Contrasting Lives

by Leah Dempster

  Matt squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he was not about to have this conversation with his sister. It was obvious she wasn't going to settle for anything less than a full explanation and he sighed heavily again. It seemed to be about all he'd done – sigh repeatedly, and wish Courtney hadn't overhead his conversation. He mentally kicked himself again. Why the hell hadn't he gone into his bedroom to speak with Emily? What the fuck had he been thinking, to have a discussion with Emily in the living room, where anyone could have come downstairs and overheard? It didn't matter how many times he told himself he'd never planned for their talk to take the path it had, Matt knew he'd fucked up badly. The fact that he suspected Courtney had been deliberately eavesdropping wasn't an excuse for what he'd done.

  “Sit down, Gina. We need to talk.

  ≈≈◊◊≈◊◊≈≈

  Gina slumped down onto the couch beside him, and Matt knew she was taking note of the dark rings around his eyes, the stubble lining his jaw. He knew he looked as if he'd been to hell and back since she'd seen him at their Dad's birthday. She and Matt were like two peas in a pod – both headstrong, intelligent and filled with determination. They'd clashed for most of their lives, only forging a stronger relationship in the last decade, as they'd both matured.

  “Paula's sitting with her now and yes, she's finally talking.” Gina leaned back against the cushions and eyed her brother curiously. “According to Courtney, you've had sex with Emily? What gives Matt? You've only known this woman for a few weeks. What the hell were you thinking?”

  Matt cringed, wondering how to begin explaining the shitfest he'd gotten himself involved in.

  Gina placed a hand on Matt's arm, her expression softening further into sympathy. “Come on, out with it, Matt. What happened?”

  “I've made a mess of things.” Matt leaned forward, dropping his head into his hands. “I said stuff on the phone to Emily that I had absolutely no business saying when the kids might hear it.”

  Gina raised a questioning eyebrow. “What sort of stuff?”

  Matt groaned. “Are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?”

  Gina chuckled. “Yep. Not often do I get the chance to see Matthew Pendleton painted into a corner. You're usually in complete control; do you blame me for taking advantage of the situation?”

  “I'm gonna disown you, Gina,” Matt muttered.

  “Alright.” Gina backed down with a superior grin. “I'll assume you were indulging in a little pillow talk and Courtney overheard you? And by the way, I still want to get to the bottom of why you've decided to sleep with the first woman you've met since Caroline died, five minutes after you met her. There's no way you're getting out of this without me getting the whole story.”

  “Yeah. She overheard me.” Matt hated himself, cringed when he thought about what Caroline would say if she was here. It wouldn't have happened, you idiot, if Caroline had still been here. You wouldn't be screwing a hooker, if Caroline was still here. He mentally shook himself for referring to Emily as a hooker, knew he wasn't being fair and she wasn't to blame for this mess. He'd managed to do this, all on his own.

  Gina's voice was bursting with curiosity. “Start from the beginning.”

  Matt's laugh was hollow. “It's a long story.”

  Gina settled back on the couch, crossing her legs. “I've got all night, Matt. Paula's keeping Courtney company; and after dropping everything to come here, you owe us both an explanation.”

  Matt exhaled noisily. Gina was right; he did owe her and Paula an explanation. Problem was – he didn't know where to start. How could he tell his sisters about the mess he'd gotten into? How could he explain it, when he didn't even understand it himself? For the past week, Courtney had been on his mind constantly, but Emily had taken up a considerable amount of his thoughts too. He'd never been so screwed up in his life, didn't know how to handle it. His relationship with Caroline had been filled with passion and love, but it had never been anything like this thing with Emily. He and Caroline had started slowly, been friends for a long time at school before their relationship had developed into romance.

  With Emily, it was different. Passion and lust seemed to override everything else in his brain when he was around her. And it scared the crap out of him. How could he feel this way about a woman he'd only just met? Was it a result of eighteen months of grieving? Was he overwhelmed by Emily, simply because she was the only woman he'd met and been interested in since Caroline's death?

