“I love you Jason. I’m so sorry I hurt you.” The flood of tears came. He held me while I cried. “I’m so afraid,” I confessed. “It’s so good what we have. I don’t ever want to lose that. I don’t ever want to hurt again.”
“I love you and I love Josh, too.” He lifted my chin so our eyes met. “Will you give us a chance?”
“I’m afraid Jason. My life is so messed up. I’m broke, robbing Peter to pay Paul, I already have a baby, I’m afraid someone with no baggage will come along and take you away from me. What if Greg does come back? I’m not in love with him, but should I let Josh see him? Should I tell Josh who he is?”
“How long will you punish yourself for not being with Greg? That’s over. We can start fresh and new with each other. We can put our pieces together. I want to help you, Dani. You don’t have to want for anything. I’m willing to make this work.”
I made love to Jason for the first time. Then we showered together and finally ate dinner at nine-thirty.
“Dani, I should be apologizing.” He put his fork down, reached across the table and took my hand. “I don’t want this to be about sex. My marriage was based on sex. Whenever we had a problem, we had sex. When we should have talked, we had sex. We never really got to know each other. After we were married I realized there was more to love than having sex.”
We played footsies under the table.
“I really want to know you and I want you to know me.” He put his fingers in between mine. “Now don’t get me wrong, tonight was incredible and it will be harder now that I, uh – you know the old saying – you can’t miss what you never had.”
I blushed and let him keep talking.
“I’m going to try really hard not to make sex the focus of this relationship.” He paused. “That is until you marry me.”
“My dad would probably give you a dowry for me.”
We laughed and finished dinner. It was almost midnight when we went to get Josh.
Dr. and Mrs. Singleton left a note for us to meet them at the church and a stuffed teddy bear for Josh on their kitchen table. When we arrived at the church, Mrs. Singleton wanted Josh to sit with her during the wedding rehearsal and other members of Jason’s family took turns playing with him. Maureen was busy with last minute details, but took time to welcome me. Adrienne made a point to let me know that Jason told her all about me. Jason’s sisters were very friendly so I assumed that everything he told them about me was good.
The conversation after the rehearsal dinner was on Jason’s plans and his antics as a child. Mrs. Singleton wanted to know about me and we had the chance to talk while I helped her put food away. It was overwhelming. Jason loved me and his family was accepting. What more could I ask for?
Maureen’s wedding was beautiful. The train on her dress was trimmed in pearls and sequins that glimmered in the sunlight. The wedding party wore tangerine and the church was decorated with tangerine and ivory colored bows. When the preacher asked who was giving her away, Dr. Singleton, Mrs. Singleton, Adrienne and Jason all said, “we do.” Jason kept turning around and winking at me during the ceremony. When Maureen kissed Ellis, he blew a kiss to me. The afternoon was romantic and it wasn’t even my wedding.
We left the reception right after Maureen and Ellis. It was almost one-thirty in the morning when we arrived back in Columbus. Jason drove to his house.
“I thought you had a lot of work to do?” I asked as he took Josh out of his car seat. “I don’t want to get in your way.”
“I can study later.”
I stood in the doorway of his bedroom and watched Jason undress Josh. He laid him in the middle of his bed.
“Are you keeping him tonight?”
“No,” he whispered, “we both can. I was hoping you would stay.”
“Spend the night?”
“I just want to hold you, like I promised I would.”
Jason gave me a tee shirt and a pair of shorts. We sat on the couch and he held me while we attempted to watch a movie. I only remember Jason waking me to get in the bed. We left Josh in the middle, I slept against the wall and Jason slept on the other side of him. When I realized we were all in the bed, I smiled. This was family.
I was preparing for finals and trying to find a job for the summer. Jason was studying for finals, interviewing and preparing for graduation. He had been offered a very good job at Morgan Stanley in New York, but had not yet accepted. I had only talked to Jason twice that week and assumed he was afraid to tell me he would be leaving. I couldn’t blame him, even though I wanted him to love me enough to stay. He came by the night before graduation.
“Hey stranger,” I greeted him as Josh ran to him.
