Once Pure

by Cecy Robson

  I lowered my eyelids in time for his full soft lips to pass over mine. He barely grazed me, but the sensation of him against me enlivened my skin.

  I stood on my toes, inviting more. His lips opened and closed over mine and his tongue prodded gently until I allowed him in. I’d expected sweet, and at first it was, until our kiss became something more.

  Killian’s hands left mine. One wound around my waist, the other cupped my jaw. My palms skimmed upward, sliding over the powerful muscles of his chest. I moaned, feeling the heat rising between us. Oh…Jesus…Was it supposed to feel this good?

  His tongue flicked over mine, stirring another moan. This time from him.

  Our kiss deepened, lasting longer than I could have dreamed. But when we finally broke apart, our moment seemed to end too soon.

  Our eyes locked as his hands trailed along my spine. He smiled sweetly despite his labored breathing and mine. I didn’t expect him to kiss me again, but then he lowered his body and leaned in once more.

  My hands slipped from his shoulders and I edged away. “I should go,” I said quietly, unable to look at him then.

  Killian released his hold. I stepped back, hugging myself and trying to hang on to the warmth his body had given mine.

  “Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked.

  He stood, waiting for me to respond, likely worried he’d scared me or pushed too far. His shoulders eased slightly upon catching my shy smile. “Yes. Tomorrow.”

  “Good,” he said quietly.

  He tore his attention from me to reach for my computer bag. My fingers brushed briefly over his knuckles as I took possession of it. My actions surprised me a little, but I supposed I needed to feel him one last time. “Thank you,” I said.

  We continued to watch each other, saying nothing, until both of us laughed. “We kissed,” he said.

  I pushed back one of my curls. “I know.”

  “And it wasn’t even Christmas.”

  I laughed again. “And I didn’t run away.”

  He rubbed his jaw, chuckling. “Good. It would have sucked if you did.”

  Our humor faded in the silence that followed. I wrestled with whether to approach him again when he closed the distance between us to meet my lips once more.

  This kiss was short, but just as sexy as the first. “Good night,” he whispered against my mouth.

  “Good night, Killian,” I said…and kissed him again.

  My bag fell at my feet when I dropped it to link my fingers around his neck, and his arms curled around my waist.

  This time when we parted, I immediately lifted my bag and stepped back, carefully climbing the small stoop, my head spinning and my heart slamming against my rib cage.

  I reached for my key and unlocked my front door. I paused before crossing the threshold, knowing Killian would wait to leave until I was safe inside. I risked a glance over my shoulder, then risked a little more. “Killian, you know how you said you’ve been waiting a long time for me to touch you?”

  He cocked his head, his blue eyes shimmering against the light from my stoop. “Yeah?”

  My gaze dropped briefly before linking with his once more. “Just so you know, I’ve been waiting longer for you to kiss me.”

  Chapter 5

  Killian walked me home over the next week. Each night our kisses grew more intense. Last night my mother had actually flicked the stoop light on and off, her way of telling me to knock it off.

  My fingers typed quickly. I was attempting to link Killian’s business accounts with his bank when he walked into his office. I covered my face with my hand. I hadn’t seen him since our “good night.”

  He placed his chair next to mine and adjusted my laptop so he could pretend to analyze what I’d been working on. “So are you grounded?”

  I groaned when he started laughing. “God, I’m so sorry about that.”

  I could feel his chair shaking beside mine as he laughed. “I didn’t know what was happening until I saw her giving me the evil eye through the window. She didn’t put the Cuban whammy on me, did she?”

  Oh, I hoped not. “Sorry,” I said again. I buried my face deeper in my hands, my voice stammering. “She’s just traditional and doesn’t believe in public displays of affection, and, and—”

  “Pissed as all hell that I was making out with her sweet little daughter.” Killian laughed harder. “I used to think she liked me. Now I’m just hoping she doesn’t come at me with a machete.”

  I dropped my hands onto my lap. “I’m sure you’ll find a way back into her good graces.” I grimaced when he smirked. “Okay, maybe not.”

