Winter Hearts

by A. E. Radley

  ‘And an extra fork?’ Emily added. ‘This slice is massive. I need help’ she implored Kat.

  Kat looked at the cake. It looked moist and delicious and big enough for two. ‘If it would help you out.’

  CHAPTER 6

  It was Christmas Eve. The store was bananas. Everyone was shopping for the final components of their Christmas, that one last thing to make the Yuletide complete. Food, gifts, Christmas jumpers, tree decorations. They were all needed, and they were all needed now.

  Kat was in the deep end of the Christmas rush. And she was shocked to find she was keeping her head above water. Behind the till, she was quick and efficient. She knew what almost every button did. When tasked with restocking the shelves, she knew where everything should be. She’d been there nine days and she was finding her feet. Even Jeb was being less prickly, treating her less like the new idiot and more like everyone else.

  The people who came to complain still scared her a bit but if it wasn’t a simple return or exchange, if they came with an axe to grind, she passed them over to Emily, who took them on with a smile. Kat was starting to think that this job might not be so bad after all.

  And Emily? Emily was at her wits end. It was exactly as she’d thought it would be, paperwork, red tape and bullshit. For £1.53 more per hour. Hardly worth it. It wasn’t that she couldn’t do the job, it wasn’t that hard when you boiled it down to what it was. It was just that what it comprised of was boring and annoying. It was management. She’d never wanted to be a manager. So why was she, she asked herself for the millionth time as she sat in her office, doing the payroll.

  She should quit, she thought. For real this time. After Christmas, she’d do it. For sure. Actually, it was probably better to wait till the new year. February at the latest. But wait, it wasn’t just a question of handing in her notice, she had to have somewhere to go to. And there was no point just doing a sideways move into some other job she hated, she’d need to find something she actually wanted to do. Of course, off and on, she’d been trying to work that one out for a while now and so far, inspiration had yet to strike.

  As Emily tapped figures into a spreadsheet, she idly realised she was going nowhere. Because she couldn’t think of anything better to do with herself. A vision hit her, herself in her fifties, still here, dropping dead on the shop floor of an early stress-induced heart attack. She leaned back in her chair in her tiny office, turning away from the screen to look at the grey scuffed laminate floor. She felt suddenly very tired and far older than her twenty-six years.

  There was a knock at the door. ‘Come in’ Emily said despondently. Kat popped her head in. Emily found herself cheered to see her floppy fringe and dimples. ‘We got another live one?’ she asked Kat. There’d been a real run on dickhead customers today, buckling under the pressure of the season, coming to relieve that pressure by yelling at them.

  ‘No, I’m just taking my break, actually’ Kat replied.

  ‘Oh, great, lemme just get my coat’ Emily said, standing. The last few days, since the café, Emily and Kat had begun to take their breaks together. And they would go back to that same café every day. They would order a slice of cake to split. And they would talk.

  Emily started it off. Talking about how much she hated her job. And how she hated that she was wasting her big fancy degree. That was nothing new, she always talked about how she was going to waste. But this seemed different. Because she wasn’t just being dry and glib, like she usually was. She was really talking.

  Kat found herself doing the same. She talked about her mother. She talked about the shop. She talked about the debt her mother had hidden. And the cancer she’d ignored.

  Somewhere along the way, they were friends. Both felt a relief in it, in finding someone to talk to. And someone to listen to. Someone who didn’t judge, someone who made you feel that everything that seemed broken, everything that made you feel like you were less than you were supposed to be, wasn’t really so bad.

  Emily needed that, particularly today. She couldn’t believe she’d almost missed out on having this friendship by making a misjudged sexual advance. ‘Maybe we should switch it up today, move from cake to a traybake, waddya think?’ Emily said, buttoning herself up.

  Kat wrapped her scarf around her neck. ‘What do they have?’

  ‘Well, I think I heard someone say something about a millionaire’s shortbread’ Emily said, finishing off the last button on her big winter coat. But as it slipped into the buttonhole, it pinged off, flying across the room. ‘Shit!’

  Kat was quick to kneel. ‘I think I saw where it went, hang on’ she said, now on all fours, head under the desk.