Jason smiled and kissed me on the cheek. “Hey stranger yourself.”
He sat on the floor and began playing with Josh. “I didn’t take the job in New York,” he announced stacking blocks for Josh to knock down.
“I know you really wanted that job.” I sat down next to him on the floor.
“What I really want is you.” He put Josh on his lap. “And this little guy here. I took the Business Manager position with the school district. I start in June.”
“Jason, I’ll make it worth it,” I whispered after I kissed him.
Dr. and Mrs. Singleton, Maureen, Ellis, Adrienne and her fiancé, Scott, came to Jason’s graduation. We went to dinner afterward and Jason told them of the job he had taken. Mrs. Singleton smiled and no one questioned why he turned down the job in New York. Maureen’s husband, Ellis, played with Josh during dinner and talked about having some playmates for him the next time the family got together.
It was a good evening and I was happy to be part of it. Maureen and Ellis invited us to Detroit for the Fourth of July – the family cookout was at their house. By the end of the evening I felt like family. I exchanged numbers with his sisters and promised to keep in touch.
June was busy and my two classes sometimes seemed like a full load. Jason came with me to Pittsburgh for Alicia’s wedding. My parents were unable to attend which meant they would have to wait until October, when Rhonda was getting married, to meet Jason. I tried to get up the nerve to wink at him during the ceremony, but couldn’t do it. I thought about him, playing over and over in my mind, and hoping, that one day Jason and I would be getting married. I loved him and was confident of his love for me and Josh. Jason was my soul mate – he made me feel complete. As we walked down the aisle after the ceremony, Jason caught my eye and winked at me.
Andrea invited us to come back to Pittsburgh for the Fourth of July. She was disappointed that we were going to be in Detroit so we made plans to visit one weekend in August after summer school was over.
We arrived back in Columbus early Sunday afternoon. The sky was clear and the sun was shining. I felt guilty about having to study because it was a beautiful day to go to the park. Jason volunteered to take Josh while I went to the library to study. What a trade off!
Jason insisted we go out to dinner the night before we went to Detroit. I should have suspected something because Denise called me and offered to baby-sit.
After we ate, Jason handed me a huge gift bag. “This is just because I love you. Open it,” he smiled. “I think you’ll really like it.”
It was a huge red velvet pillow wrapped in layers of white tissue paper. It was a different kind of gift and I wasn’t sure of the significance.
“Do you like it?”
I was hesitant to answer because I didn’t want to offend him.
“Let me show you what that’s for.” He took the pillow from me and put it on the floor. Kneeling on the pillow he took a ring box out of his jacket pocket. “In six months I’ve fallen madly in love with you. I want this feeling to last a life time. Will you marry me?”
I was speechless and had to remind myself to breathe. It was as if time stood still and I couldn’t say yes fast enough. Jason kissed me and everyone in the restaurant applauded. I was going to be Jason’s wife.
By the time I got home
it was almost midnight – I called my mother anyway. She was sleeping and asked me to repeat myself. Then she congratulated me through her tears and said she couldn’t wait to meet her future son-in-law.
Jason announced our engagement to his family at the cookout, which really wasn’t too much of a surprise. Mrs. Singleton obviously knew and had asked to see my ring when we arrived.
Mrs. Singleton hugged me. “Now you can call me Mom and Josh can call me Grandma,” she smiled. “He’s my first grandchild.”
Again, I was overwhelmed and had to excuse myself. I hated crying so easily – I was overjoyed to be welcomed into the Singleton family with open arms. It was another good weekend and I had the chance to meet Jason’s aunts, uncles, cousins and his high school friends.
We arrived in Pittsburgh a few weeks later and Andrea cooked dinner to celebrate my engagement. On Saturday, Andrea arranged for two of her undergraduate sorority sisters to keep Josh so we could go to Kennywood Park.
It was a humid August afternoon and the Rotor was the first thing we rode. Andrea’s boyfriend, Harvey, talked us into riding the Racers. I hated roller coasters so I held onto Jason and screamed during the ride. We ate funnel cake and Potato Patch fries and stood in lines for hours. It was one of the best times of my life.