  “ ’S all good.” He smiled at me. “I’m just glad I’m in your good graces.”

  My attention dropped to my lap in time to see his hand clutch mine. “Killian…”

  He adjusted the laptop and leaned forward so that anyone peeking in from Wren’s class or those waiting for their turn to spar in the Octagon would think he was simply working alongside me.

  “No one has to know that I’m holding your hand, Sofia. And no one has to know about us, if you don’t want.” His thumb passed along my palm. “But I like touching you, and I like being with you. So if you let me, I’d like to sit with you even if it’s just for a little while.”

  As shy and unsure as I was about us, I liked him next to me. Killian represented the strength I’d always wished for and was proof that compassion remained in the world.

  And yeah, maybe I liked looking at him, too.

  He rubbed his square jaw, passing his thumb and finger over his freshly trimmed goatee. The small hairs had tickled my neck last night when he trailed his lips across my hot skin. I hadn’t returned his affections, but I wanted to. In truth, there was a lot on my “wanting to do to Killian” list. I just wasn’t sure if I was brave enough to try.

  I squeezed his large hand, wondering how it would feel touching other parts of my body. The way his hands held me when he kissed me, the way they glided down my back and across my waist, made me think he knew how to touch a woman. Goodness knows he’d had lots of practice.

  My nose crinkled as I remembered all those times I’d watched the local girls knock on his door, seeking him out. How they’d teased him, and how’d they dressed, flaunting large breasts I never did manage to grow. As much as I didn’t care for them, they seemed to know just what to do. They giggled at all the right moments, tossed their hair just so, and always managed to say the right things, skills I’d for sure never mastered.

  Mostly, though, I thought about the day Killian had returned their smiles. That was the day I knew I’d lost him and what we’d shared as children was gone. I cried for us that night, and probably for a few nights after. Yet as I continued to play with the hand in my grasp, I realized that my opportunity to get back what we had, and maybe something more, had arrived.

  His fingers threaded through mine. “What’s wrong, pretty girl?”

  “Nothing.” Come on, Sofia, you can do better than this.

  Killian cocked his head. “You sure? You seem upset.”

  Say it. Just say it. “I’d like to make you dinner.” My body warmed when his thick brows knitted tight. “You’ve been really great. I’d like to cook for you,” I managed. I thought I’d die in the silence that followed. “I’m a good cook,” I added rather pathetically.

  I was just about ready to crawl beneath the desk when Killian smiled. “I’d like that,” he said quietly. “My place?”

  “What?” I recoiled at my stupid response. It wasn’t like I hadn’t heard him.

  He chuckled. “Do you want to cook for me at my house?”

  My mother was leaving for Niagara Falls in a few days with her church group. I was planning to have Killian over to our house. Fear had kept me from accepting dates the last few years, and they’d kept me far from a man’s dwelling. But I was grown. And so was he. This is what grown people do, right? “Okay.”

  “How about Saturday after closing?”

  Killian shut the doors
to his gym at one in the afternoon on Saturdays and usually left by three o’clock at the latest. That gave me enough time to cook, if I shopped earlier, and make a nice dinner for him. “I can do that. Just tell me what you want and I’ll make it for you.”

  Finn knocked on the door. “Kill, your new set of trainees are lined up and waiting for you.”

  “I’m coming.” He looked at me. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

  I smiled, but that was all I managed. He winked before standing and followed Finn toward the far side of the gym near the entrance. The group he was working with had undergone a week of tryouts just to join this class. Each one strived to make it professionally. Each one had fought like a rabid animal for a spot. And each scared me senseless. These were big, tough men who didn’t intimidate Killian in the least.

  “Listen up,” Killian’s commanding voice boomed. “Strength is achieved through blood, sweat, and pain. If you plan to stay, prepare to find that strength.”

  “Yes, sir!” the group shouted as one.

