Black Box Inc.

by Jake Bible

  “We had to crash a Navy ball,” I said. “But we could only get one ticket. Plus, it wouldn’t have been easy walking in with a shaved yeti and a dreadlocked, scarred warrior chick. But we were going to need all of us at some point, so I created a box, tucked everyone inside, put the key in my tux pocket next to my ticket to the ball, and walked in through the front door. Bing, bang, boom.”

  “What was the job?” Teresa asked.

  “Client privilege,” I said and grinned.

  “Touché.”

  “It could work,” Lassa said. “Chase is right. We’ve already stolen the soul. We must get inside somehow.”

  “Again, I must remind all of you, since you are not grasping this concept, that temporal fluidity is part of Lord Beelzebub’s existence, not ours,” Teresa said. “There is no guarantee that we complete the job. There are an infinite number of factors that could influence the outcome and result in failure.”

  “Got a better idea?” I asked. She opened her mouth to respond, then slowly closed it. “Exactly.”

  “All right, we go with Lawter’s idea. But there is one aspect of all of this that hasn’t been worked out,” Aspen said. “Getting away with it.”

  He pointed at another floor plan and looked to Lassa. “Lord Beelzebub is up there. Can you arrange for transportation directly off that floor?”

  Lassa studied the floor plan and nodded. “I should be able to. I don’t have any specific contacts in that dimension, but the Teamsters are the Teamsters. They’ll have a local union. Gonna cost an arm and a leg. Possibly literally. But I can make a call.”

  “Phone’s over there,” Aspen said, hooking a thumb over his shoulder at a pedestal on the far side of the room. “Dial nine to get out.”

  Lassa stood up, and I leaned over the last floor plan.

  “Why do we need transportation directly from that floor?” I asked. “It’s the third floor. I could manipulate the Dim and make a slide. Only a matter of making a long, three-sided box.”

  “Read it again,” Harper said.

  I leaned closer and read it again. Oh. “Thirtieth floor, not third. Shit. I misread the number. My bad. That’s a long damn slide. Yeah, that won’t work.”

  “Lord Beelzebub is part of one of the oldest royal lines in all of the dimensions, Mr. Lawter,” Teresa said. “He would not live in a palace with only three floors.”

  “Simple mistake,” I said. “I’ve never studied the Devil, so seeing third instead of thirtieth didn’t raise any alarm bells.”

  “Not the Devil,” Aspen growled and looked like he was going to strangle me.

  Harper stood and put herself between us.

  “I don’t need your protection,” I said.

  “Okay,” Harper replied and moved out of the way.

  Aspen lunged at me.

  Teresa’s hand shot out and grabbed him by the thigh. She squeezed, and we could hear a distinct sizzle, then the smell of burning flesh.

  “Back. Off,” Teresa said. “Do not forget that Mr. Lawter is still my client and as such he is under my protection.”

  Aspen yelped and jerked away from the banshee, his hand rubbing at the singed spot on his leg.

  “Good thing you didn’t need my protection,” Harper said as she sat back down.

  “I didn’t. I have a lawyer,” I said and stood up to stretch. “Ugh. How much time do we have?”

  “Five hours,” Teresa said. “We should get some rest. Especially you, Mr. Lawter.”

  I looked around and saw a couch in the far corner. I shuffled my way over to it and plopped down.

  “We’re set,” Lassa announced, hanging up the phone as I fell into the soft cushions of the couch face-first. “Thirtieth-floor transportation is available. If needed.”

  “If needed?” Harper asked.

  “Well, they aren’t going to sit there with a helicopter and wait for us,” Lassa snapped. “They’ll have one ready and come get us when I give them a signal from Lord Beelzebub’s balcony.”

  “Woo hoo,” I muttered, holding my thumb up. “Thanks . . . Lassa.”

  I was almost asleep.

  “Hey,” Harper said from close by.

  I pretended to be fully asleep.

  “Knock it off,” she said. “I know you’re faking.”

  “Maybe I is, maybe I ain’t,” I mumbled into the couch cushion. It was hard to breathe, and stank of mildew, but I didn’t want to shift and be forced to look at her. “What of it?”

  “You know I didn’t have a choice, right?” Harper said.

  “I don’t know that at all,” I said. “What I do know is you are so fired.”

  “Technically, Sharon has to fire me,” Harper said. “She’s head of HR. Also, there has to be a vote from all partners.”

  “I vote yea,” I said. “I wonder what Lassa’s vote will be? Hmmm.”

  “You guys are mad and have every right to be,” Harper said.

  “Gee, Harp, thanks for letting me know what my rights to anger are,” I said. I had to look at her at that point. I turned my head. Despite how goddamn exhausted I was, I managed a pretty good glare as I lay on my cheek. “You are such a kind, considerate person.”