  Emily joined her. ‘I thought I heard it go this way’ she said, headed for the darkest spot, before thinking better of it. ‘Actually, we should leave it. I can’t sew anyway. I’ll just get another coat’ she sighed.

  But Kat was more tenacious, examining every square inch of the dark space. ‘That’s silly. I can sew it on for you if you want’ she muttered before her eyes fell upon a piece of plastic. ‘Aha!’ she cried in triumph, holding the object aloft. She came out of the desk and knelt to get a better look.

  ‘That’s not the button’ Emily said, coming out to kneel in front of her.

  ‘What is it?’ Kat frowned.

  ‘Err… I think that’s the S from the keyboard. It sprang out yesterday, thanks’ Emily said, taking the key and checking it over.

  ‘How do you type without an S?’ Kat asked, bemused.

  ‘I avoid words with S in them. Oh, would you look at the state of you!’ Emily suddenly cried, looking at a dark smudge on Kat’s forehead, rubbing a finger across it before she gave it a second thought. But once she’d cleaned Kat off, she suddenly realised she was running her thumb across Kat’s head. Not an intimate place, to be sure. But it was the first physical contact they’d had since the night outside in the snow. And once that thought popped its way into Emily’s head, she felt rather strange. She pulled her hand back with a nervous grin. ‘Sorry’ she blurted. ‘I didn’t mean to…’

  But Kat had felt that simple touch and it had affected her. She’d been trying not to think about the kiss. She’d done a pretty good job of it. After all, denial was in her blood. But that thumb touching her forehead, that affectionate and easy caress… A switch was flicked in Kat. She wanted to do something. She wanted do many things, actually. And before she could push that thought deep, deep down into a dark place, where it could do no harm, she felt the thought flicker into her expression. Into her eyes. She looked at Emily with a wanting.

  Emily, pulling her hand away from Kat, saw the flash in Kat’s eyes. She felt surprised but also not. And she felt her own eyes say something back to Kat. Because she too had been supressing this growing thing, hard. She thought she had to. She had a connection with Kat and she’d been telling herself that it didn’t need to be sexual, shouldn’t be. Kat was her friend.

  But they looked at each other in that shabby little office, kneeling inches from each other. And they knew that they weren’t friends.

  Kat, fire in her chest, leaned toward Emily. Emily saw the lean and she came to meet it instantly. The kiss was less tentative that the last one, less soft. It was almost angry. They’d been trying not to do something they both wanted to do and now neither could think why’d they done that. It was so natural. This time, it was joined by hands, holding onto each tightly as they kissed on their knees next to the desk, on the grubby linoleum.

  Kat was shocked by how good she felt, how unafraid. She wanted Emily and she was certain that Emily wanted her too. There was no reason to hesitate or second guess. It was OK to do this. It was OK to kiss Emily. It was OK to hold her. It was OK to be held. It was OK to feel this way. To feel good. It was OK.

  Emily felt OK too. More than OK. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this excitement in her body. It was joy. It was the thing she’d lost. But it was still there, it had been all along. Kat had found it.

  So
on, their knees began to hurt, and Emily muttered, ‘Let’s get off the floor’ between kisses and they stood up. The kissing deepened, and Emily pushed Kat onto the desk. Something fell off and broke but Emily couldn’t have said what it was. Because Kat was undoing Emily’s coat, trying to get closer. It was soon on the floor, along with the missing button.

  Kat’s coat joined it, along with her scarf. And now they could feel the definition of each other’s bodies much better. Emily pressed the full weight of herself onto Kat and began to move and she heard Kat sigh, a sweetly erotic sound. Kat’s hands slipped onto her rear and squeezed and Emily whimpered. She wanted this. So much. All these years of nothing, she couldn’t wait another second for everything.

  Emily slipped her hands down into Kat’s trousers, unbuttoning them urgently, slipping down, down as she moved her mouth to Kat’s neck and she felt Kat grip her hand, urging her on. And then she was working at Kat’s wetness until she felt Kat’s body begin to shake and tremble. Kat gave a sharp cry and then relaxed. Emily took her hand away. She let herself settle on top of Kat, her face in the girl’s neck, listening to her breathing, quickly at first, slowing soon after.