October didn’t come soon enough and I was anxious to show everyone my engagement ring. We arrived in Smithtown for Rhonda’s wedding just before the last of the leaves fell to the ground. Smithtown was always beautiful in the fall.
“Look at my ring!” I smiled as Mom met us in the driveway.
“Oh, Danielle!” Mom hugged me. “I’m so happy for you! Congratulations to you, too,” she said hugging Jason.
Mom took Josh out of his car seat and kissed him repeatedly. She put him down and he played in the leaves piled in the yard.
I was upstairs changing my clothes when I heard Mom introduce Jason to my dad.
“David, this is Jason. Dani’s fiancé.”
“Well I guess congratulations are in order,” was his stoic reply. “This seems rather sudden. When’s the wedding?”
“Next year sir,” Jason said shaking his hand. “We’re looking at May or June after Dani graduates.”
“Hey Dad,” I said coming down the steps. “I’m getting married!”
He turned and smiled at me. “So I hear, so I hear. Will I get the honors of performing the ceremony?”
“Don’t you want to walk me down the aisle?”
“We can talk about that later,” Mom interrupted. “The three of you better get going over to the church. Josh and I have cookies to bake.”
Rhonda was standing on the church steps when we pulled up. I stuck my hand out the window to show off my engagement ring as she walked up to the car and we hugged each other through the open window. I remembered that Christmas when we both thought our love lives were hopeless and now we were getting married.
Rhonda’s wedding was everything she always talked about having, including the designer dress from Saks. The bridesmaids wore lime colored Lois Lane suits with matching pillbox hats, gloves and shoes. Her cousin, Karen, and I wore the same suits in lemon. The changing leaves provided a breathtaking backdrop for pictures after the ceremony. Rhonda deserved every moment and I hoped her happiness would last forever.
Before going back to my parent’s house, Jason and I drove to Atlantic City. We talked about the kind of wedding we wanted as we walked along the boardwalk. The night was clear, the stars were shining and I was in love.
Unintentionally, we dressed in coordinating outfits for church the next morning. I wore the navy pin stripped coatdress Jason bought for my birthday. As Rhonda so often reminded me, I added a red silk scarf for color. Joshua had on navy pants with a white cotton sweater trimmed in navy and red. When Jason came down to the kitchen we laughed because he had on a navy pin stripped suit with a white shirt. His tie was shades of blue with two red pin stripes. Mom took our picture on the front porch. It was our first family photograph.
I should have warned Jason, but I had hoped my dad wouldn’t do it. However, just as I expected, before the benediction, my dad announced from the pulpit that I was getting married. He had Jason stand and introduced him to the congregation. After the service some people wanted to congratulate us and some only wanted to see my ring. The pretentiousness made me laugh to myself – some things in Smithtown would never change!
Time was moving quickly and planning a wedding was much more detailed than I anticipated. Elaine agreed to be my wedding coordinator and Denise agreed to sing. Josh would be our ring bearer, my nieces would be junior bridesmaids and my nephews would be junior groomsmen. Andrea, Alicia, Rhonda, Adrienne and Maureen were happy to be bridesmaids. My excitement about getting married made focusing on my first semester difficult.
My final semester was spent at a middle school where I completed my internship. My old boss, Omar Powell, was the Guidance Counselor and supervised me. He continued to be encouraging and permitted me to implement the self-esteem model that I developed in my Group Therapy class. By the end of April I had fulfilled my required hours and Omar gave me an outstanding evaluation along with an employment recommendation. I submitted my application to the district for the upcoming school year. Omar and I worked well together and I welcomed the opportunity to work with him again.
My mom and Mrs. Singleton surprised me with a bridal shower the Sunday after graduation. Everyone who had become special in my life was there – only Nana was missing. Hard as I tried not to, I cried through my shower.
Jason and I were married on July 21, 1984 at St. Luke’s Baptist Church. In spite of the storm during our wedding rehearsal, the morning was beautiful. The flowers glistened from their fresh watering and someone placed white bows on the hedges lining the front walk of my parent’s house. This was the day my dreams would come true.
