Shatter Me

by Anna Howard

  During the time he is here we rarely talk, but I feel oddly at ease with him here. The one night he had left early I had found it incredibly hard to fall asleep. When I had, I had nightmares of him going home to Bianca and making love to her. When he arrived the next morning I had puffy, red eyes with dark circles under them. He had set and stared at me for the longest time while I picked at my horrible breakfast.

  “Are you alright?” He had asked in that deep voice that makes me shiver.

  I only shrugged. “I’m fine.”

  The quiver in my voice must have given me away, but he just stared at me a little longer and went back to reading his paper. He hasn’t left early like that since.

  I pull the pen out of my mouth. “Hey.” I greet him now as he sits down in the somewhat comfortable chair beside of my bed.

  Keith seems momentarily surprised. Of course I hardly ever willingly speak to him unless spoken to first. “Hey, baby.” He murmurs. “Feeling better today?”

  “Yes.” In fact I was itching to go home. Dr. Shelton and I had had a loud argument about it when he checked on me right before dinner. But he thought I needed at least another few days in the hospital. “I want out of here, but that damned doctor says I can’t leave yet.”

  That sardonic brow, the one I love so much and has been missing for the longest time suddenly lifts, making my heart twist. “I’m sure he has his reasons for keeping you a little longer. Did he say why?”

  “Some technical mumbo jumbo.” I grumble as I scribble a quick note across the bottom of the expense sheet and start gathering up my piles of work.

  “I’m sure it is for your wellbeing. A few more days isn’t going to hurt you.” He assures me. “Do anything interesting today?”

  I snort. “Does it look like it gets interesting around here?” I glance around the small room. My stuffed teddy bear sits on the nightstand beside of my bed; a few more flower arrangements have been added to the others, and there are a few balloons in the corner by the window that Hunter had brought me earlier to make me smile. Christian had stopped by earlier, but I didn’t want to bring that up.

  “Did you eat?”

  Another snort. “If you mean did I eat the slimy pea soup and what the nurse said was meatloaf, then no. But your brother snuck me in some chicken and dumplings.” It had been one of the first real meals I have had in forever and I had practically inhaled the food.

  “Want something gooey?” He asks in a lowered voice as if it is some naughty secret. And the way he says it makes it feel naughty.

  The thought of one of Keith’s sinfully sweet concoctions makes my mouth water. I lean forward. “What do you have in mind?”

  He grins. “I happen to know that there is an ice cream shop down in the food court. They don’t close for thirty more minutes. I could go down and get you anything you want…Like a brownie Sunday with extra hot fudge and whipped cream.”

  I nearly moan at the thought of the decadent dessert. Flashes of another time eating just such a treat invade my mind and I pull back a little. “Do you think you can get it by the General out there?” The night nurse who had come on duty at six was a real stickler for rules. The only reason she allowed Keith to stay so late each night was because he had personally talked to the administrator, who had told the entire staff that what Keith wanted Keith was to get.

  “I think I can pull a few strings to get you what you want, baby.” He raises that sardonic brow again. “Well?”

  “Yes, please.” I settle back against the pillows as he stands.

  “Be right back.” He promises.

  

  “Okay, Kari.” Dr. Shelton is standing by my bedside. He has already given me three different lectures on making sure I keep up my appointments with my physical therapist, Dr. Hayes, and the extreme importance of a follow up with him the next week. But he is letting me go home today so I cannot be too ‘snarky’ with him. “I want you to take it easy for the next week or so. No strenuous activities. No stress. No going into the office.”

  I grin up at him. “Damn, I was going to train for the Boston Marathon. So I guess that is out?”

  He smiles and shakes his head at me. “I’m going to miss that smart mouth of yours.” He scribbles something on the forms he has in his hand and then tears off the top sheet. Instead of handing it over to me he gives it to my father. “She shouldn’t be left on her own too often. She seems like the type to get into trouble.”

  “She sure does like to cause it.” Baxter teases as he glances over the paper in his hands.

  A nurse appears with a wheelchair. I sit in it before anyone can order me to. I am so ready to get out of this place and breathe fresh air once again. The only downside to today is that, and part of me is angry at myself for feeling this way, but I miss Keith. He hasn’t been to see me all day.

  I can’t help but think that now that I am well enough to go home he doesn’t want to see me. Perhaps he feels guilty for some strange reason because of the accident and now that I am better his guilt is gone. Maybe he is with Bianca right this minute.

  Pain makes my chest tighten and my happiness at getting to go home vanishes.

  My father’s car is waiting at the door when the nurse pushes me outside into the chilly February sunshine. Ten minutes later we are driving through typical New York traffic and I am still feeling down as thoughts of Keith and Bianca flash across my mind. So it takes me a while to realize that we aren’t heading in the direction of my father’s house.

  We are going to the Winthrop estate!

  I frown over at him. “What are you doing?” I demand.

  He gives me an apologetic smile. “Sorry, sweetheart. But things are getting rough in Turkey and I have to fly out tonight. You can’t stay alone and I didn’t think you wanted to go back to your apartment. That only left one other option.”

