Waldo, and Magic, Inc

by Robert A. Heinlein

  Had he really shown exceptional strength—or was twenty-one pounds of grip simply normal for him at his present age and weight? A normally strong and active man, he knew, should have a grip on the order of one hundred and fifty pounds.

  Nevertheless, twenty-one pounds of grip was six pounds higher than he had ever before managed on test.

  Try, again. Ten, eleven—twelve. Thirteen. The needle hesitated. Why, he had just started—this was ridiculous. Fourteen.

  There it stopped. No matter how he strained and concentrated his driving will, he could not pass that point. Slowly, he dropped back from it.

  Sixteen pounds was the highest he managed in the following days. Twenty-one pounds seemed to have been merely a fluke, a good first effort. He ate bitterness.

  But he had not reached his present position of wealth and prominence by easy surrender. He persisted, recalling carefully just what Schneider had said to him, and trying to feel the touch of Schneider’s hands. He told himself now that he really had been stronger under Schneider’s touch. But that he had foiled to realize it because of the Earth’s heavy field. He continued to try.

  In the back of his mind he knew that he must eventually seek out Gramps Schneider and ask his help, if he did not find the trick alone. But he was extremely reluctant to do so, not because of the terrible trip it entailed—though that would ordinarily have been more than enough reason—but because if he did so and Schneider was not able to help him, then there would be no hope, no hope at all.

  It was better to live with disappointment and frustration than to live without hope. He continued to postpone it.

  Waldo paid little attention to Earth time; he ate and slept when he pleased. He might catch a cat nap at any time; however, at fairly regular intervals he slept for longer periods. Not in a bed, of course. A man who floats in air has no need for a bed. But he did make it a habit to guy himself into place before undertaking eight hours of solid sleep, as it prevented him from casual drifting in random air currents which might carry him, unconscious, against controls or switches.

  Since the obsession to become strong had possessed him he had frequently found it necessary to resort to soporifics to insure sleep.

  Dr. Rambeau had returned and was looking for him. Rambeau—crazy and filled with hate. Rambeau, blaming his troubles on Waldo. He was not safe, even in Freehold, as the crazy physicist had found out how to pass from one space to another. There he was now! Just his head, poked through from the Other World. “I’m going to get you, Waldo!” He was gone—no, there he was behind him! Reaching, reaching out with hands that were writhing antennae. “You, Waldo!” But Waldo’s own hands were the giant waldoes; he snatched at Rambeau.

  The big waldoes went limp.

  Rambeau was at him, was on him; he had him around the throat.

  Gramps Schneider said in his ear, in a voice that was calm and strong, “Reach out for the power, my son. Feel it in your fingers.” Waldo grabbed at the throttling fingers, strained, tried.

  They were coming loose. He was winning. He would stuff Rambeau back into the Other World and keep him there. There! He had one hand free. Baldur was barking frantically; he tried to tell him to shut up, to bite Rambeau, to help—

  The dog continued to bark.

  He was in his own home, in his own great room. Baldur let out one more yip. “Quiet!” He looked himself over.

  When he had gone to sleep he had been held in place by four light guys, opposed like the axes of a tetrahedron. Two of them were still fastened to his belt; he swung loosely against the control ring. Of the other two, one had snapped off at his belt; its end floated a few feet away. The fourth had been broken in two places, near his belt and again several feet out; the severed piece was looped loosely around his neck.

  He looked the situation over. Study as he might, he could conceive no way in which the guys could have been broken save by his own struggles in the nightmare. The dog could not have done it; he had no way to get a purchase. He had done it himself. The lines were light, being intended merely as stays. Still . . .

  It took him a few minutes to rig a testing apparatus which would test pull instead of grip; the yoke had to be reversed. When it was done he cut in a medium waldo pair, fastened the severed pieces of line to the tester, and, using the waldo, pulled.

  The line parted at two hundred and twelve pounds.

  Hastily, but losing time because of nervous clumsiness, he re-rigged the tester for grip. He paused, whispered softly, “Now is the time, Gramps!” and bore down on the grip.

