by Joy Elbel
“Just open it. The suspense is killing me.”
He hesitated but finally grabbed a plastic knife left over from the picnic, slid it under the flap, and teased it open. His eyes grew wide when the tickets fell out and he realized what they were.
“Wow! I don’t know what to say. This is awesome, Ruby! We’re going to the fundraiser! Are you going to be able to find a dress in time?”
“I already have one. Shoes, too. I bought them the day I went shopping with Shelly. The dress is gorgeous. It’s….”
He stopped me there. “You’re not supposed to tell me what the dress looks like. I’m supposed to be surprised when I see you in it.”
“That’s only when you’re getting married, silly! But okay, I at least have to tell you the color so you can match your accessories.”
“That’s all I want to know though. But first, let me guess. Is it red?”
Was he psychic? “How did you know?”
“You look especially beautiful in red. It’s your color.”
Again, the perfect thing to say. Why couldn’t I be so eloquent? “Are you positive you like your gift? I had no idea what else to get you.”
“Ruby, I love it. I wanted to take you but I just couldn’t come up with that much money in time. You shouldn’t have spent so much money on me though.”
“Actually, I didn’t. Shelly and Dad bought them for us. I tried to pay her back but she wouldn’t take it. They did it because they like you—you make me happy.”
He looked satisfied. “That’s all I want, you know, to make you happy.”
I hugged him and whispered in his ear, “You do.”
We held each other close for a while until he finally said, “Your turn.”
He handed me the package and I opened it carefully. Inside was a black velvet box. I flipped the lid up to find a silver chain with a key charm hanging from it. The key was covered in red stones and took the shape of a heart. It was just like the charm bracelet Lee gave me the day he died.
“I know it matches the bracelet he gave you but I figured it was about time I gave you the key to my heart, too.” I was touched that he remembered the day we met so vividly that he knew they were a perfect match. He didn’t deserve a liar like me—he deserved someone much better.
He took the box from my trembling hands and removed the chain from its satin bedding. “Here—let’s see how it looks on you.”
I totally forgot about my scarf and the reason I was wearing it. I was too busy feeling Zach-tastic to notice as he unwound it. He clasped the necklace and slid the scarf down. As he pulled back to admire his gift, horror and anger filled his face. When I saw his reaction, I knew the moment had come to reveal the truth. Well, actually, the moment passed a long time ago but this one was going to have to do.
“Zach, I….” That was all I could manage to say—the look on his face terrified me.
I expected screams, I expected accusations but instead he said nothing to me. Not a single word. And that was the most frightening part. He simply grabbed my hand and led me to his car. He yelled over to the rose garden, “Ruby and I are going for a ride.” Diane and Shelly smiled and waved, oblivious to the seething rage bubbling barely below the surface. His hand shook as he opened the door for me. They continued to tremble as he took the wheel and drove away from Rosewood. We drove in a deafening silence.
I assumed he was taking me to The Hideout but he kept driving past the turn off to his house. “Where are we going?” I asked.
“Not far,” he answered abruptly. I’d seen him mad before, but never quite like this. Less than a mile from the house, he turned off down a dirt road. A weathered sign reading “Silver Lake” hung lopsided on a small post just around the bend. In all the moments spent dreaming of this night, never once did I suspect that it would lead me to a place like this.
Mother Nature herself seemed to be mimicking his mood. The once clear sky was now cloaked in dark clouds. Dust kicked up by the tires swirled around us as Zach barreled down the path. It was scary here—I didn’t like it at all. It was too remote and it reminded me of things I never wanted to think about again. As we came to the end of the road, the lake rose up in front of us. The water was eerily calm in contrast to the sheer fury that was churning inside Zach. We needed to talk but this was the worst possible place he could have taken me.
As we pulled off to the right, I noticed that we weren’t alone. A boy about our age was standing beside an old, beat up Mustang. His hair was long and his clothes were greasy like he’d worked on the engine for a week straight. If I hadn’t been with Zach, I would have been afraid of him. He waved to me as we passed and I assumed he must be someone Zach knew. I gave a weak smile and a half-hearted wave in return. Zach kept his eyes forward and never even acknowledged him.
