Once Pure

by Cecy Robson

  I stroked his hair again when he face-planted into the couch. “Finn, it’s Gatorade,” I said quietly. “Drink some. It’ll make you feel better.”

  He lifted his face from the couch. “Gatorade?” he croaked.

  I smiled. Considering Finn looked like death on sourdough bread, he was still a cutie. No wonder girls swarmed him wherever we went.

  Finn pushed up on his arm and reached for the glass. He took a painful sip, followed by two more, before downing the entire glass. “Better?” I asked.

  The grimace scrunching his face relaxed and he nodded. “Did it hurt?”

  “Did what hurt?”

  “When you fell from heaven?”

  I laughed and patted his hard shoulders. “There’s more in the fridge if you need it. I’m going to go check on your brother.”

  I hopped up the steps and into our room. Killian must have stayed up later than usual talking to Finn. His arm dangled off the opposite side of the bed. I lifted the skirt of my sundress and crawled across the mattress, sweeping a trail of kisses along his bare shoulder when I reached him.

  “Hey, princess.” He smiled, although his eyes remained closed. “What time is it?”

  “Almost twelve.”

  “Oh, shit. Seriously?”

  I massaged his back. “Mmm-hmm. How late were you up?”

  “Till fucking five.” He rubbed his eyes. “What time do we have to be at Angus’s?”

  “One. Did you want to shower before heading over?”

  “I guess I should.” He rolled onto his back and finished blinking his eyes open. The corners of his mouth lifted when he saw me. “Damn, you’re beautiful.” He frowned. “How long have you been up?”

  “Since nine.”

  His frown deepened when I yawned a little. “Did you get enough sleep?”

  “I did.”

  “You sure?” He pulled me up into a straddle. “You went to bed late after Finn showed.”

  “I’m sure.” I pushed my hair aside. “I’m worried about him. Do you think he needs to talk to someone? Besides you, I mean?”

  Killian shrugged. “He’s young. Just needs to iron out some rough edges, that’s all.”

  “I hope you’re right.” I was bending forward to kiss him when a familiar glimmer lightened his blue eyes. I scrambled off the bed. Killian snatched me up by my waist before I could bolt out the door.

  He nibbled on my neck, making me laugh. “Where you going?”

  I clasped his wrists when his hands started to wander. “Killian, Finn’s still downstairs.”

  He paused before releasing me, then swore under his breath. “Right. I’ll go check on him.”

  “I already did. He has a bad hangover, but he started to feel better after I gave him some Gatorade.” I pushed Killian in the direction of the shower. “Come on, you don’t have much time.”

  Killian moved to the sink and snagged the toothbrush and paste from the shelf. He stopped in the middle of brushing his teeth when a thought occurred to him. “You gave him Gatorade?”

  “Yes. He seemed to need it. Like I said, he was really hurting.” I reached into the linen closet and pulled out some clean towels, then started the shower for him. With the new water heater, it didn’t take long for the steam to rise.

  “I thought we were out.”

  “Out of what?”

  Killian rinsed his mouth, then stripped out of his boxers. “Gatorade.”

  “I picked some up when I went shopping.”

  “You went shopping—already?”

  “It’s not a big deal. I’ve been up for a while.” I lowered the toilet seat and sat, watching him adjust the temperature of the water before he stepped through the clear glass doors. “Angus texted this morning and asked us to bring a few things.”

  Killian passed a bar of soap along his body. “You already made that big thing of dip, a pie, and, like, twenty salads.”

  I laughed. “I only made two salads and they didn’t take me long.”

  “So what the hell did he need, then?”

  “Just a couple of things he was missing,” I said again, trying to remember. “Coal, ground beef, lighter fluid, hot dogs, rolls, buns—oh, and chips.”

  He stopped in the middle of shampooing his thick dark hair. “What the hell? Is this our barbecue or his?”

  “He says he’s trying to save for his and Molly’s wedding.”

  Killian scoffed and finished showering. “He’s had ten fucking years to save up.”

