“Stop this shit. You’re not my maid.”
“No, but we’re in a hurry, and I know you. Can’t leave your house until everything is in its place.”
“I’m not going, Dorian.”
“They’re paying double the rate. Formal event downtown. Pick out a suit, let’s go.”
“I’m out.”
His buddy stopped picking up, and stared. “What? At the dry cleaners or something?”
Renner shook his head. “I’m done. I’m turning in my cufflinks. This job isn’t for me.”
Dorian’s brow furrowed, and he shoved his hands in his pockets. “It’s always a woman that does it.”
“I appreciate you helping me out after all that mess. But I need to do something else.”
The guy’s frown gave him a vicious aura, but only because of the stubble and dark suit. His friend didn’t have a violent bone in his body, unless he was holding a rifle on tour overseas. “I know this role takes an adjustment. But it’s not the traditional escort agency. Being a Knight is more…substantial. Your heart is in the right place, man. It just takes time.”
“There’s not enough time in the world for me to forget this. Find someone else.”
Dorian’s frown deepened, but there was a small acquiescence in his stare. “Then at least come as my friend, tonight. I need a wingman.”
Renner bit the inside of his cheek. He was on the verge of shaking his head.
“Murphy,” Dorian added.
He sighed. “Of course, you’d use that.” Their code word for a personal favor, man to man. Soldier to soldier. After their friend, Murphy, had taken six bullets in the back in Afghanistan while covering their cherry asses during an evac that’d become a slaughterhouse. No one from their unit said it unless they really needed backup. “As a friend. Nothing more.”
Twenty minutes and a shower later, Renner reluctantly splashed on aftershave. He hadn’t put much effort into his hair this time, and he’d grabbed his least favorite tie. A fitting sentiment for the night.
He grabbed his black stone cufflinks, and scowled as he put them on. Then he slipped on his coat.
Dorian started talking from the living room.
“Are you speaking to yourself out there?” Renner called. “Cause I can’t hear a word.”
“Renner, you have a guest.”
He came out of the bathroom, and turned the corner.
Then froze.
His buddy held open the door, with Cassie in the entryway. Slack jawed.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Cassie
Cassie took a deep breath, steeling her resolve.
If you’re watching, Kyle, please don’t. I can’t do this with you in my head.
The door swung open, and a pristine black suit and tie stood in the doorway.
Not Renner.
This man was several inches shorter than Renner, dark brown eyes and six o’clock shadow. Just as ridiculously handsome, in a more rugged way. She glanced at the apartment number again. “Sorry, I must have the wrong address.” Unless he has a roommate.
“Who ya lookin’ for?” Suit-and-Tie gave her a half-smile, his eyes twinkling.
“Renner Shaw.”
His smile turned sad. “Well, that explains a lot.”
Cassie cocked her head.
He opened the door wider. “You’ve got the right place. I’m Dorian, friend of Renner’s.” He put out his hand. When she shook it, he turned her palm downward, and covered her knuckles with his other hand. “Such a shame. We could’ve had a beautiful relationship.” He finished with a dashing smile.
She smirked.
“Are you speaking to yourself out there?” Renner’s voice called from somewhere inside. “Cause I can’t hear a word.”
“Renner, you have a guest.” Dorian let her step inside. “Don’t break his heart,” he muttered.
Her heart rate kicked up a notch, and she pressed her lips together. Break his heart?
Renner came around the corner, freshly shaven in a black suit with onyx and silver tie. And dripping with magnetism.
Her jaw dropped. That getup almost guaranteed instant orgasms with just one glance.
“Cassie?” His eyes were wide, hopeful. Tugging at her soul.
Her fingers desperately wanted to caress that smooth face. Run them through his hair, more wild and untamed than she’d seen before. “Well, dammit. This isn’t fair.”
He’s going on another date.
Another client.
She bit her lip, and her chest twisted. Stick to the plan.
“How did you know where I—”
“You left your wallet.” Cassie pulled the brown leather from her purse, willing her hands to stop shaking.
“Oh.” Renner’s face fell, along with the light in his eyes. He took the wallet. “Thanks.”
The pause drifted to an uncomfortable lull. She should turn away, go home. Her feet were fused to the floor.
Renner looked too good to tear her eyes away.
“This is my friend, Dorian.” A blush ran up Renner’s cheeks. “Come in.”
“Actually, I just came to…” To what? Don’t you remember?
“This looks a lot more intense and…complicated than I want to handle.” Dorian broke in. “So, I’ll head out. Renner, call me later. Nice meeting you, Cassie.” He closed the door behind him, leaving them to stare at each other.
“Where did I leave it?” Renner finally asked, breaking the awkward silence.
“Landon found it between the couch cushions.” Where we groped each other and almost… Her face heated.
“Where is he?” he asked.
“Landon? A friend’s house.”
“Can I get you a drink?”
“No, this’ll just take a minute.” Do it, Cassie. Say what you came to say, and get the hell out of here. She took a deep breath. “Can you take off that suit coat? I can’t do this when you look like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like a walking orgasm.”
He chuckled. So, he took off the coat and draped it over a chair. “Better?”
