Total Abandon

by Opal Carew

  “So you don’t think there’s anything wrong with me having sex with two guys?”

  “At the same time?”

  Her eyes glinted with defiance. “Yes. At the same time.”

  He leaned back and swirled the coffee in his mug, dragging out the time, letting her think he was carefully considering his answer.

  “Well, I only have one thing to say about that.”

  “What’s that?” As much as she tried to appear defiant, she looked more like a kitten trying to stare down a gigantic dog.

  He grinned. “Can I watch next time?”

  * * *

  As Sandra closed the door behind Devlin, she smiled. He really was a sensational guy. And such a supportive friend. He was right. Having a healthy sexual appetite was perfectly fine, and putting it that way made her feel so much better. In fact, having Devlin’s approval meant a lot to her because she trusted his judgment.

  She picked up the cups from the coffee table and carried them into the kitchen, then put them in the dishwasher and turned it on. She yawned and stretched. Early to bed would be a good idea after the active weekend she’d had, and the fact that she hadn’t slept at all well last night, deeply craving even more sexual excitement. She wandered to the bathroom, did her nighttime routine, then pulled on her pajamas and climbed into bed.

  Maybe she hadn’t turned into a sex maniac, but some maniacal sex, as Devlin had called it, would go great right about now. She turned out the light and, with thoughts of Devlin in her mind, drifted off to sleep.

  * * *

  His arms were around her and Sandra leaned back against his hard body. His hands cupped her breasts and she arched forward. Her nipples ached and her body burned with need.

  “I want you,” a male voice rumbled.

  She turned in his arms to see his face, but she couldn’t make out his features in the dim light. She couldn’t see her Fantasy Stranger.

  She leaned forward and kissed him. His lips caressed hers with a gentle persuasion, stoking her need.

  “I want you, too.” She stroked his cheek, then down his chest.

  Hard muscles rippled beneath her fingertips. She continued over his navel, then lower. Until she brushed against the tip of his cock. She grinned at him, then kissed down his chest.

  She wrapped her fingers around his thick cock—as long and hard as she remembered—and kissed the tip, then took the head in her mouth like a lollipop. She licked around and around until she heard him groan. She glided down and easily took him all the way in, despite his size. His fingers stroked through her hair as she alternated between sucking and licking. He tensed and groaned. Her mouth filled with hot liquid.

  She rolled on her back and stretched out beside him. She stroked over her breasts and toyed with her nipples. He smiled and leaned toward her, then captured one hard nub in his mouth. She sighed at the incredible heat of his mouth around her. He stroked over her other nipple as his tongue swirled over the first. She sighed, then gasped as he sucked. Hard and deep.

  Then he released it and kissed up her chest, then nuzzled her neck. Tingles danced along her skin and shivers raced down her back. He stroked her breasts, teasing both nipples. Heat flared inside her. She reached for his cock, needing it inside her. She stroked it. Supple skin gliding over hard rock.

  “I need you. Make love to me,” she said.

  He chuckled, then prowled over her, pinning her between his knees. He leaned down and captured her lips, spiraling his tongue inside her mouth. Her tongue joined with his and they undulated together. He dove deep, mastering her mouth with his bold, swirling strokes, then drew back, leaving her gasping.

  He smiled down at her, then lifted himself onto his knees. His hand curled around his rigid shaft and he stroked it. She leaned forward and licked it, savoring the hard flesh under her tongue. He pushed forward and her mouth engulfed him. She ran her tongue around his cockhead, unable to get enough of him.

  He drew back, caressed her breasts, then stroked down her belly and between her legs. She arched against his hand. He glided his finger along her slickness. His cockhead brushed her thigh, then the tip pressed against her wet folds. She held her breath as he glided along her moist opening, then he pushed inside … just a little. She groaned, wanting more. He pushed until his cockhead was nestled inside her. She raised her hips, trying to force him in deeper, but he placed his hand on her stomach and held her still.

