Chaos

by Barbara Huffert

  “I am a little.”

  “Which one?”

  “Honestly, both, but not right now.”

  “So it’s good?”

  “Monumentally so and completely without a clue. I know you have better things to do at the moment so I won’t keep you. We’ll talk more when you’re home next week. Max is good but I guess you know that. He said you’ve called a few times and he thinks it’s funny the way you always have to say hi to Wanda so she doesn’t feel left out. I’m sure, as his nurse, Wanda has managed to let you know that there’s no change since you’ve been away. You can imagine his face when he saw you with that bird. And, since the rest of us can imagine what went on after you turned off the camera, I’ll say so long. Do either of you need anyone else?”

  “Kiley wants Alyssa back and tell Jesse I’ll catch up with him next week.”

  When Alyssa spoke again, she was surprised to hear Jordan. “I’ll keep her from going too far overboard for you, Lyss, as much as I can anyway.” Jordan knew the next few months while his cousin-in-law was chasing storms were going to be very trying for his new wife.

  “I appreciate that but don’t be a nag. I don’t want you two fighting because she’s worried about me. I really will be as careful as possible, Jordan. And I will be back as soon as I get what I need. If it’s taking too long I’ll come for a visit.”

  “Lyssa, what are you saying? Jordan looks serious.”

  “I promised him that I’d be careful and said he shouldn’t nag you for me. I love you, Kiles. Stop worrying. At the moment, I’m surrounded by three very masculine, capable men who will protect me should the sudden need arise in this mellow, little town you’ve chosen.”

  “I’m sorry. I know I’m ridiculous but I think I’ll blame it on the emotionally charged state my husband is keeping me in. I love you too. Now you go have fun with the guys and I expect you to play nice, with all of them.”

  “I am being nice. McKade and I have declared a truce until you’re home to referee. You have fun too. Kiss my cousin-in-law for me.”

  “Oh, I assure you. I will!”

  After Alyssa hung up she stomped silently in front of them. When they reached the house she flopped onto the porch steps. “I hate that she’s spending her honeymoon worrying about me.”

  “I don’t think she’s spent every minute on you, Alyssa.” Brett sat next to her as he motioned for Shane and Jesse to leave them alone. “You saw the video. Do you really believe her thoughts are ever away from Jordan very long?”

  “No and I do know she only worries because she loves me. I’ll even admit that I like knowing that wherever she is, she cares about me. I’ve been doing my best to be more open with her since my birthday.”

  “She has mentioned it and how much it means to her too. Thanks for not hating me. You got caught in the crossfire and I said things I shouldn’t have. I should have apologized long before now.”

  “No, you should never apologize for saying something that’s entirely true. Especially when my behavior was hurting a friend of yours. I wish someone had pointed that out sooner.”

  “Thanks but I shouldn’t have been so blunt.” Brett was sitting so their shoulders were touching. “Shane seems more relaxed today.”

  “I think so. What’s he going to do?” Alyssa was more concerned than she wanted to admit, even to herself.

  “Don’t know yet. It was nice of you to stay last night. Lots of women would have bailed at the bar.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not lots of women. I don’t know. It just seemed like someone should stay, like I should. I made him some tea.”

  Brett laughed and nudged her shoulder. “Ah, you do want him to fall in love with you.”

  “Shut up, Hudson. I was being nice. That’s it.”

  “Sure thing, Alyssa.” He gave her a knowing smile.

  “Okay,” she said sarcastically. “Just make sure you keep your mouth shut once they’re home.” She considered her next words and decided to ask her question. “How come we didn’t connect?”

  “Like you and Shane did? I have no idea. If you think about it, we seem perfect for each other. You’re gorgeous and interesting and I am extremely attracted to you. I gotta tell you that you had quite an effect on me when you walked into the bar in Shane’s jacket but it was momentary lust. The majority of the time, the attraction is purely friendly.”

  “See, I don’t understand that. You’re quite charming and very easy on the eyes. I like being with you. You even understand what I’m trying to show in my photos without me explaining them to you.”