We pulled up beside a wooden pavilion and he stopped the car. When he turned off the headlights, my apprehension grew. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t like the water, I didn’t like the strange boy, and I didn’t like the anger brewing inside Zach. Lee or no Lee, I wanted to go home. Now.
When he finally spoke, I wished I could have the silence back. “So you like to play games, don’t you?” A look full of hatred and betrayal spread across his face.
“What are you talking about?” I was dumbfounded. What did he mean by that?
“You heard me. Don’t play dumb—I can see right through you now. So do you get off on getting beat up and then finding some dumbass to come to your rescue?”
I opened my mouth to respond but he kept going. “I just want you to know I won’t be your dumbass any more. You’ll have to find someone else’s heart to rip out.”
I started to cry. “You don’t understand!” I shouted at him.
“Oh, I understand alright! I understand that you promised me you would tell me the second he came back and you didn’t. I told you I would protect you but obviously you don’t want me to. If you won’t let me help you, there’s nothing more I can do.”
“I planned on telling you everything tonight,” I said with tears rolling down my cheeks. “I just didn’t have the chance to explain before you saw the bruises.”
“So when did this happen? Why didn’t you call me?” The vein in his neck beat dangerously against his skin.
“It happened last night but there’s too much to the story! I had to tell you in person!” I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand.
“What is there to tell? You let this guy rough you up and then you run to me for sympathy. I don’t want to play games. I liked you and I was stupid enough to think you liked me, too. And you can stop crying now—your tears won’t work on me anymore.” Then he laughed at me and it sliced right through my gut. My tears ceased instantly and at that exact moment, the sky burst open in a downpour.
Liked. Past tense. That single word matched the impact of a sledgehammer to my chest. It was too late. I shouldn’t have lied to him for so long! And if he only knew how long I’d shielded my tears from the rest of the world! The filigree of lies I’d woven around myself had taken on a life of its own, choking its designer. Lee won. I was alone again and even more miserable than I was when I came to Charlotte’s Grove.
“You’re right. There’s nothing more to say. Take me home.” I was numb inside. I couldn’t bear to be near him anymore. If I told him the truth now, he would only laugh at me again and I wouldn’t be able to handle that.
He started the car and headed back up the road, wipers at full tilt. The boy with the Mustang, undaunted by the rain, waved again as we drove past and I realized he must have heard every word of our conversation. Please don’t let him be the type to gossip! The last thing I needed was for this incident to get back to everyone in school before I even met them.
Zach dropped me off at the front door without saying a word. I wanted to say something to him, to find a way to make everything okay again. But there wasn’t anything that could fix what I’d broken. I lingered for a moment on the porch, drenched to the bone but barel
y noticing and definitely not caring. There was nothing I could do but turn my back and walk away. He revved the engine and took off, crushing my very soul under his tires as he drove away.
17. When It’s Over
I plodded up the stairs in shock. It was over. Everything I had with Zach was over. I could hear the laughter of Dad, Shelly and the Masons drifting through the hallway and it felt so surreal. The world just came to an end. What could there possibly be to laugh about?
When I got to the attic, everywhere I looked something reminded me of him. The cat tree he put together, the bear he won for me at the fair—even the toilet where he bandaged my finger and we almost kissed. I stripped off my wet clothes and slumped onto the bed. Coco came to greet me and I realized I could never even look at her without thinking of Zach. I nuzzled my face into her soft fur and started to cry.
I’d only felt this kind of anguish once before in my life—when Lee died. But as horrible as it sounded, I would have felt better if Zach were dead. At least then I would never have to face him again, never see the hurt and betrayal in his eyes. But I would have to face him—I would have to see him every day at school. We would probably even be in the same homeroom. And what would happen when I saw him with another girl? There was no way a boy like that would stay single for long. When the news got out, he would have a line of teenage girls—and potentially even a few thirty year olds—waiting at his front door. The thought of him kissing someone else caused a searing pain in my chest that I knew would never go away.
