In Search of Love

by Barbara Cartland

But he knew in his heart that Felicity was not that easily defeated.

  As they climbed into their carriage and drove away, Vanda took one last look at the Parthenon.

  “I felt so wonderful here – as though we have been blessed by the Gods.”

  “I think we were already blessed before we arrived here,” he said, “because we escaped something that would have been a disaster?”

  She looked at him and he saw her grow pale.

  “You mean our marriage?” she said. “Yes, of course – it would have been a disaster.”

  “No, not our marriage,” he replied gently. “But if we had married under those circumstances, with your father bullying us, so that we would never had a chance to discover what we really felt. That would have been a disaster.”

  “Oh, yes, of course it would,” she answered quickly.

  “We should thank whichever Gods protect us that we found the sense to leave and find our own way to – well, our own way.”

  Vanda nodded. He saw her eyes shining and was struck by their glory. It seemed to him that Vanda herself looked like a Goddess with her raven black hair and her perfect features.

  She might, in fact, have been one of those deities who lived on from generation to generation and was just as lovely today as she had been thousands of years earlier.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked.

  “Something that would make you laugh if I told you.”

  “Tell me.”

  “No, I have no desire to be laughed at.”

  He would not budge from his position, although he enjoyed Vanda's attempts to tease it out of him.

  They arrived back at the ship to find that a party was in progress on deck.

  “Nothing like an engagement for a celebration,” said a passenger thrusting champagne glasses into their hands.

  The happy young couple were Sarah Lake and Myles Dayton, who had been brought on the cruise by their families, both of whom were eager for the match and thought that a romantic atmosphere would help.

  “And it did,” Sarah bubbled to Vanda. “We nearly became engaged once before, but we were always quarrelling about silly things. Then, when we came here, everything was different.”

  “It was as though the Gods and Goddesses spoke to us out of the past,” Myles added. “And they told us that our ridiculous bickering did not matter. What really mattered was our love.”

  “But you are so young!” Vanda protested, laughing but also a little dismayed.

  Sarah was about seventeen and Myles could not have been more than twenty.

  “Too young to know our own minds, you mean?”

  Myles said amiably. “But we have the blessing of the Gods, so all will be well.”

  “Robert, they are no more than children,” Vanda commented when they were alone.

  “I know. I have been talking to the families, who are both very wealthy and I think they encouraged this romance as a way of merging their fortunes.”

  “Well –”

  “But despite the parents' cynical motives, I cannot help feeling that the match may be right. They adore each other, that's obvious. I suppose the Gods work their magic on the very young as well as – people who have lived only a little. If we are lucky, we all come to the same conclusion in the end.”

  “You talk about 'the Gods', but I wonder how much you really believe in them, and how much you are humouring me.”

  “I used not to believe in the Gods,” he responded thoughtfully, “but since we have been in Greece – well, did you see what was written on the wall in the temple of Delphi – Know Thyself?”

  “Yes, I saw it.”

  “I have come to know myself recently, in all sorts of new and different ways. Haven't you felt that too, about yourself?”

  “Yes, I understand things I never even dreamed about before,” she said in a low voice. “Things that I never expected to happen – and yet they did. And now I will never be the same again.”

  He nodded, looking deep into her eyes and she felt a sweet peace come over her. Love came when the time was right.

  “There is so much I must say to you,” Robert said softly. “Later – when we are alone. It is time we – we will talk later.”

  “Yes,” she murmured. “Alone.”

  Somebody sat down at the piano and began to play. He played song after song, while the party fell silent, listening to the sweet, yearning music.

  Vanda stood watching the engaged couple, gazing into each other's eyes, sensing the feelings that inspired them and longing for the moment when she too could confess her love.

  She felt a sudden need to be alone and wandered a little way off to stand by the rail, looking out over the sea on which the moon was shining.

  Watching her from a distance, Robert thought she looked as though she had found her way to Heaven while still on earth.

  'What she is really seeking,' he told himself, is 'the world beyond the world'. Yes, these are the right words to describe her goal.'

  He had not considered such an idea before.

  It seemed to him very strange and not in the least like himself to be thinking in such a way.

  But he knew this was what Vanda was thinking and feeling, even though perhaps she could not put it into words.

  'She is unique,' he thought to himself, 'and there is no one like her. But what about me? Will she let me into her 'world beyond the world?' Or will she shut me out forever? How strange! I thought I knew her so well, but now I cannot predict anything about her.'

  Around him the party was breaking up. People were drifting off to bed.

  He became aware that a Steward was at his elbow, murmuring,

  “A lady to see you, my Lord!”

  He looked round in surprise.

  Then, to his shock and horror, he could see Lady Felicity approaching.

  She was dressed to be noticed, in a deep red velvet evening gown with a plunging neckline. Around her neck was a heavy ruby and gold necklace.

  Except that they were decidedly not rubies, he realised. They were fakes. He was certain he was right because he had seen her wearing the original necklace and this imitation was not quite perfect.