As much as my dad said he wanted to do the service, I hoped it meant more to him to give me away. He was presenting me to Jason, and in his eyes, making me a decent woman. I was now someone’s wife, not just his daughter with a baby. One of his closest friends, Reverend Welch, performed the ceremony.
Standing at the back of the church with my dad, I smiled at the wedding party. Joshua wore the cutest white tuxedo, just like Jason’s. He waved to me as I waited for the bridal march to begin. The groomsmen wore black tuxedos with peach colored vests. My brothers were groomsmen and Noah surprised me by getting a haircut. My nephews looked like a pair of little Noah’s and took turns waving at their mother.
Our bridesmaids wore peach gowns that scalloped off their shoulders. Rhonda, my matron of honor, carried a bouquet of ivory-colored carnations and the bridesmaids carried bouquets of peach colored carnations. My nieces wore ivory tea length dresses made of taffeta and lace. Elaine made them ivory baskets which were filled with peach colored rose petals.
I felt like a princess as I descended the aisle. My ivory Victorian lace gown was scalloped off my shoulders and flared at my waist. The front of my gown touched the floor and my train flowed from the bow on the back of my dress. I carried a mix bouquet of peach and ivory colored roses.
Jason’s eyes followed me down the aisle and he mouthed ‘you’re beautiful’. In an attempt to stop the tears, I bit my quivering bottom lip. As we took our place at the altar, my dad wiped my tears with his handkerchief. Jason took my hand and kissed it after my dad took his seat.
The ceremony began with Jason’s cousin, Ira, singing Truly. He sang One In A Million as a duet with Denise and she also sang The Lord’s Prayer. The Minister of Music, Dominique Shamah, serenaded us with I Believe in You and Me.
My parents invited the entire congregation to the wedding and a repast in the church fellowship hall. Our dinner guests joined us at the Crystal Palace Ballroom which Elaine decorated with white lilies and white taffeta bows. Everything was perfect, from the rehearsal to the ceremony.
Our wedding day was more than I ever imagined. Only Nana was missing.
9
> Joshua stayed with my parents while Jason and I honeymooned in Bermuda. Neither of us had been to the islands and we were awestruck by their beauty. The clear blue water allowed us to see our feet no matter how far out we went. The sand was white and warm, the sun was hot and the people were friendly. We spent hours on the beach – sitting, talking, napping and once we tried to build a sandcastle. We rented motorbikes, went to the crystal caves, toured on a glass bottom boat and played with the dolphins at the aquarium.
On our last day, we watched the sun rise and set and let the changing tide bury our feet in the sand. The wisdom seeds had finally taken root and were growing. My life with Jason would be perfect and the seeds would bloom into beautiful flowers, just like Nana said they would.
The joy I felt when we arrived in Smithtown ended the next morning after I went downstairs to have coffee with my parents. My intention was to thank them for all they had done.
“Nice tan,” Mom said as I sat down. “Want some juice?” She poured the glass before I answered. “Is Rhonda bringing Josh or are you going to get him?”
“We’ll get him,” I said sitting down next to my dad. “Bermuda is beautiful!” I pulled the paper down from in front of his face. “Dad, you and Mom should go for your anniversary.”
He put the paper down on the table. “I can’t just take off for a week.”
“Sure you can,” I stated matter-of-factly. “Even the pastor needs a vacation and the pastor’s wife deserves some time with her husband.” I was out on a limb and didn’t care. “Mom wouldn’t you like to go?”
“I guess it would be nice,” she said smiling. “David, we haven’t been away in a long time,” she said looking at my dad. “I think we should.”
He sipped his coffee and mumbled, “Something to think about.”
“Good morning.” Jason hugged my mom as he came into the kitchen. He kissed me on the cheek and sat down between my dad and me. Mom handed him a cup of coffee.
“Good morning, Jason.” My dad finished the last of his toast and sipped his coffee. “I’m glad you’re up. We have some things to discuss.”
Wisdom Seeds Page 14