I plugged in the CD player and pushed play. I knew it would make me feel worse but I had to push as much sorrow out of my soul as I could. The music taunted me, reminding me of what I just lost. I cried harder with each song. Then I thought of the fundraiser and how excited he was when I gave him the tickets. Now he would be going with someone else. I pictured him on the arm of Misty Landrum and immediately wanted to throw up.
I held the key on my necklace in my hand and marveled at the irony of it all. Lee gave me the bracelet just before I lost him forever. The same thing happened when Zach gave me the necklace. While I felt sure that it wasn’t going to happen, I checked my phone repeatedly to see if he’d changed his mind and sent me my goodnight mwah. Nothing. I was meant to spend the rest of my life alone—there was no other conclusion I could come to. I cried until I slipped into sleep.
I dreamed that we were at Silver Lake, Zach and I. We were talking and laughing like nothing was wrong. We stood at the edge of the water watching the sun set on the horizon. Zach reached for my hand and everything felt right. I heard a car pulling up behind us and turned to see who it was. It was Lee and he was getting out of the beat up Mustang I saw at the lake that night. Oh no, anyone but him! What would happen when Zach saw him there? I couldn’t let them fight—not because of me.
Zach approached him with a smile on his face and I breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was going to be okay. He understood now. They greeted each other with a quick embrace. Lee leaned in and whispered something into Zach’s ear that I couldn’t hear. Zach nodded his head and Lee nodded in agreement. They turned to me and in one swift, synchronized movement they grabbed me and threw me into the lake.
Sinking rapidly, the water rushed into my lungs. I kicked forcefully, struggling my way to the surface. My head emerged from the water and I sputtered and gasped for air. I called to them for help but they just laughed. I rose and sank over and over again, callously ridiculed every time. But I knew I deserved every ounce of their bitterness. Every last ounce. Finally, I gave up and let the water overtake me.
I didn’t want to get out of bed. Ever. The moment I woke up, I remembered that Zach broke up with me and I cried until no more tears would come. My head hurt and my stomach felt full of poison. The hollow feeling in my chest just wouldn’t go away. Visions of Zach and Misty wouldn’t go away. I wanted to die.
The one tiny shred of optimism left in my heartsick body led me to check my phone for a text. Nothing, not even a single word from Rachel. Every text he ever sent me was stored away safely in my phone so I began to read them. Even the unimportant ones—the ones where he’d just responded with a simple ‘k’—made me feel infinitely worse. There was no hope of ever repairing the damage I’d caused, so my brain told me to delete the conversation instead of festering over it. But my heart reminded me that I couldn’t delete him from my memory with just one click so I read each text over and over again until I knew them all by heart. I lay there wallowing in my own misery for hours until there was a knock on my door. Shelly called in to me and I wearily yelled back for her to come in. I pulled the sheet up to cover the marks on my neck just as she entered my bedroom.
“Ruby, is something wrong? It’s almost two o’clock—are you getting out of bed today?”
I should have known she would come to check on me sooner or later but I didn’t want to talk about it. “No, I’m fine.” My voice cracked and I sounded anything but fine.
She sat down on the side of the bed. “What happened last night? I noticed Zach left early.”
I couldn’t hold it in. “We broke up!” I didn’t even make it through my sentence before the dam in my tear ducts burst open.
“Oh, Ruby! I’m so sorry, honey! What happened?” She placed her hand on my shoulder as I shook, fully wrenched with emotion. Reaching up, I threw my arms around her. I’d never hugged Shelly before but now seemed like a pretty good time to start.
She put her arms around me too and for the first time in my life, I almost felt like I had a mother. She held me while I cried and when I was done she got the tissues so I could blow my nose. She waited until I was finished and then asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I shook my head no.
“Are you sure it’s over? I just can’t believe it. He seemed like such a nice boy!”
