Just One Week (Just One Song)

by Stacey Lynn

  Devan had been riding my ass all week for no reason other than the fact that being a bitch to her underlings gives her an orgasm. I wanted to get away, escape to peace and quiet, so I took a bottle of wine and a glass to the rooftop deck. Instead of quiet, I continued to hear all the sounds of the city, and the sky was as bright as day even though it was after ten o’clock at night. I had sat down on a plastic chair, looked up the sky, and cried. It was the night I missed Minnesota the most and the summer nights at the lake with Nic’s family. It made me miss my mom and Elijah. I wanted to hop on a plane and fly home and forget about all the crap that was going on at work and in my life.

  As if reading my mind, Chase speaks just as quietly. It’s like we’re afraid to disrupt the heavens and lose the stars. “If you get the job with Natasha, you could see the stars like this all the time.”

  “I wish I knew what to do.” I’m not just thinking about my job but it’s the small piece of truth I can give him tonight. Just like my job was ripped away from me last week, everything else could change this week. It might not matter where I live or what kind of job I have.

  “We’ll figure it out,” Chase says and I notice that his hands tighten on me. Like him using the word ‘we’ will freak me out.

  He’s a smart man. I feel my heart beat a little bit faster just thinking of what he could possibly mean. There is no ‘we.’

  “Why do you want me to work for Natasha?”

  I can feel his shoulders move up and down against my neck and back. “She’s a good friend, and I think she’d be fun to work with. You’d get to be around fashion on a daily basis and I think you’d enjoy it …” his voice trails off like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t.

  I almost ask him what else he was going to say, but I shut my mouth. It’s probably something I can’t handle knowing anyway.

  We sit outside for who knows how long. We talk about his upcoming tour, things we like about New York, what Minnesota summers are like, and basically anything that isn’t about us personally, but tells each of us a whole lot about the other.

  When we are close to not being able to keep our eyes open, he carries me inside and gently sets me down.

  Once we climb into bed, Chase dressed only in his black boxer briefs and me in a short, cotton nightgown, I’m expecting him to make a move, but he doesn’t. He pulls me close to him placing a soft kiss on my temple, and runs his hands through my hair slowly and methodically.

  “You okay?” I ask, hesitant to speak. His hands on my hair and scalp feel so soft and calming that he’s almost putting me to sleep.

  He blinks slowly and then frowns. His hand stills on the side of my face and his thumb lightly brushes my cheek.

  “I’m sorry that Ethan ruined your night tonight, that he scared you … and hurt you.” He swallows slowly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to keep you safe.”

  I smile lightly, not wanting to make light of it, but my heart flutters a bit hearing his words. It’s hard to believe that Chase cares about me like this. It feels foreign when I can see in his eyes how much he cares about me. Hearing that he might love me was shocking and scary. Watching him look at me, like he’s willing me to love him, willing me to let me in sends shivers down me. It’s this intense look from Chase that terrifies me.

  “It’s okay, Chase,” I whisper against his lips, wanting to feel the warmth they provide. Instead of leaning in to me, he pulls back.

  “Will you ever let me love you?”

  “I …” His lips press against mine, interrupting and stopping any words from escaping.

  I don’t know.

  I need more time.

  I’m too scared.

  I can’t.

  They would all hurt him. I could get a phone call at any point over the next few days telling me everything is going to change. And if it does, everything with Chase will change along with it. So I let him kiss the words away, silencing the words in my mouth and the thoughts in my head swirling with doubt and fear.

  He slowly rolls on top of me, stripping me of my nightgown and running his hands tenderly and reverently all over my body. I push into his hands. They feel so warm, and his light kisses all over my body ignite little flames, bursting forth wherever he touches.

  When he finally enters me, my hands are repeating to his body what his did to mine and I can’t pull away from his intense expression as our bodies move together. As one.

  I shock myself when I realize I wish I could go back and re-answer his question.

  I might.

  I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted.

  I think I already have.

  We finish together, resting with one another, and I want to open my mouth and say the thoughts I have. Put his fears and concerns about me to rest and tell him that I think I just might love him back, too. But they get stuck in my throat, and Chase doesn’t give me time to speak when he pulls me to him, snuggles us up close together, and presses a good night kiss against my temple.

  The intensity of the tender moment we just shared keeps me awake, with tears rolling silently down my cheeks.

  I step back as Sharon helps zip Nicole into her wedding gown. She is absolutely stunning in her one shoulder, silk, sheath gown with just the smallest hint of a train. It molds to her body perfectly, accentuating every beautiful curve she has.

  Her hair is pulled up into a classic chignon twist held together with an elegant pearl clip.

  “You’re absolutely beautiful, Nicole.” Sharon rests her hands on Nicole’s shoulders and I get a little teary-eyed watching the women speak a thousand words while saying nothing at all.

  Nicole’s face goes sad for just a moment but she recovers quickly. I grab a handful of tissues and hold them out to her. “It’s okay to be a little sad today, too.”

  She sniffs and pats her eye, folding the tissue under her eyes to blot her mascara. “I know. I’m not sad,” she says as her eyes go glassy with tears that I know she’s trying her hardest to not let fall. “I’m just remembering.”

