by Wendy Silk
I’d been doing my best for weeks now to suppress my panic at the thought that I might have seen Tim on that ladder. It was ridiculous to think that it could have been him. He was nowhere near Blue Shore. He had probably never even considered coming to this part of the country. That was just another man who caught my eye and something about his appearance must have fooled my brain. I spent so much time watching Maggie that I got confused when I saw anybody that looked a little bit like her. That had to be it.
Since that day at the hotel, my dreams had been full of Tim. The same thing had happened back in Texas, but it had finally tapered off after a while, when I faced the realization that I was never going to see him again. Now the dreams were back.
I’d wake in the morning, full of well-being, feeling loved. My heart was full of him, and my body was attuned to every memory I had of his touch. In my dreams, he’d look down into my face and hold out his hand. When I clasped it, his expression would ease into an overwhelming acceptance of me. There was nothing I could do wrong with him. And nothing that he did to my body in my dreams ever felt wrong. When morning came, I was often rested but intensely aroused by his dream visits. I’d do anything to feel his touch on my skin again. In the daylight, I knew this was impossible, but at night, my dreaming mind did not.
I hadn’t been anywhere near the hotel since the day we interviewed there. Kelly knew I was avoiding asking her about the job, but she didn’t want to talk about it. If we could get more work in town, more placement in shops, we could still carve out a niche for ourselves. I kept telling myself that, even though the projected numbers in our business plan said otherwise.
Just as I was reassuring myself that I could manage to stay away from the hotel forever, Kelly came barging into the living room where Maggie and I were sprawled on the floor, surrounded by her toys. Her eyes were lit like fireworks and her hair was wild. As she shouted out her news, she brushed it impatiently off her forehead.
“Cici! They finally called!”
I didn’t have to ask who she meant, so I simply waited.
“I know you have concerns about it, but you have to hear me out. Cindy called from Blue Shore Hotel. She says that the Bedloes have approved us to cater there. This is huge! Think of the events that this opens up for us. We can redesign our menu options in so many ways. We don’t have to stick to the safe, brunch style we’ve been focusing on. No more cookies and muffins.” She backtracked. “Well, not really ‘no more,’ but those don’t have to be our only offerings now. We can think about proper meals, and full desserts. We can get to know their kitchen space, not just the tiny place we use now. We can plan for anniversaries and weddings…”
She was off and running, full of ideas. That was what I loved about being partners with her. She helped me leave my comfort zone. I drew a deep breath and considered what I wanted to say. “Kelly, I am excited about this, really. I just want to make sure we don’t go off the deep end too quickly.”
She frowned at me. “Do you mean you don’t want us to work there?”
I sighed, and answered her truthfully. “No, I can’t say that. I want to succeed as much as you do, and this truly is amazing news. It will put us on the map, and get us so many other jobs. Let’s pace ourselves, and let’s be sensible. But I want to do it.”
She whooped, jumping into the air with both feet, then coming back down on our living room carpet with a thud. “I knew it! There’s so much to do. Can you come up there with me today? They said we can have a tour of the facilities if I let them know this morning.”
And that was how we spent the next three hours. Neither of us minded using a Saturday to do it. We were so full of energy and excitement that we would have gone up there in the middle of the night if that was when they’d called us. We drove up to the hotel, had a wonderful, inspiring time making plans for the expansion of Wildflower Catering, and at no time did we see a single Bedloe. I also didn’t see any sign of a man that looked at all like Tim, so I was almost willing to believe that I had imagined it entirely.
When we reached home, I sprinted from the car. “Kelly, that was about half an hour too long for me. I need to nurse that baby.”
She grinned at me and said, “Sorry! It was worth it, though. Tell Maggie that we’re going to hit the big time, thanks to her patience.”
I laughed and made my way up Donna’s walkway as quickly as I could. Maggie ate lots of other foods by now, but our nursing bond was strong, and I’d missed her. My mind was swirling with the ideas we’d generated at the hotel today. It was exhilarating to see what options were now open to us.
I knocked at the door, and when Donna opened it, smiling wide, I was almost bouncing on my toes with suppressed energy. She had a baby in her arms, and held the hand of another little girl. There was no denying it; the kids loved Donna.
I stepped into the house, thinking I’d see Maggie at her usual spot in the living room, in the midst of the plastic scooters and walkers. Instead, I found myself in the middle of a work zone. I froze in confusion. The room was blocked off and inaccessible to the kids, so there was no safety concern. My area of interest was something completely different.
Without meaning to, I’d walked right into Tim. Face to face, as close as we could have been without touching. He was leaning down to pick up a block of wood, and his body almost brushed me as he came to a standing position. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Didn’t mean to get in your way.” Then he looked at me.
My heart stood in my throat, so that I had no choice but to stop breathing for a moment. Was this really happening? By the look on his face, he had the same question. He took a step back, then another.
“Cici,” he croaked. “You know, I thought I saw you at the hotel a while back. But I was sure my mind was playing tricks on me. Now you’re here.” His eyes darted around in discomfort, checking with Donna for help.