  He dried his face and back. I pumped some lotion into my hands and passed it along his lower back and shoulder blades while he wiped off his chest. “Wait a minute. Molly and Angus haven’t been engaged that long, have they?” I asked.

  Killian leaned against the sink so I could reach his shoulders and chuckled. “They’ve been engaged since they were sixteen and Molly’s dad caught them fucking on the couch.”

  I gasped. “No!”

  Killian turned around and reached for some lotion to rub along the tats of his bulging arms. “I swear to God. They thought her dad was at work, but he’d stayed home to fix a leak in the cellar. He comes upstairs to find Angus defiling his precious little girl beneath a picture of Molly’s dead grandma.”

  I wasn’t sure who laughed harder, me or Killian. He held out a hand. “Oh, it gets better. Forget that Angus was a virgin before that innocent little rose sunk her thorns in him—and forget that she’d already been with Timmy LaSota and Stevie Macpherson—Molly’s dad dragged Angus half-naked to church and made him swear before God and Father Flanagan that he would marry Molly.”

  My entire body was shaking from the force of my giggles. “So it’s not love?” I managed.

  “I don’t even think it’s fucking like. But Angus is scared shitless he’ll burn in hell for eternity if he doesn’t marry Molly.”

  I wiped my eyes with my free hand while Killian led me back into our bedroom. He stopped at his dresser and pulled out a wad of bills. I shook my head when he offered it to me. “Babe, don’t. It’s not necessary.”

  “The hell it’s not. It’s bad enough your cheap-ass boss doesn’t pay you anything close to what you’re worth.”

  “I like my boss. He’s sweet to me.” Killian randomly left bouquets of flowers for me to find—in the dryer, in the oven, on top of my car. Just Friday I opened the fridge to find a dozen roses waiting for me when I returned home from school, with a note telling me he missed me.

  I smiled softly. The best day was on my birthday two weeks prior. I woke up to find Post-it notes with little arrows leading to the living room. I followed them downstairs while Killian pretended to sleep. There on top of the coffee table was a beautiful wooden jewelry box. The image of two children playing with Matchbox cars had been carefully carved into the lid.

  I didn’t recognize that the kids were us until I opened the box and found the picture used to create the image. Killian’s mother had taken it when we were little. She’d mailed it to him from Florida and he’d given it to Seamus and asked him to make the jewelry box for my twenty-first birthday.

  Killian had found me crying as I held it. He could have handed me the world’s treasures and I don’t think they would have meant as much to me as that gift or the gesture behind it.

  I leaned back on the bed and watched him as he yanked on a pair of jeans. Considering it was late September, the days were only starting to grow cooler. I frowned when he dropped the bills in my beautiful jewelry box. “Killian, it’s really not a big deal.”

  “It is to me. Come on; let’s go make the damn patties.”

  “I already made them.” I fell back in bed and stretched my arms. They were still sore from the grappling techniques Killian had taught me earlier in the week.

  “In that case, I’ll do the laundry. The basket’s starting to overflow.”

  “I washed everything this morning. The last of it is in the dryer. I just haven’t had a chance to fold it.” I yawned again. Hopefully, Killian and I could go to bed early to
night. I had a ten o’clock lecture the next day.

  Killian crossed the room and hovered above me, his brows knitting tight. “What’s wrong?” I asked him.

  He let out a breath and stretched out beside me. “You do a lot for me—and my family, all the time.”

  I smiled. “I don’t mind. I—” I caught myself before I told him that it was because I loved him. “I like doing things for you,” I said.

  “It shows.” His knuckles brushed against my cheek. I thought he was happy until I sensed a trickle of sadness in his voice when he spoke. “Listen, Sofia, I’m not good with words. For as loud as we are, and for as much as we talk, it’s not something my family or I have ever been good at.”

  “It’s okay.”

  He shook his head. “Not when it comes to you it’s not.”

  I waited to see if he’d say more, hoping to understand why he seemed so upset. It took him a moment to gather his words. “You mean a lot to me,” he said at last. “More than anyone ever has. I don’t tell you like I should, but you mean everything to me.” He sighed, appearing frustrated. “You understand what I’m trying to say here?”