  “You have no idea what I’ve done to keep you safe,” Harper said.

  “What are you two talking about over there?” Aspen called from his chair. “I certainly hope you’re not touching on any taboo subjects, Harp. I wouldn’t want word to get back to Daphne that you were talking out of school.”

  “I’ve never understood that saying,” I said.

  “I’m not saying anything I’m not supposed to,” Harper called over her shoulder. “Go to sleep, asshole.”

  “Well, if you’re going to whisper sweet nothings in my ear like that, then I guess I have no choice,” Aspen said. “Night night, bitches.”

  He did that deep breath then asleep and snoring thing again. Total show. He was faking it.

  “You’re faking it,” I called.

  “God, you’re an idiot,” he mumbled.

  “Right back atcha,” I replied, then looked at Harper. “We done here?”

  “No,” Harper said.

  “Okay, what other bullshit do you want to tell me?”

  “That I always have and always will have your back. You have to believe me on that. We’re heading into something that you aren’t used to. I’ve been in situations this dangerous, Lassa has too, but you haven’t.”

  “You don’t know what situations I have or have not been in.”

  “Yes, I do. You know I do.”

  “How is this more dangerous than any of the other jobs we’ve taken on?”

  “Lord Beelzebub is the real deal, Chase. This is big-time. It’ll open doors for Black Box Inc. if we pull this off. I’d be excited, if it wasn’t all so . . . messed up.”

  “Whose fault is that?”

  “Listen to me, okay? I have a pretty good idea that what we’re going to attempt is outside your experience.” She sighed. “So, please, Chase, know that I am going to make sure you, and everyone else, gets out of this alive.”

  I watched her for a second, then nodded.

  “What about Littlestick?” I asked. “Him too?”

  “Unfortunately,” she replied.

  “I heard that,” Aspen said.

  “Suck it, Littlestick,” I called out.

  He didn’t respond.

  “We aren’t good, so you know,” I said to Harper. “Keeping me, and all of us, alive is your job. Doing your job does not dig you out of the hole you’ve made for yourself.”

  “But maybe someday I can dig out?” she asked.

  “I doubt it,” I replied and shrugged. It was an awkward movement while lying facedown on a couch. All the shrug did was
scrunch the top of my head into the side cushion. I struggled to scoot back. When I did, I said, “Go get some sleep and let me do the same, will ya? Lots of work to do tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, sure,” Harper said and stood up. She gave me a weak smile, then walked off to find herself a couch to rest on.

  I caught Lassa watching her, then he looked back at me. We shared a mutual look of pissed-off sadness, then nodded.

  I turned my head so I was facing the back of the couch. I had some dust or something in my eye and didn’t want the others to see.

  14

  THE LIMO HAD gotten a bit of an upgrade while we slept.

  “This is a company vehicle,” Teresa said, fuming at the unauthorized outfitting of the limo. “How will I explain this to the partners?”

  “That we’re being forced to go to Hell and didn’t want to die?” I said as I stared at the armor and armaments added to the limo.

  “Not Hell!” Aspen yelled from somewhere inside the mansion.

  “Fuck off, Littlestick!” I yelled back and turned to Teresa. “Come on. You gotta admit, it does look cool.”

  It did look cool.

  Armor plating covered everything, even the windows. I assumed some sort of magic would allow us to see out of those. Bolted to the front bumpers were two heavy-caliber belt guns. On the trunk was a fully articulated RPG launcher swiveling back and forth, up and down, so someone was already inside the limo operating the controls. The launcher stopped moving, and a huge jet of flame shot out of the tailpipe.

  “Well, that’s some serious James Bond shit right there,” I said.

  The sunroof opened, which had been extended to include the front seats, and Lassa appeared.

  “How’d that open?” I asked before he could say anything. “It’s plated.”

  “Dude, faeries get things done,” Lassa said. “Complete dicks, but they do know their enchanted armor and weaponry.”

  “Not so enchanted as cursed,” Harper said as she came out of the mansion’s front door carrying a heavy duffel bag in each hand. Lassa’s giddy mood ended. Harper wasn’t making a joke. “Don’t get too comfortable. Keep your eyes open and mind clear. If your attention strays, those guns will probably turn on us.”

  Teresa swiveled her head to stare at me.

  “Still looks cool,” I muttered.

  “Ah, I see you are admiring the upgrade I gave your silly little car,” Daphne said as she came out of the mansion in a very short, very sheer robe, steaming cup of coffee in hand. Lassa’s giddiness returned as she gave him a huge smile. He pretty much wilted and fell back through the sunroof. “Good morning, Lassa.”

  “I assume these modifications will be removed when our job is over,” Teresa said.

