Pleasured By You

by Steph Nuss

  A tear fell onto her cheek and ran down as I punched the top of the cab with my fist.

  No, this is not fucking happening!

  ***

  When I got back to my place, I closed the door behind me, threw my crutches out of the way and slid down to the floor. Something broke inside of me seeing another woman kiss him. I wasn’t sure if it was my heart or not, but my body ached like I’d just walked through a glass door unknowingly, shattering it into a million pieces. And the longer I sat there, the deeper the shards penetrated every fiber of my being.

  I never wanted to end up like this: the woman crying over a man. But today, after seeing what I saw, I realized I’d given Fletcher the ability to hurt me. I’d let him come into my life and make himself right at home, not giving one fuck about what he could do to me, my heart and every other part of me that cared about him, specifically my who-ha. I’d never given a man such power until him, and I hated myself for it.

  He could really break me now.

  Hell, he might’ve already broken me.

  With my head resting against the door, I heard footsteps coming down the hall and then a fist knocking on the other side.

  “Bayler! Please open up!” he said, knocking harder.

  Applying pressure to my right foot, I got up and leaned against the doorframe. Dear God, please give me the strength to push him away.

  We’d moved so far past fuck buddies, I had no idea what we were doing now. It was as if all summer I’d built a dam of feelings for him, and today it broke, flooding me with all these truths about him and us that I’d been so ignorant to this whole time. He had me. He had my heart, right in the palm of his hand, where he could decide when or how or where he wanted to crush it. But I was taking it back now.

  I opened the door just enough for my body to fit between it and the frame.

  “Bayler,” he said, sounding winded. He stepped forward, but when he saw I wasn’t welcoming him in, he stopped. “Can I come in?”

  “No,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

  He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, frustrated. “What are you doing? Why are you doing this?”

  “Do you remember what we said when we made our little arrangement? That if we got sick of each other, we’d—”

  “You’re sick of me?” he asked, scowling now. He appeared so distraught and confused with his tie loosened around his neck and his hair disheveled.

  Hanging my head, I nodded. I couldn’t stand seeing him like this knowing I was the culprit. I ached to touch him, to reach out and calm him down, but I knew better. I’d break if I comforted him, and then I’d never be able to put myself back together.

  “No!” he shouted, grabbing my chin. He lifted my head so our eyes met. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re sick of me.”

  “I’m sick of you!” I snapped, moving my chin out of his hand as tears invaded my eyes again.

  He sucked in a large breath of air at the sound of my words and took a step back. I felt just as stunned as he appeared. I really wasn’t sick of him. Just the opposite. I felt perfectly comfortable with him, and that scared the ever-living fuck out of me.

  “You don’t mean that,” he said, shaking his head. “If you’re sick of me, why are there tears in your eyes? I don’t get what went wrong today. Please just talk to me! Explain it to me!”

  “Fletcher,” I said, in an uneasy voice. “We made an arrangement that was bound to end at some point.”

  “But I don’t want it to end!” he said fiercely, taking a step closer to me. He stood so close, I could smell his signature woodsy scent that made me weak for him. “Last night, we laid in bed and talked, and I held you in my arms. I know we started out thinking this was sex, but it’s not anymore. It hasn’t been for a while. I mean, at least, for me it hasn’t. I . . . I’m . . . I—”

  “Please don’t.” Covering his lips with my hand, I shook my head. “It won’t change anything if you say it.”

  “It won’t?” he asked, his blue eyes searching hard for answers.

  Swallowing hard, I sighed. “No.”

  “Fine. What do you want me to do?”

  “I want you to give me space.” He pushed away from the wall, completely gutted by my words and unable to look at me. I threw out five more words as if I was rubbing salt into his wound. “I want you to leave.”