  “You’re forgetting one thing though. We don’t have any chemistry, not like you and Shane do. I’ve known him as long as I’ve known Jordan and I’ve never seen him act like he does with you. He hasn’t even been as unreasonable with Jordan as he is with you. I saw a change in him on your birthday as soon as he realized that you were Kiley’s cousin and it’s getting more… I don’t even know what the right word is.”

  Brett hesitated. “Last night was a first. Shane doesn’t let himself meltdown like that or if he does, I’ve never seen it. He’s always had people, friends, around him but none that he seems particularly close to. I don’t think he makes a habit of letting his more personal thoughts show.”

  “That’s what I figured when he thanked me for taking care of him last night. All I did was boil water and put a plate in the microwave.”

  “And let him talk without judging him harshly. You didn’t put him down for being human. Believe me, there are plenty of women who would have scoffed at him as soon as he started to say he was frustrated with his job. You’re special, Alyssa. Are you going to break his heart?”

  “Oh come on, Brett. There are no hearts involved here. He told me about the woman he’s looking for and trust me, what he described was definitely not me. We’re having some fun together and we agreed to be friends when the spark goes out. If you think I’m special then maybe you need to find a different bunch of women to hang out with.”

  “I already know that and when I have some time I intend to work on it. We’re not talking about me though.” He knew she was uncomfortable. “All I’m trying to say is that Shane cares about you. More than I could get him to admit. Probably more than he realizes. He hides behind his cool, tough guy image. You’ve gotten past that, whether you know it or not and that’s going to make him freak at some point. Please, for both your sakes, don’t push him away when he acts like a macho jerk, okay? Take a minute and figure out why, if you can, before you lash out. You may not think so but you could hurt him, badly.”

  “I think you’re completely wrong and extremely misguided but how about if I agree, just to humor you? I can’t promise not to fight back if he starts it but I will try to stick around and talk after we’re done yelling. Why aren’t you worried about me and having this conversation with him instead?”

  “I’m going to. I don’t expect it to go as easily as it has with you. Last night, when I said that you were mad at Jesse because you were worried about Shane, I know I got you thinking. That means this discussion wasn’t entirely unexpected. Shane’s going to be blindsided when I tell him the same things.”

  “So don’t tell him. Brett, I mean it. There really isn’t anything like you’re implying going on between us. I think he said all that stuff last night because he was tired and pushed beyond the limit. I just happened to be there. We sort of have an agreement that what goes on between us stays between us. I guess he decided that that includes conversations too. I realize that he cares about me in his own way, just like I care about him in mine. And yes, we have a hot thing going at the moment but there’s no way it’ll last. Why, then, if you already know he’s not going to want to talk about this, are you going to force him to? Don’t you think he has enough on his mind right now? Why do you want to add to that by bringing up something that isn’t really a concern in the first place?”

  “Point taken and I’ll think about it. I still say I’m more right than you are but we’ll ju
st have to wait and see.”

  They continued to chat about various things until Shane and Jesse rejoined them on the porch. “I’m all done here for today. You two ready to head home?” Jesse asked.

  On the ride back to the city, Shane seemed lost in thought. The other three spent the time teasing each other mercilessly. Pulling up in front of Alyssa’s building, Brett met her eyes, clearly begging her to tread lightly with his friend.

  When Jesse drove off, leaving Shane and Alyssa standing next to his truck, Alyssa was surprised by the uncertainty on his face. “Why don’t you come in with me?” she asked tentatively.

  “I’m not very good company today. You don’t have to pretend otherwise. I should probably just go home.”

  “McKade, if I was looking for charming company I never would have gone home with you after the reception. I’m surprised that you’re accusing me of pretending after the big deal you made out of saying I don’t have to do that with you. And when have you ever known me to do anything other than what I wanted to do? I know you’ve got things on your mind and that’s fine with me. You can talk or not, that’s up to you. If you really want to be alone, okay, go home. I’m ordering a pizza and going to try to find a movie to watch that’s not entirely stupid. You’re welcome to join me. I’m not being polite and I’m not trying to force you into anything.”

