by Joy Elbel
Shelly was so excited by the idea that she even offered to throw in a certificate for a tux rental and suggested we get started on finding me a dress. I’d never been to a prom or homecoming or anything so the thought of buying my first fancy dress was daunting. Was there a store that specialized in gowns stunning enough to wear with a Norse god on your arm? I resolved to find one or die trying.
The selection in most stores was slim since it was well past prom season. But in the front window of the bridal shop, I found the perfect dress. It was full length with a slit up the right side and a deep ruby red hue. The neckline was a high-cut halter with an open back. While Dad wasn’t going to be thrilled at how much skin I would be exposing, Shelly thought he would rather I show my back and not my cleavage and I was in agreement. She seemed just as excited by the dress as I was and barreled up to a saleslady to ask for one in my size while I watched in amazement. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but suddenly she wasn’t the evil stepmother anymore. And with all of the other stress in my life, I was grateful for that. She found a great pair of heels in the same shade of red while we waited for the saleslady to emerge from the backroom. They looked stupid with the shorts I was wearing but I felt like a princess in them. But I certainly didn’t walk like one. Four inch heels were a bit out of my comfort zone. I would have to practice—a lot—before attempting to dance in those gorgeous weapons of self-destruction. I seriously reconsidered the shoe choice until I saw how good they looked with the dress. And how good I looked in the dress.
But there was one last thing to consider—whether or not they would make me taller than Zach. Because that would be a definite no-no. So I stood at the dressing room mirror forever, awkwardly trying to calculate his height against my reflection. When I thought I had a good estimate, I slipped back into the shoes and analyzed the situation. With the shoes on, I would be just under 5’ 10”—a hair shorter than Zach. Perfect. Mind made up, they boxed up the shoes for me and took my measurements so the dress could be altered to perfection. And as I walked out the door, there was a bounce in my step that even Rachel couldn’t rival.
We made one last stop at The Village to get Rachel’s present, a silver bracelet with clusters of multi-colored blue stones. She admired it the day we went shopping together but put it back sadly when she saw the price tag. It was a little more than I would have spent on myself, but she was a good friend and worth every penny of what it. With a healthy supply of wrapping paper and ribbons already waiting for us at home, all we needed now was a quick trip to the grocery store.
I loaded the cart with microwaveable meals, tons of yogurt and several cases of diet soda. I snuck in two cloves of garlic when Shelly was picking out bananas and slipped it into the bottom of the cart. Sneaking half a dozen packages of salt into the cart without her noticing would be impossible so I came up with a quick excuse.
“I read online that sprinkling salt around your house keeps the spiders out,” I said as I threw multiple packages into the cart. Ghost spiders, maybe.
“Really?” Shelly and I shared a distinct hatred for spiders so I knew she wouldn’t be opposed. “Better grab a few more, we have a big house,” she said, chucking four more packages into the cart. Ten minutes and a few bags of chocolates later, we were through the checkout and heading home.
Shopping kept my mind occupied for a while but the second my mind wasn’t engaged in dresses or ghost spiders, I began to worry about Zach again. I looked at my phone to see if I had any new texts but found nothing. He couldn’t exactly carry a phone around with him while he was in the water—I knew that. But there was still a definite tinge of worry that I hadn’t heard from him in hours. He was insanely athletic so he had to be a good swimmer too, didn’t he? I would have felt much better if he said he was hitting something safer like the teacup ride instead.
The first thing I did when we got home was form the circle of salt around the house. It was a good thing Shelly picked up a few extra packages because I grossly underestimated the amount of salt it would take to encircle the mansion. Once that was finished, I set about placing the garlic in every corner of the attic, careful to hide it so that Mimi and Coco wouldn’t find it. That, and I would have had a really hard time explaining it if Dad and Shelly saw it. She bought the story about the salt, what could I say garlic was supposed to repel, snakes?
By the time I had the mirror hung backwards on the inside of my bedroom door, it was nearly seven o’clock. The sound of my dad’s car in the driveway meant an end to my battle against the supernatural, at least for the night. My dad had been bringing takeout home with him for supper lately so I ran down to see what was on the menu this time.
I met them in the kitchen and found two buckets of chicken and enough biscuits and mashed potatoes to feed a third world country. Fighting ghosts was a tough business and I was starving. As we ate, Shelly told my dad about the idea for a cookout. He agreed that it was a good idea and took it a step further by suggesting we invite Andy, too. I was cool with that—the more adults there were, the more they would talk and not notice we were missing from the party. And more time spent alone, meant more time spent kissing. While the kisses we shared were great, I was aching for something more intimate and a little less elementary school playground.
When the last of the food was gone from my plate, I checked the clock on the microwave, surprised to see that over an hour had passed. At least it was time that was flying tonight and not the silverware drawer. I asked Shelly if she could drive me to the shelter every day until Zach and Rachel returned and she agreed, adding that we would have to stop off at the police station to pick up the forms I needed to get my learner’s permit. My driver’s license—finally! If I kept myself busy, it would feel like Zach was home sooner.