  His eyes found mine again, but now his baby blues were drowned in a sea of tears waiting to be shed, provoking mine all over again. He cupped my face in his hands and brushed my tears away with his thumbs as his eyes memorized every inch of my face, roving over every feature and stopping to stare at my mouth. Then he angled my head and sealed our lips together in a passionate yet heartbreaking kiss. I felt it all the way down to my toes, tasting of our tears and further ripping me apart as his tongue tangled around mine for a tragically delicate good-bye.

  The kiss felt like a farewell wrapped in soft lips and familiarity, each touch becoming more intimate than the last, annunciating how neither of us truly wanted this to end.

  But then it did.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Two Weeks Later

  Two weeks after losing Bayler, I was over at Cash’s with the rest of the guys. Carter hadn’t said anything to me about his sister, even though I was practically sitting here on edge, listening for him or anyone to mention her. I actually wished he would’ve pummeled my ass when he first saw me a few weeks ago. Why, I wasn’t sure, because I still didn’t understand if this was my fault or hers, or if this was just karma’s way of reminding me of all the times I’d broken a woman’s heart. I initially thought having him beat the shit out of me might make me feel better, but now, I knew it wouldn’t work.

  I missed her too much.

  “Man, you reek of whiskey,” Cash said, shaking his head. “You need to go home and shower. Maybe eat something.”

  “I can’t go home,” I complained, covering my face with my hands. “She’s there.”

  “What do you mean?” Maverick asked.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s at her own place,” Cash said, furrowing his brows. “Why the fuck would she be at yours?”

  Taking a deep breath, I rested my head on the back of the couch and exhaled. They didn’t understand. Bayler was everywhere. She was soaked into my sheets, curled up against me with every toss and turn I made. In the shower, her handprints were still stamped into the glass, and in my kitchen, she was cooking us dinner, wearing nothing but my shirt. Memories of her continuously fed me, yet I still felt malnourished. “I just keep seeing her everywhere.”

  “Dude, it’s been two weeks,” Cash reminded. “She hasn’t called you back. She isn’t returning your texts. She’s avoiding you at work.”

  “Yeah,” Maverick said. “Maybe it’s time to think about moving on.”

  Placing my elbows on my knees, I shook my head and glared back at him. “I don’t want to move on. If this was the case with Harper, would you just move on?”

  “Fuck no.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Maybe she just wants space,” Justin stated, turning all of our attention on him. He looked guilty as he shrugged his shoulders and gazed back at us. “I don’t know her that well, but if she said she wanted space, then maybe she really does need some time to figure things out.”

  “How much time does she need?” I asked rhetorically.

  But he answered anyway. “I don’t know, but have you ever told a woman you needed space and didn’t mean it?”

  The room grew painfully silent at his question as all of us thought back to times when we’d pushed women away. Swallowing hard at the realization, I shook my head. “No.”

  Justin smiled weakly. “That’s all I’m saying. She’s probably just figuring out what she wants.”

  “No, she’s not,” Carter scoffed, jumping up from his seat. He started to pace the living room, becoming more frustrated with each step, but I watched him closely. He looked like he was ready to combust, and I prayed the deb
ris had Bayler written all over it. “This is typical Bayler!”

  Yes!

  “What do you mean?” Maverick asked.

  “I mean, this is what she does,” Carter explained, shaking his head. “I love my sister, but I cannot stand that she’s doing this to you. She’s never been in a relationship longer than a one-night stand until you. She has all these stupid rules when it comes to guys to ensure she never falls for anyone, but she did and now she’s scared. Elly told me to stay out of this. She told me to keep my mouth shut, but . . .” He stopped and turned toward us, and the conflict that had been evident in his expression slowly morphed into relief. “We saw you two in the locker room that night. You weren’t just sleeping together. I know I seemed mad about it at the time, but that was when I thought you were just screwing her. I didn’t realize you were in love with her.”

  I relaxed back into the couch. “I am in love with her.”

  Maverick started laughing next to me and grabbed my shoulder. “Man, I never thought I’d see the day Fletcher Haney went ass over head for a woman.”

