Bittersweet: Can she rebuild her life?

by Lyz Kelley

  There were days he wanted to shake his fist at the sky and ask why me?

  Thankfully, the days were getting fewer and farther between, but there were days like today when he wanted to be able to simply kiss a woman without a bunch of added complications.

  Chapter 11

  Leza kept waiting for Heath to call or pop up unexpectedly.

  His kiss was seared into her memory. His wet, hot lips were disturbingly memorable.

  She didn’t hear from him.

  Not the next day, or the day after.

  By day four, relief settled in. Heath was keeping his promise and focusing on Ellie.

  That was good. Wasn’t it?

  However, his kiss had kept her awake most nights, and when she did sleep, her mind and dreams took over.

  While his imaginary hands caressed every part of her body, she could let go. Breathe. Feel. Live.

  The dreams crowded out the reminders of the past and gave her relief.

  She slumped onto the couch to rub her sore feet. You need to stop this—stop thinking about him. Just stop. She pressed a thumb into the arch of her foot.

  She’d worked a double shift, doing both lunch and dinner, and her muscles screamed for relief. Wound tight from working a fast-paced weekend shift, she pressed her thumb along the outer edges of her foot. A couple of hours more and she might be able to sleep.

  She took a full, deep breath, and allowed Truman to snuggle into her lap. “How about you and I watch a movie?”

  He stared at her with his one eye, then stretched out a paw, enjoying the scratches under his chin. “What do you think? Shawshank or Godfather?” Truman plunked a paw on her chin. “No? Okay. What about Transformers?” The cat slowly closed and opened his eye. “Transformers it is. You’ll like Optimus Prime. He’s a good guy, and can do some serious damage.”

  A knock at her door made her glance at the clock. 1:38 a.m. Who could that be?

  She reached for the gun case hidden under the couch, then hesitated.

  No more violence. That’s what she’d promised herself.

  Impatient raps on the door gave her a clue as to who might be stopping by so late. Or was it early?

  Heath. She blew out a lung full of unsettled air, and considered not opening the door until she realized all the cabin lights were on. She couldn't pretend to be asleep.

  Her leg and back muscles spasmed as she got up from the couch and flipped on the porch light to see Heath pacing on the front step. She swung the door wide. “Hey. What’s up? Is something wrong?”

  His body tension could have ignited a bomb.

  “I can’t concentrate. I’m supposed to be studying, but nothing is sticking. El’s at Ashley’s and I left Gunther snoring under the kitchen table. I was hoping you might still be up and willing to have some company.”

  It had been a long time since a guy showed up at her door for something other than criminal activity.

  Then again, the way he looked at her with his dark, I’m-interested expression, gave her female parts a nod and a wink. Sensual hunger racketed through her like a ball in a pinball machine, awakening every spot with a flash of heat.

  Longing. Need. Desire.

  Tilt.

  “Ummm…come in. Truman and I were about to watch a movie.”

  He took a step forward, his eyes dark and direct, his problem obviously on par with hers.

  He didn’t say a word, just ran a finger down the side of her face, then tucked a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. His thumb caressed the side of her mouth. He paused and leaned in.

  Thoughts of sliding away were squashed when her body naturally leaned into his. His lips touched hers. She moaned, but the sound was lost in the consuming kiss. His hands slid around her shoulders and back and tugged her closer while he continued to devour.

  Shocking need raced up her spine, and she wrapped a leg around his calf to feel the contours of his body. He hardened, welcoming her touch, yet he kept his desire in check. The contrast between his gentle touch and hardened state escalated her arousal.

  She wanted to twist his dials to see if he could let go, relinquish control. Heath Watson liked being in control and holding his life in check.

  What would happen if he surrendered to his needs?

  “Heath?”

  “Mmmm?”

  She pulled his hips closer and nibbled on his lower lip. “Don’t you think we should shut the front door?”

  He leaned back a fraction of an inch to look into her eyes. “Are you cold?”

