Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2)

by Flatman, NJ

  Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Series Page

  Dedication

  Acknowledgements

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Coming Soon

  About the author

  Forbidden

  (An Addicted to You Novel- Book 2)

  NJ Flatman

  www.agoodgirldirtymind.com

  Copyright © 2015 by NJ Flatman

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, email the author, addressed “Attention: Permissions Request,” at the address below.

  NJ Flatman: njflatman@gmail.com

  Printed in the United States of America

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Cover design by Leddy Harper (http://leddyharper.com)

  Author photograph by NJ Flatman (Hashtag Selfie)

  Forbidden

  Book 2 in the Addicted to You Series

  Even when love is Forbidden…. it can still be all that you need

  Spencer Phillips has forbidden love in his life. Living with the memories of family disaster, bad choices and a love lost; he has no desire to repeat the heartache and pain that it’s guaranteed to bring.

  Even when it comes in the form of Avery Bradfield.

  Regardless of how good things seem to be between them, and often in spite of it, Spencer is determined that love only brings disaster and destruction. It’s a fate he isn’t willing to tempt again.

  Until the day he learns he has really lost her.

  When his biggest fear becomes reality, Spencer must face his own demons and accept that some addictions in life are permanent. As he finds out, sometimes what is most forbidden is the same thing that you just can’t live without.

  Join Avery Bradfield and Spencer Phillips as they venture through a love that tests their limits, pushes them through their fears and shows them that sometimes addiction takes on many forms.

  Forbidden is Book 2 of the Addicted to You Series

  Consumed: Book 1 (Released June 5, 2015)

  Obsessed: Book 3 (Coming October 2015)

  Addicted: Book 4 (Coming December 2015)

  Bound: Book 5 (Coming February 2016)

  Dedicated to my Grandma.

  You believed in me during those times that no one else did. I wish I could sit at the table and tell you all about this. I know you’d be proud— and I hope you’d have never read it. Haha!

  Love you .

  Acknowledgements

  This is the part where I acknowledge everyone that has helped to make this possible. But there’s never enough room or the right words. I’ll still give it a go.

  When I wrote Consumed I had no fucking idea what I was doing. I just knew I wanted to write— so I did. If anyone had told me what kind of shit I was diving into I might have run scared lol. But thankfully I didn’t and instead I watched this world unfold in front of me. I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing— but I’m getting closer.

  Thank you to the Indie community and the many authors that have befriended me, helped me and honestly just made this more fun. A few select authors have gone above and beyond to guide me, offer their assistance and help me to get going. Bloggers— especially one or two — have helped out and sometimes gone above what was ever hoped for to help with success. I’m sorry I’m not naming names- but I’d never want anyone to feel left out.

  I’d like to thank my amazingly awesome and organized PA Chloe Meyer who made it possible to actually finish this book by the deadline. She took me on TWO days before the release of Consumed even though my answer to everything was “Umm, yea I’ve got that around here somewhere”. She has not only almost gotten me organized— she has tackled my mess of a to-do list and let me relax and write. The part I love.

  Thanks to the readers and others that have joined me at parties and takeovers and let me have a little excitement with talks of drinks, hot guys and even one direction concerts.

  Thanks to the beta readers, reviewers, those who have shared my stuff and everyone that bought Consumed. I hope Spencer’s story doesn’t disappoint.

  My daughter Madison— again— has had to take a back seat to Spencer and Avery. Hope she doesn’t resent them later ;) I love you girl!

  And thank you to the in person, real life friends who still hang around— all two of you ;) — and take my mind out of the stories for a while. Thanks for the tips and support and ideas that you share, but mostly for the laughs and beer and movies.

  As always— thanks to everyone that’s broken my heart— and those that have healed it. Without you— there’d be no story to tell.

  <3 Jenni

  Prologue

  Hello.

  I’m Spencer and I’m a fuck-up.

  I know. Sounds like an intro at one of those stupid ass 12 step programs, right? If they had one for fuck-ups, I’d be the damn leader.

  It’s just what I do.

  Don’t ask why, I dunno the answer. Everyone else sure as hell seems to though. I’ve heard it all. It’s not my fault. It’s the shit I’ve been through. It’s not who I am. It’s what I’ve seen and dealt with. I was pushed into it. I can change. It can be better. I just have to want it. It will get easier.

  Like I said, I’ve heard it all. But you know what? Not a damn bit of it helped. It’s kinda like being at a funeral or something and everyone is telling the family how the person’s in a better place or the grief will pass. I’ve even heard ‘em say that soon they won’t miss ‘em anymore.

