Buttons and Pain

by Penelope Sky

  “Maybe we should have talked about this before, but at the time I wasn’t thinking clearly…”

  I held my breath as I waited.

  “I’m not sure if we should have kids. In my line of work, I’m not sure if it would be a good idea.”

  Kids wasn’t something on my mind right now. I was still used to the fact I was married. Crow kidnapped me and forced me to work for my freedom. The fact I fell in love with him was still shocking. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

  “I’m not taking it off the table but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  When I thought about my life without children, it made me sad. I didn’t want them today or tomorrow, but someday I would want a son just like his father. I would want a daughter Crow would worship. I wanted a family I never had. “I need to have children, Crow. Not today, but eventually.”

  His eyes were unreadable. He stared at me with an expression trained with indifference. Even now I couldn’t always tell what he was thinking. “Again, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

  “Quit your business with Cane. You have the winery.”

  “But that business is directly from my family. And Cane is an idiot. He’ll run it into the ground.”

  “What does it matter?”

  Crow didn’t answer, his eyes still unreadable.

  “I think having your own family is more important than helping Cane with the business. It’s not like you won’t see him all the time anyway.” I didn’t want to push him into something he didn’t want to do, but I didn’t want his misplaced loyalty to his family to stop us from being happy. “Cane would understand. And once day he’ll meet someone special and will have to make the same difficult choice.”

  Crow drank his wine, his eyes still trained on me.

  “You don’t need to do anything right this second, Crow. But I do want to have children. And not just with anyone, but with you. I think you’d make a great father.”

  It was the first time he reacted in the conversation. His eyebrows raised with incredulity. “Me? Really?”

  “Absolutely. You’re loving, protective, and selfless.”

  He finished his wine before he set the empty glass on the table. “I don’t know about that. I love you, but that took me a very long time to come to terms with. I’m calloused and cold, and my hatred is something that will never go away. I’ll never be the family man you think I’ll be.”

  “I couldn’t disagree more with that statement.”

  Crow pulled his gaze away and looked across the water. “You believe what you want to believe.”

  I didn’t want to have this tense argument on our honeymoon, but I didn’t expect it to turn out this way. “I know you, Crow. I know you better than you know yourself. If I think you can do it, you can.”

  He dismissed the conversation by remaining quiet. He didn’t eat anymore of his dinner and concentrated on the view across the ocean.

  I did the same because looking at him was beginning to be painful. I knew a lifetime with Crow wouldn’t always be easy. He had a lot of issues, a lot of scars. But I was broken too, and in that regard we completed each other.

  Crow broke the silence. “I’ll give you children. I promised to love you and make you happy every single day for the rest of your life. You know I’m a man that keeps my word.”

  It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear, but it was close enough. “Thank you.”

  ***

  By the end of the two weeks, we were both sun kissed and drunk off each other. I already lived in paradise but I didn’t want to leave this new place. Mykonos had an ancient beauty that I never experienced in America. I felt like I stepped back in time and stared at the world with a new pair of eyes.

  Our bed was nearly broken from all the sex we had on the sheets. Instead of handcuffs or whips, we kept it at a vanilla flavor. Crow didn’t seem interested in anything more sinister, and I wasn’t either. I just wanted him slow and steady so I could treasure every moment of him inside me. There were days when I was sore but that didn’t stop us from going at it.

  The valet collected our bags at the end of the trip, and I nearly broke down in tears at the thought of saying goodbye to this place.

  Crow wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. “We can always come back, Button.”

  “I know. I had such a great time and I don’t want it to end.”

  He grabbed the back of my hair and forced my chin up so he could look into my face. “I’ll take you to see the world, Button. This is only the beginning.”

  “I know.”

  He pressed a kiss to my temple before he walked me out.

  ***

  “How was your trip, Your Grace?” Lars set our bags by the front door so the staff could return them to the bedrooms and get the old clothes in the washer. Like bees in a hive, they worked together to give Crow everything he needed.

  “Wonderful,” Crow answered. “Mrs. Barsetti and I had a great time.”

  I still wasn’t used to my new name.

  “I’m glad to hear it,” Lars answered. “Is there anything I can do for you? Prepare lunch? Afternoon tea?”

  “No,” Crow answered. “We’re going to shower and retire upstairs for the rest of the day. I’ll let you know when we’re ready for dinner.”

  “Of course, Your Grace.” Lars gave him a slight bow before he turned to me. “Mrs. Barsetti.” It was the first time he gave me the same kind of bow. Then he walked back into the kitchen.

  “He doesn’t need to bow to me,” I said to Crow.

  “It’s an Italian custom.”

  “Well, I’m not Italian.” I wasn’t going to let some cute old man do bend backwards for me. He seemed to love his job but that was beside the point.

  Crow turned around and looked at me, the fire in his eyes. “You are now.” He grabbed me by the hand and walked up the two flights of stairs and passed my old bedroom. Ever since I left this place I still hadn’t gone inside. My bedroom had been Crow’s, and I never ventured anywhere else.

  We entered the bedroom just as Crow’s phone rang. While we were on our honeymoon he didn’t take any business calls. Even Cane didn’t call him, which was astounding. That guy seemed more obsessed with Crow than I was.

