by Dow, Candice
Word? I thought that was a strange response, but we had talked about everything from running off to Vegas to even having more kids together. Maybe he was just shocked. Cam called moments later. I was hesitant to answer at first, but then I was like, “Hello?”
“Yasmin, I can’t believe that you couldn’t say all that bullshit to my face. You and I both know I realized that we weren’t compatible a long time ago, but I was willing to work on it for the sake of Caron. So I’m going to ask you this one last time, is that really what you want?”
Didn’t I tell you I was done? The more he questioned my feelings and the more he appeared to be fighting for our marriage, the more respect I lost. “Cam, I’m sure about this. I’m not happy anymore.”
He chuckled. “And neither am I but I’m not selfish either. I know what my son deserves, but obviously you think about Yasmin before you think about Caron.” He paused. “Have you been taking your meds?”
That angered me. I yelled, “That has nothing to do with me and you.”
“Yas, calm down. So how soon do you want the separation to happen? You can stay in the house. I have a property that is vacant. I just showed it to potential tenants today. I can move in there until we work this out.”
“I don’t want the house. It’s your house.”
“Don’t act crazy, Yasmin, that’s Caron’s house. He deserves to stay there.”
I had plans to move in with my man and I didn’t know if he’d want to live in Cam’s house or if Cam wanted him living there. I said, “We can talk when I get off.”
He asked one last time before we hung up if it was really what I wanted. I confirmed. I came home to a moving truck in my driveway that evening. Cam had spent the evening explaining to then-five-year-old Caron that Mommy and Daddy weren’t going to be living together anymore. I was livid. No doubt I wanted it to be over, but he was moving out and my son was crying hysterically. It was too much for me to take. I started yelling and swinging on him. “Where are you going? Why are you leaving tonight? Why are you grandstanding? I told you we’d talk when I got home.”
Caron cried louder. “Mommy, don’t hit Daddy.”
He was trying to make me look bad so I tried to reverse it. “You’re just going to leave me and Caron so you can go do what you want, huh? Is that what you want to do?”
He just shook his head like he couldn’t believe me. It was as if he was trying to belittle me and that enraged me. “You must have another woman,” I shouted.
He laughed. “You one crazy-ass girl.”
“I’m far from crazy.”
“Yeah, I got another woman and yeah, I’m leaving tonight. I will pick Caron up tomorrow like I do normally and drop him off at the salon when you get off.”
I started to scrape up his car, but instead I ushered Caron into the house. Cam hadn’t taken much furniture, just two flat-screen TVs, his clothes, and the bedroom set we had in the guest room. My pressure was pumping and Caron was acting like a real brat. I sat on the couch and took deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves. I couldn’t believe Cam had tried to play me like that. I was so irritated.
I turned on the TV and Caron climbed onto my lap. “Mommy, why did Daddy leave us?” he asked.
“Daddy’s not nice.”
“Are you sad?”
I said, “Yes, but we’re going to be OK.”
“Why doesn’t Daddy love us anymore?”
“I don’t know, baby.”
After I put Caron to bed, I texted Overnight Express and told him that Cam had left. He responded, WHEN CAN I SEE U?
I let him come to my house that night. After I changed my sheets, he rocked my world in the bed I had shared with Cameron. He was so perfect inside me. I knew I had done the right thing. After we made love I lay there, staring at the ceiling in complete disbelief. Cam was gone and I had never been so happy. I was satisfied, single, and deeply in love with the man lying beside me. Caron’s loud cry outside my bedroom door disturbed my bliss. I popped up and threw on a large T-shirt and rushed out of my room to escort him back into his room.
I said, “C’mon, baby. Let’s go.”
“I miss Daddy,” he whined.
I huffed loudly. This had already gotten old. “Caron, Daddy is going to pick you up after school.”
We walked into his room and he begged me to lie with him. I lay in his bed, singing nursery rhymes, trying to make him feel better. Seconds later he fell asleep and I tiptoed out of his room and back into mine. My man was lying there looking slightly impatient. After locking my bedroom door, I climbed on him and began to kiss his neck. “Now, back to what we were doing.”
I giggled softly in his ear. His irritation seemed to be subsiding. Just as we were at ease and ready to get it on again, Caron knocked. “Mommy. Mommy.”
My head fell into my hands. This had been much better when we crept out to a hotel. Caron never woke up at night and I had obviously underestimated the effect of Cameron leaving. This was certainly becoming an annoying obstacle. It was painfully obvious that though we’d gotten one monkey off our backs, we instantly had another. My man said, “Shorty will be a’ight.”
Was he really suggesting that I leave my baby in the hall crying and begging for my attention? I wasn’t going to do that and I was perplexed at his suggestion.
He kept kissing me and pulling me aggressively to him. “Shorty gotta man up.”
Um, shorty was the key word. Why the hell was he suggesting that my five-year-old son get over me being hemmed up in the room with some man? I pulled away. “Baby, let me go.”
He pulled me closer. “I thought you said you missed me?”
“I do, but I have to get my baby.”
