Just One Week (Just One Song)

by Stacey Lynn

  It’s the tackiest, most inappropriate question she can ask me. And absolutely perfect.

  “Barbie sized,” I answer and we both laugh. It feels so good to laugh and make this one big joke. We’ve talked about this before. After my previous appointments when we’ve gotten together for drinks and celebrated a year of no cancer, we’ve joked about if the worst were to happen, how big my replacements would be. As our laughter dies down, I whisper sadly, “I like the ones I have.”

  She holds me tightly. “I know.”

  “Nicole?” She kisses my forehead and unwraps her arms from my body.

  “I’ll go get him.” She climbs from the bed and looks back at me when she reaches the door. “We’ll be here in the morning for you.”

  “Thanks,” I whisper as I hear her soft feet padding down the hallway and stairs. They’re soon replaced with heavier footsteps, moving quickly. I smile to myself, knowing he’s running up the stairs, probably skipping a step or two in his hurry to get to me.

  A shadow falls in the doorway. I can’t make out a single feature on his face, but he only pauses for a second before removing his shirt and swiftly climbing into the bed and taking Nicole’s place.

  His arms feel perfect. They’re exactly what I want, and what I can’t have forever.

  “I’m really mad at you.” Chase whispers it against my cheek, his lips just brushing my skin and I smile slightly.

  “I know.”

  “And I’m really worried and scared for you.”

  “Me too.”

  “And I’m sorry I was suck a dick at the airport.”

  “Chase, I’m sorry …” I’m not given the chance to apologize though because his lips are on mine, pressing them closed by his forcefully. He doesn’t take it further and he doesn’t soften the kiss. He simply shuts me up and I let him. He stays just like that, neither of us moving, until he pulls away and I inhale a deep breathe.

  “Shut up, Mia. I was a dick because I lied. I love you, and I’ll chase you forever if I have to. I don’t want to argue tonight. I just want to hold you.”

  I want to apologize for leaving him. For not being strong enough to tell him what’s been going on this whole time. I want to apologize for asking him to lie to Nicole and keep my secrets, even when they never should have been kept in the first place. I’ve always needed my best friend to get me through this. Her smart-ass comment about my fake boobs reminds me of exactly the same thing Chase said she’d do if I had just told her about my job. She would have gotten me drunk and had me laughing in minutes.

  I was stupid for not being honest before.

  I want to tell him all of this. I want to tell him how much I love him. How I’ve thought about him every day since I left, but I can’t. There’s still something holding me back and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.

  I don’t want to argue with him either though, so I move closer to his chest and let his arms tighten around me.

  “Okay,” I say quietly, acquiescing to him for maybe the first time ever.

  We’re silent for a few minutes before Chase takes a deep breath. “When I went into foster care, I was a pretty pissed off kid. I was pissed at everyone, blaming anyone who crossed my paths that they were somehow the reason for my parents’ deaths. Looking back, my foster parents were incredible. When I got in fights at school, they enrolled me in boxing classes. When my grades slipped, she would sit with a book at the kitchen table with me, reading until I got my schoolwork done. But they never yelled at me. They never showed me a minute of disappointment or anger at who I was or who they had been stuck raising.”

  I think I’ve stopped breathing while Chase talks. We talked about his foster parents when we were on the beach but this is deeper, more meaningful.

  “She cried when I was twelve and broke my arm. When my cast came off, they bought me a drum set.” He takes a deep breath and if I’m not mistaken, his own voice is shaking a little bit. “I’m not sure I ever thanked them for that. And it took me a long time to realize that even though I was given a shit hand, people were put in my life to never give up on me and to help me through all the shit to get to the other side.”

  My own chin trembles and I wipe my tears that are falling silently down my cheeks.

  “My dad was perfect until my mom got sick. Then he started drinking scotch and it’s like he disappeared. I haven’t really seen my dad since I was thirteen.”