The shirt framed his torso too well, and the black and silver tie too elegant a style. Then he stuck his hands in his pockets, accentuating the tightness of his pants around the crotch.
“Nope.”
“Well, you couldn’t talk to me with my shirt off last time, so this’ll have to do.” Renner took a step toward her, like a panther.
“You’re clearly on your way to a client. I don’t want to delay you from your work.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what—”
“I came to say goodbye.” Cassie tightened her grip on her purse.
He stopped, and his shoulders dropped.
The hard part was next.
She was grateful for his silence, but not the oncoming long face. “I couldn’t admit this last night. But you’re right, there’s a connection between us. I felt it. And it terrified me. Because I was scared of what that meant.”
Renner’s jaw flexed.
Those delectable hazel eyes bored into hers with a heat that she desperately wanted to taste, but she couldn’t. Her heart raced, and it was too hard to get a deep breath. “I want you, Renner. God knows how badly I do.”
He took another step toward her, but she backed up and shook her head.
“Stop.”
He did.
Thank God.
“It took a lot for me to admit it. Despite all that, I can’t do this. My heart is still with him.” Her voice broke and she swallowed hard. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.”
His expression turned to pity. Or heartache. It was hard to tell. “You came here to tell me that?”
“You deserved to hear this in person. You needed to know the truth, but I don’t want you to wait for me, either. Because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love anyone else again. Not like that. That’s not fair to you.”
Renner looked away, studying the carpet in the dining room. Af
ter a deep sigh and rubbing his chin—that freshly shaven face worth stroking—his gaze met hers. “He’s a memory, Cassie. Yes, a great memory, one that’s hard to let go of. One you’ll always be thankful for. But, he’s a memory, Cass. I’m standing right in front of you.”
Tears pricked her eyes, and she blinked them back. Then why do I still feel him? Her heart tightened.
“I know he was a great guy,” Renner continued. “I can tell by the way you talk about him. Probably the best you’d ever known. You still want him back. The truth is, I was wrong yesterday. Kyle is still here. In Landon.”
At the sound of her son’s name, the lump crawled into her throat. More tears climbed forward.
“He’s the cutest kid I’ve ever seen.” His gaze penetrated the heaviest part of her soul, and she swore she saw a touch of glass in his eyes. “I know it’s not the same, but it’s the next best thing.” His voice scaled higher, the pleading more painful than she anticipated.
Her own stomach was on the verge of collapse.
“You can have the next best thing to him, Cassie,” he continued. “You can have blueberry muffins with your son every morning, and me at your side. Do I know for sure it’s going to work? No. There are no guarantees in life. Dammit, I want to give it a try. I’ll make those blueberry muffins with both of you every day. As long as you love me for me, not for the sake of a rebound. Someone you settled on.”
Everything inside her ached, and Cassie doubted that her lungs could inflate.
How am I still standing?
“I can’t bring him back. I can’t replace him. No one can. But I can respect him by loving his son. By loving you, with everything I have. I’m envious he met you before I did. But you have to let him go, Cassie. You have to be willing to let go. Because I won’t live life in a shadow. I can’t compete with a ghost.”
She bit her tongue to keep from sobbing, but a tear finally fell. Choose between the memory of, and honoring her husband, or the man standing in front of her. So attractive, alive, and full of color. Who gave her the first night of peace in forever.
“You’re not ready to do that.” Everything in Renner’s posture turned to resignation. “Because you’re so loyal and loving. And I love you even more for that.”
Finally, his charm won the battle over her inhibitions.
Cassie surged forward and placed her tear-covered lips to his. Without any control, her hands stroked his face, the smooth skin stealing more of her breath.
He wrapped his arms around her, his hands sliding up her back in a possessive, intoxicating claim. His tongue glided into her mouth, and she savored him.
Utterly delectable, and completely gut-shattering.
Renner stepped forward, pushing her against the door, and pressed his chest into her breasts. Making it that much harder to breathe.
Oxygen is overrated anyway.
“Don’t lock yourself away into that black box,” he whispered between ground-shaking kisses. “You deserve that intense kind of love.” His hands roamed lower, around her waist, then her hips. “Every minute, of every day. Because you’re more than worth it.”
Her purse fell to the floor, and she gripped his collar. The entire evening flashed in front of Cassie. Devouring each other right here on the floor by the door. Then to the couch. Or the dining room table. Certainly multiple rounds in the bedroom. With his hypnotizing cologne, expert mouth, and damn, those hands—she’d love every second of it. Of him.
She tugged him in closer, and the diamond on her finger dug into her skin. Which instantly cooled the heat in her face. Cassie pulled back, and pressed her hand against his sternum to stop him.
His shaky breath fell against her face, and he covered her hand with his.
“Thank you,” she panted. “For loving me. But I’m sorry.”
The hazy look in his eyes cracked. Renner’s hands dropped.
Tears pricked her eyes again, and she blinked them away.
He’d admitted to falling in love with her, and she was throwing it in his face.
As gently as possible, but it was still a rejection.
Just as painful for her, too. Probably for Kyle, too.