“It was my fault!” The dam was about to crack. Again.
“How was it your fault? Was he pressuring you to have sex? Because if he was, then he’s not the kind of boy you want to date anyway.” She sure was starting to sound like a mom.
“No! He’s not like that! He dumped me because I lied to him.” The word ‘dumped’ felt so harsh but I didn’t want to spare myself any of the pain. It was all I could feel and I wanted to embrace it.
“Lied? What could you possibly have lied to him about that would make him break up with you like that?” She looked so confused and concerned that I wanted to tell her everything. But I didn’t.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay. If you change your mind though….” She hesitated momentarily and then went on. “Are you sure there’s no chance that you two might get back together? I mean, maybe when he has time to think things over he’ll change his mind.” This was the part where she would try to cheer me up. I didn’t want to be cheered up.
“No. It’s definitely over. And Rachel won’t want to be friends with me anymore either.” No boyfriend, no friends. Yep, school would be the same as it was last year. Different people, same old torture.
“You don’t know that. I know how hard it is to be optimistic right now but I want you to give it some time. Things may get better when you least expect it. But in the meantime, I know that sometimes in situations like this all you want to do is just be miserable for a little while. Is there anything I can get for you? Some Rocky Road maybe?”
Rocky Road ice cream was my biggest weakness. But I knew there wasn’t any in the freezer because I finished the last of it two days ago and forgot to grab some when we went shopping. “We’re out.”
“Well, I’ll go get us some then.” She got up and headed for the door. “Do you want anything else while I’m out? Some barbecue potato chips, maybe?”
My second biggest weakness. I nodded my head and she smiled. “I’ll be back in a few.”
Once she was gone, I heaved my ass out of bed and threw on a hoodie. I wasn’t cold but it was the only way to hide my neck. I checked my phone again in the hopes that Zach had texted me. Nothing. I placed th
e phone on the stand beside my bed just in case. Then I crawled back into bed to wait for Shelly.
When she returned with my chips and ice cream, I found that even my taste buds seemed dead without Zach. I barely ate anything until I swore I couldn’t eat another bite. I did want to lose a few pounds but this was the cruelest diet in the world.
I checked my phone about every five minutes. Was it still turned on? Did I need to charge the battery? Sadly, it was still in perfect working order. I typed out a message telling him I was sorry and begging for a chance to explain. My finger hovered over the send button. How much worse would I feel if he said no or, worse yet, didn’t even respond at all? I deleted the message and cried some more.
Shelly offered to call Andy and tell him that I wouldn’t be volunteering for a few days but I declined. I had to learn to be around him without completely coming unglued and I would rather do it around Andy and the animals than wait until the first day of school. Shelly applauded me for my toughness and assured me she would give me a ride.
When Dad got home from the hospital, he came up to see me. “Shelly told me what happened last night. I’m really sorry.…” He patted me on the head awkwardly like I was a stray dog or something. “If you want to talk about it.…”
I cut him off there. “I know where to find Shelly.”
I could barely talk to my dad about what was for dinner let alone something this personal. I hadn’t been able to talk to him since Lee died. Things just weren’t the same as they were and I doubted they ever would be. I saw the disappointment in his eyes as he nodded and walked away. The only positive thing about the whole situation was that when I was alone, I truly felt alone. There wasn’t a single paranormal vibe in the house.
When the alarm clock went off the next morning, I cringed. My decision to return to the shelter so soon after the breakup was a big mistake. I didn’t want to see Zach and I looked like hell so I definitely didn’t want him to see me either. I got showered and dressed quickly and went outside to sit on the porch. Maybe they would stop to pick me up after all. Maybe Shelly was right and time would change his mind. As it drew nearer to ten o’clock, I waited anxiously, watching for that familiar cloud of dust as he drove toward the mansion. But there was nothing. Shelly pulled the car out of the garage and stopped in front of the house for me to get in. I left Rosewood sad and disappointed. Why did I keep getting my hopes up like that?