  Twenty pounds—twenty-one. Twenty-five!

  Up past thirty. He was not even sweating! Thirty-five—forty, -one, -two, -three. Forty-five! And -six! And a half. Forty-seven pounds!

  With a great sigh he let his hand relax. He was strong. Strong.

  When he had somewhat regained his composure, he considered what to do next. His first impulse was to call Grimes, but he suppressed it. Soon enough when he was sure of himself.

  He went back to the tester and tried his left hand. Not as strong as his right, but almost—nearly forty-five pounds. Funny thing, he didn’t feel any different. Just normal, healthy. No sensation.

  He wanted to try all of his muscles. It would take too long to rig testers for kick, and shove, and back lift, and, oh, a dozen others. He needed a field, that was it, a one-G field. Well, there was the reception room; it could be centrifuged.

  But its controls were in the ring and it was long corridors away. There was a nearer one, the centrifuge for the cuckoo clock. He had rigged the wheel with a speed control as an easy way to regulate the clock. He moved back to the control ring and stopped the turning of the big wheel; the clockwork was disturbed by the sudden change; the little red bird popped out, said, “Th-wu th-woo!” once, hopefully, and subsided.

  Carrying in his hand a small control panel radio hooked to the motor which impelled the centrifuge wheel, he propelled himself to the wheel and placed himself inside, planting his feet on the inner surface of the rim and grasping one of the spokes, so that he would be in a standing position with respect to the centrifugal force, once it was impressed. He started the wheel slowly.

  Its first motion surprised him and he almost fell off. But he recovered himself and gave it a little more power. All right so far. He speeded it up gradually, triumph spreading through him as he felt the pull of the pseudo gravitational field, felt his legs grow heavy, but still strong.

  He let it out, one full G. He could take it. He could, indeed! To be sure, the force did not affect the upper part of his body so strongly as the lower, as his head was only a foot or so from the point of rotation. He could fix that; he squatted down slowly, hanging on tight to the spoke. It was all right.

  But the wheel swayed and the motor complained. His unbalanced weight, that far out from the center of rotation, was putting too much of a strain on a framework intended to support a cuckoo clock and its counterweight only. He straightened up with equal caution, feeling the fine shove of his thigh muscles and calves. He stopped the wheel.

  Baldur had been much perturbed by the whole business. He had almost twisted his neck off trying to follow the motions of Waldo.

  He still postponed calling Grimes. He wanted to arrange for some selective local controls on the centrifuging of the reception room, in order to have a proper place in which to practice standing up. Then he had to get the hang of this walking business; it looked easy, but he didn’t know. Might be quite a trick to learn it.

  Thereafter he planned to teach Baldur to walk. He tried to get Baldur into the cuckoo-clock wheel, but the dog objected. He wiggled free and retreated to the farthest part of the room. No matter—when he had the beast in the reception room he would damn well have to learn to walk. Should have seen to it long ago. A big brute like that, and couldn’t walk!

  He visualized a framework into which the dog could be placed which would force him to stand erect. It was roughly equivalent to a baby’s toddler, but Waldo did not know that. He had n
ever seen a baby’s toddler.

  “Uncle Gus—”

  “Oh, hello, Waldo. How you been?”

  “Fine. Look, Uncle Gus, could you come up to Freehold—right away?”

  Grimes shook his head. “Sorry. My bus is in the shop.”

  “Your bus is too slow anyhow. Take a taxi, or get somebody to drive you.”

  “And have you insult ’em when we get there? Huh-uh.”

  “I’ll be sweet as sugar.”

  “Well, Jimmie Stevens said something yesterday about wanting to see you.”

  Waldo grinned. “Get him. I’d like to see him.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “Call me back. Make it soon.”

  Waldo met them in the reception room, which he had left uncentrifuged. As soon as they came in he started his act. “My, I’m glad you’re here. Dr. Stevens—could you fly me down to Earth right away? Something’s come up.”

  “Why—I suppose so.”

  “Let’s go.”

  “Wait a minute, Waldo. Jimmie’s not prepared to handle you the way you have to be handled.”