  “Matt. Come on – just tell me what's going on.”

  Gina's voice drew him out of his considerations and he closed his eyes. “Alright.” Hesitantly at first, Matt laid everything out on the line, from the grief he'd felt over Caroline's death, his unwillingness to date again, through Paul arranging the rendezvous with Emily. He refused to gloss over any of the details, was man enough to stand up to his sister and her scrutiny of his private life. The only thing he deliberately chose to leave out was Emily's submissiveness and his own attempts at Domination. Gina didn't need to know about it, he told himself, and Emily had a right to some privacy regarding her lifestyle. They led contrasting lives, and Matt knew his sister would be shocked by the details of Emily's lifestyle when compared to her own.

  When he wrapped up the story, explaining the night he'd been speaking to Emily and Courtney had overheard him, he slumped back on the couch and waited for the berating he was certain would start any minute.

  Gina sat silently for a minute or two, and it was obvious from her stunned expression that he'd pulled the rug out from under her. “Jesus Christ. You couldn't have just dated some divorced Mom from the kid's school?”

  “I wasn't actively searching for a relationship,” he responded dryly.

  Gina stood up, disappearing into the kitchen and returning a few seconds later with a couple of beers. She handed one to Matt and popped the lid on her own, slugging down almost half the bottle before she spoke again. “So, my brother, the upstanding police detective, has gotten himself mixed up with a hooker.”

  “She's not a hooker. She's an escort.”

  Gina arched one eyebrow doubtfully. “Define the difference.”

  Matt exhaled heavily. “She only has half a dozen clients. She's not out on the streets, turning tricks.”

  “And you're okay with this?” Gina sounded incredulous.

  Matt turned to her angrily. “No, I'm not okay with it!”

  “Whoa, Matt. I'm not judging here,” Gina reassured him quietly. “I'm trying to get a handle on the situation. You'll have to excuse me if I find the whole state of affairs a complete mind-fuck, it's not every day your older brother tells you he's screwing a hooker.”

  “Escort,” Matt repeated, through gritted teeth.

  “Okay. Escort.” Gina lapsed into silence for a few seconds, tapping her fingernails against the side of her beer in a quick tempo. “So… you met her, had sex with her, and then created this chaos with your daughter because she overheard you talking to Emily. Granted, Courtney was eavesdropping, but even so…”

  “In a nutshell, yeah.” Matt swallowed down some of his beer, wishing he were anywhere but here.

  “How serious is this relationship?”

  “I don't know.”

  “If this problem hadn't occurred, would you have wanted to see Emily again?” Gina pressed.

  Matt's answer was delivered swiftly. “Yeah.”

  Gina grinned. “Man, you've got it bad, haven't you?”

  Matt stared at Gina, narrowing his eyes. “Got what?”

  “You've fallen for this woman, in the space of what? A month? Are you in love with her?”

  Matt shook his head. “No.” In lust, there was no doubt. But love? No way. He refused to contemplate the idea, even though his mind was taunting him with some questions he didn't want to investigate too closely, right now.

  “She's having sex with other men, Matt… Did you, uh, well… Did you take any precautions?”

  Matt flushed. “It's none of your business.”


  Gina rolled her eyes, brushing her fingers through her hair impatiently. “I'll take that as a no. For God's sake! What were you thinking?”

  “I wasn't,” Matt's answer was blunt. He stood up abruptly, pacing across the floor and avoiding Gina's eyes. “She's taking the contraceptive pill. She's tested regularly for STD's and she always uses a condom when she's with her clients. Her six clients,” he added, feeling defensive.

  “So she says,” Gina muttered.

  “You're not helping, Gina.”

  The tone of Matt's voice was warning to anyone who knew him that he was about to lose his temper and Gina didn't miss it. “Okay, okay. You obviously know this woman better than I do. But I'm worried about you, Matt. You and Courtney. How much do you honestly know about this Emily?”