  Killian began his lesson with grappling and take-downs. It was mere seconds before I heard the first body hit the mat. The ease with which he forced someone down was startling and something I couldn’t bear watching. It brought back too many memories, the bad ones, the ones that continued to haunt me—

  I shuddered and pulled my laptop closer. I was almost finished inputting the last of Killian’s data. I needed to focus, not be distracted by things I couldn’t change.

  My hands fiddled through the last of the utility bills. Good grief, his energy bill was ridiculous. Thankfully more and more money was coming in each month. And now with the program I’d constructed, he’d have an easier time keeping track of all his finances, even after my time with him ended.

  I paused when I thought about the day he’d no longer need me here. Was it really only another three months away?

  From directly in front of me, Wren’s loud voice rose over the sounds of slamming bodies. Just like Killian knew how to whip bodies into shape, so did she. “Twenty push-ups, on the floor—go!” There was no collective “yes, sir” this time, just a bunch of groans from the stay-at-home moms who probably should’ve just stayed home today. The groans didn’t go over well with Wren. “You will be strong if it kills you!” she shouted at them. “Sweat just means you’re doing it right.”

  “This shit hurts!” someone complained.

  “Yeah, but exercise is a bitch, and so am I.”

  Wren’s fading voice had me glancing up. Trey, the guy who’d been leering my way since he’d learned of my past, closed the door behind him. “Hey, Sofia.”

  My stare cut from him to the closed door as it clicked shut. The familiar sensation of cold fear chilled me. I knew I was in trouble.

  Even before he stepped closer.

  Trey angled his way around the desk. “Whatcha been up to in here?” His gloved fingers passed along my pile of documents, sliding them out of my neat stack.

  I stood, my knees buckling. All I had to do was scream. Wren was just a few yards away from the door. I could hear her shouting instructions to her group, and heard the women’s grunts as their bodies left the mat. That meant she could hear me, too.

  Trey laughed, moving closer. “Nothin’ to say?”

  Wren would help me. I knew she would.

  All I had to do was scream.

  Trey closed in. I wanted to tell him to stop—that I didn’t want him near me. But terror gripped my throat, clenching it tight. My leg bumped into the chair as I edged back and Trey advanced.

  All I had to do was scream.

  “What?” Trey asked. “You not gonna talk to me?”

  He was getting closer. My body trembled.

  I had to scream! Why couldn’t I scream?

  “You scared?” He had me cornered now. He laughed and reached to touch my cheek. “You shouldn’t be. You’re gonna like what I do to you.”

  I flinched from his touch, my body shaking so violently it smacked against his as the space between us dissolved.

  The door crashed open.

  And Killian was suddenly there.

  A breeze cuffed against my face as Killian hoisted Trey and slammed him down onto the desk by his throat. My laptop screen shattered beneath the weight of his back. Trey’s fist shot in the air toward Killian’s face. But as fast as he swung, Killian was faster.

  Killian ducked under him and launched him out into the gym. Trey staggered to a stand, his fists coming up, his body wobbling. He knew Killian wasn’t done with him. And now he was the one in trouble.

  Killian stalked forward, every muscle of his back tight against his Celtic cross tat, every bulge in his arms signaling he was ready to act. “You fucking touched my girl?” Killian roared at him. “You fucking touched Sofia!”

  All activity in the gym had ground to a halt. A crowd of experienced fighters was gathering, lurking forward, exchanging glances, preparing to act. The energy surged, overtaking the massive area like an impending explosion. More people were going to fight. More were going to bleed. Everyone there was raring for a fight.

  Everyone but me.

  Somehow, I managed to move. I stumbled out the door, gripping the frame to keep me from falling, my heart pounding out of control.

  A big guy, one of Trey’s friends, stormed forward, his hands clenching hard enough to strain the veins running along his arms. “What the fuck, Kill?”

  Killian kicked him so hard in the face, bone crunched and the large man fell into two of Killian’s trainees. They shoved him off, looming over him.

  Another of Trey’s pals stepped forward—the one who’d spread the rumors. Finn nailed him with an uppercut and took him to the ground.

  A pained grunt followed something large crashing against the concrete to my right. Wren stood over another guy, bouncing in place with her hands up. His front teeth were pushed in and blood pooled in his mouth. I hadn’t seen him launch into the fray, but Wren had.