  Pardon me while I say…what the fuck?

  So yea, I know I’m a fuck-up. I’ve always known it. I’m not telling you so you pity me or try and help me. I don’t want it or need it. And besides, it won’t fucking work.

  It just is.

  I spent years blaming my parents. They were shitty. I’m not gonna try and deny that. Best thing they ever did for me and my brother Kevin was send us to live with our Aunt Dee. She may not have been our mom, but she was the damned closest we had. And she did right by us.

  She tried like hell to make us okay again. She couldn’t. She couldn’t make the pain go away. She couldn’t take away the scars that never heal. She loved us. It just wasn’t enough.

  You can’t blame your parents forever though. Jamie taught me that. She was the only person besides Aunt Dee to ever love me. And damn did I love her. But it wasn’t enough either. I fucked up. I made the wrong choices. I destroyed it. I wouldn’t let her save me.

  Kev thinks I should be angry at Jamie.
Hate her and Jason both. He was my best friend. But thing is, I’m the one that caused it. They were just helping each other deal with me. I don’t hate ‘em.

  If I wasn’t a fuck-up then they wouldn’t have found with each other what they were missing with me. It was her words as she said her good-bye that stuck with me. Changed me.

  ‘ It’s not your parents fault forever Spencer,’ she had told me with tears in her eyes. ‘At some point they stop being the cause of your pain and you take over’

  Can’t argue with that, right? Guess in her own painful way, Jamie saved me after all. Somewhat anyway.

  I changed after that. Not sure it’s what people wanted though. But that’s because they don’t see me. They see what I want ‘em to see. They see the attractive guy that smiles and makes ‘em feel good. The face and body.

  They don’t see the fuck up underneath. They don’t see the pull that I fight each and every minute. The pain that I feel all the time. I try and hide all that. Mostly I just try and avoid.

  Sometimes I think Kev has the right idea. I envy his ability to just not give a fuck. Sometimes. He goes through life not giving a damn who he hurts and never feeling the pain when someone hurts him. Like Ma.

  Me, I’m like Pops. Avoid and ignore. If it doesn’t exist, then I won’t feel it. That’s the theory. When Jamie left, I secluded myself. Took me a long damn time to even hang out with friends. I didn’t wanna go through the same thing again. But life gets a lil too lonely on your own.

  Trevor and Stu were about the only ones that I spent much time with. They didn’t seem to care that I had secrets in my life. They never asked about ‘em. And most days they didn’t bug me about women and shit like that. Didn’t seem to matter much if I wanted one or not, long as I didn’t halt their attempts.

  I was finally content. Making peace with my past. Enjoying life just a lil. Accepting what was and what wouldn’t be. I was okay.

  Until that day.

  Trevor and his never-ending libido drug me to some damn barbecue party in search of a chick he had his eye on. It was the last place on earth I had wanted to be.

  I hated parties. I hated being social. I hated being social at parties with people I didn’t know.

  It was at that party that I’d come face to face with everything that was missing. And rather than stick to my plans, I’d get drawn in.

  I should’ve avoided her. I should’ve walked the other way. But I couldn’t. I didn’t have the power. From the moment I first saw Avery, I couldn’t stay away. She was the drug I couldn’t get enough of. I had to have her.

  She caught my eye and captured my soul. The one person who saw through to the demons inside and loved me anyway. The person I needed to be able to breathe.

  It was forbidden to me. Love. Closeness. Need. Pain. I’d forbidden it in my life. And yet there I was. Unable to stop.

  And as I always did, I fucked it up.

  If I had any hopes of fixing this one, and I did because I couldn’t live without her, it was gonna take something big. I was gonna have to let her save me.

  I just didn’t know if I had it in me. As much as I needed her, I wasn’t sure I could trust myself. After all, we are what we are. But I damn sure had to try.

  Everything I ever did was to protect her. I’d do anything to protect her. But as it turns out, the one thing I couldn’t protect her from was me.

  Avery was gone.

  I would have to face my hell. Conquer my demons. And bring her home to me. Because without her, I was nothing.

  I’m Spencer, I’m a fuck-up, and this is my story.

  Chapter 1

  “Fuck!” Pain seared through my wrist and down into my arm as I jerked my hand back and began to shake it. “Jesus Fucking Christ that hurt!” The idea to punch a vehicle had been a bad one, but I hadn’t really been thinking when I’d done it.