With two hours to kill until Zach’s call, I settled into the futon to watch a movie. I picked a romantic comedy—not my favorite kind of movie, but anything was better than horror. With a bowl of chocolate drizzled popcorn by my side, I struggled to pay attention to the television and not the clock. It wasn’t an easy task. True to his word as always, at exactly ten my phone rang.
15. Promises Broken
I curled up in bed with my phone glued to my ear and did the best I could to make it feel as though he were actually there in the room with me. He told me all about his day at the water park and I felt silly for worrying that something would happen to him there. What happened to Lee was in the past and I needed to learn how to leave it there.
I told him about my day, too, leaving out my ghost repelling activity, of course. I was never very good at surprises so I made him swear secrecy then told him what I got Rachel for her birthday. He assured me that his sister was going to love it. When I asked him if he wanted any hints about his gift, he declined.
“You didn’t have to get me anything. You’re all the birthday present I need.”
I leaned my head back on the teddy bear and noticed that it still slightly smelled like him. I closed my eyes and tried even harder to pretend he was beside me and not two hundred miles away.
“Are you ever not perfect?” How did he always know the right thing to say?
“I was before I met you. It’s all your fault, you know. You made me perfect.”
“I did?” What exactly did he mean by that? Horrible thought. Was I lying comatose in a hospital somewhere and all of this was nothing more than the product of my sickened brain? Finding out that the haunting was only in my imagination would be a relief. Finding out that Zach didn’t exist…well, let’s just say I would find a way to pull that life support plug myself.
“Yeah, I found everything I was missing when I found you.”
How could that be possible? How could someone like him be missing anything in his life that I could provide? “Oh...that’s an interesting way of looking at it. But I like it. I guess that makes me perfect, too.” Or at least as close to it as a girl like me would ever come.
“Good. I want you to need me as much as I need you. It’s o
nly fair that way. Ruby….”
Call me psychic, but I knew what was coming next. He was going to ask me about Lee—I could sense it.
“Have you heard from what’s his face?”
“Lee? No, nothing.” If I could only tell Zach about everything I’d done to ensure that it stayed that way! And that I did it all for him.
“Good. Just remember the promise you made me. If he comes anywhere near you, I want to know about it, okay?”
“Okay, I won’t forget.” Forget, no. Lie, absolutely.
“I was wondering, though, was he always like that with you? Abusive, I mean?”
When Lee was alive, he was a nice guy. Just nowhere near as nice as Zach. But even with everything that happened in the past month, I felt obligated to defend Lee. And defend myself. There was no way I would stay with someone who hurt me.
“Absolutely, not!” I nearly shouted into the phone.
Zach sat silent for a moment then replied, “Sorry, I just assumed. But I can’t help but notice that you’re quick to defend him.” Was that jealousy I detected in his voice?
Great. Now Zach was going to think I was taking Lee’s side on the matter. I rushed to explain myself. “No, he’s just a totally different person since he….” I caught my tongue just before the word ‘died’ slipped out.
“Since he what?”
I struggled for an answer. What kind of excuse would make sense? “Since he lost me,” I finally sputtered out.
My choice of words worked and I could hear the calmness slowly seep back into his voice. “I guess I can’t blame him. If I ever lost you, I just might become a different person, too. Not that I would ever hurt you that way or anything but I guess I can understand how desperate he is to get you back.”
And I was desperate to change the subject, so I mentioned the one thing I thought would make him forget all about Lee. “It’s going to be weird working at the shelter tomorrow without you or Rachel.”
“I can imagine. And not being there will be weird for me, too. I forgot to tell you, though—Andy’s going to ask you to help with the upcoming fundraiser, sending invitations and stuff. So, sorry, but Luck won’t be giving you a bath while I’m gone.”
The fundraiser. The one I was getting us tickets to. Now was my chance to see what he thought about the idea without giving anything away. So, innocently, I asked, “What fundraiser?”
“It’s this fancy dinner at the Charlotte’s Grove Country Club. Formal dress—tuxes and gowns only. They have one every July to benefit the shelter. This year it’s on my birthday, the thirty-first. It brings in a lot of money. If I had enough cash, I would take you. Maybe next summer.”
His response thrilled me on two levels. First, he sounded like he really wanted to go to the fundraiser. Second, he was already planning on still being with me next year at this time. Thank you, Shelly, for the perfect gift idea!
So I contained my excitement—barely—and played along with him. “Next year sounds good. I wouldn’t have time to find the perfect dress for this year anyway.” And of course I pictured my gorgeous new dress while I said it.
Zach seemed happy to hear that his lack of money wasn’t the only thing holding us back. “I never thought about that. Yeah, next year would be much better.”
Unable to wait for Shelly to officially invite them, I introduced the idea of the cookout to him. He promised to tell his parents and get back to me with an answer the next night.
I lost all concept of time when I was with Zach and apparently that also held true for long distance conversations. When I glanced at the clock, I saw that it was almost midnight already. I would have to get up early in the morning for the first time in over a week so I reluctantly reminded him of that. We said our goodbyes and I hit play to start the CD. Just after I turned out the lights, I received a text. ‘Mwah!’ was all it said. Funny how one dorky joke had somehow become a nightly ritual for us. But dorky or not, it made me feel closer to him so I sent a kiss back. I survived the first day without him and felt positive that it was also the first of many days without Lee.