  Hell, no, she wasn’t cold, but he already knew the answer, because his mouth kicked up into a semi-smile. She liked that he understood her.

  He cupped his hands under her butt and lifted her into his arms. With a booted foot, he kicked the door shut and strode further into the living room.

  “Now what?” he asked in a deep, husky tone.

  God, she didn’t think anyone could outdo Ryan Gosling in The Notebook when he told Rachel McAdams, “It’s not gonna be easy…” Noah wanted Allie in the same way Heath wanted her. Completely. Forever.

  She shouldn’t allow him to fall for her. She was a junk drawer full of leftover rubber bands, keys, and clutter.

  “Leza?”

  “Yeah?”

  He tightened his grip to bring her eye to eye. “Are you overthinking this?”

  “No.”

  A flash of a smile appeared an instant before his mouth hungrily covered hers. The warmth from the wood-burning stove didn’t come close to the sizzling heat of his kiss.

  She collapsed into his arms, her body too tired to fight back. At least that was the fiction she used to reassure herself.

  But Heath was the sole reason she wanted to indulge, and her belief that instant chemistry only happened once in a lifetime went up in a flash of flames.

  The false belief vanished and the sexual intensity blazed a new trail.

  This crazy connection had a lot going for it. A deputy could always make a late night stopover, and they could play out a few fantasies, including leather and lace. He could come and go, and they could indulge, satiate their lust. Lust was okay. Comfortable. An erotic place to be.

  Her brain didn’t have to overthink anything. If she could just let the connection happen.

  He set her on the kitchen table. “You sure about this?”

  “I’m in.” For now.

  He tugged at the band holding her hair, and set it free to cascade below her shoulders. She reached to touch him, feel his strength beneath her palms and fingertips. She tugged on the waistband of his jeans, spreading her legs to entice him to step in between.

  He fisted and tugged slightly on her hair, tipping her head back.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Just making sure this is what you want.”

  A sexy alpha guy. Who could have guessed a small-town deputy could be so much fun?

  “Lead the way.”

  He held her gaze, then leaned in and placed one hand on each side of her thighs.

  She leaned her head back, pressing her breasts against his chest while he nibbled his way to her collarbone. Mmmm. Yes. More, please and thank you.

  She stretched her legs open as far as they could go. He lifted her shirt up to her neck. She’d thank Victoria later for the passion in his eyes. He shoved the lace bra over her perky mounds, and licked his way down one hill and up the other.

  “You smell like French fries,” his statement sounded more like a groan.

  “Are you hungry?”

  His eyes flashed dark, like a man with a ravenous appetite. “Starved.”

  She laughed at his expression until he squeezed her nipple into a hardened point. She gasped at the reminder of what she’d been missing since she’d leapt into the toilet bowl of humanity.

  She needed to cleanse her soul. Feel good. Sensual. Like the type of woman a man could love and cherish. He leaned in and blew a hot breath across her skin while continuing to let his fingers play.

  Oh, how she wanted h
im to rip her clothes off and do as he wished. She guessed he could play hard if he wanted, and she wanted him to cut loose, push the limits.

  Quick, short breaths pumped out of her, as if she’d completed the third leg run of a triathlon. Her entire body burned with adrenaline and ached for fulfillment. She wanted to be prodded over the line.

  She wanted…

  He rocked back and grabbed the phone from his pocket. “Deputy Watson.”

  His sudden absence made her feel exposed. She tugged her bra and shirt back into place.

  “Is she okay?”

  He gave her his “stay” look, but she rolled off the table anyway.

  “I’ll be there in ten.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest.

  He shoved the phone in his pocket. “Supposedly Ellie ate too much ice cream. She’s complaining about a stomachache and is demanding to be picked up. Maybe I—”

  “No. Don’t even think about stopping back by. You need to look after Ellie.”

  She fought to catch her breath and tromp down her total arousal. Too bad there wasn’t enough ice in her freezer to fill the bathtub. Even then she might melt the entire lot.