  The rest of them joined him in laughter, and for the first time in two weeks, I really smiled and it felt good.

  “Yeah, who would’ve thought he’d turn into a sappy, lovesick fuck,” Cash teased.

  “Over my sister,” Carter continued, falling back down into his chair. “You couldn’t have picked someone else?”

  “I’m afraid not,” I laughed, enjoying the feel of humor rumbling in my chest.

  “Well, you could at least take a damn shower,” Cash reiterated with a cringe. “Or go somewhere else and stop stinking up my place. I can’t bring women home to this.”

  “Hey, this is my place,” I said, smiling. “You just rent it. For dirt cheap I might add.”

  “Whatever,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’m going to have to burn that couch after your mourning period is over.”

  “Fuck you,” I said, uncapping my water bottle. I really did need to start cleaning my ass up. I wasn’t going to win Bayler back looking like shit and smelling like booze. Emptying the rest of the water into my throat, I put the cap back on and tossed the bottle at Justin. “Okay, Mr. Psychology, how am I supposed to win her back?”

  He laughed lightly and shrugged. “First, I think you’ll feel better once you get back to normal yourself. You know, shower, shave, consume something other than whiskey.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I said, waving him along.

  “And then I think you need to respect her wishes.” There he went with the space talk again. “I know it’s going to be hard, but I think you need to back off a little bit. Give her space. She’s scared right now, and having you in her face probably isn’t helping.”

  “Okay, I’ll back off,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “But don’t back off too far to the point where she thinks you’ve moved on. If you love her, you need to support her from afar, respect her wishes, and be yourself. You are not the guy who constantly calls and texts and begs a woman to talk to him. Start acting like the Fletcher Haney we all know.”

  “Yeah, man,” Maverick agreed, giving me another pat on the back. “She’ll come around.”

  “I hope so,” I said.

  “Hey,” Cash stated, pointing at Justin. “When did Rain Man over here learn everything there is to know about women?”

  “He doesn’t,” Carter laughed. “Just the psychology that lies beneath it all.”

  “That’s probably more accurate,” Maverick said, smiling.

  “Well, I could use all the help I can get.” I nodded to Justin and stuck out my hand.

  “Anytime,” he said, giving me a high-five.

  Chapter Twenty

  The only person who didn’t want to be at Harper’s baby shower more than me was Paige, and that was only because she had a weird fear of everything baby-related. Not because she’d rather be in bed, sleeping or replaying the moment when she fucked up her relationship with a ridiculously handsome guy. That’s where I wanted to be right now. Instead, the four of us—Paige, Tessa, Elly, and I—were throwing Harper a baby shower at her place, and I promised Elly I’d put on my aunt-to-be panties and enjoy the party.

  The shower was small, consisting of Harper and Maverick’s closest female friends and family. The male attendees were currently having their own party in the entertainment room, watching a game and drinking beer. It was times like these that I had penis envy.

  Or at least until he walked in. At that point, I was thankful I didn’t have to be in the same room as him for long.

  “Fletcher!” Harper cheered, waddling over to him.

  I watched as she gave him a tight hug and he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. I found myself silently begging him to look at me. “Grams couldn’t make it, but she wanted me to drop off her gift.”

  “Thank you,” she said, taking the package from his hands. “The guys are back in the theater watching the game.”

  He tapped the smaller package he had against his palm as his eyes searched the room. “Tessa must’ve bought every tiara she could find.”

  “It is a princess-themed party,” Harper reasoned, smiling.

  “Only the best for Maverick’s girl,” he said, gesturing to her belly.

  “Fletcher!” Mom exclaimed, as she entered the room. “It’s so nice to see you again. You’re looking well.”

  Yes, he is. Thank you so much for pointing that out, Mom.

  “It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Jennings,” he said.

  “Oh please, call me Lucy!” she said, laying a hand on his arm. “Or my new title, Grandma Lucy.”