  Then he drove forward. She groaned at the exquisite feel of his cock filling her. Thick. Hard. Hot. Branding her insides with excruciating pleasure. He drew back slowly, the ridge of his cockhead dragging along her passage, stimulating it. Then he drove into her again. She squeezed him, trying to pull him in even deeper. But still he drew back, stroking her insides, filling her with mind-boggling pleasure.

  He drove into her a third time, and she trembled at the staggering pleasure. Buried deep inside her, he leaned down and licked her nipple, then sucked. Her fingers tangled in his hair and curled through it. Long hair.

  Like Devlin’s. Her gaze shot to his face. He sat up and moonlight streaming in the window cast his features alight. He smiled.

  It was Devlin. Shock filled her as he drew back and plunged forward again. Then again. As he continued to thrust into her, searing her insides, her shock faded away. Devlin was making love to her.

  Wonderful, sweet Devlin.

  Pleasure blazed through her, singeing every nerve ending. An orgasm quivered, then flared through her as she squeezed his cock tight inside her. The pleasure intensified as she tightened around his thick shaft. Squeezing. Just as she reached the pinnacle, his hard cock seemed to disappear. As her body trembled on the edge of ecstasy, her eyes opened.

  She was alone.

  Devlin hadn’t been there at all, but the pleasure still shuddering through her was vividly real. And she wanted more of it. So bad it made her ache.

  * * *

  Sandra glanced out the window of the bus as it moved down the busy city street, her cell phone against her ear.

  “Listen, Aimee, do you think you could bow out Saturday night?” Sandra shifted a little to make room for a lady to sit beside her.

  “But I love the gourmet dinners you cook,” Aimee said.

  “I know, but I promise I’ll make it up to you. I’ll come to your house and cook up the lobster bisque you like so much.”

  “And a crème brûlée for dessert?”

  “You’ve got it.”

  Sandra’s stop was coming up, so she stood up and moved toward the door.

  “All right then,” Aimee said. “You’ve got a deal. But why do you want me to cancel?”

  “I want to have some time alone with Devlin. To talk.”

  “Hmm. Imagine. Only last week you were totally avoiding him. But I thought you sorted things out when he dropped by your place last Tuesday.”

  Sandra’s eyebrows drew together. “How did you know about that?” Sandra hadn’t mentioned it to Aimee.

  The bus came to a stop and Sandra stepped off the bus into the warm sunshine outside.

  “Oh, Devlin told me he was concerned and had dropped by to talk to you. He’s a great guy, you know.”

  Sandra’s stomach quivered and a deep yearning seared her soul as she thought about Devlin. “Yeah, I do. That’s why I want to make sure everything’s solid between us.”

  * * *

  Saturday evening, Devlin knocked on Sandra’s door, a bottle of wine in his hand. A moment later, she opened the door and smiled at him, setting her face aglow. His heart did a little hippety-hop at the sight.

  “Come on in. I hope you’re hungry.”

  His gaze caressed her curvy form as she stepped back to let him in. He was hungry all right, but with a hunger he would not satisfy yet. If only she would return to the cottage so he could be her Fantasy Stranger again and allow him to satisfy, for a short time, the yearning for her that burned through him constantly.

  He stepped inside and shed his shoes, then followed her into the kit
chen. Sandra lifted the lid from one of the steaming pots on the stove and dipped a spoon inside, then tasted.

  “Mmm. Smells delicious.” Devlin placed the bottle on the counter.

  “I’m making fusilli pasta with artichokes.” She measured out a teaspoon and a half of butter and added it to the sauce, then stirred. “Would you pour the pasta into the water?”

  He lifted the lid from the pot beside the sauce, then grabbed the large measuring cup full of dry spiral-shaped pasta and poured it in. Sandra set the timer on the stove.

  “Should I open the wine now?” he asked.

  She opened the cupboard and brought out two stemmed wineglasses. “Sure.”

