Notes from a Spinning Planet—Ireland

by Melody Carlson

  “Me too,” says Ryan.

  “Make that three,” says my aunt, although I suspect her food may go untouched again tonight.

  After Rhiannon leaves, I reach over and put my hand on my aunt’s. Hers is quite cool. “Are you okay?” I ask again.

  Her eyes are slightly glassy as she stares across the table, just looking out into space. “I’m in shock,” she finally says.

  I’m not sure how much I should tell her. But then I figure if she’s already in shock, maybe it’s best to get this over with as quickly as possible. Kind of like being at the dentist. Quicker is usually better. So I tell the rest of the story—how Ian was married, but it didn’t work out, and now he runs a nice restaurant in Derry, and both Darby and Quin think he’s a really great guy. “I even have his phone number.” I dig in my purse for the slip of paper Quin gave me and hand it to her.

  Without speaking, she just stares blankly at the numerals.

  “And you might as well know,” I finally say, “I asked them if Ian was still involved in the IRA.”

  Her blue eyes flash with something now. I’m not sure if it’s anger or fear or what. “You didn’t,” she says in a quiet voice.

  “Yeah, I did.” I make a face. “I know it was really, really dumb. What can I say, Sid, except that I’m a great big eejit?”

  My admission almost makes her smile. “Well, I’m sure they didn’t reveal anything to you one way or the other.”

  “No, of course not.”

  It’s not long before our fish and chips arrive, and although I was starving earlier, I’m not feeling too hungry just now. But Ryan generously sprinkles malt vinegar over his and immediately digs in. “Hey, these are really good, you guys. You might want to eat them while they’re hot.”

  I decide to take a bite. “No wonder they’re famous for this,” I say.

  Just as we’re finishing up, Tim comes back again. “Do you want me to ring Quin and Darby yet?”

  I glance at my aunt, and she just nods.

  “Sure,” I tell Tim. “Thanks.”

  He tips his head slightly, as if to show he understands that this isn’t easy for any of us. And after a few minutes, Quin and Darby show up. I make more introductions, including an explanation about Ryan’s connection to Ian, and Tim brings an extra chair for them to join us.

  “Can I get you some dessert?” he asks. “Ma’s got a blueberry cobbler fresh from the oven.”

  We all decide to have some, and Tim tells Rhiannon to get it for us, along with some coffee Sid requested.

  “This is all so shocking,” my aunt says to Darby and Quin. “The news that Ian is alive. It’s almost unbelievable.”

  “It’s true,” says Quin. “Ian is alive and well. And I hope you don’t mind, but I rang him up after we got home tonight.”

  “It was my idea,” Darby says quickly. “I thought he deserved to know that you’re here.”

  Sid blinks and sits up straighten “And how did he react?”

  “He’d like to see you,” says Quin.

  “Well, I…”

  “But only if you want,” adds Darby. “He doesn’t want to force it.”

  “That’s right,” says Quin. “I think he feels bad for, uh, for how it went with you two all those years ago.”

  Sid gives him what is obviously a forced smile. “Oh, that was long ago,” she says just a little too casually. “Water under the bridge, really.”

  Quin tips his head toward Ryan. “He’d like to meet Ryan too.”

  “Why’s that?” she asks, her eyes suspicious.

  “As you know, Ian and Michael were close friends. Ian would like to see Michael’s only son.”

  “Oh yes.” Sid gives a stiff nod. “Of course.”

  “He’s willing to come here if that’s better for you.”

  Sid seems to consider this, but I can tell she’s already made up her mind. “That won’t work. We’ll be leaving Malin tomorrow. I have some business to attend to.”

  “Maybe you could stop and see him in Derry,” suggests Darby hopefully. “It’s on the way.”

  “Perhaps.” Sid looks away, and I have a feeling she’s just trying to placate them, like she wants to end this conversation and the sooner the better.

  “Ian would really appreciate that,” says Darby a little eagerly. I suspect by the look in her eyes that she’s still expecting a storybook ending to this romantic little tale. But I think it’s highly unlikely. I can tell by how Sid’s acting that she’s not looking forward to this meeting at all, and it wouldn’t surprise me if she figures out a way to avoid it altogether.

