by Con Template
A single teardrop escaped Yoori’s eye. The blank canvas that once inhabited her face started to release all her restrained emotions. She could no longer suppress her feelings. All she wanted to do was kiss him back. All she wanted to do was kiss the man who stole her heart.
He continued to speak while his lips kissed hers, comforted hers, and simply loved hers. “All that matters to me is keeping you safe, keeping you alive, and keeping you with me. The only reason why I’m fighting so hard for this throne is because the power I get from it will allow me to protect you.”
“You’re making this so much harder,” Yoori whispered. Her hands pressed flat against his chest. She felt his warm heart throbbing, triggering her own to race. Despite what she was saying, she leaned in and kissed his lips because he was her walking paradox. She simply couldn’t resist doing so. “You’re making it so much harder to leave you.”
“Do you want to leave me?” Tae Hyun inquired as he lowered his lips to the nook of her neck. He continued to adorn her with his affections, kissing her while more tears rippled in her eyes.
“No,” she replied honestly, feeling both blessed and cursed with the life that was given to her.
She was cursed with An Soo Jin, but blessed with Kwon Tae Hyun. The conflicting emotions inundated her sanity. She hated that she couldn’t let him go. She was too selfish. The love she felt for him went beyond infatuation or puppy love. It was love in its rawest form. Although it was painful to love him, the pain was nothing compared to the euphoria she felt whenever she was with him.
“I need you,” she admitted without a drop of shame in her voice. Yoori no longer cared about sounding pathetic or weak. She loved him, and just as he was ready to give up everything for her, she was more than ready to give up everything for him.
“Don’t push me away,” he painfully pleaded. He coaxed her by feathering his sensuous kisses over the skin of her neck, heightening the pleasure overtaking her. “Let me be here for you.”
Yoori mindlessly nodded, choking on the onslaught of emotions scorching inside her. While running her slender fingers up and down the contours of his arm, she bit back a curse and allowed herself to get lost in the realm of pleasure.
While his face was buried in her neck, she felt him whisper, “I’m sorry for everything.” The blatant melancholy in his voice caused her heart to clench. He forged on, and for the first time, Yoori realized that Tae Hyun’s pain was synonymous to hers. Remorse dripped from his guilt-stricken voice. “I’m sorry for bringing you into this world. I can’t change the past, but please know that you mean the world to me. I know everyone has been telling you that I’m ruthless . . . but know that to me, you’re worth more than this throne. And if it’s between you and ruling this world, in the end, I’ll give up everything and choose you.”
Yoori wanted to cry. The sincere promise in his words touched her heart profoundly. Even though his beautiful promises made her heart surge, she couldn’t discard the ominous, lingering shadow that had been plaguing her for months.
“If I remember everything, I’ll be your enemy.”
His tender hand found her hair and he stroked over it, his confident eyes holding hers. “You will never be my enemy,” he easily assured her. “If Soo Jin wants the throne, then she can have it. I’m not going to fight her for it.”
“What if she tries to kill you?”
Without allowing a full second to pass by, he stated, “Then I’ll let her.”
Tae Hyun said this without hesitation, and Yoori knew he meant his words. It troubled her because she did not want him to mean it.
She looked deeply into his eyes as resolve ripped through her chest. “If there is ever a time in the future where I try to kill you, then I want you to know that I forgive you if you kill me.”
Never in her life did Yoori imagine that she would be having the conversation she was having with Tae Hyun. Yet, she knew this was a topic they couldn’t escape from. She wanted to mentally prepare for everything that could transpire in the future. She wanted him to have his options, especially with someone like Soo Jin.
“Do you think I could ever be capable of killing you?” Tae Hyun questioned, lovingly lowering her and laying her onto the cool surface of the tub. While doing so, he positioned his body over hers, his lips hovering over hers as well. “Do you think I could ever give up on you?”
Hope swelled in her dwindling heart. Yoori gave Tae Hyun an appreciative smile. It wasn’t a response she anticipated from him, but it was a response that more than extinguished the fears that coursed through her. Unable to resist, Yoori wrapped her arms around him and lightly danced her fingers over his shoulder blades.
