Keeping my focus on the angel, I have to agree. Flynn is nothing like Joel, and Joel is everything. I don’t even know if Flynn has a job. Actually, I don’t know anything concrete about him. He’s just a guy.
A large hand wraps around my upper arm and my body is pulled backward, shocking me out of my thoughts just as a massive ray flies past me in search of food. It would have hit me if Flynn hadn’t pulled me clear. Holy shit. I need to get control of my thoughts.
Joel. Joel. Joel is perfect. It doesn’t matter that Flynn just saved me, or that his arms are wrapped around me, pressing me tightly against his chest. It doesn’t even matter that he named me as the most important person in his life. What matters is me—my life and my choices. And right now, I’m letting some guy rock my foundation and ruin what could be the most amazing experience. I’m standing in a freaking shark tank, for heaven’s sake. I should be experiencing it to the max.
I should be experiencing it in a way that I can tell my boyfriend about it at the end of the day.
Placing my hand on Flynn’s chest, I look up at him, seeing the worry in his eyes as I push away to separate us. I nod to let him know I’m OK, then look around the tank and finally pay attention to the beautiful world I’m in. There are fish, turtles, stingrays and at least three different kinds of shark everywhere. And I’m right in the middle of it.
As I watch the sharks take the fish right out of Clancy’s hand, my heartbeat quickens. They’re so close to us that I could touch them if I was crazy enough. But I keep my hands clasped tight in front of me, watching on in wonder until it’s time for us to get out of the tank.
“How was it?” Coral asks when we resurface and she’s preparing to get in.
“You’ll love it,” I reassure her with a smile.
“Want to go watch them in the tunnel?” Flynn asks and I nod, shrugging out of my dive gear before hurrying to get changed.
14
HOLDING MY PHONE in front of me, I film Coral and Shane while the sharks swim by them. Due to the mouthpiece on the dive gear, I can’t really see Coral’s expression, but her eyes are telling me that she’s having an amazing time.
“Was it worth getting up early?” Flynn asks, one arm leaning casually on the thick Perspex wall of the viewing tunnel.
“Yeah.” I smile. “It really was. But about what you said before we went in.” Lowering my phone, I press Stop on the recording so it doesn't capture our conversation. “That was just a joke, right? You were stirring me.” I look up at him, hopeful, my green eyes pleading. I need it to have been a joke. Things would become too confusing if he was being serious.
He searches my eyes for a long time. Long enough that I start to fidget beneath his scrutiny, flipping my phone between my hands.
“Yeah, I was teasing you,” he answers, looking away immediately and clearing his throat.
I release a nervous laugh. “Thank God. You had me worried for a second there. I cannot handle you having actual feelings toward me.”
“You always seem so sure my intentions are in the gutter.”
“They are. I still think you want to fuck me. I just....” I shake my head slightly, trying to convey my thoughts coherently. “My life doesn’t have space for a guy like you to have actual feelings toward me.”
“What kind of guy am I, Ruby?”
“The kind of guy who wants everything but doesn’t give much. The kind of guy who will mess with my head and then walk away when things aren’t exciting anymore.”
“And this boyfriend of yours isn’t that kind of guy?” His jaw moves from side to side, but I can’t read his expression properly.
“No. He’s stable, secure—everything you aren’t. I know exactly where I stand with him.”
His lips press together as he turns his gaze toward the tank. “We should probably get back up there. Looks like they’re finishing up.”
“Flynn.” I catch up to him as he starts to walk away. “Thanks for what you did in there, by the way. With the ray. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
He pushes a door open and holds it, waiting for me to go through. “I doubt you were thinking anything important. But the next time you’re in a dangerous, you might want to pay attention. I won’t be with you to save your arse again.”
Nodding, I press my lips closed, wondering why the hell I’m trying so hard to talk to him. I don’t even like the guy. I don’t care if I’ve somehow pissed him off. Flynn is no one to me.
Keeping quiet the rest of the way, I prepare my smile before Coral even comes into view. As much as I want to rant about how frustrating I find Flynn, I only have a few weeks left with her, so I’ve decided to squash my issues for now. Once she and Shane have left the country, I’ll probably never see the guy again. So what do I care anymore? I’m grown up enough to suck it up for the sake of spending extra time with my best friend without making it awkward. If Flynn has to be there, then so be it.
“Listen, guys. I’ve gotta run,” Flynn says, relieving me of my suck-it-up duties.
“I thought we were going to go get some food?” Shane asks, looking a little surprised at Flynn’s announcement. I’m not surprised though. I’m pretty sure I pissed him off with my assessment of his character.
“We wanted to take you to lunch to thank you for organising this,” Coral adds, also looking disappointed. “It was so amazing. Let us thank you.”
Flynn smiles, then shakes his head. “Sorry, I have some stuff I need to deal with. Rain check?”
Reluctantly, they agree. Then Flynn leaves after shaking Shane’s hand and kissing Coral’s cheek. He walks straight past me. Without my wanting it to, my stomach drops.
“What happened with you two?” Shane asks, his eyes assessing me.
