by S. E. Lund
“I’ll take this, Drake,” she said and took the envelope. “Maybe I’ll consider giving it to him when he’s eighteen but if you try to push things, I’ll go to court to get a restraining order to stop you, so don’t push me.”
We parted company and when they went to get dinner at the hospital cafeteria, I went to my office, needing to calm down a bit before I went back to Kate. On my way to the office wing, I saw a man pushing a small boy in a wheelchair and thought about Liam. In that moment, I made a decision that I knew I’d probably regret but I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t imagine not seeing Liam again so I went back to the children’s ward and popped back into Liam’s room after suiting up in a gown and mask. He was still asleep, as the oxygen hissed and the monitors hummed behind his bed. The light was low, and he looked so pale. So fragile.
It was my brother all over again, except this time, I’d get to witness it.
He woke briefly and sat up, looking a little bit better.
“Are you a doctor?”
I nodded and took his wrist to feel his pulse. “I’m Doctor Morgan. How are you doing, young man?”
“Okay I guess. Where’s my mom?”
“She and your father are down at the cafeteria for supper. They’ll be back soon.”
He said nothing and looked up at me.
“Are you happy about finding a donor?” I asked, wanting to keep him talking.
He nodded, his face grim. “We were lucky. My mom said that the man was our only hope. I’m going to get radiation to kill all my bone marrow and then they’ll give me new cells. Then I won’t have cancer.”
I nodded and we discussed the procedure for a few moments.
He was very brave, talking so matter of fact about the whole procedure, but children with cancer had to grow up so fast.
He yawned and I checked the clock on the wall. I’d already been in for ten minutes and didn’t want to stay any longer.
“I’m sure glad you’re getting your transplant,” I said and squeezed his hand briefly. “You’ll be feeling better in no time.”
“Me, too,” he said and nodded.
I left the room, my throat choked about not seeing him again. I went into the soiled linens room and removed my scrubs, and was just on my way out when I saw Chris coming down the hall toward me. I thought he and Maureen would be gone for a good half an hour but he must have come back for something.
“What the fuck…” Chris said when he saw me. “What were you doing in there?”
“I just wanted to see him one last time. Let it go.”
I went out the door and down the stairs to the rotunda, hoping to escape a confrontation but no luck. Chris followed me, obviously not willing to let it go. He stopped me, grabbing onto my shoulder.
“Do we have to get a restraining order?”
I pulled away. “You’re being unreasonable.”
“Liam has enough to worry about without learning that the father he loves is not his biological father.”
“It’s the truth.”
“The truth is,” Chris said and stepped closer to me, “you’re not the kind of father he should know about until he’s old enough to handle the truth.”
“What the fuck does that mean? I’m a neurosurgeon, a member of the faculty at the Columbia College of Medicine. I’m the head of the Liam Morgan Memorial Foundation. I’m Chairman—“
“We all know what you are,” Chris said, his voice raised. “We also know about your involvement in less savory pursuits. I’m sure your employer would be interested to know it, too.”
“Is that a threat?” I said, my face hot.
He moved even closer to me as if to intimidate me. “If you dare go back and see him again, it’s a promise.”
“Back off,” I said and stepped away.
“No,” he said and stepped closer. “You have to realize you won’t ever be part of Liam’s life. If we have to go to a lawyer to extinguish any parental rights, we will. We won’t hesitate to bring up your S&M practices.”
“I’m not into S&M,” I said and clenched my fists.
“There are pictures,” he said. “We won’t hesitate to use them.”
“What?” I frowned in disbelief. They had pictures?
“Yeah, that’s right. We have pictures of your handiwork so stay the fuck away.”
I pulled away, but he must have taken that as aggression and he swung at me, his fist connecting with my cheek.
I lost it. When I recovered, I swung at him, connected with his jaw, but my punch wasn’t enough to knock him down.
Maureen came running up and stepped in between the two of us.
“Grow up, the two of you!” She kept us apart, and we both nursed our wounds and stared each other down. “Leave, Drake, or I’ll call hospital security.”
“I’m leaving,” I said and held up my hands, turning away. With that, the two of them walked off, leaving me to rub my cheek where a nice abrasion was growing.
I went to my car and sat in it for a few moments, trying to get hold of myself.
Then I called up Dave Mills.
“Dave, I need to get drunk. Fast.”
He didn’t hesitate. “I’m your man.”
We met at a pub in Chelsea, and downed shot after shot while I told him about my encounter with Chris.
“You should have broken a chair over his head,” Dave said. “Knocked the bastard out.”
“I probably would have caused a brain injury and then Liam would have an even bigger imbecile as a father.”
“Then you should've kicked him in the balls,” Dave suggested.
“If I could find them.”
The evening went on more or less like that, until I was so drunk that I could barely stand up. We took a taxi home and I stumbled up into the apartment after midnight only to find that Kate was fast asleep.
Even in my drunken state, I didn’t want to wake her up and have her see me like that—inebriated, pitiful. Instead, I took two aspirin and drank down a big glass of water and lay down as gingerly as possible on the bed beside her and promptly fell asleep.