  “No!” I can’t believe what I am hearing. There had to be other options. Millions of them that didn’t involve me staying in a house that brought back so many happy memories with the man I had thought loved me. “You have a housekeeper. She can watch out for me while you are gone.” I argued. “Or the house in the Hamptons. Mrs. Dean wouldn’t mind taking care of me.”

  He gives me a stern frown. “You are going to stay where Keith or Hunter can help you. Or I will take you back to the hospital right now and tell Dr. Shelton to keep you there until I get back. So which is it?”

  I cross my arms and glare out the side window, feeling like a child that can’t get her own way. But this wasn’t like I wanted a new toy and was angry over not getting what I wanted. This was much, much bigger than that. This involved a regular dose of emotional torment on an hourly basis. Couldn’t my father understand that?

  But it was still better than staying in the hospital, so I kept my mouth shut as he drove on.

  There are balloons hanging from the gate at the driveway to the Winthrop estate. Pretty balloons with the words ‘Welcome Home’ on them and my heart twists because at one point, not too long ago, I had imagined this place as home. A place where I could raise my children with Keith.

  A few minutes later my father rolls to a stop in front of the big house. There are more balloons tied to the door. Baxter honks his horn and the door opens almost immediately. Hunter comes out, dressed in jeans and a sweater. Keith right behind him dressed similarly.

  “Are you going to be nice?” Baxter asks with wary amusement.

  “I doubt you really want the answer to that.” I mutter as my door is opened and Keith offers me his hand to assist me out of the car.

  Carefully I step out of the Mercedes and before I can even take a step Keith lifts me into his arms. I squeal, not expecting to be suddenly swept of my feet and wrap my arms around his neck instinctively. “You really need some food.” He mutters close to my ear as he kisses my hair.

  “Keith, put me down.” I demand, wiggling my legs. “I can walk.”

  “Shelton said no strenuous activity and to take it easy for a while. I’m just
following your doctor’s orders, baby.” He lifts me a little higher and carries me into the house.

  I glare up at him. “How do you know what he said? You weren’t there.”

  He lifts that damned sardonic brow at me. Over the last few days I have been seeing more and more of it. “Just because I wasn’t there does not mean I didn’t speak to the man. I think I have him on speed dial on my phone.”

  “You have no business talking to my doctor about me.” I grumble as he carries me into the entertainment room and carefully places me on one of the sofas.

  “You are my business.” He murmurs at my ear with another soft kiss in my hair.

  The banner hanging from the ceiling catches my attention, causing any argument I might have had about me being his business to fly straight out of my head.

  Welcome Home Kari!

  The rest of the room is decorated in more balloons and it looks as if the place was ready for a party. “What is all of this?” I ask.

  Keith shrugs. “We thought that we would have a little celebration to welcome you home. A few friends are coming over later.”

  I stiffen, wondering if my ex-bestie was among the friends that had been invited. “No.” There is no way that I want to spend my first day out of the hospital having to watch Bianca the bitch in the same room with Keith. The very thought is too painful to even contemplate. “No, I don’t want to see anyone.”

  Hunter and my father frown at me. “Why not?” Hunter asks as he drops down beside of me. “I thought you would enjoy some company. It isn’t going to be that big of a get together. Besides they want to see you.”

  “I said no.” I get to my feet and push past Keith. “Have them over if you want. It’s your house after all. But I don’t want to see anyone. I’m going to my room.”

  “Kari!”

  But I ignore them.

  Chapter 16

  I hear laughter from downstairs. Deep, male laughter and a few feminine giggles. It makes my skin crawl. I try to block it out but it keeps echoing in my head even as I turn my TV up louder.

  I sit there on my big, king sized bed and glare up at the ceiling. It is dark outside my window and my father has left a while ago. I am tired up unable to sleep because all I can think about is that somewhere in this house the man I stupidly still love is with his fiancé. Angry, I throw my favorite pillow across the room and it hits the door with a nice thud.

  Maybe I should have let my father take me back to the hospital after all!

  Even as the thought is rolling through my mind there is a light tap on my door. I don’t answer and it comes again. After a moment whoever is on the other side of the door goes away. I know who it was, and she is the last person I ever want to see.

  I go back to glaring of into space.

  There is suddenly a firmer knock on my door and without further warning it cracks open enough for Christian’s handsome head to peek in. “Hey.” He greets me with a smile. “Can I come in?”

  I sit up in bed, happy to see my friend. “Sure. I could use some company.” I pull the comforter up over my lap and he comes into the room, leaving the door slightly open. I pat the side of my bed and he sits.

  “How are you?” He is giving my face a thorough inspection, as if he is looking for something in particular.

  “Better. Headaches are all gone. I’m not even on the pain meds anymore. Just a little Tylenol every now and then.” I was so glad to be done with the meds. They had been the reason for my irregular heartbeat.

  “Why won’t you come downstairs? Everyone wants to see you.” He urges and I blink at him. How can he of all people expect me to go downstairs when Bianca is down there?

  “I don’t want to see anyone.” I mutter, picking at a stray thread on my comforter. Even if Bianca hadn’t been downstairs I didn’t want to face any of my other supposed friends. People who had gossiped and snickered and laughed at me behind my back at that stupid Christmas Gala. That party had shown me exactly who my real friends were and it sure hadn’t been many. Hunter and Christian topped and ended the list.