He huffed as I jumped out of bed and opened the bedroom door. I went out, closing it behind me as I walked into the hall. Stooping down to Caron’s height, I looked him in the eyes. “Mommy wants you to go to sleep. You’re tired.”
“Can I sleep with you and Daddy?”
“Daddy’s not here.”
“But I just heard him.”
I was growing agitated. Torn between my lover and my son. It didn’t feel right. Overnight Express and I had spent months skipping out to hotels for lunch and happy hour. We loved to be in each other’s company. We had talked for hours on end about how this day would be. The day when he could see me whenever and wherever he wanted. Our first evening was turning out to be a disaster.
I took a deep breath. Not wanting to scold him, but knowing that he should be in bed, I went against my better judgment. I pulled Caron’s pajamas to his knees and spanked his little legs. “You have school tomorrow. Daddy is not here. Stop crying. You are not a baby. Stop it.”
He cried loudly. I said, “Be quiet. Go to sleep.”
He reached out to hug me and I grabbed his hand and guided him back into his room. He pleaded, “But Mommy—”
“Mommy nothing. Go to bed.”
I left his room, closing the door behind me. After the entire crying episode, I was no longer in the mood. I just wanted to sleep. My lover was standing in the middle of my bedroom, his soldier standing at attention. There is no way you’re still turned on. He seemed quite anxious as he tossed me on the bed, pushing my T-shirt up. He quickly slid inside me. My not-quite-ripe body tightened on him. He slowly pushed to loosen me up. When I was where he wanted me, he breathed heavily in my ear. “Uh…I been thinking about this pussy all day.”
That was my cue to talk dirty back, but I was lying there preoccupied by Caron’s crying. He pumped aggressively. I tried to return his energy, but I couldn’t. Finally he released and I was so happy it was over.
I sat up on the bed and he lay beside me. Should I ask him to leave or what? He put his hand on my thigh. “You not tired?”
“No.”
“What’s wrong?”
I rolled my eyes. He had no children and he wasn’t aware how quickly your child’s cry could paralyze you. My baby was in the next room screaming for dear life and he was continuing with h
is plan.
“Nothing. I think you should leave tonight. I don’t want Caron to try to come back in here. He already heard you.”
“It’s not like I haven’t already been around him.”
I put my hand on his face. “Yeah, I know, but I don’t want him to accidentally see you first thing in the morning. That might be too much.”
“I guess you right.” He lifted his head and with a slight smile said, “Can I get another round before I go?”
I took a deep breath. I loved making love to him more than I had ever enjoyed sex with Cameron. He was nowhere near as fine as Cameron but he had sex appeal for days. He made my body do things I had never thought it could do. I thought about sex eighty times more than ever. My vagina pulsated all day waiting for the next time I could feel him. But at that moment, I just wanted him to leave so I could handle my emotional son.
“Not tonight, baby.”
“A’ight, baby. There’s always tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know if I have any breaks in appointments.”
“OK. If not, same place, same time.”
“Yeah,” I said.
After I closed the front door behind him, Caron stopped crying instantly. I had to laugh. How crazy. Maybe he had unconsciously known my lover was there and wanted him to leave. I went upstairs into his room to check on him and he was knocked out. I shook my head.
The next day we tried again and it was a repeat. It was a week of more obstacles and finally my lover called to say that he didn’t think it would be a good idea for him to keep coming to my house. He thought we should continue to go to hotels. He wanted it back the way it had been when I was married. Somehow it seemed we could see each other more when Cameron was there. I could always creep out whenever I wanted.
When Cameron dropped Caron off the next day at my job, I told Caron to go inside and stepped outside to talk to Cam. “You want to keep doing this?”
He looked at me angrily. “Doing what?”
“Pretending that we shouldn’t get back together.”
“Yas, you can’t disrespect a man. Let my son hang out with another man and expect me to want this to work out.”
“But you’ve always said that we could work it out for Caron. Remember, he deserves two parents. Right?”
“Yasmin, I’ve read your e-mail over and over again. You’re mean, you’re vindictive, and despite all the times I was committed to working it out in the past, I know I can’t be with you anymore for any reason. It’s one thing to speculate what you’re doing but you said shit like this new dude made you do things that I never could,” he said in a dismissive tone.
“Are you saying Caron is not important enough for us to work this out?”
“Yasmin, two weeks after I married you, I knew you had some real issues. I take commitment serious and you know that, so I was determined to work through it all with you, because you were my wife. Then you got pregnant. At that point he was worth staying there, fight for what was right. I never cheated on you. I never disrespected you and you tried to treat me like your bitch. I accepted that shit because of Caron. Now it’s about being a man for my son. What the hell is he supposed to think of me when you got him hanging out with other dudes? I don’t want him to think that’s OK. So I’m completely done trying.”
“But what if I’m done with that relationship?”
“You are careless. You didn’t even think about what you were doing when you let that dude spend the day with my son. How the fuck y’all going to be out playing house and I’m financing everything in it? Let that nigga take care of you.”