Morning came all too soon. Kate woke me up when the sun was up, the light way too bright for me.
“Drake," she said. I turned over onto my back, a hand covering my eyes, and peered at her through my fingers. She leaned on her elbow, looking at me with an expression of concern on her pretty face, her green eyes wide.
"Ms. Bennet, what's going on in that mind of yours so early in the morning?"
I pulled my hand away and knew she’d see the bruise on my face from Chris’s punch.
"Drake, what happened?" She examined me closely. "You’re hurt."
"I got into an," I said and hesitated. "An altercation."
"What?"
"I don’t want to talk about it."
Mercifully, Kate didn’t push. I opened my eyes fully, blinking against the brightness of the morning light.
"Why didn’t you wake me up when you got home?” she asked, as she examined my bruise. “If I had known you were injured…"
"If you had known, you wouldn’t have slept."
"What happened?"
I exhaled heavily. "Maureen and I had it out and I kind of lost it. Chris and I had a pushing match and I came out worse for the wear. Luckily, neither of us pressed charges. Then, I kind of lost myself for a few hours. When I came home, I was too drunk to even get undressed."
She frowned. "What do you mean, 'lost myself'?"
"I drank with Dave Mills. I believe he drank me under the proverbial table and had to bring me home in a taxi. I'm surprised I didn't wake you up."
"What happened to make you and Chris fight?"
I sighed. "I don't want to get into it. Suffice to say Maureen pretty much rejected my request to give Liam the photo of my dad."
"Oh, Drake..." She kissed me briefly. I said nothing, too tired to talk anymore. I turned over and she let me be.
While I remained on the bed, Kate had a shower. I fell back asleep for a while
and when I did wake, Kate was elsewhere in the apartment, so I got up and had a quick shower myself. When I was finished, I went to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of fresh squeezed orange juice and sat at the island, looking out the window at the blue sky.
Kate handed me a cup of coffee without a word and I smiled at her, thankful that she was giving me space to recover but I knew I would have to tell her what happened in more detail.
I sighed heavily, thinking about the incident.
"Drake, tell me what happened."
I made a face and turned away, back to the window and the Manhattan skyline.
"Maureen didn't promise me anything except that she'd give the picture to Liam when he was eighteen."
"Why did she want you to come to the hospital?"
I said nothing for a moment, trying to gain control over myself for the thought of my time on the ward with Liam and what happened afterward was making me upset once more.
"She wanted me to see him," I said, my voice breaking. "In case he died before we left for Africa." I rubbed my forehead. "She also wanted it to be the last time I made contact with her or him until he was eighteen. She wants me to give the donation and fade into the background. I asked her if I could meet him, talk to him after, but she said no. She told me not to bother making contact with her or him and if I did," I said, my voice really low. "She said she'd get another restraining order."
"That's horrible,” Kate said, her voice mortified, “especially since it wasn’t you who made contact in the first place."
"I guess I shouldn't have expected anything more from her." I sat and stared out the window. "When they left for supper, I went back to Liam's room. I know the nurses and they looked the other way because they know I'm his biological father. I spoke with Liam. Told him I was a doctor and wanted to check in on him. He talked to me for a while about the whole procedure. He's such a strong little boy." I said nothing for a moment, overcome with emotion. "I was leaving when Chris came back for something and saw me. He confronted me, followed me out of the hospital and we had a scuffle outside in the parking lot."
"Oh Drake, I'm so sorry…"
I shook my head. "I was good enough when I might be a potential tissue match for Liam, but once I agreed to donate, I'm back to being the evil ex-husband with perverted proclivities."
"Hardly perverted. You're mild compared to the Doms whose profiles I read on FetLife."
I rubbed my forehead. "You know that and I know that, but to Maureen, I'm the Devil's spawn. I was a jerk, Kate, not really knowing what I was doing, clumsy, demanding, but I wasn't nearly as kinked out as many Doms are. And I would never say anything to Liam about who and what I am to him. I just wanted to speak to him, hear his voice…"
Kate reached out and took my hand, squeezing it.
"I never thought she'd be so nasty to me, despite the divorce,” I said, still hurting. “I was generous with her. I didn’t fight her demands when we split. I was too devastated. She made me feel like a perverted monster. How she must hate me…"
"Your split with Maureen sounds like my split with Kurt, except it must have hurt much more since you two were actually married. Kurt and I were only together for a few months."
"It was hard." I turned back to her. "To be married for five years, to get that close, to become so used to having someone there all the time, and to have it go sour and fall apart." I shook my head. "I was so blind back then. So focused on my career, on my place in the world, I failed to work on my marriage. She had every right to fall out of love with me. Even hate me. It's a mistake I'll never make again."
"What mistake?" she asked softly. "Not pay attention to your relationship?"
I nodded. "I won't neglect you, Kate. If you ever feel the least neglected, let me know, for it won't be intentional. I want you to feel completely loved and cared for, the focus of my attention when I'm with you."
She smiled and leaned over to kiss me and I was overwhelmed with feelings of warmth for her.
"I want you to feel the same," she said. "I've never lived with a man before, so I don't really know what to expect, but if I ever fail to please you, if I ever neglect you, I want to know."