“Nothing,” I respond, annoyed that he immediately thinks I did something to drive Flynn away, even though I totally did.
“Then why did he leave?”
“Probably because he has stuff to do,” I say evasively.
Coral slips her arms around the both of us, ending our back and forth. “How about my two favourite people and I go celebrate the fact that we just stood inches away from fucking sharks?”
“I think that’s perfect,” I reply, looking at Shane, who immediately relaxes.
“Sure, babe,” he says, pressing his lips to the side of her forehead. “Anything you want.”
I wait for them to change and when Shane emerges first, he comes over to me and apologises. “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions,” he says.
“It’s fine.” I lift my shoulders a little. “I probably would have thought that too. I’m not the most welcoming person where Flynn is concerned.”
“Why?” he asks. “I mean, I know you two got off to a rocky start, but what is it about him that you seem to hate so much?”
Releasing a sigh, I don’t even have to think before answering “I don’t hate him, Shane. He just... gets in the way.”
“Of what?” He frowns, not understanding.
“Everything. I’m trying to make my life one thing, and he’s there trying to make it something else.”
“That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.”
“Well, it does to me.”
Coral exits the changing area and walks over to us. “Ready?” she asks, her cheeks rosy from her earlier walk—I mean dive—on the wild side.
“I think we should do shots,” I say in response, glad to end my conversation with Shane and put Flynn out of my mind. From here on, the only man who will be on my mind is Joel.
“Yes, shots,” Coral hoots.
Linking arms, we head for the exit.
“This is going to get messy,” Shane mumbles, following along behind us.
***
I’m a terrible person. I called in sick to work and stayed in the city with Coral and Shane, drinking. Two nights in a row of excess have my stomach and liver aching.
On Sunday morning, I’m in no state to go to my self-defence class, so I pick up my phone.
&nbs
p; Me: Don’t hate me, but I won’t be coming to class this morning.
Joel: Sick?
Me: Hungover.
Joel: No problem. I’ll call you after. What time are you working today?
Me: Five. I’m on the dinner shift.
Joel: See you around lunchtime.
I roll back over and close my eyes. “He’s so understanding,” I mutter to myself before I drift off to sleep.
“Ruby.” My rest time doesn’t last long. “Get up. We’re going to be late to class.” Coral is at my door. Then she’s on my bed, shaking me awake.
“How are you even up?”
“I think I drank myself sober.”
“Where’s Shane?”
“Surfing,” she responds like there’s no other possible answer. “Come on. Let’s go see your man.”
“He already knows I'm not coming. He’s coming to see me at lunchtime.”
She stops shaking me, allowing my stomach to finally settle. “Just when I was trying to be the supportive best friend.”
I open one eye and look at her. “You’re on team Joel now?”
Shrugging, she tugs one foot beneath her and gets comfortable on the edge of my bed. “You went on and on about his virtues so much last night that I decided it doesn’t matter if I think Flynn is a better match for you. It just matters how you feel. And you’re happy with Joel, so I’m on board.”
“Thank you,” I say, meaning it.
“You’re welcome.” She lies back against my pillows so she’s beside me. “So, since we have the morning free, what are we going to do?”
“I was going to sleep.”
“And leave me all alone with nothing to do?”
“You can watch Shane surf.”
“I’ve done that a thousand times. No, we should talk.”
“About?”
“About what you’re going to do when I go.”
Pulling my pillow over my head, I groan. “No. Don’t make me face that.”
She pulls the pillow away. “You have to. There’re only a couple of weeks left, and you need to advertise for a roommate. You can’t cover the rent on this place on your own.”
“I can for a little while.”
“It’ll eat away at your savings. And what about your fear of answering the door? Who’s going to do that for you when some idiot props open the building’s security door and the hawkers get in?”
“I’ll install video security so I can check who it is.”
“Ruby.” She presses her lips into a fine line. “I’m serious. You and I both know that you need a new roommate. Putting it off isn’t going to make it any less necessary.”
With a sigh, I sit up against propped pillows. “Can I at least wait until you aren’t here to advertise? I really can’t face the idea of interviewing to replace you when you’re still living here.”
“What if I organise someone for you?”
Running my hand through the tangled red mess on my head, I release another long breath. “I suppose that could work. Although, are you sure you can’t just stay forever?” I look up at her with my puppy dog eyes.
“I’m sorry, dear friend. I need to go home.”
I understand. Really, I do. I just wish that her home was more here than it was in another country.
“OK. You choose Coral version two-point-oh. But don’t do it if it’s going to put a strain on your time. I’m fine to wait. I can even get Brad and Dakota to help me screen them first.”
Coral grins. “I’ll choose someone great for you. You’ll see.”
15
THE WEEKS FLY by. After the shark tank, I’ve make sure I don’t cross paths with Flynn—or maybe he’s been avoiding me... I’m not sure which one of us is responsible, but I know he hasn’t been popping up as much as normal.