Yes, please don’t give up on me, she whispered in her mind, arching herself up and kissing him along his jaw, loving the feel of him breathing in approval.
“Tae Hyun?” she whispered, wanting to address one last issue before she allowed the warmth of being with him, kissing him, and loving him to shroud over her.
“How did your mother die?”
She wanted to ask this, but found no courage to.
Instead, she sadly said, “In the future, please don’t fault me for the things Soo Jin did.”
“Never,” he promised her. “Never, Nemo.”
Her heart hummed rapidly against her chest at her pet name. She loved it when he called her that.
Closing her eyes tightly, Yoori swallowed past the tears she refused to shed and kissed him. Every breath Yoori took acted as a knife that stabbed her. Yet, every kiss and caress from Tae Hyun acted as the ointment to mend her wounds. She had never felt more protected and loved in her life. On the flip side, she had never felt more helpless and desperate in her life.
Yoori fought back the sobs when an image came in her mind: the moment Tae Hyun finds out that somehow, some way, An Soo Jin was involved in his mother’s death. She suppressed the tears as she thought about the disgust and hatred forming in the brown eyes she loved so much. She had always known that her past would overshadow her future, but it couldn’t be more apparent now.
She hated Soo Jin, but she hated herself more.
She kissed him and moved her fingers over his back, reveling in the feeling of being loved because she knew that once they were separated again, it would not be as short as three weeks. It would probably be longer, so long that it would most likely kill her.
Please let me keep him, she prayed to the fates as she desperately held on to him. Just a little while longer, she compromised, knowing in her heart that it was too much to ask for them to be together forever.
All she wanted was a little while longer.
Just a little bit longer so I can remember what heaven feels like . . . before hell takes over.
“Then you have become a parasite.”
20: One Last Heaven
Sometimes in life, there are no ways to explain where we gather the strength from our deepest cores when it feels like the end is near.
For Yoori, this definitive moment in her life occurred as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She wore a pink sweater and pink pajama pants that exuded the vibrancy of life. It was a shame that the colors failed to exude the same effect on her paling, sickening face.
It had been six days since her brother’s attack on her life, and this was the first time she realized how pathetic, miserable, and suicidal she looked. Her face was chalk white, there were shadows under her fatigued eyes, and she looked frailer than ever. Misery had befriended her, and it was all too clear in how pathetic she looked. She looked ugly, inside and out.
She sighed, her mind drifting away while she recalled the night prior, when she hung out with Chae Young and Hae Jin.
Worried about her sensitive state of being, Tae Hyun insisted on inviting his baby sister and her best friend over to their apartment. He wanted her to have some sense of normalcy instead of being cooped up in the apartment with him. It was an assertion that a tired Yoori was grateful for. She missed her two only girlfriends.
&n
bsp; While Tae Hyun, Kang Min, and Jae Won hung out on the balcony, the girls were snuggled up on the big leather couch in the living room. They were watching “Finding Nemo” on the 50-inch flat screen TV. Beside them, the fireplace breathed melodiously, spreading warmth.
“You look ugly when you’re miserable,” Chae Young softly spoke to Yoori. She pulled the white comforter they shared closer over her body. Her pale face was marred with strains of worry for Yoori. Even through her own pain, it was apparent that she was still trying to take care of Yoori.
“Do I?” Yoori asked quietly, looking sideways at Hae Jin.
Hae Jin was the only one out of the three who had the blush of vitality on her face. She was a ball of energy and strength, and Yoori was envious of her for that.
“You look prettier when you smile,” Hae Jin amended diplomatically, smiling at Yoori. She eyed Chae Young’s own withering exterior. “Both of you.”
For the first half hour since the movie started, Yoori found herself immersed in a conversation with her girlfriends instead of paying attention to what Nemo was up to. Although she wasn’t too smiley, she felt tremendously better. You could never go wrong when in the company of your friends.