  They lay there for a moment, on top of the desk, beginning to remember where they were. At work. On Christmas Eve. The busiest day of the year. In Emily’s office.

  Emily lifted her head to look at Kat. ‘What just happened?’

  Kat met her gaze, equally astonished. ‘I don’t know.’

  BANG BANG.

  Emily and Kat jumped up quickly. Someone was knocking at the door. They climbed off the desk, getting their clothes sorted out. ‘Yeah?’ Emily said, before realising her mistake. ‘Yeah’ meant come in. Which Jeb then proceeded to do, striding in, hassled. ‘Boss, I just need…’ he said, trailing off. By now Emily and Kat had their clothes in normal positions and their bodies were at opposite ends of the room. But anyone with half a brain only had to take one look at their faces to know precisely what had been going on. And Jeb had about that amount of intelligence. He looked at each woman and then appeared to get quite uncomfortable. ‘Actually, it’s alright. I’ll come back later’ he said, backing out of the room at speed.

  Once he was gone. Emily looked at the door, at the space Jeb had been stood and she knew without any shadow of a doubt that she was utterly screwed.

  ‘Are… Are you alright?’ Kat asked when she was sure Jeb was gone. She was still sorting through what had happened. She was pretty sure she’d just lost her virginity, after all. And she’d lost it to her boss, on her desk. It was too much to cope with. Much easier to deal with the other elephant in the room. Jeb knew.

  ‘Yep’ Emily said, looking at Kat, deciding to shove the Jeb-ness of this from the situation. Something bigger than him had just happened. Much bigger. ‘Are you?’

  Kat thought about the question, giving it its due. What she found was that she was indeed alright. In fact, she was happy. ‘Yes. I’m alright.’

  CHAPTER 7

  It was almost the end of the day. The store was open till 9pm and then it was shut until the 27th December. Two glorious days off. Emily should have been basking in the knowledge of that time off, the clock coming her way. Everybody else seemed very cheered as they counted down the minutes until they could officially tell the stragglers to sod off and get themselves home to their respective Christmases. But Emily wasn’t feeling quite so breezy.

  On the one hand, what had happened with Kat had been completely lovely. Emily knew she should have been enjoying that, feeling excited and queasy as she hovered on the edge of this brand-new romance. Because she hoped that’s what it was. She wanted to feel that uncomplicated happiness of life opening up, she really did.

  However, her employment had just come into question. That unnerved her, more than she’d have thought.

  But as she looked over at Kat, restocking HDMI cables, she felt a smile slip onto her lips. When she thought of walking in here this morning, at the shitty day she’d thought was in front of her, she’d never have imagined making love to Kat on her desk. Maybe it wasn’t dream surroundings, no soft lighting or four poster beds with rose petals on the sheets. But that was what made it so wonderful. It hadn’t mattered where they were. It had been an explosion of passion and there’d been no survivors.

  Still, there was Jeb to contend with. Lurking about, giving Emily little looks. There was a satisfaction in his eyes she didn’t like at all.

  But the day was almost done. If there were consequences, they were for another day. For now, she tried to think of happy things. Because tonight at 9pm, she would walk out with Kat and once they had a moment alone, she was going to ask for a real and true date. She wanted to romance Kat, if she was willing. Yes, she decided, sod all this nonsense. It would probably be fine. She would give herself to the pleasure of this wonderful thing that had happened to her.

  Kat, who was finished unboxing the HDMI cables, picked up the empty box and noticed Emily give her a look as she talked to Sheila, the manager of the warehouse who’d come for some sort of chat on a topic that Kat couldn’t hear. The look was brief, and she didn’t smile, at least not with her mouth. But Kat saw something in Emily’s eyes, something that made her heart beat quicker.