  Sharon and I envelop Nic in a gentle hug. I’d hate to wrinkle this thing before we get down to the beach, but I want to just wrap her up and love my best friend forever.

  “Okay, that’s enough sad tears.” I pull away from her with a small smile. “I have a present for you.”

  I hand her a box and watch her eyes go wide with a cautious smile. “What is this?”

  Sharon and I watch Nic’s face as she slowly unwraps the silver wrapping paper, gently and slowly. I roll my eyes. “It’s wrapping paper for crying out loud.”

  She starts dying laughing as soon as she sees the white shoe box size present with the words Manolo Blahnik pressed in black ink across the box lid.

  “Seriously?” she asks, with a huge grin on her face. The first night Nicole met Zack, I promised her a pair of Manolo’s if she could get a guy at a bar to buy her a drink. It was her first attempt to get back to living after Mark and Andrew died. Technically she didn’t hit on Zack or Jake. She just told them what was going on. Somehow, that was endearing to Zack, especially since she had no clue who he was. I was far enough away that when I pointed them out, I didn’t recognize them either. I had no idea that night would change her life forever in the best way possible, but since she hadn’t actually flirted with them, I refused to hold up my end of the bargain.

  “I owed you a pair,” I say as we laugh at our inside joke. Sharon looks slightly confused as Nicole unwraps the shoes and takes out a pair of black high heeled Manolo shoes. There’s a black leather cuff with silver pointed studs that wrap around her ankle. “And I thought these would look very rocker chic when you’re out on tour.”

  “Thank you,” she says as we hug and fight back our tears, again.

  We spend the next few minutes making sure our dresses are perfect and reverently fondling our gorgeous wedding bouquets. They are filled with white calla lilies and hot pink and fire-orange orchids. The flowers stems are wrapped with a Tiffany-blue colored ribbon that matches
my dress. The flowers are exotic and they smell heavenly. I love the pop of orange and pink against the dress.

  Finally, Nic’s dad comes to get us and both of us gasp once we see how the patio has been decorated. The wedding itself is completely private with just the band members, Nicole parents, and Melody and Sammy. They only wanted their closest friends and family at the ceremony. But for the reception, which starts shortly after, they decided to make it slightly bigger, inviting people from their record label and a few other friends that the guys have. A catering company and exterior designer have been at the house all morning, decorating the patio and outside area. The entire patio has been surrounded with white beams and covered with large white tents. Inside the tents, the beams are draped with fabrics in the same colors from our flower bouquets. Little white lights sparkle against the drapes and I know once the sun sets it’s going to look incredibly dramatic and stunning.

  “You ready for this?” I ask with a wink in Nicole’s direction.

  She lets out a shaky exhale and I see her fingers wrap more tightly around her dad’s arm. She nods once, after a brief pause, and then smiles broadly. “Let’s do it.”

  There is only the slightest breeze, not a cloud in the sky, and only the smallest amount of waves on the ocean. I can only hear the quiet sounds of birds in the air and a hired violinist playing music as I descend the stairs and walk straight towards the white pergola that has been set up on the beach as the altar.

  Chase is there, standing proud and tall like always, right next to Zack. I can tell that he’s watching me the entire time. I can feel his eyes on me, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. I’m afraid if I do, I’ll drop my bouquet and either run straight into his arms and confess I love him too. Or turn around and run as far away as I can possibly go. I keep my eyes straight ahead, not looking at any of the family members sitting in their white folding chairs, or at Zack and the pastor they hired to perform the ceremony.

  As soon as I reach the front and take my place to the side, Zack surprises us all by reaching for his guitar that is placed on a stand behind Chase. He starts strumming the now familiar and personal song that he had written for Nicole almost two years ago.

  I turn to her as her and her dad start walking down the stairs toward the beach. Her silk dress blows gently behind her with the light breeze and I can only imagine what she’s feeling like right now as she walks toward her soon-to-be husband. Her hand is tightly gripping her dad’s forearm as he escorts her down the make shift sandy aisle between the small amount of white wooden chairs we had set up on the beach.

  When they reach Zack, the sounds of his voice singing the last line, “Your love rescued me,” hangs in the air along with the final strum of his guitar. Before he walks to her, he removes his guitar and hands it to Chase.

  My eyes follow the movement and it’s the first time I’m able to look at Chase. He smiles softly at me. I know he’s been watching me the entire time - watching me become emotional with the song Zack has sung for Nicole for two years now. I get tears in my eyes every time I hear it. I can’t help it.

  There’s a question in Chase’s eyes as I force myself to look back at Nicole and Zack making their way to stand in front of the pastor. As if he’s asking, “How can you be so opposed to love when it feels like that?”

  The ceremony is short and there isn’t a dry eye on the beach, at least from the women, as Zack and Nicole repeat traditional vows to each other. And when Zack cups Nicole’s face gently in his hands and leans down and gives her a kiss when they’re pronounced husband and wife, our small crowd erupts in cheers. I hand her the bridal bouquet as they get ready to head back up to the house.

