by Joy Elbel
His car was already at the shelter when we arrived. I felt like I just got punched in the gut. Was it too late to back out now? Shelly stopped the car and turned off the engine. “Come on Ruby, we have work to do.”
I was confused. We? I suddenly had an image of Shelly walking into the shelter like a mother bear and ripping into Zach for what he’d done. “You’re staying?” I asked with trepidation.
“No, we just need to pick up the fliers I promised Andy we would post around town today—unless you want to stay and scoop litter instead.”
Yes! She came to my rescue again! I was still caught in a black hole of deep despair but that cheered me up tremendously. “No, I’ll come with you.” I said it just a little too quickly but I didn’t care. At that moment, she was my hero.
I let her walk in the door first. My goal was to avoid a face to face confrontation but still catch a glimpse of him from afar. I hid behind her, but the only sign of life came from the wildly barking dogs. We headed straight for Andy’s office and found a box of fliers on the desk where he told her he would leave them for her. As we turned to leave, I saw Rachel coming out of the back room. She saw me too and started walking toward us.
“Ruby!” she called down the hallway.
I couldn’t discern any specific emotion in her voice. Was she happy to see me or wondering how I could show my face in the shelter again? I couldn’t tell. And I would never know because all of a sudden Zach popped into view.
He called her name sternly. “Rachel!”
She turned to face him and he whispered something to her quietly. Rachel followed him to the back and out of view. He wouldn’t even look at me. What was left of my heart just turned to ash and blew away in the breeze. Shelly opened the door and ushered me outside. We got into the car and drove away.
Posting the fliers took longer than I expected but it wasn’t like I had anything else to do. Except for cry—that was definitely on my schedule for the day. The worst part was that the fliers were to promote the fundraiser that Zach and I were supposed to go to. Who would he take instead? A vision of Misty Landrum in a barely-there dress sliced into my brain.
When the last of the fliers was hanging in the window of Roseman’s Floral Emporium, we drove home. I thanked Shelly for what she did for me and she replied, “That’s what I’m here for.” I spent the rest of the day slinking around the house and crying sporadically.
By the next day, I felt brave enough to tackle spending the day at the shelter alone. And I do mean alone. The only words I spoke were a quiet greeting to Andy as I headed to the cat adoption room. I cleaned the room all by myself and spent the last hour brushing its occupants. Even they barely socialized with me. I could hear Zach’s and Rachel’s laughter as they washed the dogs in the back and I couldn’t help but remember the day that Zach and I washed Luck. It seemed like a lifetime ago. When four o’clock came and Shelly pulled into the parking lot, I almost ran straight through the door in my haste to get out. I felt like I just spent the last six hours in the Third Circle of Hell.
Every day that week was the same. They avoided me, I worked alone in exile, and then I ran from the shelter like it was on fire as soon as I heard Shelly’s car. By the time Friday afternoon came, I was emotionally dead inside. As Shelly dropped me off at the front door, I saw a car coming in behind us. It was Rachel’s.
What should I do? Was she here to argue or to make peace? I quieted the part of my brain that told me to run for it. She parked near the fountain and strolled to the porch. She twirled a lock of blonde hair between her fingers nervously.
“Ruby, we need to talk.”
I didn’t like the tone of her voice but it was too late to hide. Time for the showdown.
18. Untangling the Vines
Rachel took a seat on the steps and asked me to sit with her. I felt a little less threatened when she sat down so I joined her. Who sits down for a fight, right?
“I want to say I’m sorry, Ruby. I wanted to talk to you a million times this week but I was torn between talking to my friend and being loyal to my brother. I shouldn’t have let what happened between you and Zach stop me from talking to you. But the truth is I don’t even know what happened. The last I saw, you guys were holding hands and everything was perfect. He won’t tell me a single thing—just that he can never even be friends with you again. I came here to make peace between us.” She hesitated then added, “And maybe get the truth out of at least one of you.”
The black veil over my heart lifted just a little. Even if I couldn’t have Zach back at least maybe I wouldn’t be alone in this godforsaken town. “Let’s go up to my room. We can talk there.”
Rachel smiled and bounced up the steps. It looked like a black veil lifted for her, too. When we got to the attic, she plopped into the saucer chair and I got us each a diet soda from the mini fridge. Coco climbed into her lap and it was almost like the first night she was here. The only thing missing was Zach. It was like putting together a jigsaw puzzle only to find that you were missing the one piece that made the picture make sense.
“So first fill me in on a few things. Zach’s very quiet about your relationship. He’s just private like that. I know he really likes you but that’s about all I know. Talk to me girl!”
“Well, for starters, it’s liked—past tense. He made that clear to me Saturday night.” It was a relief to finally talk about it with Rachel. She knew Zach better than anyone else in the world—if anyone would understand the situation, it would be her.
“Don’t be so sure of that. If he didn’t still like you, he wouldn’t be so miserable.”