  “Assume what you want,” Daphne said. “Knock yourself out.”

  She sipped her coffee and gave Teresa the bitchiest smile ever in the history of bitchiest smiles.

  “Someone will be knocked out when this is done,” Teresa said.

  “Damn, why does this piss you off so much?” I asked, nodding at the limo.

  “Ask first,” Teresa said. “Simple courtesy.”

  Harper kicked the trunk. It popped open.

  “Cool,” I said.

  “I did that,” Lassa called from inside the limo. “Don’t give the traitor any credit.”

  “I do love a good squabble,” Daphne said after a quick sip of coffee.

  “Any chance I can get some of that?” I asked.

  “A good squabble?”

  “No, some coffee.”

  “Coffee is for closers,” Daphne replied. “You have a long road ahead of you, Chase, before you become a closer. And I do mean that literally. Did you hear me, Chase? A long road.”

  “Yeah, I hear ya. A long road. And that means . . . ?”

  “We aren’t traveling via a portal, you idiot,” Aspen said as he came out of the mansion with his own duffel bags. He threw them to Harper, who caught them, tossed them into the trunk, then slammed the lid closed. “You can’t get to Ekron using the extradimensional portals. It’s a road-access-only dimension.”

  “Ekron? What’s that?” I asked. I knew what it was, but I wanted to see Aspen squirm. Oh, did he squirm.

  “Not Hell,” he snarled. “It’s—”

  “Yeah, I know, I was busting your balls,” I said. “Faeries do have balls, right?”

  “I hate you more than you can ever imagine,” he growled before heading back inside.

  Everyone was really pissy first thing in the morning. If I wasn’t going to be allowed coffee, then I was going to play off the pissiness to needle Aspen all I could.

  The limo’s horn honked several times. At first the honking was random, then a very distinct rhythm began to sound.

  “Low Rider,” I said to Teresa, who was busy rubbing her temples.

  “Yes, I know the song,” Teresa said.

  “Not traveling by portal,” I said as I focused my attention on Daphne. It wasn’t the smartest thing to do, since there was a slight breeze and that short robe of hers threatened to lift up at any second. She was taking full advantage of the effect a slight breeze has on a short robe. Goddamn faeries. “What’s this road we’re taking?”

  “I’ve got that covered,” Harper said. “I’m riding shotgun and will navigate for Lassa.”

  She meant that shotgun thing literally, as she lifted a pump-action number and rested the barrel over her shoulder.

  “Like hell you are!” Lassa yelled from the limo.

  “Exactly like hell she is,” Daphne said. No room for argument.

  “I’ll be in the back with you two,” Aspen said to me and Teresa when he came back out of the mansion. He held out a napkin with a tiny cake on it. “Eat. We don’t have time to deal with your metabolism.”

  “Oh, come on,” I said. “No one offers coffee and now I have to eat this crap?”

  “Eat,” Daphne said. Again, no room for argument.

  I ate. The cake was as disgusting as ever. But, I managed to keep it down. And it did help with the hunger. The other pain? Not as much as last time, but I would deal.

  “Let’s get the show on the road,” Aspen said as a portion of the armor plating slid aside and he opened the rear door for Teresa. “M’lady.”

  Teresa didn’t respond. She stepped into the car and was lost in the shadows of the vehicle. Aspen followed her.

  “Chase,” Daphne said, suddenly at my elbow, her voice purring in my ear. “Do not fail.”

  “Wasn’t planning on it,” I said, creeped out and turned on at the same time.

  Goddamn faeries . . .

  “Good,” Daphne said and sipped her coffee. She nodded at the open door. “Off you go now.”

  I gave her a snarky smile and climbed into the limo. She slammed the door after me, and the armor plating slid back into place. She stepped back as Lassa started the limo up and shifted into drive.

  I turned in my seat and watched as Daphne waved to us while we drove down the drive and away from the mansion. She sipped her coffee and stood there the whole time until she was lost from sight. Strangest mafia boss I’d ever met, that was for sure, and I’d met all kinds in my line of work.

  Turning back to face front, I found Aspen staring at me.

  “You aren’t going to be much use on this trip,” he said, “so try to shut up and stay out of the way.”

  “Uh, I’m the most useful here,” I said. “I’m the guy that makes the Dim boxes.”

  Aspen leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and gave me a very unfriendly smile.

  “Chase, listen,” he said. “I’m going to do you a huge favor right now. I’m going to explain your role in this plan.”

  “I already know my—”

 
He held up a finger to silence me.

  “No,” he said. “You think you know your role, but you don’t. You make a box. We go in the box to get inside. Then you make another box. The soul goes in that box. You hide that box in the Dim and give me the key. Your role done.”