  She must have spent most of her fortune and was now desperate for another.

  “Dearest Robert,” she announced, enveloping him in a scented embrace. “I could not let you go without seeing you again. It was so unexpected that you should be here in this outlandish place that for the moment my brain was not working. I should have asked you to dinner or visited you here for dinner with you.”

  “How do you come to be here?” he asked.

  “It wasn't easy to find you,” she replied in a teasing voice, “since you forgot to give me the name of your ship. But you said you were departing tomorrow and this was the only vessel in port that leaves tomorrow.”

  So she had expended a considerable amount of time and energy tracking him down, he thought grimly.

  “So I thought I would give you a lovely surprise,” she continued.

  “How charming of you!” he said in a thin voice. “I had not expect – er – hoped to see you again.”

  “But my darling, I have so many wonderful memories – as I know you do.”

  “Delightful memories,” he responded untruthfully. “But those days are past.”

  “Not in my heart,” she said huskily. “Sometimes I lie awake and think of the nights we spent together. I know that I could never know such love-making with any other man, just as you could never know it with any other woman.”

  “You rate my prowess too highly,” he countered.

  She gave a throaty chuckle.

  “Oh, you naughty man!”

  Robert ground his teeth at being called a 'naughty man'. Her childish talk had irked him even when he was infatuated by her physical charms. Now it nauseated him.

  “I meant the way our hearts beat as one,” she purred. “I was not just talking about your prowess – although that was considerable. I cannot wait to experience y
ou again.”

  It was like moving through a nightmare. The only bright spot was the fact that she plainly did not realise that Vanda was with him.

  There was an expression in her eyes and the way her hand clasped his, which made Robert realise she was waiting for him to kiss her.

  “This is hardly the time or place,” he murmured, suppressing a strong desire to pick Felicity up and toss her overboard.

  “I remember when anywhere was the right time and place, darling. Why don't we go to your cabin now and remind ourselves of old times. Then we can pack your trunks and leave.”

  For a moment Robert could not think what he could do. His mind was a terrifying blank.

  Then as Felicity moved even nearer to him and raised her hand to touch his cheek again, he said quickly,

  “What can I get you to drink? If I remember rightly you prefer champagne to anything else.”

  He moved determinedly away from her as he spoke.

  “Champagne is what we both need,” he blurted out with determined cheerfulness. “The Steward seems to have disappeared. I will go and find him.”

  He fled.

  Lady Felicity sat down, showing every sign of taking root. She had been put off earlier in the day and she was not going to let it happen again.

  From her position further along the deck, Vanda watched, feeling herself turning to stone. She had seen everything from the moment this strange woman with the ripe, exotic beauty had swept onto the ship.

  She was a woman of the world. That much was obvious. And from the way she faced Robert and pressed herself against him, looking up intimately into his face, it was also obvious what their relationship had been.

  Powerful, agonising jealousy possessed her. She wanted to scream aloud from the force of it. He was hers.

  But he had never actually said so.

  All the times when she had felt certain they were growing closer, they might have been only in her imagination. For the brutal truth was that he had never committed himself.

  Even tonight, when he had said they must talk alone – she had thought that he intended to declare his love. But suppose he wanted only to tell her that this journey had gone far enough? That he loved another woman?

  How did this painted creature come to be aboard? Had Robert expected her? Invited her?

  Vanda turned cold at the thought that he might have actually sent for her to help detach him from herself.

  She could bear this suspense no longer. She must discover the truth or go mad.

  Determinedly she walked along the deck to where the stranger was sitting. She looked up and scrutinised Vanda out of huge, dark eyes that might have been beautiful but for their hard, calculating look.

  Vanda forced herself to speak normally.

  “I am wondering where Lord Cunningham might be. He was here when I left and he didn't mention going to bed.”

  Lady Felicity's eyes narrowed in astonishment and anger as she realised that this beautiful young woman and Robert must know each other.

  “Dear Robert has gone to fetch me some champagne,” she replied coldly. “I am afraid I do not have the pleasure of knowing who you are, as he did not mention you to me. Did you meet on this boat?”

  Confronted by a straight question, Vanda realised that she should have prepared for this encounter a little more carefully. Now she wondered frantically what she should say. Something was warning her to go carefully. The 'sister' story might be unwise.

  “The fact is –” she began slowly.

  “Yes, do tell me all about yourself. What is your name?”

  “Vanda Sudbury.”

  “Miss?”

  “Yes.”

  There was a pause during which the woman drummed her elegant fingers on the table.

  “Then no doubt your chaperone is somewhere about?” she questioned in a tense voice.

  It was clear, from the way she spoke and from the expression in her eyes, what she was thinking.

  After a moment when she realised that she was waiting, Vanda said,

  “We are related through my grandmother. As we have known each other for many years, Robert thought we might visit some of his relations who had been very fond of my parents. We have just arrived from Italy where we spent a short time with our relatives.”