I wanted to believe she was right, I really did. But to get my hopes up and have them smashed was not an option. I was fragile enough as it was.
“He’s miserable?” I tried not to sound too excited when I said it.
“Totally!”
“He didn’t seem miserable at the shelter all week. He just seemed pissed.”
“Yeah, he was just trying to act like he didn’t care because you were there. You should see him at home, though. It’s a completely different story.” She took a drink of her soda and then added, “He’s been a hot mess since you guys broke up.”
I didn’t want him to be unhappy but I did want him to be unhappy without me. Selfish or not, that was the truth. High five for honesty!
“What do you mean by hot mess?” I needed details!
“Well he spends most of his time in the basement working out. Every night since you broke up, I could hear him going rounds with the punching bag and then periods of silence for what seemed like forever. So last night I snuck down the stairs for a peek. He didn’t know I was there. I watched him punch that thing full throttle and then just collapse against it crying. Over and over. I feel bad for him. I’ll do anything I can to get you two back together again.”
I made him cry? I felt sick inside like something was trying to claw its way out of my stomach. I knew exactly what it was too. The truth.
“I don’t know if that’s possible. But I would do anything I could to be with him again. But how can I make things right when he won’t even talk to me?”
“Well…you can start by telling me what happened. If there’s some sort of misunderstanding maybe I can help clear it up.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it a misunderstanding. I lied to him about something—something big. I don’t know if he can forgive me.”
“Let me guess. It has something to do with that ex-boyfriend of yours, doesn’t it?” Rachel was smarter than I gave her credit for.
“Yes…but it’s complicated. I know that sounds like some lame excuse but it really is the only way to describe it. I just don’t know where to start.”
“Try at the beginning.” She laughed and it eased some of the tension I was feeling. I took a deep breath and let it rip.
I told Rachel about the night we went to the drive-in and everything we talked about when we were alone on the hill. She was on the edge of her seat listening to every
detail.
“Wow, he really did fall hard for you Ruby. He is totally the perfect boyfriend—not for me of course! I love Boone with all my heart but I do wish he could be more romantic like that.”
“Yeah, your brother is absolutely perfect—I was a fool to ruin it. I’ll never find another guy who will treat me the way he did.”
“For real, Ruby, stop talking about it in the past tense. I told you, I’ll find a way to fix this.”
I wanted so badly to believe her. “Okay, okay! Like he does!” She was making me feel better already. Would I still feel that way after I told her everything?
“So that following week you were sick and then you came over to our house for the night. When does the lying start?” Rachel acted as though she were watching a four star movie, hanging on my every word.
“I wasn’t exactly sick that week. I actually went to the hospital for stitches after I got home that night.”
“Stitches?! What happened?” She leaned forward in her chair, eyes wide. I was tempted to offer her some hot buttered popcorn and a box of overpriced candy from the concession stand.
“I had an ‘accident’ of sorts and I didn’t know how to explain it to him so I chose to hide it instead. But he found out about it anyway when he put his hand on the back of my head when we hugged.”
“So how did it happen? What did he say when he found out?”
“He jumped to the conclusion that Lee was here. He assumed Lee hurt me because he found out about my feelings for Zach. So I didn’t tell him the truth.”
“So if it wasn’t Lee, how did it happen?”
“Well it was Lee and it wasn’t. This is the complicated part.”
“Screw complicated—it’s downright confusing!” She shook her head. “Am I going to understand this story by the time you get to the end?”
“I sure hope so.” Even I was confused and it was my story.
“Okay, just go on. The sooner you get to the end, the sooner I’ll know what’s going on.”
“Well, Zach got really mad. The thought of Lee beating me up because of him sent him into a rage—he was ready for a fight. He thought Lee was still here and he wanted to rip him to shreds. But Lee was gone, and I assured Zach that Lee and I weren’t together anymore. He calmed down but he invited me over so he would know that I was safe that night.”
“Aww, that sounds like him! No wonder he was so sweet with you that night.”
“You don’t even know the half of it! After I turned out the lights, he came to my window and, well, he said he would always be there to protect me.” I smiled just thinking about that night.
“Really?! What did you say?!” She was so excited that I thought she might wet her pants.
“I told him that I felt safe when I was with him—like nothing bad could ever happen as long as we were together. Then I kissed him.”
“Shut up! You kissed him first?”
I nodded my head and smiled. “I sure did.”
“Wow, this is getting good! What happened next?”
“Nothing. We both went to sleep and I decided that I would tell him the truth about Lee the next day. But when he told me that you guys were going on vacation, I decided that what I had to tell him was too big of a bomb to drop just before he left. So I thought it would be best to wait until he returned. He made me promise to call him if Lee showed up.”
“So this secret you’re keeping—when you told him, he dumped you?”
I shook my head no and I could see the confusion return to her face. “I didn’t have a chance to tell him. He found something else that made him furious. That’s why he dumped me.”
“What did he find? Was Lee here? Did he find Lee?”