Chae Young had gotten better since the last time Yoori saw her. Yoori credited this progression to Jae Won, Chae Young’s father, Kang Min, and most importantly Hae Jin, who had been through a similar experience and was the only one in the group who knew what Chae Young was going through. With her family and friends’ insistence, Chae Young had given in to seeing a therapist to help her get through this ordeal. It was a decision that Yoori could already see progress for. She was thankful that Chae Young appeared to be getting better. Yoori could only imagine the pain that still haunted Chae Young. She had high admiration for her best friend for being able to hold her chin high while taking it all in one slow but progressive step at a time.
In the same token, she was also grateful to see that Jae Won was doing better too. The boys sat on the balcony’s glass railing, warm breath floating from their lips, and the city’s views underneath their feet while they spoke to one another. Since Chae Young’s attack, Tae Hyun had given Jae Won the necessary time off to be there for Chae Young as they both tried to move on with their lives. It had been difficult for them, but despite what they were going through, they continued to stick together through thick and thin.
And of course, the backbone of this support was primarily Hae Jin and Kang Min, both of whom were there with Chae Young and Jae Won every step of the way. It amazed Yoori that the two babies of the group were the ones taking care of everyone. Age had no impact on inner strength, and Yoori saw this in them. They were lucky. They were all very lucky to have Kang Min and Hae Jin by their sides.
Yoori wished with all her weakened heart that she could be the one strong enough to be by Chae Young’s side. She wished she was strong enough to live up to the title of “best friend”—just like Chae Young did for her when she was raped and refused to lure Yoori out for Jin Ae. She wished for all of this, but she also couldn’t forgo the overwhelming guilt that handicapped her every time she even considered visiting Chae Young.
It did not help that the Cobras were having trouble finding Jin Ae. Punishing Jin Ae was the only way to assuage the guilt Yoori felt for Chae Young being raped because of her. All she had to do was punish the one who orchestrated it. Once that was over, she would be able to face her friend again.
“I don’t blame you, Yoori,” said Chae Young, holding her hand under the blanket as if she could read Yoori’s thoughts. Her gentle eyes held Yoori’s. “I know that you’ve been avoiding me because you feel guilty, but I just wanted you to know that I don’t blame you. I’ve never blamed you.”
Her heart swelled at her friend’s words. The weight of the world seemed to have lifted off Yoori’s constricted chest.
“I’m sorry for everything,” Yoori finally blurted out. A wave of distress flooded her mind as she spoke to her friend.
Chae Young, Hae Jin, and the brothers had no idea about Jin Ae’s involvement in Chae Young’s rape. Chae Young had forgotten about the little detail she informed Yoori—about a woman being there during her attack—and fell unconscious after the doctors came in to see her again. Yoori and Tae Hyun decided that it was best to keep this information to themselves to prevent the brothers or Hae Jin from acting out on impulse and endangering themselves in an attempt to sever Jin Ae’s head. They wanted to put them out of harm’s way as far as Ju Won was concerned.
“I can’t change the past, but I promise you no one will ever touch you again. I’m going to make things right, Chae Young. I’ll make everything right if it’s the last thing I do. No one is going to ever hurt you again.”
Yoori was miserable and hated her life, but she still held on to the anger that continued to sear in her blood whenever she thought about how she found Chae Young. She was going to sever Jin Ae’s head if it was the last thing she did.
“You can make things right by telling us what’s been going on with you,” Chae Young amended, concern for Yoori brimming in her eyes. “I know it has nothing to do with any arguments you may have with Tae Hyun, so what’s been going on? Why are you so sad?”
“I tried to ask oppa, Kang Min, and Jae Won, but no one would say anything. What’s going on, Yoori?” Hae Jin asked as well, worry saturating her soft voice. She hooked an arm around Yoori’s as the three of them snuggled closer together.
Yoori wanted desperately to tell them that so much had happened. They had no idea how much she was dying to tell them about the hell she had been through. Her desperation to share everything took a backseat to their safety. It was best to keep them in the dark. In the Underworld, being in the dark was sometimes the safest place one could be.