  Chase leans in and brushes a soft kiss across my temple, smoothing down my hair at the same time. “I fucking hate scotch.”

  A garbled laugh escapes my throat through my tears, but I know what he’s saying. He’s telling me what Nicole did. He isn’t my dad. I won’t break him.

  We say nothing else. Eventually, I feel his heart rate slow down and his breathing go a little bit more shallow and I know Chase has fallen asleep.

  I don’t sleep at all for the entire night, too nervous about my surgery and the choices ahead of me. But mostly it’s because I still don’t understand the question that won’t stop flicking through my mind on a constant stream of repeat.

  Why don’t I believe him?

  My head feels groggy. I feel like there are weights pressing onto my eyes, pressing them closed even though I’m fighting to open them.

  I can hear a mess of sounds surrounding me. Whispered voices, beeping machines, but it’s so much work to open my eyes to see them.

  My fingers twitch and I feel them press against something warm. I know its Chase’s hand without having to open my eyes. I can smell his cologne over the medicinal hospital smells that tastes like iron deep in my throat.

  The room gets quiet as I’m finally, slowly, able to blink my eyes open just once and then twice before the weight becomes too painful and I’m forced to close them again.

  “She’s waking up.”

  I hear the deep rumble of Chase’s voice close to my ear and his hand presses against my cheek. I turn toward his hand and hear the whispered voices say something, but I can’t make out the words.

  I hurt. There’s pain all over my chest that ripples around to my sides with every breath I take, but I want to see him. I need to see him, even if I know he can’t stay.

  “Mia, babe. Wake up and let me see your eyes.”

  I groan. It hurts so bad to breathe. I know the surgery was only supposed to take a few hours, but I feel like I’ve been out for days. I wait a few more minutes and am able to open my eyes just enough to see through them. The bright lights give me a blinding sensation, but I can just barely make him out while I squint.

  “Hey,” I say quietly. My throat is dry and my voice is barely audible. But I make myself smile because Chase is here, with me. His eyebrows pull together in concern and before I can blink, something is resting against my lips.

  “Take a few sips.” I do as I’m instructed and try to take a deep breath. The water feels fantastic on my throat, but I moan in pain. “How do you feel?”

  “I hurt.”

  Chase nods and turns his head away from me for a second before looking back into my eyes. “The doctor said you’re going to hurt for a while. He should be here in a few minutes to check on you.”

  I nod and catch a glimpse of Nicole on my other side.

  “How are you?” she asks softly and brushes my hair back from my face. Her eyes are red and I know she’s been crying. Nicole hates hospitals and I don’t blame her. I hate the fact that I’ve made her spend more time in them.

  “Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” She grimaces and I shake my head. God, I suck. “Sorry. These drugs are making me stupid.”

  She shakes it off and kisses my cheek. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad to see you awake again.”

  “How did everything go?” I ask, hesitant to know the answer.

  “Dr. Gilbrath told Eli that everything went as well as can be expected. You’ll need more scans and tests to make sure they got everything. And she said you’ll have to take at least six weeks to recover. But you should be okay.” />
  Okay. The simple two syllable word sparks tears in my eyes and I look back and forth between Chase and Nicole, seeing relief and nervousness on their faces.

  I nod. It’s all I can do because I can’t find the words to say. The small movement makes me cringe in pain.

  “Your mom and Eli are waiting to see you.”

  “Can you go get them?”

  She leaves the room and I turn to Chase. “You guys probably need to hit the road, huh?”

  He presses his lips together. “Not for a few days. Zack’s been on the phone all morning with Aaron rescheduling a few stops.”

  For me. He’s doing this for me.

  “I don’t want you to.” He closes his eyes, clenching them shut and takes a deep breath. I’m making him angry. Disappointing him, again. And yet, I can’t let them do this for me. As much as I want him here, I’m not sure if this changes anything. I still can’t be the woman he wants. I can’t give him a family. And there’s no guarantee yet that I’ll really be okay.