  Typically I wasn’t an angry person. I made it through most of the days in a pretty good mood. But when that anger did hit— watch out world.

  “Spence,” Kevin’s whining made me want to turn that anger on him. “What the hell are you doing to my baby?”

  Leave it to my brother to care more about a damn car than he did anything else. I didn’t understand it. Probably never would. But that was Kevin.

  “Me? She’s trying to break my damned hand,” I shouted at him— my voice angrier than I’d intended.

  “She needs love bro,” he teased as he replied, ignoring the way I’d snapped. “Be gentle with her.” I watched his lips turn into a grin. “Just like any woman” he winked.

  “Since when do you know how to treat a woman,” the retort lost most of the power behind it when I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at his comment. He had a knack for making even the hardest days feel lighter. Sometimes his inability to be serious was annoying. Other times, it helped to keep me sane.

  Our relationship was strained at best. We’d lost some of our closeness over the years, mainly due to serious disagreements on lifestyle choices, but we never changed who we were. Regardless of what else happened, both of us knew we could be ourselves when we were together.

  He frustrated the hell out of me. There were days I’d like to punch his stupid ass in the face. Yet, in the end I was glad that I had him. Hell, wasn’t like either of us really had anyone else. We didn’t even have parents really, so it was nice to have a brother that was always there. Sure, he had faults. But he’d been there when I’d needed someone the most. That had to count for something.

  “Take it she didn’t want to see ya?” His voice lowered and I saw the expression on his face. He was hesitant at even asking me. Couldn’t say I blamed him for that one. I was already attacking his vehicle. The situation with Avery made me a little more edgy than I normally was and he probably didn’t want to rock that boat too hard. He didn’t want that anger being turned in his direction.

  What he didn’t realize was that I couldn’t snap at him. The words got trapped somewhere in my throat, forming a lump that choked me. Straining for air, I reached for the side of the car to steady myself. I watched everything in my vision begin to spin as I tried like hell to find the words so that Kevin didn’t see how weak I really was.

  “She’s not here,” I managed to get out, the words barely above a whisper. “I forgot she had a trip.”

  “Where’d she go? Maybe we can make our way there,” Kevin offered, clearly not seeing my condition. “I’m always up for something to do.”

  “She’s in South Carolina,” I knew the minute the words came out he’d regret making the offer. Of course I also knew that if I wanted to drive there, he’d agree. That was the bond that kept me hanging on to him despite his choices. “Don’t worry, we wouldn’t get there in time.” I relieved his worry.

  “When she comin’ back?” His mouth scrunched into a thin hard line and I realized how much he looked like our mother. Aging had only seemed to enhance it. I half expected him to start a speech about how worthless I was as he came towards me.

  “Monday I think,” I shrugged off the thought. “Doesn’t matter. She’s off living it up.”

  I didn’t want to think about Avery or her trip or what she was doing. When I’d went to the apartment I’d forgotten about her trip. It was the nosy ass neighbor that had reminded me as I stood in the hallway and knocked on a door. I’d felt like a jackass. I was waiting on her to answer the door— my door— and someone I barely knew had told me that she was out of the state.

  It also pissed me off a little bit. There was no way I could have gone on vacation at that moment and I’d been the one to choose to leave. How the fuck could she just pack up and take off to have fun? Had I been wrong? Did she just not love me?

  “Or missin’ you as much as you are missin’ her,” his suggestion seemed ludicrous. Avery hadn’t tried to find me. She hadn’t gotten in touch at all. She’d never called and my phone had only been off a few days. Nothing. I’d left and she’d went to the beach to have a blast with that bitchy friend of hers.
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br />   “I wish I’d have paid my fucking phone bill,” I snapped, fists clenched, preparing to hit the car again “It wasn’t even on purpose. I just let it slip. Jesus. I’ve never let it slip before. I’d never leave her without a way to reach me. What if she’d tried? What if something was wrong? What if she needed me?” I raised my hand back, about to punch the fucking hood when Kevin jumped towards me.

  “Whoa buddy, “ he held his hands up, pleading with me to stop what I was doing. “She’s innocent.”

  “I don’t know what to do. What do I do?” Something about the way I said the words made my emotions feel worse. I felt pathetic and alone. Scared. That made me angry.

  “Leave a note?” I rolled my eyes at the idea. Did he really think jotting down a note was going to make me feel better? I’d never even know if she got it. “Call her again?”

  “Hell no,” I shook my head. “If I hear that voice mail one more time I’m gonna throw your phone against your precious little Mustang.”