"Living with a man?” I said and grinned. “Let me give you some advice. Expect a lot of sex. Expect him to fall dead asleep soon afterwards. Expect him to watch you greedily all the time, like you're dessert and he can't wait to get to eat you. Or, at least, that's the way I feel when you're with me."
She smiled back, a gleam in her eye. "You can eat dessert whenever you want." She crawled onto my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck.
"Mmm, Ms. Bennet," I murmured against the skin on her neck. "I think you might seduce me with that coy look of yours, but I'm not in any shape for anything this morning."
"Of course not," she said. "Let's take it really easy today. I have to go back to the studio and apply the next coat of gesso, but otherwise, we should just stay home and recover."
I shook my head. "I have some work to do and will be busy all day."
"I can't talk you into taking the afternoon off? Even you deserve a vacation…"
"I don't think I can," I said. "Since I'm staying longer, I have finish up some work for our next shareholder meeting. Then I have to go in and get my first shot. The oncologist wants to do a peripheral blood stem cell harvest. I have to take growth factors that will increase the number of stem cells in my blood."
"The Filgrastim?" she said, her expression thoughtful.
I nodded. "I'll be taking it for four days before they do the harvest."
"I did some reading,” she said, her brow furrowed with concern. “You won't be feeling well for a while?"
"Just mild bone pain. Nothing I won't be able to handle. Nothing worse than how you feel the day after a really hard workout at the gym." I smiled softly. "We'll have a nice quiet night together.”
She hugged me more closely, and we remained in each other’s embrace for a nice, long time. It was just what I needed at that moment and it felt wonderful.
CHAPTER FIVE
I dropped Kate off at the studio and went to the Corporation to deal with some business matters involving temporary transfer of management to my replacement on the board.
My next stop was at NYP to see Liam’s oncologist and get my first shot of Filgrastim. After I was finished, I spent some time reviewing case files that I would consult on during my extended stay, and spoke on the phone with the physicians who were taking over my cases.
I received a text from Kate late in the afternoon, and texted her back that I’d be home by dinnertime. I hoped to spend a quiet evening with her on the couch, trying to recover from my fistfight and drunken stupor of the previous night.
I arrived at the apartment to find Kate had dinner ready and we sat together at the dining room table and ate, talking about her day at the studio and my day at the hospital.
After we washed up, we made our way to the living room and stretched out together, warm in each other’s arms, a selection of old music on the sound system. She ran a hand over my stomach, touching the bandage from my first injection.
"Will they give you another needle in your gut tomorrow?"
I nodded. "I'll be a real pin cushion when they're finished. But what I'm going through is nothing compared to what Liam's experiencing."
"What's happening to him?"
I sighed thinking of the whole procedure and how dangerous and at the same time life saving it was. "They have to give him drugs to destroy his bone marrow. Chemotherapy and radiation."
"For how long?"
"Four to seven days, depending. By the time my donation is ready, he'll be ready to take it."
"When will you know if the transplant takes?"
"A couple of weeks. Maureen said she'd keep me updated and I have my own contacts in the hospital, so I should know by the end of the month if his body is tolerating the new stem cells and the transplant has been successful." I hesitated, wanting to gauge her feelings about delaying our tri
p. "Do you mind waiting? I know you withdrew from the graduate program, thinking that we'd be in Africa by now."
"I don't mind waiting at all,” she replied, her voice earnest. “I want to be with you, wherever that is."
"Thank you," I said and kissed the top of her head. It was a lot to ask of someone who barely knew me. Considering my secret life as a Dominant in the BDSM lifestyle, I was surprised she was so willing to give it all up for me.
"Life's too short to worry about a few months when something as important as this comes up," she said, staring into my eyes, her expression serious. "Columbia will still be here when I get back. My scholarship's safe as long as I start up again at the end of my leave. Besides, I'm so happy to be painting again."
I pulled her even closer. "I don't want you regretting being with me. When we come back, I’ll make sure not to distract you from finishing your Masters. Or focusing on your art. Whatever makes you happy."
"I won't regret this," she said, her voice firm. "I'm so looking forward to Africa and that surprises me, considering my history. I want to go to Kenya, go on safari, see the positive things you've described. I want to wash away the bad memories from Mangaize."
"I want you to see it," I said and stroked her cheek. "I want the ghosts of the camps to be chased away by good things."
She snuggled more closely in my arms.
"I think I'll sneak in before Liam gets the transplant. Maybe when he's sleeping, so I can check on him. As his biological father, I think I have the right."
Kate didn’t say anything in reply as if she didn’t approve. Then she took in a deep breath.
"Drake, there's something I have to tell you."
I frowned. “What?”
“Maureen called. She told me that she was informing the staff at the hospital not to allow you to visit Liam and if you did, they were instructed to call the police.”
A shock went through me and I sat up, pulling her up with me.
"Fucking Christ," I said, adrenaline making my heart pound. "She actually said staff would call the police if I went to the ward again?"
I raked my fingers through my hair, unable to believe how much Maureen must hate me. I held my head in my hands, trying to calm down.