  Crow answered without checking the number, knowing he had work to do now that he was home. “Crow.”

  I was standing right beside him so I could hear every word of the exchange.

  “Crow.” The deep voice rang through the phone, terrifying without making a single threat. The tone and cadence of the voice was eerily familiar and frightening. It was unmistakable, and I could recognize it anywhere—even a few feet away.

  Crow stilled noticeably, knowing exactly who it was.

  “Long time, no talk, huh?” Bones chuckled into the phone like he made some kind of joke. “Cane tells me you were just on your honeymoon with my slave. How interesting.”

  My blood froze and I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t understand what was going on, but whatever it was, it was bad.

  Crow didn’t lose his composure once. “We had a great time. Thanks for asking.”

  He chuckled even though Crow’s statement wasn’t funny. “Your brother talks but he doesn’t talk enough. When I asked where I could find you, he refused to give up that information—and I tortured him mercilessly.”

  I closed my eyes as the pain shot through me. What Cane did to me was in the past and now I loved him like a brother. The idea of him being in pain nearly broke me. And I could only imagine how much that hurt Crow.

  Crow didn’t seem affected. His expression was exactly the same. “It’s called loyalty, Bones. Something you would never understand.”

  This time Bones didn’t chuckle. “My original plan was to have Cane lead me back to Pearl. But after weeks of endless suffering, he still won’t crack. So now I have a new plan.”

  “I’m sure it won’t work either.”

  I didn’t have a clue how Crow could remain so calm when his only
family member was being tortured at this very moment. Only a man with concrete in his veins could manage it.

  “It’s pretty simple,” Bones said. “We make a trade. Pearl for Cane.”

  “I remember how our last trade went,” Crow warned. “You have no honor or honesty. Therefore, I don’t trust you.”

  “Are you willing to gamble your brother’s life on it?”

  “He’s already dead anyway.” Crow’s voice didn’t break with emotion. He accepted it without any reaction. “And I would never make that trade, Bones. You know it. Kill him and be done with it.”

  “Wow, even I’m surprised at your coldness. Your brother refused to crack for you and you don’t care if he dies?”

  “He understands.”

  This was a nightmare that just wouldn’t end. Cane was locked up somewhere and Bones was about to put a bullet in his head. Crow would lose his only family left in the world.

  “I’m not just going to kill him, Crow,” Bones warned. “I’m going to torture him until he goes into shock. And then I’m going to keep every single bone and add it to my collection. I’ll give you forty-eight hours to think about it.” He hung up before Crow could say another word.

  Crow listened to the line go dead before he tossed the phone on the bed. With his arms resting be his sides he just stood there. His breathing was even and his expression didn’t change. Whatever he was feeling was far below the surface.

  I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t breathe. My lungs ached from the pain and my heart was about to give out because it was working at full speed. The adrenaline was killing me. “Crow…” I couldn’t fight against my tears and they came pouring out.

  Crow finally looked at me, his expression still cold.

  I sat on the bed and pulled my knees to my chest, still sobbing. “No…”

  Crow slowly approached me, his eyes darker than ever before. “Button, shh.”

  “We have to save him, Crow. What are we going to do?”

  He stood at the edge of the bed, his hands still resting by his sides. “I’ll organize a search but I don’t think it’ll help. I’m sure Bones is in an untraceable place.”

  “Then you have to trade me. You have to save Cane.” Nothing scared me more than being in Bones’s possession but I couldn’t let Cane suffer. He was Crow’s only living relative. Bones was after me so Cane shouldn’t suffer. It wasn’t fair.

  The look Crow gave me was terrifying. “No.”

  “Crow, you have to—”

  “Pearl, I said no.”

  I froze on the spot when I heard what he said. He never called me by my real name—ever. It was a warning—a terrifying one.

  “I’m not trading you and Cane would understand. He knows I’m not coming from him. He’s accepted that the moment he was captured. I hate this as much as you do, but I’m not giving you up.”

  “He’s your brother…” How could he do this to him?

  “And you’re my wife,” he whispered. “You’re my family now. Cane would prefer it this way.”

  The tears streaked down my face. “We can’t just accept his. We can’t let him win.”

  “I’ll try to get him back, Button. But I don’t think I’ll succeed. Bones knows what he’s doing. He’ll have covered his tracks by now.”

  I pulled my knees to my chest and continued to sob. “I’m so sorry…this is my fault.”

  “Don’t say that ever again.”

  “But it is. If it weren’t for me, none of this would be happening.”

  “And I would have been miserable my whole life.” He kneeled in front of me and gripped my arms. “I’m sorry this has happened. It kills me as much as it kills you. But don’t ever say that.”

  I sniffed then wiped my tears away. “Crow, find him. Please. I can’t live with myself if we don’t rescue him.”

  “Button, I know.” He pulled my forehead to his. “I promise I’ll do everything I can to get him back.”

  “Okay.” I gripped his wrists and tried to slow down my breathing. Right now, I was just a mess. As a victim of Bones’s I knew exactly what his torture was like. I would never wish that on anyone else, especially my brother.