“How are the two of you so strong?” Yoori asked instead, forgoing answering the question while moving them safely along into another territory. The offhand question was one that she really wanted to know the answer to. Yoori was aware that her despair was nothing compared to the miseries that Chae Young and Hae Jin had to endure. How Chae Young was coming back from her horrific experience left Yoori in awe, and how Hae Jin was so bubbly after all the horrors she had to endure with Ho Young raping her left Yoori amazed. “How do you do it?”
“Tell her what you told me,” Chae Young said to Hae Jin, her voice hopeful that it was a piece of wisdom Yoori would take to heart.
Yoori glanced at Hae Jin, who said words that Yoori went to sleep reciting.
Hae Jin gave one of her most buoyant smiles that could light up anyone’s dark world. “I tell myself that I don’t deserve any of this misery. I didn’t do anything to deserve it and I deserve to be happy.”
These simple words spoken by the one she had always viewed as her baby sister and concurred by her best friend, replayed in her mind as Yoori stared at herself in the mirror.
Akin to a light switch going off, the simplicity of her situation finally became crystal clear to her.
She didn’t deserve any of this misery.
It was as though a fire had been lit in her world of darkness when these thoughts emanated from her mind.
I deserve to be happy, she told herself, feeling a bit of her old, spunky personality returning.
Yoori further assessed herself in the mirror. After days of punishing herself and consequently punishing the loved ones who surrounded her, Yoori realized something so simple that it eluded her nearly her entire life. She was a good person. She did nothing to deserve the pain she was experiencing.
Things became clearer while her world lit up like a football stadium.
A sense of empowerment gushed through her like a flood.
If the end was near, then it would only make sense to make the most of her life before it all ended. If she was going to cease to exist once the evil devoured her, then she was at least going to attempt to be happy, live life with a bit of a smile, and enjoy the blessing she was given before it all diminished into oblivion.
An You
ng Jae, An Soo Jin, and whoever else in this Underworld may be intent on bringing war upon her, but today and for however long she could keep it, Yoori was determined to bring bliss unto herself. She was determined to enjoy her life with the people she loved most—those prominent ones being Chae Young, Hae Jin, the brothers, and most of all, Tae Hyun.
In all truth, Yoori wasn’t positive what love was. However, if what she was feeling for Tae Hyun wasn’t love, then love must be a pretty damn powerful feeling because she didn’t know how it could ever go beyond the adoration, admiration, appreciation, and desperation she had for her boyfriend. If Soo Jin was her black hole, the one person capable of ceasing her entire existence, then Tae Hyun was her anchor, the one person capable of keeping her locked onto the soil of life. Throughout this ordeal, Tae Hyun had been her solid rock. Not only was he the one who was constantly there to mend her pain, but he was also the catalyst for her to hang on for so long.
Yoori recalled her night in the bathtub with him and remembered the desperation she felt while she held him and kissed him. She remembered her pain. She had begged the fates for more time with him. She begged and begged for a little bit more time with him, and she was given this time. And what did she do with it? She wasted it crying to herself and leaving him miserable in the process. She saw things clearer now. Yoori would be damned if she didn’t start making the most of her time with him.
“Kwon Tae Hyun . . .”
Stirring under the feel of her lips feathering past his ear, Tae Hyun bunched his muscles for a brief moment before slipping back into his peaceful sleep.
After walking back into their bedroom, Yoori decided to get started on their day by waking up her partner-in-crime.
He was sleeping soundly on his stomach. The comforter was draped slightly over his legs, revealing his bare, muscled back. She considered giving him time to sleep in longer. Yoori quickly vetoed that thought. She felt like an impatient kid on Christmas. She simply wanted to open her present—basically him—now. It had been a while since they hung out in a carefree manner. They might as well start early in the morning. A new life had burst through her, and she wanted to share this moment with him. Who knew how long she would be happy like this again?