  “Campini, are you sure you want me around like this? It’s not that I don’t believe what you just said but I can’t promise that I’m not going to be worse in an hour.” He spun around and slammed his fist onto the edge of his truck bed. “Damn if I don’t hate being like this!”

  “Whoa, chill, McKade. The last thing you need to do is break your hand or dent your truck. Come with me. I’ll leave you to your thoughts as soon as you tell me what you like on your pizza. Now don’t think that means I’m not going to order what I want anyway. I’m currently undecided and your answer might help me make up my mind.” When he hesitated, she added, “I’ll let you turn off the lights later if you’ll let me hold on to you again.”

  “How can I resist an offer like that?” He managed to smile as she slid her hand into his and tugged him toward the door.

  Chapter Ten

  Shane woke with a jolt, his senses on high alert. Remaining motionless, he listened to the silence. Suddenly it dawned on him that it was the change in Alyssa that jarred him from his slumber. She was next lying next to him, pretending to be asleep but he could feel her fear. He heard how rapid and shallow her breathing was and could tell she’d been awake for some time.

  Hoping not to frighten her even more, he stretched first to remind her that she wasn’t alone. Rolling to face her, he whispered, “I told you to wake me.” When Alyssa didn’t respond he sat up and turned on the light. Instantly he took in how pale she was. Her teeth were clenched. Her eyes were held tightly shut and her hands were in fists.

  Shane slid so he was sitting and pulled her to his lap, holding her securely against his chest. “What are you doing, Pixie Queen? We had a deal.”

  “I’m fine,” she said in a small voice, refusing to raise her head.

  Shane let one hand gently stroke her back, trying to relax some of the tremendous tension he felt. “I’m so sorry for this, Campini. I should have just given you those lights and kept my mouth shut about the rest. I never should have asked you to sit in the dark with me yesterday.”

  She was surprised by the tenderness in his voice. “McKade.”

  “Sh, don’t say anything. I was being my usual selfish, macho jerk. I pushed you to give it a try even though I could tell you didn’t want to. I thought I could be a hero and make everything better for you just by declaring that I’d keep you safe. I overlooked the fact that you’ve been living with this for years. I had no right to assume that I could fix it for you in an instant. I was wrong. I am truly sorry and most of all, I hope I haven’t made it worse for you. I don’t deserve it but I’ll ask anyway. Can you forgive me?”

  “Shut up, McKade. For God’s sake, don’t start beating yourself up about this.” She sounded angry, just as he had been hoping for. “I woke up and went to the bathroom in the dark for the first time since I was four. I thought I’d be bold and not touch you when I got back into bed. It was okay for a little while but then I started listening for Marines who I know aren’t going to pop out from under the bed and I got spooked. I could have switched on the light or I could have moved a foot and snuggled back against you. I would have been fine if I had done either and I knew you wouldn’t mind if I woke you. I decided to see it I could tough it out. I wanted to be able to tell myself that I had nothing to be afraid of and I pushed myself. I really was fine for the first five minutes I was awake and I felt free in a totally new way. You gave me that so don’t you dare act condescending and take that away from me.”

  “You got up and walked around in the dark?” His voice was full of wonder.

  “Yeah. I did.” He could hear that she was smiling.

  “Wow.” He put so much meaning into that one word that she had to look at him. “You amaze me, Campini. I think you might be the fearless cousin after all.”

  “Ha! Wrong, but thanks for saying so.” She relaxed back against him, absently running her hand over his shoulder. “I’m glad you woke up but why did you?”

  “Something felt out of place.”

  “Is that a cop thing?”

  “Maybe. Or it could be a leftover big brother reaction. I don’t know really.”

  “Hmm, you’ll have to be sure to include that ability on your resume for your career woman hunt. If they doubt you, have them call me. I’ll vouch for you.”

  “Gee thanks, Pix.” He laughed softly at the thought of that conversation. “You gonna vouch for my other attributes too?”