  “She's twenty five. She's studying Ancient History and Archaeology at Seattle State. She's worked as an escort for two years to pay her way through college. Her father owns Ontell, and her mother is a socialite. She's got two sisters.” Even as Matt responded to the question, he knew he didn't know enough.

  Gina's eyebrows rose and almost disappeared into her hairline. “Her father is Emerson Coulter and she's working as a hooker? How does Coulter keep that out of the gossip columns?”

  “I have no fucking idea and I don't really care,” Matt retorted dryly. “I guess if you've got Emerson Coulter's money, you can do anything you want. Emily hasn't had anything to do with her family since she was eighteen and left home.”

  “She's only twenty five, Matt.” Gina's expression was deceptively neutral. “Isn't that kind of young?”

  “Kind of young to be dating a forty two year old man, you mean?” Matt wasn't going to pussyfoot around – now that the situation was out in the open, he refused to back down from anything. Let the cards fall where they may.

  “Yeah. She's barely ten years older than Courtney.”

  “It doesn't matter.”

  “Matt, I'm trying, really hard, not to judge you here, but cut me some slack will you?” Gina grumbled. “You've thrown a shitload of information at me in a couple of minutes.” Gina lapsed into silence while she thought. “If she left home at eighteen, and she's been doing the escort work for two years, and she's twenty five… what happened during the other years?”

  “I don't know,” Matt admitted quietly. “I know she was in a bad relationship – that's how she met Paul.”

  “What are you going to do, Matt?” Gina questioned quietly. “Courtney's a mess.” His sister paused for a second, chewing her lip thoughtfully. “Did you know Courtney's been cutting herself?”

  Matt's eyes grew wide, he was shocked by this revelation, and he couldn't hide his dismay. He'd heard about this type of self-mutilation, but never, in his wildest dreams, would he have suspected his own daughter could be in so much emotional pain that she would abuse herself in such a manner.

  “I'm guessing by the expression on your face, that you didn't know.” Gina patted the couch. “Come and sit down, we need to talk.”

  Matt flopped down onto the couch, his legs turning to jelly. “Cutting herself?” he repeated numbly.

  “It's a cry for help, Matt. I think she needs to see a psychologist, she's struggling with Caroline's death, and now, this business with Emily has thrown her for a loop.”

  “She's cutting herself?” Matt couldn't seem to get the buzzing to stop in his head and stared at Gina, his eyes hard. “Where? Why haven't I noticed it?”

  “On her thighs, where you wouldn't see it, Matt. She's ashamed about doing it, but from what I understand about the phenomenon, she can't stop herself. It's her way of punishing herself.”

  “What the hell has she got to punish herself for?” Matt responded angrily.

  “She's grieving for her mother and she's taking it out on you. Despite everything she says and does to make you angry, she loves you, Matt. She's frustrated and frightened and alone, she doesn't understand why her mother was taken away from her and she's a typical teenager; confused, awkward, and trying to make her way in a world that is mystifying and crazy. Her hormones are bouncing around all over the place; she's in that difficult time between being a girl and being a woman. She needs her mother.”

  “I can't give her what she needs!” Matt ran his fingers through his hair. “What the hell can I do, Gina? Caroline's gone and nothing any one of us does is going to bring her back!”

  “I know, Matt. I know.” Gina put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I know Courtney is pushing you away, but you have to push right on back. Let her know you love her, be there for her.”

  “I don't know what to do.” How could he provide Courtney with what she needed, if he didn't even understand it himself? He'd never dreamed things had gotten so bad with her. Hell, she was rebellious, difficult, and moody, but this cutting took things into a whole different level. He was floundering and he knew it. Whom could he turn to for help? What if he couldn't help her, what if things escalated to something far worse?

  As if reading his thoughts, Gina patted his shoulder. “Matt, you need to get her to a psychologist. Talk to your doctor, take Courtney with you and he'll be able to direct you to the help she needs.”