  We eat our dessert and visit with Quin and Darby about lots of other things—like how Malin won a tidy-town award, and how it’s the sunniest spot in all of Ireland, and how Quin has developed a thriving bicycle business over recent years.

  “It’s been a pleasure to meet you,” my aunt says as she reaches for her purse. “But I’ve had a very long day and I’m afraid I’m starting to fade. Do you mind if I excuse myself?”

  “Of course not,” says Quin as he stands. “I’m glad we got acquainted. And I hope you’ll take the time to see my uncle.”

  “Please let us know how it goes,” says Darby. Her eyes are on me now, like she thinks I’m the only one who can keep her posted on future developments. But I’m not sure I want to.

  “Thank you for meeting with us,” says my aunt in a formal voice. “May I get the check now, please?”

  “Oh no,” says Darby quickly. “It’s on the house tonight.”

  “But I—”

  “We insist,” says Quin.

  “Well, thank you,” says Sid. She looks slightly off guard now. “That’s very generous of you.”

  “Just Irish hospitality.” Darby grins at us. “After all, you’re almost like family.”

  I can see Sid bristle at that comment, but the congenial smile remains plastered on her face, and she thanks them once again.

  It’s dark as we walk toward the hotel. No one is saying anything. And I feel responsible for this whole nightmare. I’m the one who brought this unexpected pain to my aunt. And I feel really guilty.

  “I’m so sorry, Sid,” I blurt out. “I shouldn’t have—”

  “No,” she says, turning to face me. “This isn’t your fault, Maddie. Please, don’t apologize. And once I recover from the shock, well, I think I should be happy, at least for Ian’s sake…I mean, that he’s alive. That’s something, isn’t it?”

  But I know what she’s thinking. If he’s alive, why did he never contact her again? Was it because the romance really was over and done with? And yet she spent all those years thinking he was dead. Would it have gone differently for her if she’d known he was alive? Or am I just imagining things, blowing this all out of proportion?

  “I think this is a God thing,” Ryan says when we stop in front of the door of the hotel.

  “Really?” My aunt turns and stares at him. I’m not sure if it’s the shadows from the streetlight or if she is really angry now. But I’m thinking the latter.

  He nods with enthusiasm. “Yeah. I think so. I really think God planned for Maddie to take that bike tour just so she could meet Quin and find out about Ian. And I think God wants you to see Ian again and—”

  “What if I do not want to see him?” she demands.

  “Why wouldn’t you?” he asks innocently, and I’m glad it’s Ryan, not me, doing the asking, because Sid is seething now.

  “Why wouldn’t I?” Her voice gets louder, and I’m glad no one’s around to overhear us. “After thirty years of believing he was dead, thirty years of not hearing a word from him, you’re asking me why I do not want to see him again? Why should I want to see him, Ryan?”

  He just shrugs, but I can tell by his expression, he’s taking this personally.

  “Whatever happened then is over with now!” she actually yells. “And I’d appreciate it if I never heard his name again! Thank you very much!” And then she turns and storms into the hotel. I’ve ne
ver seen my aunt lose her temper like this. Seriously, I always thought she was the cool aunt, the one who never got ruffled. I’m a little shocked.

  Ryan and I remain outside, just standing on the sidewalk in front of the closed door. And suddenly I feel really, really bad for him. He looks kind of crushed, and I know she hurt his feelings. And it makes me pretty mad. I mean, he didn’t deserve that. Ryan’s been such a good sport about everything on this trip. He’s been patient with me, helpful and supportive to Sid. For her to treat him that way was totally uncalled for.

  I reach over and put my hand on his arm. “She’s just really upset,” I say, as if that’s not obvious. “She didn’t mean to—”

  “It’s okay.” He shoves his hands into his jeans pockets and looks away. “I understand…”

  And we just stand there for a couple of minutes.

  “Want to talk about it?” I ask in a slightly timid voice.