  “So you are related?”

  “Yes,” Vanda replied. “Of course, as we have grown up together, the Earl is like a brother to me.”

  “Ah, yes, I do recall him mentioning some poor relation or other. My name is Lady Felicity Janson. Robert and I are old and very, very dear friends. I expect he has told you all about me. Our closeness has been such that – well, I am afraid he isn't always very discreet.”

  “Indeed?” Vanda said politely, although inwardly she was seething.

  Pain and anger seemed to rend her apart, but she forced herself to stay still and listen. She wanted to hear everything this woman had to say.

  “When we discovered how deeply we felt about each other,” Felicity continued, “my husband had not been dead for very long. We needed to be discreet to avoid a scandal.”

  “You mean people might have thought you did not love your husband?” Vanda asked bluntly.

  “Oh, my dear, I was a child when I married. I knew nothing. My parents arranged the match. I was a dutiful wife, but I did not discover love – real, true love – until Robert came into my life.”

  She paused and a little smile crept over her face. It suggested hot passionate memories, and Vanda, even while she recognised the play acting, clenched her fists out of sight. Otherwise she might have tried to scratch Felicity's eyes out.

  “Oh, what a discovery that was!” Felicity persisted. “To have been a wife in a cold, loveless marriage and then to have passion revealed in one overwhelming experience! How can I describe it? How can I find the words?”

  'I am sure you will manage it,' Vanda thought grimly.

  “I will never forget that first night,” Felicity sighed. “How we approached each other, trembling with passion, uncertain into what shoals our love would lead us. And next – the revelation that we were destined for each other.”

  “But you never announced your engagement?” Vanda enquired sweetly.

  “Not then. It was necessary to allow a little time to elapse for the sake of propriety. If you could only understand the agony of keeping such a great love a secret. To look at each other across the room and know the truth, yet still have to talk to other people.”

  She gave Vanda a smile, evidently intended to be sympathetic, but which managed to be only hard.

  “My dear, I do hope that one day you too will know a great love like ours.”

  “But surely, very few women could know a love exactly like yours,” Vanda said.

  She counted on Felicity being too stupid to appreciate the double meaning. And she was right.

  “How true that is!” Felicity sighed. “We were slaves to our passion and since that time we have thought only of the day when we could be together.”

  She turned huge, luminous eyes on Vanda.

  “I am sure you understand,” she murmured.

  “Oh, yes, madam,” Vanda said. “I understand perfectly.”

  For a moment a frisson of alarm flickered over Lady Felicity's face, as though she was wondering if any young woman could be quite as guileless as this one seemed to be.

  At that moment Robert returned, checking himself sharply when he found the two of them talking.

  There was a thunderstruck pause, during which both women tried to read his face.

  Lady Felicity said,

  “I was just hearing, Robert, how you are related to this pretty girl. Even so it seems strange that you have not brought a chaperone.”

  “I have explained,” Vanda interjected quickly, “that we are distantly related and that you have been almost like a brother to me.”

  He nodded, picking up her cue.

  “We started off with a companion,” he said, “but unfortunately she was tak
en ill when we visited France, so we are picking her up in a day or so when she should have recovered.”

  Lady Felicity who had been frowning, smiled.

  “So you do not have a chaperone at this moment?” she queried.

  “We do not really need one,” Robert answered. “I have known Vanda ever since she was born and we have always felt as if we were brother and sister.”

  Brother and sister.

  To Vanda the message was clear. He was telling her that their relationship was once more on the old footing. There was nothing else.

  She could endure no more. She forced her stiff body to rise and move away along the deck. She knew if she was sensible she would go below, but she could not bear to let them out of her sight.

  Yet she must go where she could not hear them.

  Robert, glancing up, discovered that Vanda was no longer present. She had moved so softly and so quietly that he had not seen her depart.

  A suffocating feeling came over him at the realisation that he was now alone with Felicity.

  “So she is your relative,” Felicity reflected. “Therefore there is no reason for me to be jealous?”

  To Robert's relief the Steward arrived with the champagne, which he poured and departed.

  “Now tell me, dearest,” Felicity said when they were alone, “have you missed me while we have been apart? Do you want me to say how lonely and miserable I have been without you?”

  He could endure no more. Putting down his glass of champagne he said,

  “Forgive me, but I must speak to Vanda.”

  He did not wait for Felicity to reply, but slipped out through the door. Hurrying down the deck, he found Vanda a little further on, just out of sight of Felicity, leaning over the rail.

  As he moved beside her she looked up at him and asked,

  “You are neglecting your visitor?”

  “Then she can leave,” he replied sharply. “But for reasons I cannot explain to you now, I do not wish to be alone with her. Will you come back and chaperone me?”

  “What?”

  “We have to make her believe – anything that will get rid of her.”

  “Such as?”

  “I don't know. We can think up a good story.”

  “She looks as though she would be suspicious of anything.”

  “I will just have to make her believe me.”