  But he doesn’t fight with me. He just presses a light kiss against my cheek. I can feel his lips turn into a small smile. “You’re tired. I’m going to let you get some rest and we’ll talk about it later.”

  I start to open my mouth to argue back, but Dr. Gilbrath and my mom show up in the doorway. They hesitate for just a minute before entering, giving Chase and I the appearance of privacy.

  “More rest won’t make me change my mind, Chase,” I say quietly as my mom moves to the other side of my bed.

  He squeezes my hand before slowly standing. “We’ll see. I’ll be back when you wake up.”

  He leaves the room and I’m pretty sure my mom and the doctor sigh while they watch his backside leave the room. Even in my drugged up state I don’t miss the effect Chase has on women, and apparently my own mom isn’t immune to him.

  “He’s hot,” she says with a wicked smile. “You did well, Mia. And he obviously cares about you.”

  I smile and groan in pain while I try not to laugh at my mom. I ignore her leading statement. Now is definitely not the time to bring up my non-relationship status with Chase.

  Dr. Gilbrath hangs my chart up at the end of my bed and gives me a soft smile.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Like shit.”

  She nods. “It’s understandable. I can increase your pain meds a little bit but you’re going to be in pain for a few weeks.” She takes a seat in the chair Chase just left and leans forward with her hands clasped on the bed. It’s an incredibly relaxed bedside manner for a doctor to take with a patient and I feel my nerves start buzzing across my skin.

  “Everything went as perfect as it could, Mia. You have some drains that will need to be taken care of for the next couple of weeks as you recover. Your mom said she’d be around to help you with that. And after six weeks, you’ll have to come back in for an ultrasound to make sure everything looks good, but for right now, I think it’s safe to say that the worst is behind you.” I swallow slowly, almost afraid to believe she’s telling the truth.

  “How long until we know for sure?”

  She sighs and then frowns. I don’t miss the quick look she flashes toward my mom, either. “There will always be a small chance your cancer will return. I’ve known you for too long to lie to you about this. But if the surgery is as successful as I believe it was, your chance of the cancer coming back is about five percent.” She smiles like this should be good news.

  All I hear is … there’s still a chance.

  “Mia,” my mom says and I turn to see tears in her eyes. She’s happy and sad at the same time. “I’ve been in remission for fifteen years. A five percent chance is practically zero. You’ve beat this girl, and there’s no reason to be afraid anymore.”

  I let her words soak in. My mom is right. My chances have dropped dramatically, and on one hand I feel like I should be celebrating. Everything will be fine. I’m the second woman in my family to beat the odds of this horrible and deadly disease. And if I have my say, no other women will suffer from this. At least not in my family … not from me. The battle is done, so to speak.

  If only I could muster up the courage to believe my own thoughts.

  “I’m tired.” My mom and the doctor nod their heads as if this is the response they expected from me all along. I don’t miss the disappointment that flashes through my mom’s eyes though. Did she expect me to want a party? Pop open a bottle of champagne with this news?

  The next time I open my eyes, Nicole’s head is resting on my bed, right next to my hand. I feel a little better as I wake up and take a breath. I’m less groggy from the surgery and my throat doesn’t feel as dry. My chest still hurts a little bit, but I’m guessing my morphine is working because I can take a breath without feeling like a rib is stabbing my lungs.

  There is no sunlight coming in through the window so I’m guessing that it’s night time. And if Nicole is here, it means Chase isn’t. The thought makes me sad and relieved at the same time.

  The Tribune newspaper is resting on my lap, opened to the front page of the Entertainment section. I smile broadly as I see the half page, full color picture of the night of Nicole’s first concert as the keyboardist for Zack Walters. She’s becoming a local legend, and after two years of dating Zack, she’s getting used to being in the papers.