I touched his face and he quickly swiped my hand away. Caron came back out of the salon door. “Don’t fight, Mommy.”
Cameron’s nose flared and his chest expanded. He hated the thought of Caron seeing him lose his temper. “Caron, go back in there and sit down.”
“Cameron, I was wrong. You can forgive me if you try.”
“Did I say I wanted to try?”
“Not exactly, but we’ve been through too much.”
“You are crazy,” he said, dismissing my plea.
He headed to his car and I followed. “Cam.”
He ignored me. Before opening his car door, he said, “All we got to talk about is our goddamn separation agreement.”
He slammed the door and I was still calling his name as he nearly ran over my toes. I screamed loudly in the driveway. “Cam!”
Tears welled in my eyes. I wasn’t hurt because he didn’t want us back together. I was angry. How could he treat me like that?
I was shaking badly and I just wanted to get back at him. I wanted him to feel what I felt. I couldn’t believe he could treat me like that. It didn’t help that my steamy love affair had simmered down to a chill. Overnight Express wasn’t calling like before. I was suffering from rejection from both sides. I’d be damned if my husband would reject me. He was obligated to deal with me and I planned to make that painfully clear to him.
I sped through my clients because I had to confront Cam again. Caron and I left the salon shortly after six. I had the GPS service on Cameron’s phone so if he was with a client and wasn’t answering, I could always locate him. I pinged his phone and noted he was at his house and I quickly headed over.
When I got there, I banged on his door. “Open this door.”
Caron was beside me, looking up at me like he didn’t know what was going on. Cameron swung the door open. Caron hugged him. “Daddy.”
“Don’t ever drive off when I’m trying to talk to you.”
“All we need to talk about is our divorce.”
“We are not getting a divorce. I refuse. You need to come home. You need to come home now.”
Cameron looked at Caron and shook his head. “C’mon, buddy. Come in the house. Your mommy is talking crazy.”
Instead of going into the house, Caron stood closer to me as if we were a united front against Cameron. He pleaded, “Daddy, please come home.”
Cameron looked into Caron’s eyes. “Remember what we talked about? Remember?”
Caron nodded. “Daddy will always be there for you. Right?”
Caron nodded again, pissing me off.
“How the hell you plan to be there for him if you’re living here?”
He shook his head and spoke under his breath. “You’re a confused bitch.”
“Cameron, I am your wife.”
He chuckled. “And you was my wife when you and that dude took Caron to the zoo.”
“I don’t care. I’m still your wife.”
“Unfortunately, you’re the mother of my son. Aside from that, don’t reference yourself as anything else to me.” Raising his eyebrows, he said, “You hear me. And I need you to leave my house and take my son home. Or let him stay here. It’s your choice, but I’m done talking to you.”
I tried pushing my way in again. He slammed the door, and seconds later a police car pulled up. They asked me to leave and I headed home. Cam had me served with a separation agreement several days later. It was in my favor. He allowed me to have the house and he was providing a shitload of financial support. Only a fool wouldn’t have signed it, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t fighting for my marriage. I was fighting with everything I had. I stopped telling my friends it was over. I would tell everyone stories about him spending the night or that we had kissed. My lies had prevented our divorce for nearly a year and I planned to keep it up as long as I could. It was amazing to me that if my friends and I declared that he and I were still intimate, the judge wouldn’t support Cam’s divorce request. At the last court date, I could have sworn Cam was crying. I felt no sympathy. He wasn’t just going to get off that easy.
Cam should have known that he was never getting away from me, but he’d decided to do it big this time with Ayana Blue. When confronted I attack, and those two knuckleheads really taunted me.
“They didn’t even have enough decency to take their indiscretions in somebody’s house,” I sa
id, talking to Tayshawn, the stylist directly across from me, but my client chimed in.
“Well, I’m actually surprised. I used to see her for therapy. Relationship counseling.”
“Whatever. She’s a freak.”
My client laughed. “She might be, but she seemed really cool.”
“How long did you see her?”
“We still go to her when we need to.”
“You shouldn’t go to her anymore. She’s a poor excuse for a therapist,” I said, laughing.
Tayshawn shook his head. “Yasmin, you ain’t no damn good.”
“So what? Ms. Ayana is the one on the radio claiming to be a Miss Goody Two-Shoes. She shouldn’t be frontin’. She’s a ho. Keep it real, Girlfriend Confidential. That’s a bunch of bullshit.”
My client wasn’t laughing anymore, so I stopped, but I was still irritated. Women can, and should, have it all. I’d heard her say that a million times. Maybe that was her way of saying that women can just take whatever they want. Not mine. She was not going to just come through and steal what belonged to me. Cam was mine and our divorce proceedings would continue to be a never-ending saga. I had more tricks than Cameron knew existed. He wasn’t getting away from me and definitely not to go with her. No chick, I am not the one. My plan was to get rid of her and get rid of her for good.
Even if Cam and I didn’t reconcile, damn if I wanted him to be with her. Hell, I didn’t want him with anyone, but definitely not her. I vowed to make their lives miserable. Party over.