  She giggled as she shifted to face him. “I’m sure that would go over well. They’d be thrilled to hear your former lover going on and on about how talented you are.”

  “Why thank you. I’m honored that you noticed.” He winked at her. “Perhaps I should show you again, just to make sure you don’t forget.”

  “Like I could. Then again,” she wiggled in his lap, “I’d hate to leave out the one thing that might tip the scales in your favor, so maybe you should. I suggest you start with one of those deceptively lazy kisses of yours that sneaks up on me and makes me feel it all the way down to my toes.”

  “You think so? They’re better than the kisses where I tease the corners of your mouth and make you wait for full lip action?”

  Alyssa pretended to give his question serious thought. “Maybe I need some of each so I can compare them again.”

  “Absolutely. I want you to be fair. I’d hate you to misrepresent me when the time comes.” He was glad she was back to teasing him, all traces of her tension gone. Too bad she chose the idea of him with someone else as their topic. The thought of any other woman in his arms had no appeal whatsoever while he was with her.

  * * * * *

  “If you’re trying to aggravate the hell out of me, Campini, you’re doing a damn good job of it!” Shane couldn’t believe how stubborn she was being.

  “Me!” She sounded so mad that Shane half expected her to take a swing at him. “Go to hell, McKade! What was I thinking these past few weeks? I’ve lost my fucking mind! Well that’s it. Get out!”

  Shane took a step back and held up his hands in surrender. “Truce. Please.” He waited, hoping she would calm down. “I don’t understand why you’re so furious at me. All I did was offer to let you use my truck while I’m at work. I thought you might come up with some last minute things you need for your trip. I didn’t want you to be stranded. Will you please explain why my trying to be helpful pisses you off like this?”

  Alyssa stared for a minute before she stalked around the room, her glare never leaving him. Unexpectedly, she flopped into a chair, facing away from him. “I don’t know why. It just does, okay? Are you satisfied?”

  “Well, as long as you have such a good reason.” He
shrugged, giving her an innocent look when she peered at him.

  Shane saw her shoulders shaking and realized that she was fighting not to laugh. Soon she was unable to contain herself. She laughed so hard that tears were streaming down her cheeks. “I think it’s good that I’m leaving in two days. If I wasn’t we’d probably kill each other before the weekend.”

  “We wouldn’t if you were capable of being reasonable.”

  “Don’t push me, McKade.”

  “Sorry.” He sat down across from her, leaning his elbows on his knees and studying her. “I really was trying to be nice. It’s only for one day. I don’t get why my offer set you off.”

  “I don’t like being dependent. Ever. For any reason.”

  “Christ, Campini, using my truck for a day doesn’t make you dependent. I know you’re entirely self-sufficient and more than capable of taking a cab if you need something. I just thought you might not want to spend time waiting around for one. I thought last minute needs were more spontaneous and I wanted you to not be frustrated and rushed. Just forget I offered.”

  “Actually it was kind of nice of you. Sorry I took it the wrong way. If you don’t mind I will borrow it, even though I really think I have everything I’m going to need. Thanks.” She flashed him the sweetest smile. “What time do you want me to pick you up?”

  “Five? I’ll call you if I get tied up and won’t be ready.” Shane looked as if he was waiting for her to start yelling again.

  “Relax, stud. I’m over it.”

  “For now.”

  “Yeah, for now so don’t start anything.”

  “I’ll try but, since I didn’t think I was starting anything in the first place, that may be a little difficult.” Shane watched her shoulders slump ever so slightly and moved to sit next to her. Taking her hand in both of his, he asked, “You okay, Pix? This is me here so don’t try to be tough about something if you’re not.”

  She sighed and surprised him by crawling onto his lap, clearly wanting to be held. “I guess I’m a little nervous. I don’t know why I agreed to do this. I’ve never been particularly fond of thunderstorms so why am I about to spend maybe the next two months surrounded by them? What the hell was I thinking? I can’t do this.”