“No. He found this.” I pulled my hoodie up over my head. The bruises were now a sick shade of yellow but they were still quite obvious.
Her jaw dropped in shock. “Oh my God, Ruby! Did Lee try to kill you?”
“Well, that’s another complicated issue. When Zach saw it, he was furious that I didn’t call him. Furious that I wouldn’t let him protect me. He thought I was still seeing Lee—that I got some kind of sick thrill out of making them both crazy jealous. He said he wouldn’t play the fool anymore. That’s when he dumped me.”
“So you never had a chance to tell him the truth? What is the truth?” Rachel’s eyes were glued to me in anticipation.
The moment was here. The moment that should have been shared with Zach, not his sister. But it was the only chance I had to get Zach back so I had to take it. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and said the words I swore I would never say to anyone in this town.
“Lee is dead. He died a year ago. He died because of me and now he’s haunting me because I’ve moved on.” I heard a soft thud and opened my eyes. Rachel sat before me so stunned that she didn’t even seem to notice that her can of soda was now on the floor, its contents spilling across her foot.
19. Destiny Undone
I immediately jumped up from the futon and grabbed a roll of paper towels to clean up the mess. It took Rachel a moment to realize what happened but once the initial shock wore off, she hurried to help me.
“I’m sorry, Ruby! I just…well, I…I’m sorry. I don’t know what I expected to hear you say, but it certainly wasn’t that!”
I tossed the soggy towels into the garbage, grabbed another drink for her and sat back down. “As weird as that was to hear, it was about a thousand times weirder to say. I never wanted anyone here to know about it. I came here to get away from the stigma of being the girl with the dead boyfriend.”
Rachel sat silent for a moment. I was waiting for the inevitable question, ‘how did he die?’ but instead, she simply said, “Tell me about him—about your relationship.”
I knew that the end result of the conversation was going to be an explanation of Lee’s death but I was happy to first talk about the good Lee, the Lee I loved in life before he turned into that hideous, vengeful entity.
“It all started when I was four. I don’t remember anything before we met—all I have to go on are the stories my dad told me. My mom was pregnant with my sister, Miranda. I was quite a little brat I guess and told my mom I didn’t want a baby sister. I went so far as to say that I hoped the baby died.”
Rachel was perched on the edge of her chair again and I lamented the fact that I didn’t charge admission. But at least she was listening to me which was more than I could say for Zach.
“By the time she went into labor, I changed my mind. I wanted that baby sister and I wanted to watch her be born. My dad was afraid that it would be too intense for me to see my mom like that so he asked the neighbors, Lee’s parents, to watch me for a few hours until it was all over. He promised that when he got home he would take me to see them. When my dad came back, he was crying. There were complications and Mom and Miranda both died.”
Rachel exhaled as though she’d been holding her breath since I started the story. “I didn’t know your mom was dead. I just thought they were divorced. And your sister, too. Sorry to hear that, Ruby.”
“Yeah, well I’ve gotten used to it, I guess. I don’t even remember her. Sometimes that makes it easier, sometimes the opposite.”
“Wow…go on.”
“When my dad told me they were gone and that he couldn’t take me to see them, I threw a tantrum. Called him a liar and said I hated him. My dad took it all pretty hard as you can imagine. He was now a single father with a bratty four year old who hated him. He had a double funeral to plan and he needed to find a nanny for me. So Mark and Megan Lucas, Lee’s parents, offered to help out until he got things settled. I spent most of that summer there with Lee and we became best friends. I liked him because he was so outgoing and friendly—everything I wasn’t.”
“When it came time for us to start school, Lee was the only thing that made it bearable. I was so shy and damaged because I thought my mom’s and sister’s deaths were my fault—because I wished it would happen and then it did.” I couldn’t believe I wa
s baring my soul to Rachel like that. But if there was even the slightest chance that it could bring Zach back to me, I had to do it. If I could even just get his friendship back, it would be enough for me. I couldn’t live my life without him in it. He meant that much to me.
Rachel interrupted. “You thought you killed them because of what you said? How awful it must have been for you, living with that guilt.”
“It was. But little by little, Lee took that pain away. Seeing all of these mothers picking up their kids and all I had was my wretched old nanny Mrs. Ballard to greet me, it was rough. I’ll never forget the day one of the kids was making fun of me because I didn’t have a mom. We were at recess playing Duck, Duck, Goose and Heather Carlini started picking on me. I was almost in tears. Lee hit her especially hard on the head as he went around the circle. When he got to me, he kissed me and yelled ‘goose’. It was my first kiss and it took the tears away. He was always there when I needed him.”
“Aww, how sweet of him! Some kids can be so cruel, can’t they? I can’t even imagine making fun of someone because their mom died.”
“Tell me about it. After that, Lee and I were inseparable. Things were good until the year Lee turned seven. His dad was an engineer who joined the military to pay for college. He was still in the reserves and after September 11th, a lot of those units got deployed. He died that October while in Afghanistan—just days before Lee’s birthday.”