  “It’ll be alright, Button. We’ll get through this.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Crow

  “What about the catacombs?” I’d been searching for Cane non-stop for twenty-four hours. I didn’t sleep, I hardly ate, and I drank as much caffeine as I could find. I kept up an air of indifference to Bones and Buttons, but honestly I was fucking terrified.

  I had to find him.

  He pissed me off most of the time, and he got under my skin like no one else. I always had to clean up his messes, and he hurt my woman in an unforgivable way. But that didn’t change the innate feelings deep in my chest.

  I loved my brother.

  Bones was a man of his word, and if he said he would kill Cane then he would. If Buttons were anyone else, I would hand her over in a heartbeat. But she was off limits. In my heart, I knew Cane would understand that. He would understand I had to protect my wife against everything because she was a part of the Barsetti family now.

  At least I hoped he understood.

  One of my men responded. “Clean.”

  “What about Rome?” I asked. “Any of his headquarters?”

  “They’re all clean,” he answered. “We checked everywhere Crow. Wherever he is, it’s below the surface. We can’t get any readings anywhere. No signatures. Nothing.”

  “What about tracing the call?” Bones would call again tomorrow.

  “We can try,” he answered. “But I doubt it’ll do any good. I’m sure Bones has covered his tracks like a pro.”

  How did he capture Cane to begin with? What was Cane doing? “When was the last time you saw my brother?”

  “Ten days ago,” he answered. “He was at work like normal then went home.”

  “Did he say he was going anywhere?” I asked. “Florence? Rome? Or just home?”

  “He didn’t say,” he answered with a shrug. “Cane doesn’t talk about his personal life much.”

  I kept hitting one dead end after another. “Fuck.” I rubbed the back of my neck and felt the anxiety take over. I always remained calm around my men and Button but now I was losing my resolve. The lack of sleep and the terror were getting to me.

  “I’m sorry, sir.”

  “No, I’m sorry.” I wouldn’t be able to find Cane in time and I knew it. If I hadn’t been on my honeymoon I may have noticed he was missing sooner and I could have done something. But now it was too late.

  Cane was going to die.

  ***

  The second I came home, Button smothered me.

  “Did you find out anything? Do you have any leads?”

  I ripped my shirt off as I walked into the bedroom, feeling suffocated by the fabric. “No.” I bowed my head in shame. After everything I learned in my line of work my skills didn’t help when it mattered most. Bones killed my parents, Vanessa, and now they were about to take Cane. That man had ripped everything from my life and I was powerless to stop it. I sat on the bed and bowed my head, feeling like a failure.

  Button sat beside me. “There has to be something we can do.”

  “If there was, I would have found it.” I clenched my jaw and tried not to snap at her. She was only trying to help but her insistent questions were only reminding me of my inadequacy.

  “Can you offer him money?”

  “He won’t take it.”

  “Well, you should try.”

  “I offered twenty million for you and he still didn’t want it,” I snapped. “You don’t understand how this guy works.”

  Her eyes narrowed on my face. “Excuse me?”

  It was a stupid thing to say and I knew it. “That’s not what I meant.” I rubbed the back of my neck because I didn’t want to fight right now. Arguing would get us nowhere.

  “What are you saying? There’s nothing we can do? That we give up?”
/>   I stared at the floor and tried to ignore her hostility.

  “Crow?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Please don’t tell me we aren’t going to do nothing.”

  “Button…I don’t know what to do. I’m out of options.”

  “Agree to the trade—”

  My words came out as a roar. “I’m not going to do trade you. That’s final.”

  She backed away at my hostility. “If you would let me finish, I was going to say we should agree to the trade and try to break Cane out without actually going through with it.”

  I shook my head. “Too risky.”

  “This is your brother we’re talking about. Risky is okay.”

  “No. That means I have to bring you and show you to him. Unless he sees you he won’t cooperate.”

  “Then bring me.”

  “No.” I ground my teeth together. “He’s setting us up. I know how he his. He’s going to kill Cane anyway. He’ll never make the trade freely. When we tried to get Vanessa he took our money and killed her anyway. I can’t trust him.”

  Her shoulders sagged under her grief. “Crow…we have to think of something.”

  I left the bed because I didn’t want to be close to her anymore. “Button, if there was something I could do I would do it. If I could forfeit my own life to save his I would. But none of those options are available. I can’t proceed with the trade because he’ll cross me. I know how he is.” I dragged my hands down my face because my eyes were dry and exhausted. I hadn’t slept in so long I couldn’t even think. “I just…leave me alone.” I walked into the shower and turned on the warm water and let the grime from the afternoon wash away. Every time I closed my eyes I saw my brother’s face. He was cold, alone, and bleeding to death. Images of our childhood replaced the existing ones, and I felt the urge to cry. I hated myself for allowing this to happen, but the hatred wouldn’t make it go away.

  I dried off then walked to bed. I set my phone on the nightstand and pulled back the covers. I was too exhausted to talk to Button or make love. All I wanted was a few hours of sleep so I could start thinking clearly again. Maybe when my brain had a rest I could come up with a decent plan.