She offered no assistance, merely rolling her eyes at us. “Oh, have you two met? Cici, this is Tim. He’s putting in these cubbies for me, and some bookshelves as well. I mean, when he’s not mooning over you.” She chuckled, but it wasn’t unkind. Then she added, “Cici, come back to the kitchen in a sec, ok? We’ll wait.” She took the two little ones she had in tow, and walked to the back of the house.
I was still staring at Tim. I couldn’t help it. So it was real; my dreams hadn’t been confusing my mind and tricking me with daytime fantasies. He was here, and I’d really seen him. I was seeing him.
“Tim.” I tried hard to be smooth. I couldn’t let him know that I’d been pining for him all this time. That would make me look crazy. Needy. “How, um, have you been?”
Unspoken between us were the words: “Where have you been?”
The phrase hung in the air, as if we were both afraid to know the answer. That was ridiculous. I was the one that had been dumped. I’d been so sure at the time that it was more than a one night stand, but of course that was all it was. I didn’t need to know what he’d been doing for the last two years.
Still, I waited. Would he have anything at all to say that would help me understand?
Without warning, he reached behind his back and unfastened his tool belt. He laid it on the floor, and stepped sideways past me, heading for the door. In a low voice, he said, “Sorry, I need some air.”
And just like that, he left. Again.
I could feel my chin jut out with anger and disappointment at the same time. What a rude man. How dare he walk away from me like that? Sure, he was sexier than ever in his work jeans that looked like they were caressing his ass when he bent down. And maybe there was a tiny part of me that wanted to run my hand along the biceps that I’d seen straining against his white work t-shirt. He looked more suntanned than I remembered, and his hair was lighter.
But just because I knew I’d kiss him back if he took me in his arms, that didn’t mean I’d kiss him first. I was done being taken advantage of by this man who seemed to be interested only in himself.
Then it all came crashin
g down in my mind. Oh, my God. My Maggie.
He’d been working in this house all morning, it looked like. Had he seen her? Did Donna have anything around that would make him associate my little girl with me? Oh no, no, no…
All he had to do was to connect the dots, count the months, and for goodness sake just take one look at her face, and he’d know. He’d know she was his. Then he’d try to see her, or take her away for visits, or…
My mind was racing. I had to stay calm. As slowly as I could, counting the paces of my feet, I walked back to the kitchen. I found Donna happily engaged in a painting project with her assistant, Kate, and four children. They had spread long rolls of butcher paper across the kitchen table, and the kids had been making handprints across the surface in every color in the rainbow.
Donna smiled at me when I entered the room. “Cici, look at this! We’ve had the best time painting today. Maggie loves color, She’s made such wonderful art.”
Maggie squealed at the sight of me and bounced against the wooden high chair she was belted into. Looking at her made my heart leap. I still couldn’t believe, sometimes, that she was mine. She was like sunlight and the stars rolled into one. And, at this moment, all the colors of the rainbow. Paint dotted her nose and her cheeks, as well as the little apron Donna had tied around her. There was plenty of paint under and around the apron as well.
Donna saw what I was thinking, and apologized. “I know, I’m sorry. She’ll need a bath for sure after this. But it will come out of her clothes, and really, it’s been a great time.”
I nodded at her reassuringly. “Donna, you’re a miracle worker. I’ve never seen her show this much interested in an art project before. Now that she’s finally into it, I think it will last. Thank you for everything.” I lifted Maggie into my arms and hugged her. I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help asking. “The man we saw working in the front room? I feel like I’ve met him before. What’s his name?”
Donna had started to clear up the project, and she was busy wiping the hands of the other toddlers. “My goodness, he’s amazing. He could fix any problem I showed him, I think. Anyway, he works up at the hotel. Grant Bedloe recommended him to me. You should meet him properly. I think you might have a lot in common.” She winked at me.
I murmured my goodbyes and fled. She had no idea.
Chapter 11: Tim
I couldn’t believe I had choked like that. There was Cici, standing in front of me and looking like the best thing I’d ever seen in my whole life, and I had just left the building. I shook my head at my own idiocy.
It was Sunday morning, and I was just starting the day in my little apartment over Mr. Kemble’s corner store. He was a bit particular about how he liked things, but he was a reliable landlord. And I counted myself lucky to have gotten an apartment at all, with a felony on my record. Grant Bedloe’s recommendation was worth a lot around here, I was finding out.
My plan was to stop over at Donna’s daycare for a few more hours of work today, then to hike out to the trails above the hotel. I dressed in work jeans and a clean, plain t-shirt. It was hot enough that I would have liked to wear shorts, but it didn’t seem appropriate for the time I’d spend over at Donna’s.
I was still reeling from the encounter with Cici yesterday. She lived here? Or maybe she was just visiting the town, like so many other tourists from Seattle and Portland. What would I say to her if I ran into her again?
I could tell her that she looked amazing. That I could still smell the sweetness of her soft hair in my dreams. I might tell her that when I woke up every morning, she was on my mind, and every part of my body wished that she was lying next to me.
Yeah, I wouldn’t tell her any of that. Stalker, much?