  That you love me? Please say that you love me. “I think I do,” I said quietly.

  “Good. That’s…good.” Killian wrapped his arm around me. “I need you to, okay?”

  I lifted my chin and smiled, earning me a sweet kiss that quickly turned to more.

  Finn was just downstairs. I could hear him shuffling around in the kitchen. But when Killian’s hands wandered beneath my long skirt, it didn’t take much more to forget his brother was there or that we had someplace we needed to be.

  For the first time, I could really believe that Killian loved me. Except sometimes things weren’t so simple as that.

  Chapter 18

  We arrived at Angus’s house to loud music and an even louder bunch of people.

  “Angus!” Molly yelled from the small porch. “Goddamnit. Did you make your brother buy everything?”

  Angus paused in the middle of lifting the box filled with groceries out of my hands. The look he had as he answered his fiancée of ten years wasn’t one of love. And as Killian had mentioned, it wasn’t probably one of “like” either.

  “I didn’t make him buy everything!” he hollered back.

  “Killian! Is Angus lying?” Molly demanded in a voice capable of shattering glass.

  “No, Mol,” Killian answered, laughing when he caught Angus’s growing scowl. “It’s the God-honest truth—he made Sofia do it.”

  “You’re such an asshole, Kill,” Angus growled when Molly started screaming at him. “Sofia, how the hell does a sweet girl like you put up with such an asshole?”

  “He’s not so bad.” I smiled softly when Killian thanked me with a kiss to my cheek.

  Based on Finn’s laugh, and his next comment, I could tell he was feeling better. “See that?” He motioned to Angus with a jerk of his chin. “That’s why we’re late to begin with.”

  Angus frowned, appearing confused. “They were having sex upstairs,” Finn clarified. “What?” he asked Killian when he glared at him. “It’s true.”

  “Angus!” Molly screamed again.

  “Glad someone’s having sex,” Angus muttered, ignoring my heated face.

  “An-gus!”

  “Christ, Molly. I said I was coming!”

  “You never said that!”

  Killian started laughing again when Angus mumbled a swear and begrudgingly carried the box into the backyard and away from his beloved. Finn grabbed another box and followed.

  Killian drew the last two boxes toward him and tucked one under each arm. “I can take one,” I offered.

  “Not while I’m around. It’s bad enough you loaded all this stuff into your car on your own. Come on. Let’s head out back.”

  I trailed behind him. Angus and Molly lived in a pretty and well-maintained Dutch Colonial, but its large yard was the huge selling point. Old oaks provided shade around the perimeter. At its center, someone had set up a volleyball net, and a few people were already playing.

  Most of the guests loitering around the yard were unfamiliar to me. So when a young man taking pulls from a bottle of Heineken whipped his head in my direction, it caught me off guard. He seemed to recognize me. I wasn’t sure who he was, even after he waved. One of the two people gathered near him said something. He answered him, but kept his attention on me, smiling.

  Killian leaned into me. “Who’s that?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” I told him truthfully.

  Killian cast him a glance that wasn’t quite a warning, but packed enough force to encourage him to return his focus to his friends.

  Declan, Killian’s older brother, graciously provided a much-needed distraction. He left his date to greet us. Girls had always swarmed him, but now that he was a newly appointed assistant district attorney, every time I saw him he had a new blonde on his arm.

  “Hey, sweetie,” Declan said, kissing my cheek. He nodded to Killian as he and his other brothers unloaded the groceries across the picnic table. “Angus asked you for all this shit, didn’t he?”

  I crinkled my nose at him. “How did you know?”

  “Because he bitched at me for not replying to his texts.” He sipped on his beer. “I’d figured he’d go down the line until someone was willing to help his ass out. Cheap bastard. Make sure he pays you back.”

  Curran, Killian’s younger brother, slipped his arm around my waist and kissed my temple. “Hey, Sofe.”

  “Hi, Curran.” I glanced around him. “Where’s Brittney?”

  “Who?”

  I laughed. “Your girlfriend.”

  “The stripper?”