  He’d intended to let it breathe, but as soon as he pulled the cork free, she held out her glass. He poured some into hers, then into his. She sniffed it, then took a sip.

  “Mmm. Nice. You always bring the best wine.”

  “Where’s Aimee?” He sipped his wine.

  Usually she was already there when he arrived.

  “She couldn’t make it tonight.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Really? She never misses our dinners.”

  “There’s always a first time for everything.”

  One part of him was delighted to be here with just Sandra—almost like a date—but another part quivered with nerves.

  Sandra tossed a salad, then divided it into two wooden bowls and carried them out to the dining room. She returned just as the kitchen timer dinged and she drained the pasta and spooned it onto two dinner plates. Devlin ladled sauce on top, then they carried their plates and glasses into the dining room and sat down to eat.

  Relaxing music played in the background and candles set the table alight with a soft glow.

  “How’s that project you’re involved in at work?” she asked. “It has something to do with helping big companies monitor their energy usage, doesn’t it?”

  “That’s right. My team finished the software last month and we have one client beta testing it.”

  As they ate, they talked about his project for a bit, then discussed some upcoming movies they both wanted to see. Once they were done, she stood up and gathered their plates, then headed for the kitchen. He finished clearing the table while she put on coffee. Soon an unfamiliar coffee aroma wafted through the small kitchen. A new blend, no doubt. Sandra definitely had a passion for coffee.

  He set her fancy stemmed glass mugs on the counter and she filled them. As he added sugar to his, she opened the fridge and set a cheesecake on the counter.

  “It’s chocolate amaretto.” She sliced two pieces and set each on a dessert plate.

  “Oh? What happened to the chocolate cake with orange-chocolate-liqueur filling?”

  Her face scrunched up. “Don’t ask.”

  He laughed as she handed him a plate. He picked up his mug and accompanied her to the living room, settling on the chair across from the couch where she sat. He glided his fork into the cheesecake then took a bite. It melted in his mouth.

  “Well, this is absolutely delicious.”

  She smiled. “Thank you.”

  When he’d finished his dessert, he set his plate on the coffee table. Once she was done, she set her plate on top of his and pushed them away. She took a sip of her coffee.

  “I wanted to thank you for coming over the other night.” She gazed at him over her mug. “You know, to make sure things are okay between us.”

  He smiled. “Things were awkward and I didn’t want it to stay that way. Our friendship is really important to me.”

  She nodded. “It is to me, too.” She set down her cup. “I really appreciated your encouragement that night. About trying new and different things. About not judging myself.” Her gaze locked with his. “You made me feel a lot better.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “In fact, it made me rethink other things I’ve done and wonder if I judged myself too harshly. For instance, what happened between you and me that Friday.”

  Uh-oh. He didn’t know where this was going, but alarm bells clanged inside his head.

  She leaned forward. “May I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “When you turned me down that night, was it because I’d had too much to drink? Or was it because you aren’t attracted to me?”

  Damn it.

  He stared at his hands as he rubbed his palms together. “You had had quite a few drinks that night. There’s no way I would take advantage of you.”

  “So, what would have happened if I hadn’t been drinking?”

  He shrugged. “Well, then, it wouldn’t have happened.”

  “But if it had?”

  He frowned. “Sandra, you’re really putting me on the spot.”

  “Devlin, I practically threw myself at you. Sure, I’d had a few drinks, but I would never do that unless I was attracted to a man. I’m sure you know that.”

  He sighed. Of course he did, and to tell her otherwise would only hurt her self-esteem. He nodded.

  “So my feelings for you are already out there. I’d just like to know if those feeling are reciprocated.”

  “Sandra, I think the world of you. I—”

  She held out the flat of her palm. “Whoa. I get it. You aren’t attracted to me, but you care about me as a friend.” She stood up. “It’s okay. I understand.”

  The look of hurt in her eyes tore at his heart. He stood up and followed her into the kitchen.

  “Sandra, wait. That’s not it.”