3:00. The eerie red glow of the numbers on my alarm clock was the only thing I saw when I opened my eyes. The music from the CD player had long since stopped, leaving the room in silence. Why was I even awake? I had about five more hours before I had to get up. Unlike earlier, the room was pleasantly cool—the kind of temperature that was easy to sleep in. If I rolled over and pulled the covers tight, I would sleep straight through. One problem, though—I couldn’t move. I was pinned flat on my back to the mattress.
It was, without a doubt, the most terrifying sensation imaginable. While I could still feel my arms and legs, no matter how hard I tried, they just wouldn’t budge. The chill in the air grew steadily colder until it felt like I was trapped in a freezer. I wasn’t alone. I couldn’t see any movement but he was there watching me, I could feel it. I willed my body to move, over and over again but nothing happened. I was helpless. Again. Was this how I would die? Would they find me in the morning, eyes wide open, body rigid? Would my death destroy Zach the way Lee’s did me or, worse yet, would I come back from the dead and destroy him myself? Maybe it’s all a dream. Maybe I can wake myself up. I’d heard of sleep paralysis, maybe that’s what this was. Maybe my brain was only half awake. The fact that there was a total lack of sound in the room made me think my theory was correct. I should at least be able to hear something if I was truly awake. All of my other senses were working so it had to be nothing more than a wretched half-awake nightmare. But just as I started to believe it, the silence was broken by the one sound that terrified me the most.
A song. Not just any song, the song. It flooded the room note by note, washing over me like the water in the river that day. It was the song that played as Lee fell to his death. Ironically, “Summer’s First Death” was the title. It used to be my favorite Cold Eternal song but I hadn’t listened to it since Lee died. At least not knowingly, that is. It had to be on the CD Zach made for me. I fell asleep before the end both nights I listened to it. Defenseless, I lay there knowing I was about to relive every single moment leading up to Lee’s death.
“Will you be my, my love eternal? Would you die, die to be with me? Will you cry for, for me eternal? Close your eyes, I’ll give my death to you.” The haunting voice echoed through my brain taking me back to that day. The day I swore I would never think about again.
Tears rolled down my motionless face, the only things moving in the darkness. I should have died instead of Lee. Why didn’t I? If it weren’t for me, he would still be alive. But what happened that day couldn’t be taken back and the guilt was excruciating. If the situation were reversed, would I torture him the same way? Would I be so full of hatred that I would ruin any chance of happiness for him? Not knowing the answer made me cry even harder.
The song ended but the guilt remained as I lay there immobile, wishing I could permanently erase every memory of that day. I never knew terror so real. At least before, I had a chance to fight back. But it was stronger now and there was no choice but to submit. I closed my eyes in defeat. This was how I was going to die! Oh please, let it be painless! Please let it be quick!
Just as I resigned to my fate, the invisible chains that bound me suddenly vanished. I could move again! I was free! I leapt from the bed and ran from the room slamming the door behind me. I had to get as many walls between me and that attic as I possibly could. After a quick stop in the kitchen, I made my way to the conservatory because it was in the furthest corner on the opposite side of the mansion. I cracked open the first of many cans of diet soda and sat vigilant until the first rays of sunlight seeped through the glass panes.
Daylight helped me cope but I spent very little time in my bedroom. After my shower, I ran for the living room in just a towel and sat that way until it was almost time to leave. I knew I would have to go in there for clothes and shoes but I was afraid of what I would find there. When I finally got enough courage to walk inside, I found that the air was
warm and the room felt normal again. There was only one thing out of place in that room—the line of shoes at the bottom of my bed. They were all neatly facing in one direction now.
After a long day of licking envelopes and placing phone calls to the people who attended the benefit the year before, I left the shelter tired and in need of a serious caffeine boost. Sitting at the desk in Andy’s tiny office all day would have been mind-numbing on the best of days let alone on two hours of sleep. The only contact I had with the animals was on lunch when I snuck Luck an extra treat for his role in getting Zach and I together.
When Shelly came to pick me up, she talked to Andy alone for a moment then returned with an envelope which she promptly handed to me.
“What’s this?” I asked. It was a plain white envelope with only mine and Zach’s names written on it.
“Those are your tickets for the fundraiser, silly! Geez, you must’ve had a rough day if you couldn’t even figure that one out!”
Rough night was more like it. But I gave her a halfhearted laugh and told her about the boring day I’d had. “Oh, and don’t forget to stop at the ATM on the way home, I still have to pay you for them.” My bank account took a serious hit after yesterday’s shopping trip but I still had enough left to cover the tickets. Barely.
Shelly held up her hand in protest. “Not necessary. Your father and I talked last night and we both decided that we want to pay for the tickets for you.”
“But you bought my dress and shoes and you’re even paying for the tux rental, what’s left for me to do? This is supposed to be my gift to Zach, not yours and Dad’s.”