  What?! I thought, rolling my eyes at her. Grandma Lucy?

  He laughed. “Well, congratulations on your first grandbaby. We can’t wait to meet her.”

  “I know,” Mom said, smiling at Harper. “She should be here any day now.”

  Harper smiled. “I’m ready whenever she is.”

  Finally, Fletcher’s blue eyes landed on me in the kitchen, and it felt like he’d taken the knife from my hand and stabbed me in the chest. He looked breathtakingly beautiful in jeans and a hoodie, with his lips curled up into a smile and those dimples on display. I forced myself to smile at him, even though I felt like bursting into tears at the sight of him. He appeared so put together and happy—the exact opposite of how I felt—unlike the last time I saw him outside my apartment. If he was still hurt, he was doing a damn good job of not showing it.

  “Well, I have a gift here for the dad, so I should go join the man party,” Fletcher said, turning his attention back to Harper.

  “Okay, please tell your grandma I’m sorry she couldn’t make it,” Harper said.

  “Will do,” he said, giving her another hug. “Have fun.”

  “You too!”

  He turned down the hall toward the theater, and I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding when I heard a throat clear from beside me. Twisting my head to the left, I found Elly standing next to me smiling.

  “Was that so bad?” she teased.

  “I kind of hate him for looking completely fine,” I muttered, licking a piece of frosting from my finger. “But no, it wasn’t awful.”

  “Well, he was bound to get to the bottom of the bottle of Jack sooner or later,” she said.

  “Yeah,” I said, as I placed a tiny, edible pink tiara on top of the last cupcake. “But he could’ve opened up a new bottle.”

  “Bayler.”

  “I know,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I just didn’t expect him to look so happy.”

  She took the tray of cupcakes from my hands and smiled. “How do you know he’s happy? He could be faking it like someone else I know.”

  “Yeah,” I said, smiling weakly.

  “Now, slap a real smile on that face and let’s go celebrate our niece.”

  Following her into the living room, I gazed around the room at all of Harper’s guests. Grandma Ceci and Mom were seated next to Maverick’s mom, Charlotte, and Justin’s grandma, Janice. Iman
i and Harper’s designer friends took up another table. Tessa and Paige stood near the front table, which was draped with a gray and white damask tablecloth and decorated with pink and white tulle.

  Elly placed the cupcakes in the center of the table as I took Harper’s hands and helped her sit down in the big, comfy guest-of-honor chair we’d placed near the front of the room so that everyone could watch her open gifts.

  “Okay, everyone!” Tessa said, cheerfully. “Harper made me promise no baby shower games, so we’re going to get straight to the gifts!”

  “Bayler,” Harper whispered. “Would you mind taking notes on who gave us what? The baby book is on the gift table, and there should be a pen inside.”

  “Sure.” I found the pink book she and Maverick had already decorated with sonogram pictures and pregnancy milestones, and then took a seat next to her.

  “Thank you,” she said, as Tessa handed her the first gift.

  I spent the next hour and a half making a list of all the baby shower gifts.

  ***

  Once the party ended and Harper said good-bye to her friends, the rest of us gathered in the living room and relaxed while Tessa bustled around cleaning up the place. Paige had already left, claiming a work-related issue needed her attention. I was positive she was just wigged out by so much baby stuff littering the room. Half the items I wrote down on Harper’s gift list were things I didn’t even know existed. For example, the Diaper Genie—she received two of those bad boys. At first, I thought it was a diaper dispenser because a genie grants wishes. You need a diaper? Poof, here you go! But then Harper told me it was a special trashcan for diapers, and the gift totally lost its appeal.

  “Tessa, I told you the guys could clean up,” Elly said.

  “Yeah,” Harper agreed, rubbing her belly. “Maverick said he would get the guys to help him take everything down.”

  “I know, but I’d rather just do it myself,” she said, carefully folding the tulle. “I don’t want them to ruin the decorations.”