  Matt nodded, his mind still whirling hopelessly over the enormity of the situation. The thought of his little girl hurting herself intentionally— Christ, what if she decided to slit her wrists? Or take a bottle full of pills? How bad was the situation? What could he do to help her?

  His attention was caught by Paula entering the living room, her expression grim. “She's asleep,” she announced before flopping down onto an armchair. “What the hell's going on, Matty?”

  Matt rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to grit his teeth. Being scrutinized by one of his sisters had been bad enough – having to go through an interrogation with both of them was worse.

  “Let me give her the rundown,” Gina announced obligingly and Matt squirmed in his chair as his sister did exactly that, not leaving out a single detail, much to his everlasting chagrin. He decided he could do with another beer.

  If he'd hoped to get off lightly with his baby sister, it wasn't going to happen. Paula was the youngest of the three of them – she was also the equivalent of a piranha when it came to her eldest niece. Single and dedicated to her career, she was fiercely protective of her family and faced everything life doled out head-on. “Emily is a hooker? And you've slept with her? You're a fuckwit, Matt.”

  “Hey!” Matt growled.

  Paula got to her feet and stomped back and forth in front of the couch, pacing furiously. “You're out of your mind. Do Mom and Dad know?”

  “No.”

  “They're going to be devastated. They really liked Emily, we all did.”

  “Why does that have to change?” Matt countered, although he knew there was no way of stopping it. He couldn't blame his family for their disgust, but Emily didn't deserve to be disrespected, no matter what she'd chosen to do for a living.'

  Paula rolled her eyes. “Because she's a hooker!”

  “For fuck's sake! She's an escort. She isn't out turning tricks on the street. And what Emily does for a living is none of your business!”

  “It is my business when it hurts my niece.”

  Gina intervened and earned herself a grateful look from Matt. “It's a complicated situation, Paula, you said so yourself. It wouldn't matter who Matt dated, the kids were going to find it difficult.”

  Paula wasn't going to be waylaid and she stared at Matt, her blue eyes cool. “Dating someone, and screwing them five minutes after you've met them, are two completely different things. And call is what you want, whether Emily is a hooker, or an escort – she's still fucking men for money.”

  “You're out of line, Paula,” Matt growled.

  Paula threw her hands up in the air. “You're kidding, right? Are you even listening to yourself? Matt, you've lost your mind. You cannot date this woman!”

  “What I choose to do is my business and no-one else's.”

  “It
is my business when I see my niece up there and she's hurting so badly,” Paula retorted. “She heard what you said, Matt. She heard you talking about screwing someone who isn't her mother. What did you think was going to happen?”

  Matt stood up abruptly, his anger and worry bubbling over into a rage. “She wasn't meant to hear the fucking conversation! She was down here, eavesdropping on my private conversation! Don't you think I would take it back if I could? Shit, I'd do anything to change the situation. I made a fucking mistake, one I'm regretting, but it doesn't change anything now!” He glared at Paula, his expression filled with fury. “I don't need this kind of help. You don't know the whole story.”

  “I know your daughter is an emotional basket-case. That's the only part of this story I'm interested in,” Paula retorted angrily.

  “Fuck you,” Matt spat, beyond seeing any reasoning. “Go home. I don't need this kind of help.”

  “Both of you, calm down.” Gina stood up, eyeing her siblings warily. “Yelling recriminations at one another is not going to help this situation.” Gina glanced down at her watch. “It's late. Why don't we all get a good night's sleep and talk in the morning? I've already warned Rick that I won't be home for a couple of days at least.”

  Matt watched Paula take a deep breath and close her eyes. “You're right. I hate it when you're right,” she muttered mutinously to Gina. Paula glanced up at Matt and offered him a faint smile. “Yelling at each other isn't going to help. But I have one question for you. Are you going to choose a relationship with a woman you've known for a couple of weeks, over the needs of your daughter, who so desperately needs help?”