flinch from her biting comment. Usually she felt bad about what she said, but not today. Paul had to face responsibility.

  “She’s nice,” Kayla said as she spun away.

  Rose watched the children run off to search for more leaves and tried to forget her comment. The children danced around the flames like the Ojibways they’d learned about in school. Rose drew in the acrid scent of burning leaves permeating her hair and clothes. But she didn’t care. She loved the glow of the flames and the feeling of being one with nature and the joy of watching the twins.

  “You’re quiet,” Paul said, closing the distance between them.

  “Just thinking how peaceful it is.” She brushed a leaf from her hair.

  Paul set the rake in front of him and leaned against it while she studied his face. He stared at the curling flames in silence, and Rose wondered what was on his mind.

  Finally he shifted. “I’ve not only neglected the kids, Rose, but I’ve worked you overtime. I can’t thank you enough for your dedication.”

  “That’s what I’m here for.” Her response punctuated her situation. She had no life of her own. No friends. No coworkers. No reason for a day off. She’d made some progress at the church, but no friendships yet.

  Paul rested his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Still, I owe you some time off. I’ll check with Aunt Inez and see if she could take over for an afternoon or two.”

  “And take her away from her social clubs or church ladies? You can’t do that.”

  Paul chuckled. “I’m sure she’d give up an afternoon. She should be happy to have us so close.”

  Rose’s curiosity was piqued. “I’ve always wondered how it happens that your aunt lives in Little Cloud.”

  “It’s not really a coincidence. Uncle Lucas was a big honcho with the company. In fact, he helped me get my job with them after I graduated from college. Right after he was transferred here. Aunt Inez hated it.”

  “She doesn’t hate it now.”

  “No, it’s been her home for many years, and she loves the place now.”

  Rose could understand his aunt’s qualms. Even thinking about the cold weather that she could already feel heading their way set her on edge.

  Paul shifted toward the bonfire and caught some straying leaves. “My uncle was well respected, and the company flourished, but after he died, things changed. New leadership. New ideas. I don’t know.”

  “So that’s why they sent you here. Bring back a Stewart and the company will come to life again.”

  “Something like that.” He reached over and brushed his hand against her cheek. “You have a decoration,” he said, reaching up to pull a leaf from her hair. He brushed it against her cheek before tossing it onto the fire.

  At that moment Rose enjoyed their closeness, a kind of simple sharing that seemed so warm and intimate. She raised her eyes beyond the drifting sparks to a small twinkling diamond in the heavens and prayed life could feel this good forever.

  Rose rested her palm against Kayla’s shoulder as she waited to speak with the teacher at the Bright Beginnings Children’s Center. Colin hovered nearby, too, and Rose knew he was anxious to have her meet their teacher.

  As the other parent stepped away, Miss Gladwin turned toward her with a smile. “Well, now, it’s your turn, Mrs. Stewart, eh?”

  Rose opened her mouth, but before she could correct the woman, Colin spoke up. “Her name is Mrs. Danby.”

  “Miss Danby,” Rose said. “Mrs. Stewart is deceased.”

  “Oh.” The woman’s face took on a puzzled look, and she glanced back at the papers. “Then you are…?”

  “The nanny. I care for the children while their father works.”

  “Nanny?” She gave Rose a curious look. “My word, I thought you were the twins’ mother.”

  Rose waited a moment for her to continue.

  She didn’t.

  “I need to talk with you about Kayla,” Rose said, hoping to help her recollect their previous conversation.

  “What is this about, eh?” She looked at the children, then back at Rose.

  Rose drew up her shoulders and eyed the twins, wishing they’d wander off and give Rose time to talk privately. “She’s shy.”

  “Yes, your son…I mean, Colin mentioned that.”

  “Kayla’s father would like to know how she’s doing,” Rose said, being more direct.

  “Why can’t Mr. Stewart come to see me instead of—”

  “The nanny?” Rose felt her hand tremble. “Mr. Stewart works long hours. He’s planning to meet you when he can find the time.” She had said more than she wanted. “I just need an answer. Is Kayla communicating with you or not?”

  Miss G
ladwin turned her attention toward Kayla. “Why, we get along just fine, eh?”

  Kayla gave her a nod and looked at Rose with questioning eyes.

  Rose felt her defenses rise. She grasped Kayla’s hand and drew her closer. “If you have any problems, please call the Stewart home. We’d be happy to do whatever you suggest.”

  Miss Gladwin gave her a distracted smile while Rose grasped the children’s hands and tugged them out to the parking lot. She unlocked the minivan door, then gulped the brisk air while the children scrambled into the back and clamped their seat belts.

  Collecting her thoughts, she got into the van and pulled away. Paul had said the town was different, and it was. Much of it was wonderful. She enjoyed the slower pace, but she wished she hadn’t been made to feel that she was nobody.

  Paul had given her the apartment and the car. She should be grateful. Instead she felt depressed when she had to leave the cozy Victorian for her empty place. She thought of her friends back in California. She missed them. She missed the warm weather and sunshine, but when she was there she missed the twins. And she missed Paul.

  She had no answer and saw no happy ending in sight.

  At home the children headed outside to tug the rakes around the yard in hopes of another bonfire. The sun that had seemed warm when she entered the children’s center earlier had slipped behind a cloud, and a gray haze settled over the sky and her mood. She watched the children while her mind took her to places she didn’t want to go.

  The day had dragged. Rose’s mind dwelled on her vacillating mind-set. One minute she loved being in Little Cloud, the next she longed to go back to L.A. Her unrest had grown during her visit with Miss Gladwin, who had looked at her like some kind of usurper.

  Sometime after dinner, Rose saw Kayla yawn, and looked at her watch. Bedtime again. Her heart ached for the children. She stood and wrapped her arm around Kayla.

  “Time for bed,” she said, knowing she’d hear groans.

  “I want to wait up for Daddy,” Colin whined.

  Rose used her free hand to tousle his hair.

  Kayla’s sad eyes caught Rose’s. “Me, too.”