  This is different though. It’s exciting and I’m proud as hell of her as I open the paper and begin reading the article. At least I pretend to read. Mostly I’m trying to make out Chase in the background, tucked behind his drum set. The lights on the stage were so bright that I can’t make him out all, but I can close my eyes and see him. I’ve seen him play on tour before to know that he’s wearing a bandana wrapped around his forehead to keep the sweat out of his eyes and a gray wife beater tank top that shows off the tattoos that cover his left shoulder and bicep.

  “It was incredible.”

  I turn and see Nic’s sleepy, smiley face. She’s looking at the picture just like I am.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” I mean it. I hate that I’ve lied to her and kept things about my life from her. She would never do that to me. “I take it you didn’t get any shoes thrown at your head.”

  She blushes slightly and shakes her head. “No. I got to sign some autographs though before we went on. That was crazy weird.”

  “Girl fans?”

  She shakes her head again. “No. There were guys around our age back stage. I thought Zack was going to have a heart attack. He let me sign two and then pulled me away from them.”

  We laugh softly. Zack isn’t particularly possessive, but I’m betting that even he is re-thinking the idea of letting his wife onstage and be on tour with him.

  “Chase told me you guys are thinking of switching some dates on the tour.”

  She looks at me sheepishly.

  “Don’t,” I tell her and continue before she can speak. “I want you to go. From what the doctor says, I’m going to be worthless for the next six weeks at least. I’m not supposed to get out of bed and I can’t raise my arms. I’m only going to be able to lay in bed and watch TV.”

  “We want to be here to help take care of you. Keep you from going stir crazy and all that.”

  I roll my eyes. “There’s no point. Elijah and my mom will be around to help me and no one will want to be responsible for entertaining me in a week or two anyway. Besides, I need some space. Figure out where to go from here.”

  “You mean with Chase.”

  My nose wrinkles up as she shoots me a pointed look. I lay my head back on the pillow and sigh.

  “I sent him to the hotel to shower,” she says, as if she knows I’ve been wondering where he is. She’d be right. “He loves you.”

  “My tests could come back in six weeks and this could all be for nothing.”

  I look down at my body. I’m covered in a hospital gown and thin hospital blanket. Surprisingly, I don’t look that much different than I did before. I haven’t gotten out of bed yet t
o see where my scars will be, or the drains my doctor mentioned, but from the outside and well covered, I still look like me.

  “And you could walk out tomorrow and get hit by the train, or a car, or get struck by lightning, or eaten to death by mosquitos.”

  I shoot her a look.

  “What?” she shrugs. “We’re in Minnesota and it’s summer. It could happen.”

  I laugh softly. She’s probably right. We’ve got mosquitos the size of small birds.

  “I’m not sure I’m ready to admit I love him.”

  She holds my hand gently and stands up when I catch a shadow enter the doorway. “I think you just did.”

  She leans down and kisses my cheek softly. “We’ll be here in the morning. The bus doesn’t leave until the afternoon so we’ll be around to bug you some more yet.”

  “So you won’t push back the dates?”

  Nicole shakes her head as my brother enters the room and takes her seat. “Not if you’re sure you don’t want us to. But no more hiding or lying to me, okay?”

  I nod and she gives Elijah a quick kiss on his cheek before she tells me good-bye.

  “Hey, brat.”

  I roll my eyes and fight back another laugh. It hurts to tighten any muscle below my jaw. “Douche.”

  “Mom said you’re going to be all right.”

  “Mom still thinks there’s a leprechaun at the end of the rainbow with a pot of gold.”

  “Nah,” he says, and grabs my hand, holding them tightly in between his. “You’ve got this shit beat. There are too many people who have been in and out of this room who need you too much. Chase seems like a good guy.”

  I have to stifle another laugh. Between Elijah, my mom, and Nicole, I feel like everyone has jumped on the ‘Chase rocks’ bandwagon. I’m on it too, really. I’ve just never had so many people try to force me to be with someone before. It’s almost laughable. And pathetic, really, that I need such a large push.

  “Are you going to threaten him with a shotgun like you did with Aiden when he took me out for my first date?”