  He doesn’t answer.

  “Can I buy you a pint?” I offer, feeling kind of silly but desperate. I hate seeing him like this.

  He looks at me, then kind of smiles. “Never expected to hear that from you, Maddie.”

  “People change,” I say as I take his arm and lead him to the pub attached to our hotel.

  Ryan stops short of the entrance. “Hey, do you think they have cocoa? I feel like something warm and chocolaty.”

  I giggle and shrug. “Guess we could ask.” We get seated in a quiet corner, order our Irish cocoas, and I wait for him to say something else. Anything.

  “I want to meet him,” he finally says.

  “Who?” I glance around the room expecting to see someone of interest.

  “Ian.”

  “Oh yeah.” Earth to Maddie, I tell myself. Keep up.

  “He and my dad were really good friends, Maddie.”

  I nod.

  “Yeah.”

  “And I never knew my dad…”

  “And meeting Ian could be a connection for you.”

  “I really do think its a God thing.”

  “I do too, Ryan. But maybe its more for you than Sid.”

  “I guess.”

  “I mean, you can’t really blame her. Ian must’ve meant more than anyone knows to her. Think about it: she never married…and did you see her face tonight? I’ve never seen her like that. I don’t think she ever got over him.”

  “But it’s been thirty years.”

  “I know, and I don’t get it. But I think it’s true. Why else would she react like she did?”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. Now that I think about it, she has been acting kind of strange during this trip.”

  “Like she’s been haunted by the past,” I suggest.

  “I actually wondered if it was Ian’s ghost.”

  “But now we know he’s alive.”

  “I know it’s going to be hard on her…” He looks up at me with determination. “But somehow I’ve got to meet him, Maddie.”

  “I know.”

  “Even if I have to do it without her knowing.”

  “I’ll help you, Ryan. Somehow we’ll get you and Ian together.”

  When I replay these words later on, back in my hotel room, I realize that they sound very much like a promise. And I wonder how I could possibly have made a commitment like that. How can I force a meeting that my aunt is so diametrically opposed to? After all, this is really her trip. She’s the one who invited us, and she’s paying for everything. And she’s the only one who can drive the rental car. How fair is it for me to insist on seeing someone she may actually wish were dead? Okay, that’s a bit harsh, but I know she wishes that he hadn’t popped back into her life like this. And I know she’ll do everything to avoid seeing him.

  But just the same, I’ll do everything I can to see that Ryan gets to meet Ian. How can I not? Ryan is right. I think this truly is a God thing. And when I go to bed later that night, I really pray.

  First I pray for Ryan. I ask God to restore this old broken connection that links him to his father. I ask God to use Ian to give Ryan some answers to his questions and find some resolution for the loss of his dad. And I pray for Sid too. That’s a little harder. But I ask God to use this dilemma with Ian to bring about some healing in her heart. Some kind of closure. Somehow I think that’s what she needs.

  As for me, well, I just pray God will help me to continue to grow up—and not be such an eejit!

  Eleven

  I wake up early again. I’m not sure what’s up with this but decide that maybe I’ve turned into a morning person—or maybe it’s just being in Ireland. I get up and get dressed, but instead of going downstairs, I go ahead and get my stuff packed. I haven’t forgotten my aunt’s announcement last night that we’re leaving Malin today. Okay, I’m not thrilled with her decision, but who am I to argue? Just as I’m zipping my last bag, I hear a light tapping on my door.

  “Maddie?” calls my aunt.

  I open the door to see Sid standing in the hallway. Not looking her best, she’s wearing a baggy green cardigan over her Scottie-dog flannel pajamas, and her eyes are red and puffy.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  She shrugs.

  “Wanna come in?” I open the door wider and wave her inside. I’m not sure I want anyone in the hotel seeing her like this.

  She looks around my tidy room. “You’re packed?”

  I nod. “Figured I might as well.”

  “Oh.” She looks slightly confused.

  “You said we were leaving, Sid.”

  “That’s right.” She sits down on my bed, shoulders hunched in a dejected heap of flannel and wool. I sit in the side chair across from her, cross my legs, lean back, and wait.