“You’d be living your life always compared to a memory. One I can’t let go of yet.”
Renner took a shaky breath, and stepped back. The distance between them was only a foot, yet might as well have been a mile. His gaze lowered to the floor. It was a long moment before he looked at her.
Much longer than she wanted.
“One day you will.” He shoved his hands in his pockets again, and sighed. “You don’t want to hear that right now, but one day. You will love again, deeply. And you should. Because you’re incredible.” He gritted his teeth and shook his head. “Dammit, I wish like hell it was with me.”
Cassie’s lungs wouldn’t expand to breathe. The words rested on her lips, me too.
She picked up her purse, swallowed her twice-broken heart, and left.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Renner
“Are you ready to go?” Dorian crossed his arms, the muscles in his arms bulging forward. He leaned against the black Charger, his pride and joy.
Renner stared down the street, in the direction where Cassie had ridden off. With his heart. He shook his head.
“I assumed with Miss Sainthood leaving, you’d changed your mind.”
He shoved his hands in his suit pockets. They felt heavier, and less capable than an hour before. He shook his head again.
“Then what do you want to do?”
Another car drove down the street, a white sedan, that slowed as they continued past him. A window rolled down, and a woman whistled.
Dorian smiled back, but it wasn’t his genuine one. Wearing their black suits definitely drew more attention, and Knights were always on the lookout for new clients.
Not Renner.
He couldn’t even lift his gaze enough to look at the catcallers. Let alone react.
“It’ll be a fun a party.” His buddy crushed a rock under his foot. “Free drinks, and plenty of pretty ladies to take your mind off things. Besides, I need a spotter.”
“I said no.” The words came out harshly, but he didn’t have the capability to be charming right now. “Don’t you dare Murphy me on this. Not this one.”
Dorian frowned further. “I’m sorry, man. Wrong place, wrong time, huh?”
He nodded absently. “Story of my life.”
“No. With your luck? That would be right place, wrong time. Irish, through and through.”
“Semantics.” Suddenly, the only thing Renner wanted to do was punch something. His fists tightened, so he crossed his arms. To prevent accidentally punching Dorian. Or his car.
His friend slipped on his sunglasses. “Don’t make any decisions tonight. Sleep on it. Have a clear head first.”
He shook his head. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m not you, D.”
His buddy sighed. “With a woman like that, I get it. I’m not gonna tell you you’re making a mistake, like Duane would. No matter what you decide, you owe the man at least a phone call. I’m won’t be your messenger boy.”
“Fine,” Renner growled.
He opened the car door. “Plenty of fish in the sea, but you won’t catch any if you just sit around playing with your rod.”
Renner glared.
“Loosen up, John Snow. Since when did you become such a boy scout?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Renner
Eleven Months Later
A caravan of cars pulled up the long, dirt drive. Renner stood on the main log cabin’s front porch, his sunglasses perched on his nose and hands behind his back. The cars stopped, and out climbed his principals.
Very important guests to guard with his life. For the whole weekend.
A dozen grinning kids piled out of minivans and SUV’s, each with pristine uniforms and overloaded backpacks.
Not pristine for long.
Several dads and a few moms gathered more gear fr
om the trunks, and corralled behind the boys.
“Welcome, Troop 155!” he called.
They cheered, all lining up at the bottom of the porch steps, with their eager faces looking up at him. This was his favorite age. Six and seven year olds. So open to learning, and loving the silly side of life. Too young to worry about being cool or bugged by peer pressure, but old enough to appreciate the luxury of getting dirty.
“You guys look awesome! Are you ready to earn your survival badges?”
“Yes!” they screamed.
“You better be, or I’ll sic the bears on you.” A few scared faces blinked at him, while others grinned.
A few parents chuckled.
Renner smiled. “These bears.” He turned and motioned to Max, who carried a large basket of teddy bears in Boy Scout uniforms. “These ferocious animals will be waiting for you at the end of the trip, with your badges attached to their sashes.”
A few boys clapped, others cheered. From their shuffling feet, he could tell they were anxious to get started. So was he.
“I’m Renner Shaw, and this is Max Fogle. We’re your guides for the weekend. By the end of this trip, you will all know how to survive in the wilderness. Survival skills including starting a campfire, pitching a tent, tracking animals, and reading a compass. For extra fun, you’ll have the chance to earn a bonus badge for star navigating.”
One boy with black hair in front waved his hand. “Will we learn how to shoot?”
“Yes!”
A few parents looked at each other, their smiles instantly vanished.
“With a bow and arrow,” Renner amended. “Archery. Another badge opportunity.”
“Sweet!” The kid gave his friend a high-five.
“Are you a soldier?” another child asked from the back.
Renner raised an eyebrow. “Why do you ask?”
“Cuz you look like one.”
Max chuckled behind him. “What does a soldier look like?”
“Really short hair, big boots, and big arms. Just like yours.”
He chuckled. Who can argue with that logic? “Yes, Max and I were both Marines. Now, are we ready to get started?”
They cheered again, and everyone followed him over to the lake, where they’d start with putting up their tents and going over the rules.
Tell Me What You Want: Knights of Texas Book One Page 8