  “Kari…” Christian trails off, seeming lost for words. With a sigh he shakes his head. “Keith asked me not to say anything while you were still in the hospital. I guess he was scared that you wouldn’t want to hear it, even coming from me. But I really think it is time you knew some things…”

  

  The entertainment room, full of laughter and conversation, quiets as soon as I enter the room with Christian. Everyone turns to gaze at me in amazement. Most of these people have only heard about my fight for survival after the accident, a few have seen me come back from the edge of death. So they all seem in awe of me as I enter the room under my own steam.

  I glance around, not sure if I trust any of them. But my gaze zeroes in on my ex-bestie sitting by the fireplace alone. She is sipping a glass of something clear and fizzy and not paying much attention to anyone else in the room. Her ice blue gaze meets my golden one and I see pain cross her beautiful face. Despite what Christian has told me it hurts to look at her so I quickly glance away.

  Only for my gaze to land on Keith. He is standing almost the entire length of the room away from Bianca seeming lost in another world. When he sees me some of the tension in his shoulders eases. I want to go to him, demand he tell me that everything Christian has just said is true…But I can’t. Not yet at least.

  There has been too much destruction done to my heart for me to just accept my friend’s explanations. To forgive and forget the hurt that Keith and Bianca have caused me.

  Instead I let Hunter pull me into a gentle hug as he comes forward to greet me. “I’m glad you changed your mind.” He kisses my cheek and soon others around the room come forward to hug me and tell me how happy they are that I am better.

  After a while I begin to relax a little. Hunter makes me sit down so that I don’t overtire myself. A glass of champagne is pressed into my hands, but I only take a few sips from time to time. I smile and try to follow the conversations around me, but my gaze keeps going to Bianca.

  Christian leaves me to make room for someone else. Hunter is telling jokes and everyone is laughing, but I am only half listening as I watch Christian sit beside of Bianca and take her hand. She gives him one of the smiles I remember from so long ago. Her totally-in-love-with-you smiles and he leans over to brush a tender kiss across her lips. He whispers something and she nods, resting her head on his shoulder.

  It shouldn’t confuse the hell out of me, not after what Christian has told me already, but it does all the same. I search for Keith, to find out what his reaction to Bianca kissing Christian is, only to find he isn’t even looking in the couple’s direction. He is standing by the window that overlooks the back of the estate. His green gaze is on me and I think I see pure torment on his handsome face.

  I quickly glance back at the cozy couple and something sparkly catches my attention. There, on Bianca’s left hand is the engagement ring that I helped Christian pick out. Like I had though,t it looked amazing on her finger and it suited her so beautifully.

  Christian hadn’t said anything about he and Bianca getting married!

  “Okay?” Hunter murmurs from beside of me. He has noticed my shell shocked expression and seems concerned. “Getting tired?”

  “I…” I am overwhelmed and confused and…And…And I just want everyone to go away! I get unsteadily to my feet and pushing my half empty glass into my step-brother’s hands before practically run from the room.

  “Kari!” I hear Keith call after me.

  “Is she alright?” I hear someone ask.

  “Kari!” Bianca is coming after me and I turn at the foot of the stairs to find both her and Keith only a few feet away. “Kari, please. Can we talk?” There are tears in her eyes and her voice trembles.

  I want to slap her. I want to scream at her. I…I just want to know the truth. “How could you think I would ever hurt you like that?” I demand fighting angry tears.

  “Because I was going cr
azy at the time.” She explains softly, as if she is talking to a small frightened child. “I had all those hormones and emotions and stupid thoughts swirling around in my head. It was so easy to think that you and Christian were…” She trails off and sucks in a deep steadying breath. “You were seeing him all the time. I know that you were just trying to help him. With me, with his own feelings of loss and self-blame over the baby. Then later with the proposal. But at the time it felt like something else. I hated you for about a week.”

  “I still hate you!” I whisper and a tear spills down my cheek as I speak the lie.

  Bianca lets a few tears of her own slip over and she nods in understanding. “I know. I understand that.” She swallows hard and gives me a trembling smile. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for hurting you so badly. And to thank you for helping Christian. You were a great friend and I don’t deserve you.” A small sob escapes her.

  The sound is my undoing and I pull her into my arms. “Bee…”

  She shudders and holds onto me like I am her life line. “Oh God, Kari. I don’t know how I am going to live without you as my best friend. I know that I have destroyed everything but please…Please, Kari! Give me another chance. I need you in my life as much as I need Christian.”

  “Shut up, Bee.” I mutter against her hair as I hug her closer. “You know I can never give you up.”

  She stills and pulls back enough to meet my eyes. A look of pure hope lights her ice blue eyes. “Kari..? You forgive me?”

  “No.” I shake my head and her face drops again. It was going to take a lot more than just an explanation to get me over this. “But give me time and I’m sure we can put it behind us. Until then we can just take it one day at a time.”

  She buries her face in my hair. “I…You mean so much to me Kari. You are my best friend, my sister.”