  “I’ll have to chance it, Uncle Gus. This is urgent.”

  “But—”

  “No ‘buts.’ Let’s leave at once.”

  They hustled Baldur into the ship and tied him down. Grimes saw to it that Waldo’s chair was tilted back in the best approximation of a deceleration rig. Waldo settled himself into it and closed his eyes to discourage questions. He sneaked a look and found Grimes grimly silent.

  Stevens made very nearly a record trip, but set them down quite gently on the parking flat over Grimes’ home. Grimes touched Waldo’s arm. “How do you feel? I’ll get someone and we’ll get you inside. I want to get you to bed.”

  “Can’t do that, Uncle Gus. Things to do. Give me your arm, will you?”

  “Huh?” But Waldo reached for the support requested and drew himself up.

  “I’ll be all right now, I guess.” He let go of the physician’s arm and started for the door. “Will you untie Baldur?”

  “Waldo!”

  He turned around, grinning happily. “Yes, Uncle Gus, it’s true. I’m not weak any more. I can walk.”

  Grimes took hold of the back of one of the seats and said shakily, “Waldo, I’m an old man. You ought not to do things like this to me.” He wiped at his eyes.

  “Yes,” agreed Stevens, “it’s a damn dirty trick.”

  Waldo looked blankly from one face to the other.

  “I’m sorry,” he said humbly. “I just wanted to surprise you.”

  “It’s all right. Let’s go downside and have a drink. You can tell us about it then.”

  “All right. Come on, Baldur.” The dog got up and followed after his master. He had a very curious gait; Waldo’s trainer gadget had taught him to pace instead of trot.

  Waldo stayed with Grimes for days, gaining strength, gaining new reflex patterns, building up his flabby muscles. He had no setbacks; the myasthenia was gone. All he required was conditioning.

  Grimes had forgiven him at once for his unnecessarily abrupt and spectacular revelation of his cure, but had insisted he take it easy and become fully readjusted before he undertook to venture out unescorted. It was a wise precaution. Even simple things were hazards to him. Stairs, for example. He could walk on the level, but going downstairs had to be learned. Going up was not so difficult.

  Stevens showed up one day, let himself in, and found Waldo alone in the living room, listening to a stereo show. “Hello, Mr. Jones.”

  “Oh—hello, Dr. Stevens.” Waldo reached down hastily, fumbled for his shoes, zipped them on. “Uncle Gus says I should wear them all the time,” he explained. “Everybody does. But you caught me unawares.”

  “Oh, that’s no matter. You don’t have to wear them in the house. Where’s Doc?”

  “Gone for the day. Don’t you, really? Seems to me my nurses always wore shoes.”

  “Oh yes, everybody does—but there’s no law to make you.”

  “Then I’ll wear them. But I can’t say that I like them. They feel dead, like a pair of disconnected waldoes. But I want to learn how.”

  “How to wear shoes?”

  “How to act like people act. It’s really quite difficult,” he said seriously.

  Stevens felt a sudden insight, a welling of sympathy for this man with no background and no friends. It must be odd and strange to him. He felt an impulse to confess something which had been on his mind with respect to Waldo. “You really are strong now, aren’t you?”

  Waldo grinned happily. “Getting stronger every day. I gripped two hundred pounds this morning. And see how much fat I’ve worked off.”

  “You’re looking fit, all right. Here’s a funny thing. Ever since I first met you, I’ve wished to high heaven that you were as strong as an ordinary man.”

  “You really did? Why?”

  “Well . . . I think you will admit that you used some pretty poisonous language to me, one time and another. You had me riled up all the time. I wanted you to get strong so that I could just beat the hell out of you.”

  Waldo had been walking up and down, getting used to his shoes. He stopped and faced Stevens.

  He seemed considerably startled. “You mean you wanted to fist-fight me?”

  “Exactly. You used language to me that a man ought not to use unless he is prepared to back it up with his fists. If you had not been an invalid I would have pasted you one, oh, any number of times.”

