Vets of the Heart

by Cathy Woodman

  ‘Keep him under,’ he calls back, before returning with Maz for a second opinion; a little ironic, I think uncharitably, considering how he wanted to deal with it all himself. I overhear them discussing the options, but the general agreement is that it would be kinder to put the dog to sleep than put him through any prolonged, painful and potentially fruitless attempts at treatment.

  I don’t know if Bear can hear me, but I talk to him quietly too, treating him as I’d want someone to treat Seven if he should ever end up in this situation.

  ‘I can speak to Stevie,’ Maz offers. ‘I don’t mind.’

  ‘I’ll do it, thank you,’ Ross says. ‘It’s my responsibility. He’s my patient.’

  ‘You don’t have to take everything on your shoulders. I booked him in for you this morning. It could easily have been me or Emma in your . . .’ She looks down and up again with a wry smile. ‘Clogs.’ She reaches out and touches his arm. ‘Come on, let me do it. Stevie’s a friend of mine.’

  The vets disappear for a few minutes, leaving me with Bear. I stroke him, hoping that he’s had a happy life.

  When Ross comes back, he looks a little pale and weary.

  ‘What’s the decision?’ I ask.

  ‘I’m going to put him to sleep without waking him.’

  ‘Stevie doesn’t want to say goodbye?’

  ‘She says it would be wrong to let him come round so she could have him home for a couple of days. She doesn’t want him to suffer.’

  I remember how upset she was when she left him. I think she had a feeling when she brought him in that she wouldn’t be taking him back to the farm. I fetch the blue juice, Ross injects it into the catheter in the vein and Bear utters one last sigh as I whisper goodbye. I take a deep breath. Sometimes the final stillness catches me and I have to turn away for a moment before I can help slide him into a bag.

  ‘Stevie’s sending Leo down to pick up the body – they’re going to bury him at home.’

  I tag the bag, but when I write his name, ‘Bear ‘, I can’t hold back any longer and I burst into tears. No one is to blame, but I still feel guilty. We’re here to save lives, but there are times like this when it doesn’t work out.

  ‘Hey, come here.’ I attempt to step away, but Ross slides his arms around my back and pulls me close. I can feel his fingers stroking the nape of my neck as he murmurs into my ear, his breath damp against my skin.

  I press my hands against his chest, afraid to lean into his embrace and give away my feelings. He’s a friend, we’re having a hard time at work and he’s trying to comfort me, nothing more.

  Eventually, he releases me and walks away, saying he’ll join the others, but I don’t take a break, preferring to feed the kittens and keep busy clearing up after the ops rather than sit in the staff room where the atmosphere will be one of gloom. Losing a patient affects everyone, and if I’m feeling this bad about it, poor Ross must be feeling so much worse, but that doesn’t excuse the way he spoke to me. I resolve to say something but, when we catch up later, as I’m ready to leave at the end of my shift, he speaks first.

  ‘I’m sorry about earlier.’

  ‘We don’t have to talk about this now,’ I say, aware that people are arriving for evening surgery.

  ‘I know we decided on no house rules, but I think it’s better not to bring work home, and this won’t take long.’ He pauses briefly before going on, ‘You were right about doing X-rays beforehand – it’s best practice.’

  ‘How many clients are prepared to pay more for that, though?’ I say, trying to cheer him up when he’s been gracious enough to admit he was wrong. ‘You did your best under the circumstances.’

  ‘That’s very philosophical of you, but I feel like I’ve let Leo and Stevie – and Bear down.’

  ‘Leo will understand. These things shouldn’t happen to a vet, but they do.’

  ‘Thank you.’ He gazes at me, his expression contrite. ‘I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you too. I shouldn’t have told you to shut up.’

  ‘You’re right. I know you’re stressed out, but there’s no reason to take it out on me – we’re supposed to be on the same side.’

  There are dark shadows under his eyes and the muscle in his cheek tightens and relaxes. It’s been a terrible day and I can’t bring myself to give him a tough time. All I want to do is give him a hug and tell him everything will be all right, but I can’t risk betraying my feelings. I love him. There, I’ve admitted it to myself at last. I’m completely in love with Ross Curdridge.