  My breath catches as Chase reaches for my arm once it’s time for us to follow Zack and Nicole back up the house.

  Right as we start walking, he leans down and presses a quick kiss on my temple. “You are so gorgeous.”

  My eyes flicker to Melody. I don’t miss the slight wink she gives me as she notices the affection Chase gives me.

  I smile and murmur, “thank you,” almost shyly, which makes Chase laugh.

  I feel nervous with everyone’s eyes on us as we walk up to the patio. I have my hand wrapped around Chase’s forearm and he’s not touching me anywhere else as we head up the wooden stairs, but the tension between us is inexplicable.

  The reception has been absolutely incredible. There are only about thirty people, milling around and dancing to the live band. It’s a band called “Flayed Alive” and they’re also the opening band for their upcoming tour. Zack is convinced they’re the ‘next big thing.’ I think it’s funny watching them play for Zack Walters.

  For a moment I have to fight my own sadness and jealousy when I watch them. I don’t even know them, but the excitement in their eyes says everything. They all look a little bit star struck and you can tell that their most unfathomable dreams are coming true right before their eyes.

  Mine, however, are slipping through my fingers with every breath I take and as I watch everything going on around me, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever feel that sense of excitement and accomplishment again.

  Zack and Nicole haven’t been more than six inches apart for the entire night except for the dances where Zack danced with his mom, sister, and new mother-in-law. Nicole used the time to dance with all the band members. It almost made me wish my brother, Elijah, was here. He is as much of a brother to Nicole as he is to me, but he’s finishing up prosecuting a case in Minneapolis and couldn’t make it.

  Garrett and Chloe are just as inseparable as Nic and Zack, and even Sammy and Jake have danced a few times. Apparently they’re working out whatever issues they’ve had, even though Sammy looks much more guarded than normal. I can’t say I blame her.

  There’s so much love in the air and it’s choking me. I drain my glass of champagne and quietly make my way inside, saying hello and excuse me, as I weave through the small crowd and wait staff that is walking around with champagne.

  Once inside, I quickly make my way to my private bathroom and sit down on the toilet, my head dropping into the palm of my hands.

  What is wrong with me? I have no idea what’s going on in my head as my blood races through my veins. It was only a week ago where I felt like I had everything I needed, but being here around Nicole and spending more time with Chase has me questioning everything.

  My mind is flooded with reminders of Chase over the last week and our date to the Riverwalk in Napa. And yet, as much as I keep trying to see a happily ever after with him, my mind always returns to my father, passed out on a living room couch with an empty glass next to him. Or visions of my mother, bone thin in the hospital bed in her master bedroom, with silent tears falling down her cheeks as she realized she was going to die and leave her children with a man who had disappeared so far into himself there was no help for his own healing.

  I see Nicole, when for months after Mark’s death she wore his old t-shirts and ratty yoga pants, and slept with Andrew’s baby blanket - forgetting to shower and eat, purple circles under her blood shot eyes as she mourned her losses.

  And yet, I see Marcia, with photos of her husband and teenage sons in New York, married for twenty years and you can still see how much they love each other whenever they’re around one another.

  I see my mom’s parents. My grandparents were happily married for over fifty years before my grandma died. My grandpa didn’t shed a tear at her funeral and when I asked him why, he pressed his wrinkled hand into mine and squeezed it. His smile was genuine when he said, “Loving people isn’t easy, and there’s always pain, but she gave me sixty years of the happiest days of my life and there’s no way I wouldn’t have risked the pain to miss out on the good.” He passed away in his sleep just a few days later, and I smiled through my tears knowing they were creating more memories. They’re proof that maybe love can work. Proof that it doesn’t always in disaster.

  I have no idea how long I sit in the dark bathroom with the door locked when
I hear a slight knocking on the door. I know it’s Chase, because no one else would come to this bathroom.

  He smiles at me once I turn on the lights and open the door. He looks incredible in his linen pants and white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. I have never seen Chase in anything other than jeans, but the preppy look makes him look fantastic.

  “You okay?”

  My mind flashes one more time with the words of my grandpa and I realize he may have been right. For the first time in my life, I think the man standing in front of me may be worth the risk of the pain. This man has known me for two years and I’ve let him closer than anyone else in my life besides Nic and Elijah. He’s seen my pain and my fears, he’s comforted me more than one time, and even though I block him out and try to push him away, he’s never walked away. He’s a man who will stand by my side and be my strength when I need it.

  I try smiling and showing Chase everything he means to me without saying the words I know he desperately wants to hear. His concern lightens and he reaches for my hand when I see that he understands.

  “I’m good,” I say firmly, but quietly. I feel as confident as I sound.

  Chase leads me back outside without asking anything. I’m sure there are a dozen questions in his head as he leads me to the dance floor and holds me close to him. I can see his mouth open and quickly close as we dance, and I know he wants to ask me what brought on my sudden confidence. But I don’t say anything. Instead, I let him hold on to me, dance after dance, until the reception is over. We don’t speak a single word, but I know we both feel what the other isn’t saying.

  I want you.

  I trust you.

  I might love you.