  My mouth opened slightly. “I thought she was a manicurist.”

  “That was Lindsey.” Curran thought about it. “At least, I think that was her name—no, wait, that was Tiffany.”

  “Not Mindy?” Declan asked.

  Curran jammed his finger into his chest. “No, that was your girl—the masseuse.”

  Declan smirked. “That was Cindy, and she only massaged me, Curran.”

  I shook my head. The O’Briens didn’t seem to be the types to easily settle down, including Wren. She sat on a bench beneath an old elm. A buddy of Curran’s from the Philly police force played with her midnight hair and whispered something that made her grin.

  Seamus hurried up to me and offered me a kiss as well. “Hey, Sofia.”

  “Hi, Seamus. How are you?”

  “Trying to enjoy my beer, but I can’t.” He scoffed, his attention circling his brothers. “Fucking Angus is already complaining that we need more beer. And guess who he thinks should run out and buy it?”

  “The fuck?” Finn asked. “We already bought the food.”

  Killian shoved him playfully as they gathered around us. “All you did was lift a couple of boxes, you little bastard. Sofia’s the one who shelled out the bills.”

  Finn slung an arm around my shoulders. “But I was with her in spirit, and in the end, that’s the shit that’s important to God.”

  The brothers collectively laughed and called him an asshole before Seamus continued his Angus rant. I left them to see if I could help Molly inside.

  “Thank you, Sofia,” she said, glaring at Angus. “At least someone’s offering to help.”

  “Mol, who swept the deck?” Angus asked her.

  “I did,” she snapped. “You did a shitty-ass job.”

  “Christ,” he mumbled.

  I took the seven-layer dip she passed me and carried it outside. The same guy who’d glanced up at me when we arrived opened the screen door so I could pass. “Thank you,” I said.

  “No problem, sexy.”

  My steps slowed. I couldn’t believe how forward he was, especially after he’d seen me with Killian and how Killian had responded to the unwanted attention.

  Although I wouldn’t turn around, I could feel his eyes burning a hole into my back. I pushed forward, hurrying toward t
he large picnic table to set down the dip. I took my time arranging the food and setting out the plates and plastic utensils, hoping the guy would move on. But he didn’t.

  When I returned for another dish, he remained by the screen door. Again, he opened it for me. I ignored his smile and didn’t bother thanking him. He wasn’t trying to be polite. This guy wanted something more.

  —

  I spent the next few hours close to Killian, but when he, Wren, and Wren’s date left on another beer run, my anxiety about the guy who continued to smile at me worsened. It didn’t take long, though, for the remaining O’Briens to ease my tension, their banter making me laugh.

  “I didn’t steal from the offering plate!” Angus insisted, abandoning the grill just to yell at Seamus.

  Seamus pointed at him with his beer. “You’re such a goddamn liar—I saw you, so did Finn. Finn, remember when he shoved the change into his pockets?”

  Angus’s voice boomed at Finn’s nod. “I wasn’t stealing—that shit’s a sin!”

  “Then what the hell were you doing? Breaking a single?” Declan almost spat out his beer when he caught Angus’s reddening face. “Holy shit, Angus. You were, weren’t you? Damn, your ass is so going to hell.”

  “Along with everything else, you fat bastard,” Curran said. He leaned into me. “Psst, Sofia, put in a good word with the Big Guy upstairs, will ya? With your help, maybe Angus will only serve two, maybe three decades tops in Purgatory.”

  Finn nudged me with his elbow. “Yeah, Sofia. Your saintly self is the only one who can save him. Help a brother out.”

  “Angus!” Molly yelled from the back deck. “For heaven’s sake, will you flip the damn burgers—people are starvin’ here!”

  “Don’t worry about me, Sofia,” Angus said, shaking his head. “Hell can’t be worse than this shit.”

  “An-gus!”

  “Son of a leprechaun’s ass,” he muttered, trudging forward, his spatula gripped tightly in his hand.

  Declan put his arm around me, ignoring the glare his date shot my way and his. “Can you imagine crawling into bed with that night after night?”