  ‘It’s one of those days when you wonder why you do this job,’ he says. ‘It certainly isn’t for the money and it isn’t much fun.’

  ‘You’d miss it if you gave it up. Imagine working in a bank, stuck at a desk all day, staring at figures, or—’

  ‘Racing motorbikes or flying planes,’ he cuts in with a rueful smile. ‘Let’s go out for a drink and something to eat tonight. We could both do with cheering up.’

  ‘Okay, why not?’ It makes sense when he’s the only person who understands what I’m going through and vice versa.

  ‘That’s great. I should be back by seven,’ he nods towards the consulting room door, ‘patients permitting.’

  ‘I’ll see you then.’ I relieve Celine of the kittens and, when I get home, I sit feeding them at the breakfast bar with the doors open onto the garden. Bindweed, covered with grandmother-pop-out-of-bed flowers, winds through the roses and brambles in the hedge at the end of the lawn; in the field beyond, several black and white calves are grazing with their mothers. I pour myself a glass of wine. I know it’s early, but this is one of the rare occasions when really I could do with a drink. I take a sip and check my phone. There’s a text message from Taylor.

  Are you still up for meeting at leisure centre at eight? X

  I text back. Not tonight. I’ve had a bad day.

  What’s up? she messages back.

  It’s work xx

  Okay, as long as you’re all right. X

  I text back to reassure her. I don’t mention that I’m going out with Ross because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I take my wine upstairs and soak in the bath before changing into a black and silver maxi dress and flat sandals. I blow-dry my long chestnut hair straight and put it up, then apply black mascara, eyeliner and silver eyeshadow to emphasise my blue-green eyes. I head downstairs, where I find Ross in the hall. He takes off his helmet and leaves it on the floor, but I don’t comment. He stops and looks up at me, pursing his lips and uttering a low whistle as I walk down the steps. My skin grows warm as he speaks.

  ‘You look amazing.’

  ‘I don’t know about that.’

  ‘It’s absolutely true. You are amazing!’ he grins. ‘You’re also very argumentative.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  ‘Yes, you are.’

  ‘All right, point taken. I give in.’

  ‘I’ll have a quick shower, then we’ll go and have that drink.’

  ‘Actually, I’ve already started,’ I confess. ‘Would you like one?’

  ‘I’ll wait, thanks. I thought we could walk to the Talymill Inn for a pint or two. It isn’t that far if you go via the footpath.’

  ‘Another couple of glasses of wine and I’ll be on the floor.’

  ‘I’ll pick you up.’

  ‘There’s an offer I might not be able to refuse,’ I say archly, but if he thinks I’m joking he’s wrong. If he came on to me, I wouldn’t turn him down this time.

  ‘Shannon?’ he begins.

  ‘Yes?’ I wait, wondering if he’s about to say something deep and meaningful, what I’ve been waiting and hoping for, that this could be more than two people who’ve had a bad day drowning their sorrows, but he hesitates before shrugging and going on, ‘Nothing. It’s nothing. Give me ten minutes and I’ll be with you.’

  In my presence, but not really with me, not in the way I desperately want him to be, I think. I fancy him and I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to me, so why not do something abo
ut it? I feed the kittens one last time before we go out, pushing my remaining doubts and obstacles aside. If he won’t ask me, then I’ll just have to ask him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Through the Kissing Gate

  Fifteen minutes later, we’re walking through the fields towards the river. I glance at my housemate as we trample through the long grass beneath the leafy oak and horse-chestnut trees. He’s wearing a grey T-shirt with a motorbike motif, jeans, and boots which seem too much for a warm August evening. His hair is damp from the shower, and his head is bowed, as if he’s deep in thought.

  ‘Are you okay? It wasn’t your fault, remember.’

  ‘Oh, the dog?’ He turns to look at me. ‘I feel sad about him, but it isn’t that. I had some bad news this morning.’

  ‘Why didn’t you say?’ I feel a little hurt that he hasn’t confided in me. I thought he might have shared.

  ‘Heidi rang to let me know her mum’s been diagnosed with liver failure.’

  Heidi again? I suppress a pang of disappointment that she and Ross are apparently still close enough for her to think it necessary to update her ex on the health of her relatives. I’m being harsh. I don’t suppose you can wipe seven years of history just like that.