  What had happened had just about spun Kat’s world on its head. She was quite sure her mother would not have approved and as much as she missed her and loved her, Kat thought there was a real possibility that she would have been wrong about this. That was a shocking thing to think, to imagine that her mother - whose word had been law - might not have known everything. But Kat knew things now, knew the world a bit better, the world outside Pretty Things. It wasn’t just trouble out here. Because Emily was a part of this world her mother had feared, and Emily made Kat feel safe, comfortable and now wanted. She’d even managed to cause Kat to forget about tomorrow, which was nothing short of a miracle. So how could what happened be wrong?

  Martin, the store’s general manager, had the answer to that question and he walked into electronics armed with it. ‘Emily, could I have a word’ he asked, interrupting her chat with Sheila about an overstock of USB sticks. Emily looked at her boss and she knew straight away, something was up. She tried not to show fear in her eyes. ‘Sure, Martin’ she said, following him to his office, casting one last glance over her shoulder, her eyes meeting Kat’s. Kat’s mouth was a perfect circle.

  ‘Do you know why I need to speak to you?’ Martin asked, tugging at his tie as though it were too tight.

  ‘Can’t say I do’ Emily said, all bravado.

  ‘I’ve had a complaint’ Martin said through an embarrassed coughed.

  Emily tried to maintain a poker face.

  ‘I was told there had been some improper conduct. On the premises.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yes. Involving yourself and Katherine Crenshaw.’

  Emily gave a fake laugh. ‘And what are we to have done, exactly?’

  Martin groaned. ‘I don’t think I want to say more than that.’

  Emily started to get up, thinking the meeting was done if Martin couldn’t actually name her crime. ‘Well, I refute all charges, OK? So if you wanna do this, I’ll get a rep and we’ll go around the merry-go-round. But if it’s one person’s word, then-’

  ‘That’s the problem, Emily’ Martin said. There was such sadness in his voice, Emily very nearly felt sorry for him. ‘Unfortunately, the person who made the allegation was able to back up the claim.’

  Emily, now stood, stopped feeling quite so brave. ‘What?’

  ‘He asked us to look at the tape.’

  Emily sat back down. ‘Oh fuck’ she said, sighing and closing her eyes.

  ‘You didn’t know there was a security cam in your office, I take it?’ Martin asked with pity. He explained that he’d been told to check footage for today at 3pm in the electronics manager’s office and he’d be sure to find incriminating footage. Which he had. And now his hands were tied. ‘I didn’t watch much’ he swore, going a little pink.


  ‘I’m getting the sack then, I take it?’ Emily asked.

  ‘It’s a fireable offence, yes. But you’re still entitled to get that rep and fight it.’

  Emily sat quietly for a moment, soaking in anger at Jeb, the rat bastard. Then something hit her. ‘What about Kat?’

  ‘I don’t know yet. But if this goes further, she’ll most likely go too.’

  ‘Is there any way around that?’

  ‘If you take this to a tribunal, the tape will be played and Kat will get dragged into it. At the moment, the complainant-’

  ‘Jeb’ Emily interrupted spikily. ‘Let’s just stop dancing around that name, can we?’

  ‘I can’t confirm that. But he really only wants your blood. I don’t think he’ll take it any further if you just go quietly.’

  Emily nodded. ‘Alright then, I guess that’s that. I won’t fight it. As long as it means Kat can stay.’

  Martin crinkled his brow. ‘She’s young and new. She could probably get another-’ Martin reasoned.

  ‘No’ Emily said decisively. ‘She doesn’t need this.’

  Martin pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘This is hitting me right behind the left eye, this is’ he muttered to himself.

  ‘So I guess Jeb gets my job’ Emily noted, trying to laugh, the noise dying in her throat.

  ‘No’ Martin said, slapping a fist down on his desk, startling Emily. ‘I can’t do anything else about this, but he doesn’t get a job out of it. I’ll put someone else in there. After New Year.’

  Emily nodded, grateful for the small favour. ‘You should probably move Kat as well. He’ll make her life a misery otherwise.’

  Martin nodded. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll look after her.’

  Emily sighed. ‘Why you being so nice about this, Martin? I did do the crime, after all.’

  Martin shrugged. ‘Because I like you. Always have. Why do you think I kept promoting you?’