  He reached for the crotch of his pants to readjust. “I shouldn’t have answered the phone.”

  “Yes, you should have.”

  “Then you must not be in the same condition I’m in.” His gaze turned serious.

  “Worse.”

  The jerk dared to smile. “You could always come with me.”

  She paused, rethinking logistics with dogs and cats and a kid. How did she get in these impossible situations?

  “You need to check on Ellie. You promised to make her your priority.”

  “Thanks for the reminder, and the company.” He didn’t move.

  She quirked an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

  “Okay. Okay. I’m going.” He rushed toward the door. Seconds later the SUV’s door slammed shut and the engine started. She watched him drive away and was still standing in the darkness of the living room several minutes later.

  What the hell just happened?

  Heath snuck in the back door of her heart, that’s what happened.

  When would she learn? Seriously. When would she ever learn?

  Chapter 12

  Heath’s body pulsed with desperate need.

  He wanted Leza to scream his name as he pushed her to a monumental orgasm, but it hadn’t happened.

  He could taste her salty flavor on his tongue. The warmth of her skin tingled on his fingertips. God, how he wanted to be inside her.

  His promise to place El first rebounded again, and reminded him why he'd rushed out of her cabin.

  He pocketed his keys and trotted up Chase and Ashley’s driveway.

  “Whoa. False alarm.” Chase met him at the door.

  What the hell? his little head whined.

  Heath scrubbed his hands over his face, trying and failing to rearrange his anger.

  “Come inside,” Chase suggested.

  Heath entered and continued down the long hallway to the oversized kitchen.

  “Hey,” Ashley greeted him in a hushed voice. “Sorry for the false alarm. After I packed Ellie’s bag, and gathered her coat and gloves, I found her asleep. I assumed you didn’t want me to wake her.”

  The last three nights she'd awoken him with various excuses. She had to be exhausted. He was. “Let her sleep.”

  He peeked into the large family room and saw El sound asleep in her teal sleeping bag with yellow, pink and purple butterflies on top. He walked back to the kitchen island and climbed onto the stool, his responsibilities and desires playing tug of war in his chest.

  “Are you okay, man?” Chase slid into the stool next to him.

  “Yeah. Just still trying to adjust to being a dad-type. I don't know how you make it look so easy.”

  Chase huffed a laugh. “There are four of us. Ashley's dad and Gwen help out a lot. We have built-in babysitters for the two on the ground and the other one coming. Plus, Dale's given me some good advice.”

  Heath respected the retired Marine general. Who wouldn't? The guy had a way of making everything and everyone around him fall in line. Babies especially. “Think he can give me some?”

  “It’s not like the Marines where they show you what you need to learn, then break the process into learnable, digestible pieces. The general is more hands-on these days, especially since Gwen let it slip she’s pregnant.”

  “How’s that working for you? Your stepmother and wife pregnant at the same time.”

  “I can hear you,” Ashley warned. “I’m pregnant, not deaf.”

  “Sorry didn’t mean that to sound like a judgment. I’m happy for you. I am. I just don’t know how you manage.”

  “It’s getting a little crowded.” Ashley went to the refrigerator, grabbed a water pitcher then filled and pushed the tall glass in his direction. “Dad’s drawing up plans to build another house.”

  “Thanks.” And here he thought he had a handle on his new life.

  He never felt more outside the drop zone than tonight. Not being prepared or in control made him twitchy. If he didn’t keep his thoughts locked tight, he might end up getting hurt on the job. Or dead. He wasn't about to let Leza give him an I-told-you-so.

  Ashley slid her arms around her husband’s waist and laid her head on his shoulder. The beautiful blonde adored his long-time buddy.

  When Heath first met him, Chase was a scrawny, misdirected youth, ready to scrap with anyone standing. How time changed people. How the love of a good woman settled him.

  Hell, even Heath had turned into a half-decent adult.