  ‘She’s devastated, of course.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I wonder what she’s expecting, that he will dash to her side to console her.

  ‘In spite of her faults, Barbara has always been kind to me. I spent a lot of time at her house – the wine was always flowing. The good life appears to have caught up with her, though.

  ‘I’ll drop into Petals and arrange to have some flowers sent to show I’m thinking of her,’ he goes on.

  I don’t ask if he means flowers for Heidi or for her mother. It doesn’t matter. He isn’t with Heidi any more. He isn’t in love with her, and if it wasn’t for Bart, they wouldn’t be in contact. He’s told me that and I believe him.

  ‘Life’s a bitch,’ he goes on, his eyes darkening as we reach a crossroads where two footpaths intersect. ‘Which way now?’

  ‘Keep straight on down the hill. We’re almost there.’

  The Talymill Inn is busy with tourists and locals. The car park is full.

  ‘Only in Devon could you find a tractor and a pony and trap parked at the pub,’ Ross observes with a small smile. ‘Where would you like to sit? Inside or out?’

  We settle for a table inside because all the seats in the beer garden are taken, and order food – a veggie lasagne for me and chicken curry for Ross – at the bar.

  ‘Aren’t you drinking?’ I ask, when I see that he’s on lemonade and lime.

  He shakes his head. ‘I’m not in the mood. Maybe later.’ He rests his arm across the back of the seat behind me. ‘How about a toast anyway? To friendship.’ He raises his glass and I lift mine in return, chinking it against his. ‘To being housemates.’ His hand settles on my shoulder. ‘Are you feeling better now?’ he adds softly as the food arrives.

  I nod. I think so, but I can only pick at my pasta. The loss of our patient, the news that Heidi is unloading her problems onto her ex and the wine, along with Ross’s physical presence, has taken the edge off my appetite.

  ‘Can I get you another drink?’ I offer.

  ‘Thanks.’ He hands me his glass and our fingers touch. I pull away sharply, wondering if he’s aware of the effect his touch has on me. Does he feel it too?

  ‘I’ll be back soon,’ I say, standing up and moving away. As I’m ordering the drinks, I spot Stewart Pitt – one of the local dairy farmers and the guy who’s left his tractor parked outside – propping up the bar.

  ‘Hello, Shannon,’ he smiles, exhaling hot, beery breath. He’s dressed in a tatty vest which shows off his heavily muscled arms and pot belly.

  ‘Hi.’ I dig about in my purse for cash to pay the barman. I’m not keen on Mr Pitt. He’s about the same age as Alex Fox-Gifford and has quite a reputation. In fact, there was a time when Maz operated on his dog and removed some women’s underwear which turned out not to belong to his wife.

  ‘I hear the new vet made a bit of a cock-up,’ he goes on. ‘Didn’t he bust a dog’s jaw?’

  ‘It wasn’t deliberate.’

  ‘It’s all round town. Lynsey found out from Stevie when she took the kids to Nettlebed Farm to see the animals today.’ Lynsey is Stewart’s long-suffering wife. ‘I don’t know why she does that when they can see our cows on our farm anytime.’

  I can’t help thinking that she probably wants to get away from her opinionated husband. I pick up the drinks from the bar and turn to move away, but Stewart doesn’t want to let the subject of Bear go just yet.

  ‘I bet Maz is pretty mad about it.’

  ‘She’s upset. We all are.’ My face grows hot with irritation as I try to keep my cool, recalling that he’s lost a dog before so he should have some understanding.

  ‘This Ross chap sounds completely clueless, if you ask me,’ he goes on in a booming voice, as if he’s calling his cows in from the field.

  ‘I’m not asking you,’ I say sharply, aware that the conversation in the pub has stopped for everyone to listen in to his criticism.

  ‘It isn’t good for business, though, employing someone who doesn’t know his own strength. I wouldn’t trust him with my kids’ pets.’

  ‘You’re making a judgement without knowing all the facts,’ I say, sensing the pressure of a hand against my buttock through the material of my dress. ‘I’ve seen how he looks after his patients and he’s a great vet. I’d trust him with my dog anytime.’ I give Stewart what I hope is a withering stare. ‘I’m surprised you’re such a gossip when you’ve so often been the subject of it yourself.’