  She set her empty cup on the counter and turned to him.

  “Devlin, it’s okay. I’m a big girl. You’re not into me. I get it. And that’s all right. As long as I haven’t freaked you out, we can continue being friends.”

  He took her hand, and the feel of her soft skin nearly unraveled his resolve not to tug her against him and consume her in a deeply passionate kiss. He steeled his control and simply stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.

  “In fact, I do find you attractive.”

  Twelve

  Sandra heart pounded as she gazed deeply into Devlin’s blue eyes sprinkled with golden specks.

  “Very attractive,” he continued.

  Her heart pounded loudly in her chest. It was true. She could see it shimmering in his eyes. Hear it in the slight tremor of his voice.

  “So can we—?”

  His finger covered her lips.

  “No. We can’t.” He stepped closer and rested his hands on her shoulders as he stared deeply into her eyes.

  The heat of his body close to hers and the intensity of his gaze unnerved her.

  “There’s nothing I’d like better than to…”

  She held her breath at his pause, waiting for the words.

  His gaze faltered, and he drew in a deep breath. “Sandra, believe me. There’s nothing I’d like more. But you’ve just ended a very long marriage and are single for … pretty much the first time in your entire adult life. I think you need to date a little and find yourself before you settle into something serious again. Otherwise, we’d be starting a new relationship on very shaky ground, and if it didn’t work out, we could ruin what we have. And your friendship is very important to me.”

  She didn’t doubt that, but what she’d seen in his eyes was more than a desire for friendship. Sure, she could understand fighting a slight attraction that might burn out after a few months in order to retain a longer-term friendship, but what she’d seen in his eyes was … passion. The intensity of his desire had shone brightly.

  She moved closer and rested her hand flat on his chest and enjoyed the feel of strong, rugged muscles beneath her palm.

  In a low, sultry voice, she said, “What if we don’t jump into a full-on relationship just yet? We could be friends with benefits.”

  She was sure she could feel his heartbeat race beneath her palm. He placed his hand over hers as if to remove it from his chest, but he hesitated.

  “No. It wouldn’t work. If we’re meant to be together, a few more months
isn’t going to hurt us.”

  She stroked her other hand up his chest and along the side of his neck, then across his raspy jaw. She kissed the tip of his chin.

  “But why wait? Why postpone the inevitable?” she insisted, desperately wanting to feel his arms around her. She lightly brushed his lips with hers.

  * * *

  Devlin found himself spellbound by her touch, loving the feel of her hands on his chest, her lips on his skin. Then her mouth brushed his and panic welled up in him. Any second now his hormones would take over and he would have her naked and on the floor, driving into her with all the passion searing through him.

  He had to do something to deter her. And fast.

  The first thought that flared through his brain was to scare her. Be something she would be afraid to tackle.

  He grabbed her wrists and pressed them behind her, which pushed her breasts forward enticingly. He tried to ignore the heat blazing through his groin as he pulled her forward and captured her lips. His tongue drove into her mouth and he savored the sweetness of her. He drew his tongue back and she gasped as he sucked her tongue into his mouth, drawing it deep. He backed her against the wall and lifted her wrists, then pinned them beside her head. He drove his tongue into her mouth again and explored.

  Her breasts heaved against his chest as he consumed her with his kiss. Then he released her mouth and pressed his lips to her neck, kissed the hollow, and nibbled along the side. Then he sucked deeply. When he drew away, a dark red mark colored her skin.

  If this worked, his biggest problem would be how to turn it around once the time was right for him to actually start a relationship with her. But he’d figure that out later. Right now, he needed to stop her from trying to coax him into an intimate relationship that very second.

  His gaze locked with hers. Shock glazed her olive green eyes.

  A feral grin curled his lips. “You see, my tastes run a little to the wild side. I like a woman who is willing to submit.” His grin widened. “Totally.”

  There was no way an independent woman like Sandra would go for that kind of thing.