  He used to dance, drink, and shoot pool nightly with his buddies. Now he drank water at 2 a.m., totally sober, worrying about how he would keep his niece fed, clothed, and healthy.

  Predictable wasn’t how he’d envisioned life.

  A responsibility he’d accepted. No sense in yearning for a different outcome.

  “You never answered Chase's question. Are you okay?” Ashley asked.

  His tired gaze locked onto her and he faked a smile. “I’m good. I feel bad. I’ve been leaning on you two so much. I wish my job didn’t require schooling. I could have used a bit more time to adjust, and more chances to spend quality time with El.”

  “I don’t mind,” Ashley protested. “It’s easy enough for me to watch one more. Ellie’s a good kid.”

  Gratitude eased in. “Yes, she is. She has her moments, though. She reminds me of my stubborn-ass sister. In fact, she's a mini version of the sibling I grew up with.”

  “All kids have their moments,” Ashley offered in defense.

  “I keep thinking if I just work harder I can get stable. I called the bank last week. I’ve been pre-approved for a home loan. Now I need to find a place to give El a sense of permanence. I just haven’t had the time. Plus, I’ve been so tired. El keeps having these dreams that I’ll leave her and go back to the military. Nothing I say will change her mind. I can’t keep getting up every two hours to make sure she is okay and then work all day. “

  “That’s a tough one.” Chase leaned in. “We’re brothers, Marine. In or out of the service. Don’t you forget, we’re family. We’ve got your back. If you need something, ask.”

  The unsettled feeling shifted and eased back into its familiar groove. He released a long, slow breath, letting go of the tension in his bone-tired body.

  “Thanks, man,” he said quietly, swallowing back his emotions.

  For the past several years he’d trained and sharpened his instincts. But during the past twelve months, life had dulled his edge. He hated feeling unbalanced, exhausted, like he carried a backpack of rocks everywhere he went—going nowhere fast.

  He’d worked hard and stayed emotionally numb most of his adult life, and then when Zoe died, the woman he considered invincible, a tidal wave of emotions stormed in and swamped everything. And then the past crud surfaced and demanded he deal with his insecurities. He had to
deal, because El deserved the best from him.

  “Hey, I had better let you guys sleep.”

  Ashley yawned, blinking bloodshot eyes that clearly wanted to close for the night.

  Chase nodded.

  He slammed down the rest of his water. “Thanks again.”

  “You say thank you one more time,” Chase shoved him off the stool, “and I’ll punch you.”

  He righted himself. “Try it, and you’ll end up on your ass,” he said, without the bravado which might have accompanied the statement if he’d been in a different place at a different time. He laughed and friendly-slapped his buddy on the back.

  The comfortable friendship touched him. “Later, Chaser. I’ll let myself out.”

  He shuffled to the front door while wondering if a particular brunette might still be awake, then erased the thought.

  She had a point.

  He shouldn’t start a relationship until he could find the time to do it right.

  His guy parts protested again.

  Chapter 13

  Leza dreamed about incredibly hot kisses and knot-the-bedsheets sex.

  She awoke wishing Heath was actually in her bed. The fantasy was wild and vivid and delicious. She rolled over to touch him...and found Truman sleeping on her pillow. The brat.

  Her fuzzy roommate quacked his objection to being waked up.

  She pulled back her hand, fighting against the massive pounding in her head. She groaned, and her stomach added to the protest.

  “Hey, Truman.” She gave him a scratch under the chin. Her form of an apology.

  She shouldn’t have finished off the bottle of tequila, but there was only a little left—as in half the bottle.

  She hadn’t been trying to douse the memories of Heath’s kiss. She hadn’t. Well, crap. Who was she kidding? The sexy-as-hell deputy yanked on her need-an-orgasm strings every time he showed up.

  Her brain homed in on his heated, sloppy kiss, reliving the remembered sensations over and over again since the moment he left her so abruptly.

  Damn him.

  Leaving her hot and bothered wasn’t funny.

  Next time. No, no, no. There won’t be a next time.