  Waldo seemed to be struggling with a new concept. “I think I see,” he said slowly. “Well—all right.” On the last word he delivered a roundhouse swipe with plenty of power behind it. Stevens was not in the least expecting it; it happened to catch him on the button. He went down, out cold.

  When he came to he found himself in a chair. Waldo was shaking him. “Wasn’t that right?” he said anxiously.

  “What did you hit me with?”

  “My hand. Wasn’t that right? Wasn’t that what you wanted?”

  “Wasn’t that what I—” He still had little bright lights floating in front of his eyes, but the situation began to tickle him. “Look here—is that your idea of the proper way to start a fight?”

  “Isn’t it?”

  Stevens tried to explain to him the etiquette of fisticuffs, contemporary American. Waldo seemed puzzled, but finally he nodded. “I get it. You have to give the other man warning. All right—get up, and we’ll do it over.”

  “Easy, easy! Wait a minute. You never did give me a chance to finish what I was saying. I was sore at you, but I’m not anymore. That is what I was trying to tell you. Oh, you were utterly poisonous; there is no doubt about that. But you couldn’t help being.”

  “I don’t mean to be poisonous,” Waldo said seriously.

  “I know you don’t, and you’re not. I rather like you now—now that you’re strong.”

  “Do you really?”

  “Yes, I do. But don’t practice any more of those punches on me.”

  “I won’t. But I didn’t understand. But, do you know, Dr. Stevens, it’s—”

  “Call me Jim.”

  “Jim. It’s a very hard thing to know just what people do expect. There is so little pattern to it. Take belching; I didn’t know it was forbidden to burp when other people are around. It seems obviously necessary to me. But Uncle Gus says not.”

  Stevens tried to clear up the matter for him—not too well, as he found that Waldo was almost totally lacking in any notion, even theoretical, of social conduct. Not even from fiction had he derived a concept of the intricacies of mores, as he had read almost no fiction. He had ceased reading stories in his early boyhood, because he lacked the background of experience necessary to appreciate fiction.

  He was rich, powerful, and a mechanical genius, but he still needed to go to kindergarten.

  Waldo had a proposition to make. “Jim, you’ve been very helpful. You explain these things better than Uncle Gus does. I’ll hire you to teach me.”

 
; Stevens suppressed a slight feeling of pique. “Sorry. I’ve got a job that keeps me busy.”

  “Oh, that’s all right. I’ll pay you better than they do. You can name your own salary. It’s a deal.”

  Stevens took a deep breath and sighed. “You don’t understand. I’m an engineer and I don’t hire out for personal service. You can’t hire me. Oh, I’ll help you all I can, but I won’t take money for it.”

  “What’s wrong with taking money?”

  The question, Stevens thought, was stated wrongly. As it stood it could not be answered. He launched into a long, involved discussion of professional and business conduct. He was really not fitted for it; Waldo soon bogged down. “I’m afraid I don’t get it. But see here—could you teach me how to behave with girls? Uncle Gus says he doesn’t dare take me out in company.”

  “Well, I’ll try. I’ll certainly try. But, Waldo, I came over to see you about some of the problems we’re running into at the plant. About this theory of the two spaces that you were telling me about—”

  “It’s not theory; it’s fact.”

  “All right. What I want to know is this: When do you expect to go back to Freehold and resume research? We need some help.”

  “Go back to Freehold? I haven’t any idea. I don’t intend to resume research.”

  “You don’t? But, my heavens, you haven’t finished half the investigations you outlined to me.”

  “You fellows can do ’em. I’ll help out with suggestions, of course.”

  “Well—maybe we could interest Gramps Schneider,” Stevens said doubtfully.

  “I would not advise it,” Waldo answered. “Let me show you a letter he sent me.” He left and fetched it back. “Here.”

  Stevens glanced through it: “—your generous offer of your share in the new power project I appreciate, but, truthfully, I have no interest in such things and would find the responsibility a burden. As for the news of your new strength I am happy, but not surprised. The power of the Other World is his who would claim it—” There was more to it. It was written in a precise Spencerian hand, a trifle shaky; the rhetoric showed none of the colloquialisms with which Schneider spoke.