  She sits up straighter, using both hands to push her hair away from her face. But the mussed-up strands fall back in a heap. Then she lets out a deep sigh that seems laced with pain.

  “I know this Ian thing is hard on you,” I begin carefully. “And I can’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to be in your shoes. In fact, I’m sure I’d be totally freaking.”

  “You got that right.”

  “But I also think it’s really important for Ryan to meet him. I mean, think about it. Ian is like the last connection to Ryan’s dad. Can you imagine what that might mean to Ryan? He’s never even known his dad. And you know that Danielle hardly ever spoke of him, not until just before she died, and that wasn’t much. Besides, you said yourself that you brought Ryan over here to trace his family’s—”

  “Ian is not part of Ryan’s family.”

  “But he is a connection to Ryan’s dad. A very strong connection. That might be more important than being related.”

  She closes her eyes and leans her head back.

  “How about if we stay in Malin just one more day?” I plead with her. “Just like you originally planned. And maybe you can do another interview or some research or something…” I’m creating this plan as I speak. “And maybe Ryan and I could meet with Ian right here in town. Like at Callaghan’s. And you could be off somewhere else far away. We could make your excuses for you—say you’re really busy gathering material for your articles and you’ve got lots to do and stuff.”

  She opens her eyes now, and pressing her fingers on either side of her temples, she actually seems to be considering my half-hatched plan. “I guess that would be okay, Maddie.”

  “Really?” I stand up in excitement.

  “Yeah.” She stands up too. “What can it hurt?”

  I throw my arms around her. “Thanks, Sid. That’s really great of you.”

  “As long as you promise to leave me totally out of it.”

  I hold up three fingers in the old Girl Scout pledge. “I promise.”

  “And I do have another interview I can do today. Molly told me about a friend of hers who was at the peace camp a year or two after Danielle and I were there. She lives in Buncrana, which isn’t too far from here. I’ll give her a call and see if I can stop in. And if not, I’ll just do a little sig
htseeing along the coastline. I’ve always heard Malin Head is a must-see.”

  “It definitely is,” I assure her. “To be honest, I was kind of distracted yesterday, but everything I saw was amazing.”

  “Yeah, I imagine I’ll be kind of distracted too.”

  I hug her again. “I’m so sorry about this, Sid. I wish this wasn’t so hard on you.”

  “Me too.”

  Then she goes back to her room, and I go quietly knock on Ryan’s door. When he doesn’t answer, my first reaction is to worry. I mean, he did seem pretty bummed last night. Then I realize he probably just got up early and went out to get some breakfast. So I head over to town and end up in the same bakery as yesterday. And there he is, standing at the counter, ordering his breakfast.

  “Great minds again,” I say as I step up behind him.

  “Check out today’s breakfast special.” He points to the blackboard. “An Irish Fry.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  We take our coffees over to a table, and I tell him the good news.

  “Seriously?”

  I nod. “Yep. She’s giving us today to meet Ian.”

  “That is so cool. And there’s a pay phone right outside. Should I go call him now?”

  I slap my forehead. “I gave his number to Sid.” “Do you think she’s left?”

  “I hate to bug her,” I say. “Especially for Ian’s number. Kind of like rubbing salt in the wound. I’ll just get it from Quin again.”

  So we finish our breakfast and head for the bike shop, which fortunately opens early. The little bell on the door dings merrily as we go inside.

  “Booking another tour, are you?” Darby greets us with a bright smile.

  “No thanks,” I say. “I just need to get Ian’s number again.”

  “So you’re going to give him a ring after all?” She looks hopeful.

  “Ryan’s going to call him,” I explain as she writes down the number. “My aunt, well, she needs to think about it. And she has some interview stuff to do today. You know, she’s really here in Ireland on assignment.” Okay, that’s the best I can do without actually lying. Although I’m sure Darby has her own suspicions.

  “Why don’t you just ring him from here?” suggests Darby. “Quin won’t mind. And if you need privacy, you can use the telephone in the back room.”