For all she knew, I was just a guy that had slept with her and then never called again. Then it hit me. Oh. Maybe she had never tried to contact me. Maybe it had been a one-night stand from her perspective. For some reason, I‘d never thought of that before. I had only wished, every single day, that I could have met her that night, as I’d promised.
Before I headed down the street to Donna’s, I stopped into the corner store. I figured I could use another little bag of those cookies to get my through my afternoon hike. It might not have been health food, but I was a big believer in picking what I liked and sticking with it. I brought my cookies up to the counter to pay, but had to stand there for a minute while Mr. Kemble sorted out the boxes he was stacking behind the counter.
Finally, he looked up at me. “Hey, Tim. You like those cookies? I’m not sure if they’re right for my store.”
I couldn’t help but tell him the truth, even if it made me sound like a kid. “I really do. They remind me of something my mom would make.”
Mr. Kemble chuckled. “Hey now, that’s quite an endorsement. Well, look at that. If you wait a minute, you can meet one of ladies who make those cookies. She’s coming in right now to restock. Quite a bit younger than your mom, though, I’m thinking.” He waggled his eyebrows at me.
OK. I kept my face blank as I turned around, thinking I’d have to make small talk with some earnest whole-foods type and be put on the spot about whether I really, truly liked her cookies. That sounded tedious and embarrassing.
Then she came through the door of the shop. Damn.
Right there, in front of me, was my own Cici. She was mine, and there was no denying it. She had her long, caramel colored hair tied back with a bit of red ribbon. She had a retro flowered smock of some kind over jeans, and the looseness of the top only accentuated the way her trousers fit around the lower contours of her body. She was relaxed and limber, leaning over the display and pulling brightly wrapped packs of cookies out of a box she’d set on the floor.
Seeing her again was setting my body on fire. My heart was a little less certain, since I didn’t know if she’d even talk to me. But my cock remembered her for sure, and it was sending me a message. I could feel my jeans straining as my dick responded to the sight of this woman. I had to hold my bag in front of me like a kid in junior high before I could even think about approaching her.
I waited for what turned out to be a moment too long. Mr. Kemble took the lead and called over to her. “Cici! I’ve got a customer here who likes your cookies!”
She turned toward us, with her face lit up in expectation of the friendly praise of a real buyer. When she saw me, however, her expression closed like a set of heavy, wooden window shutters. She was in professional mode in the shop, though, so she had to keep setting up her display. I could tell she was considering abandoning it and running off rather than speaking to me.
Suddenly, I saw a chance that I hadn’t even known I was hoping for. What did I have to lose? Actually, I had a lot of good things going on here in Blue Shore, but no matter how well things were looking up for me, they were nothing in comparison to the possibility that I might be able to be with Cici again. I had to try.
I walked toward her, slowly enough that I felt like I was approaching a wild animal. Keeping my voice low, I tried to start with something that wouldn’t pique Mr. Kemble’s interest too much. We both knew he was listening.
“Cici, I thought I saw you at the hotel the other day. I was hoping it was really you. Can we talk?”
She flushed. I couldn’t tell whether it was from anger or another emotion. I knew she might be skittish with me if she thought I had stood her up that night. I waited, but when she didn’t answer, I tried again.
“Do you mind if I wait outside for you to finish your work? Maybe I could walk with you wherever you’re going next, and we could talk?”
She nodded at me. “Ok. I’ll be out in a few minutes.” Then she bent her head and continued with her task. She was focused, I’d give her that.
When I stepped out of the door, I turned to let it close easily. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my landlord watching us curiously. I figured it would take until about dinner time tonight before the whole town knew there was something going on between me and Cici.
What would make her so anxious about running into me, though? At the worst, she was being confronted by a memory of a foolish night between us, in which case I was sure she’d just tell me to get lost.
Into the silence between us, I finally blurted out, “Tim.” I held my hand out to shake hers. “It’s Tim. I know it’s been a long time, and I’m sorry about that.”
She looked at me with a quizzical expression on her face, as if she was trying to decide whether I was making fun of her. The she sighed and took my hand for a firm shake. “Yes, Tim, I remember your name. I’m Cici. I know you just called me that in the store, so I guess you remember my name too.”
She began to walk down the sidewalk. With a gesture to me that indicated I could walk with her, she went on. “I don’t have any more deliveries to do after this one. We’ve had a hard time getting established at the local shops with these cookie bags. Business is looking up, though, gradually.”
I seized gratefully on the neutral topic. “So you’re a baker now?”
“We have a full catering business. Me and Kelly, that is. But the baked goods are the mainstay of our income as we try to get the word out and book events.”
It was no stretch of the truth for me to compliment her baking. “I have to tell you, I love these cookies. I’ve started buying them regularly.”
She directed a genuine smile at me. “I’m glad to hear that. It’s nice to get some positive feedback. Maybe it’s because of you that Mr. Kemble needed the display restocked.” She paused for a moment, and I saw her struggling with a decision. “Tim, do you want to walk me home from here? You’ll be able to find out where I live easily enough, if you want to stalk me. We might as well walk together and talk for a few minutes.”