  The guy grunted when she nailed him with a kick to his solar plexus. “Get up,” she dared him. “See how far it gets you, pussy!”

  “Kick his ass, Wren!” Sauron’s mother shouted.

  Four men were wrenching Killian off Trey. Blood poured from Trey’s nose and both eyes were completely swelling shut. A couple of his friends had gathered, picking him and the other two from the floor. The rest of the fifty-plus crowd piled alongside the O’Briens, making it clear whose side they were on.

  Killian continued to fight against the men holding him. “I’ll kill you—I’ll fucking kill you if you ever go near Sofia again!”

  Wren and Finn gathered around their brother, their deadly glares joining the others’ trained on Trey’s group. But when Wren caught sight of me, her eyes widened and she shook Killian’s shoulder. “Kill, stop—stop. Sofi needs you.”

  Killian’s head shot my way. He stopped fighting and the men holding him loosened their grip. Killian’s attention returned to Trey and his group. He pointed toward the exit. “Get the fuck out of my gym.”

  Finn and about ten other guys shot forward toward the retreating group. They’d make sure Trey and those with him would leave and not come back.

  I was briefly aware that I was hyperventilating as I slid down the doorframe. Killian rushed toward me as nausea clenched my belly, buckling my body. He knelt next to me, his hands reaching out to me, but he appeared afraid to touch me.

  Wren didn’t share that fear. She wrenched me to my feet and dragged me into the office. Killian followed. The door slammed shut as Wren sat me in the closest chair. I curled into my body, my stomach lurching brutally.

  Killian dumped the contents of the small recycling bin on the floor and held it up to me while Wren gathered my hair. I tried to slow my breathing, forcing back the bile and working hard not to get sick.

  Sweat soaked my new striped maxi dress, clinging it against my body. I’d tried to look nice for Killian—I’d tried so hard to be something special. And there I was, losing control, permitting
that same fear to reclaim my life and beat me down.

  A sob broke through my throat. All I had to do was scream. Just once. And I couldn’t even manage that.

  Killian’s voice was hard enough to crush granite. “Did he hurt you?”

  The best I could do was shake my head.

  “Are you sure?”

  I nodded, crying into my hands.

  I heard the door open. “She okay?” Finn asked.

  “Give us a minute.” The door shut. “You, too, Wren. Help Finn get some order out there, will you?”

  I felt my hair fall against my shoulders when Wren released me. Finn’s voice called out over the mutters and murmurs continuing outside. “It’s over, people. Sofi’s okay. Luther, start some suicides going. Group A, eight laps around the gym, let’s go. Dom, you take on Shaheem next. Brandon and Miguel, you follow….”

  I forced myself to look up in time to see Wren’s hand touch the knob. “I’m s-sorry.”

  Wren shook her head. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, Sofi. There’s no shame in being afraid. Every woman out there has been afraid…even me,” she added quietly.

  She shut the door behind her. “All right, ladies. Time to kick some ass. Let’s see those hands up.”

  “She all right?” Sauron’s mother asked.

  “Yeah. She’s good,” Wren answered.

  “Poor Sofia,” someone else said.

  Another chimed in, her voice soft, but I still heard her. “Yeah. Poor thing’s been through a lot.”

  “Poor Sofia.” “Poor thing.” It wasn’t the first time people had referred to me that way. I’d been pitied all my life. “Poor Sofia, her family barely gets by…. Poor Sofia, her father beats her up…. Poor Sofia, some guy raped her.”

  I hated being perceived as weak and helpless, mostly because I couldn’t rise above it and prove them wrong. As much as I wanted to be something better and stronger, there I was, curled into a ball like always, unable to fight back, unable to even scream for help.

  If Killian hadn’t come in…

  “Baby,” he said softly.

  It was only me and him then. God help me, I couldn’t even face him. He deserved someone strong like him—and like the members of his family. Instead, there I waited, shaking like a leaf, barely able to keep upright.