I assure myself it’s a good thing. Him gone was what I wanted. But there’s this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that won’t go away. It feels a little like guilt and a lot like worry—maybe even regret? I don’t want that feeling to be there and I keep analysing the way we left things.
I shouldn’t feel bad for what I said, or how I said it. I should just be relieved that he isn’t popping up and randomly surprising me. But I can’t stop looking. I can’t stop expecting that he’ll be right around the corner, jumping over some sort of hurdle with his parkour buddies, getting in my way.
Maybe I was too blunt this time. Maybe I pushed a little too hard and really hurt his feelings. Am I a bad person?
When I think about it, he really has been nothing but nice to me, and like Shane says, I keep being a bitch in return. Maybe I really am important to him? Or at least I was....
I shake my head, needing to get a handle on my wandering thoughts and focus on my own situation. I’m working toward a life I can be proud of. But with this niggling feeling in the back of my mind, even the inspirational quotes on Instagram haven’t been helping. I swear the one that says ‘Live with no excuses and love with no regrets’ keeps popping up. It’s making me question things, like that feeling—I’m pretty sure it’s regret. Do I regret pushing Flynn away?
No. I’m doing the right thing. I’m headed in the right direction.
Stability.
Comfort.
Predictability.
Safety.
They are all things I need.
They are all things I don’t believe I could ever have around Flynn. He’d always keep me on my toes. Always keep my heart racing. Those impish eyes and that dimple—ugh, my heart, that dimple! He’d always leave me guessing.
What was once something I craved is now something I am willingly turning away from. I don’t need any more adventure in my life. I’ve had more than I can handle already.
Haven’t I?
I shake my head again, setting a frown on my face. I wish I’d never met Flynn Trotsky. He’s making me crazy. I should be here thinking about Joel and every lovely moment that I spend with him, but my brain keeps wandering. Flynn, Flynn, Flynn.
At least Coral has stopping pushing me towards him. She even convinced Shane to come on a double date with us. We all had dinner then went to the casino. Shane was very quiet, but I enjoyed myself. I’m pretty sure Coral had fun too.
The last couple of weeks have actually been bittersweet. As we move toward her impending departure date, I just want to wrap my arms around her and refuse to let go so I can keep her here.
I know that’s selfish. But the time has flown by so fast. Before I know what’s happening, we’re packing boxes to be shipped back to London, separating all the things in our apartment that represent our shared life. It’s a little heartbreaking—no wonder my mind keeps wandering.
“How are things going with sexy Joel?” she asks, trying to keep the mood light as she pops the cap off a Sharpie and writes ‘Lounge’ on the outside of the box she just taped up.
“Good. He’s great.”
“Are you going to keep up the self-defence lessons when I’m gone?”
“Of course. Why would I stop?”
“Because he could teach you some special wrestling moves at home.” She wiggles her brow suggestively.
“We’re still taking things slow,” I inform her. Picking up a new box, I sit on the floor to tape it together.
She clicks the cap back on the pen and looks at me. “Slow can be good.”
“I know. But I feel like we’re stuck. We get close, but when it’s time for the actual deed, one of us is always pulling back.”
Her mouth opens and then closes. I can tell she thinks that's strange. “He’s pulling back?”
“At first it was him, being a gentleman. But now... it’s all me, and I still don’t know why. My head is totally in the game, but when our clothes start coming off, something inside me yells no. I don’t get it because I used to be such a sexual person. But ever since the attack....” Knitting my brow, I take ornaments and wrap them in bubble wrap.
“Is there something you haven’t told me about the attack? Like,
did Tony do more than beat on you?” She chooses her words carefully, treading lightly around a delicate subject.
“He didn’t rape me, if that’s what you’re asking. But I don’t know, maybe learning that he was part of the gang that did rape Dakota has affected me more than I thought. Maybe I don’t trust my judgement anymore.”
“Isn’t that why you wanted to date Joel though, because he was the opposite of everything you normally go for?”
“Yeah. I’m just worried that I’m going to mess everything up just because I can’t force myself to take that next step.”
“Well....” She starts sorting through books, placing hers on the floor beside her while leaving mine on the shelf looking lonely. “You’ve only been dating a couple of months, and then you only see each other once or twice a week. I don’t think it’s unusual for people to wait this long. Have you spoken to him about it at all?”
“Kind of. I’ve just told him that I’m working through some issues. He’s so understanding and says that waiting gives us time to get to know each other before we complicate things further by bringing sex into it.”
“He sounds very mature. How old is he again?”
“Twenty-eight.”
“Old enough to have had enough sex that it isn’t the only thing he cares about. I say wait until you’re ready.”
I shrug. “What if I’m never ready?”
“What if you spend all this time getting to know each other, and then the sex is horrible?”
“Oh my God, Coral, don't even!”
She laughs and kneels on the floor next to me. “What if his thing is all tiny and crooked?” She holds her bent pinkie finger up to demonstrate.
“No,” I moan. “Don't fill my head with that stuff. You’ll make it worse.” Reaching out, I grab a cushion from the couch and throw it at her.
A Beautiful Danger (Beautiful #7) Page 9