  He falls silent, his ruddy cheeks reddening further.

  ‘You can destroy a reputation – or a marriage – in seconds,’ I go on in a low voice, before I raise it so everyone can hear. ‘Now shut up and get your hand off my bum.’ I turn and walk away with the drinks, returning to the table, where Ross is gazing at me with admiration.

  ‘Thank you for standing up for me. You were magnificent. I wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of you,’ he says, letting me back into my seat. ‘Who is that bloke?’

  ‘One of the local farmers. I hope that little outburst doesn’t get back to Maz and Emma. His wife is a good client of ours – they have a rescue dog called Raffles.’

  Ross sits back down. ‘Changing the subject, Maz and Emma have asked me to take on the new branch surgery.’

  ‘Really? You didn’t say.’

  ‘They swore me to secrecy until their offer was accepted – it was agreed today. I know it will be a while until they exchange contracts and finalise the deal, but it looks like it will be a formality.’ He grins. ‘I hate secrets and this one’s been killing me. What do you think? Emma’s agreed to let me run it my way so it will be almost as good as having my own practice.’ He half closes his eyes. ‘I can’t wait until I’m working for myself, pretty much anyway.’

  ‘I suppose I should congratulate you.’

  ‘I’m going to let my parents know that I definitely won’t be going back now.’

  ‘I thought you’d already decided that.’ I wonder if he’s trying to prove himself, even though he says that they don’t matter to him and have no part in his life.

  ‘I had, but I want my father to know I’ve done very well without him. He never thought I’d leave the family practice in the first place.’

  ‘I’ll be sorry to see you go,’ I say, putting on a brave face.

  ‘I’m not going far. It’s the place in Talymouth, one of the houses that was on Godfrey’s books.’

  ‘But I like working with you. I’ve just got used to your ways and you’re pushing off.’

  ‘You’ve got the wrong end of the stick. I said I’d only do it if you came with me. What do you think?’ He moves iris glass in small circles on the table, making the bubbles rise to the surface.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Why not? You’re
my favourite nurse. I know I can rely on you. And you’re a lot of fun to be with,’ he adds.

  ‘I don’t believe it. Thanks, Ross. That’s amazing.’ My blood feels like it’s fizzing with joy. ‘I assumed that Izzy would be given that role because she has more experience of running a practice.’

  ‘Oh no, I couldn’t possibly work with her full time. She’s like a drug – all right in small doses. Maz is cool with it. She says that she’ll advertise for either a trainee or a qualified VN for Otter House.’

  ‘When do we start?’ I can hardly contain my excitement.

  ‘It’s going to take a few weeks for the solicitors to do their bit and the sale to go through and then it will take a while to complete the building works.’ He tips his head to one side, grinning. ‘Especially with DJ doing it. But we’re aiming for early in the New Year. The previous owners have already obtained planning permission for a change of use, so it should be pretty straightforward. I’ve said no lilac and insisted on making room for an operating theatre because there’s no way I’m going along with Emma’s idea of transporting surgical patients to the main surgery.’ He hesitates. ‘It will have to be just the two of us for a while, until enough clients have signed up for us to be able to afford a receptionist. Do you think you’ll be able to put up with me?’

  ‘Now, let me see,’ I say, touching my finger to my lip. ‘I’ve managed to live with you for three whole weeks and we haven’t fallen out so far.’

  ‘I’m not sure what will happen about our living arrangements when the branch practice opens.’

  ‘Oh? You mean, you’ll give up the house in Talyford and move in?’

  ‘Maz wants someone to live on the premises, but the flat will only have one bedroom . . .’

  ‘We’d have to share,’ I say brightly.

  Ross is still grinning. ‘I reckon someone has had more than enough to drink, but it’s an interesting idea. You won’t feel the same in the morning, though. Come on. We’d better make a move. It’s quite a trek unless we call for a taxi.’

  ‘I’d prefer to walk, if you don’t mind.’ I hold out my hand and he helps me to my feet. ‘I hope you’re not going to let the idea of running your own practice go to your head . . .’